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Hey guys... please do bear me ... I'm no good writer, but just trying my hand out in writing lately.. this is my first work here.. please do read and comment ur reviews, it would really help out..
Ramble
"Aap se kuch baath karna hai mujhe..."
I said after struggling for good 15 mins.. we are sitting in terrace for the past 30 mins.. Mrs.Bhalla has came here to suggest me to sleep as it's getting cold outside, but she sat next to me and narrated the days events as I was out the whole day.. she never expected me to reply back her, she haven't even cared whether I'm listening or not.. it has been her routine since I came back here and accepted to stay with them.. it's getting too much for me to handle now.. I too have something to ask, something to explain, something to complain, something to share, something to accept but she is not all giving me chance... she hasn't changed a single bit.. doosro ko mauka hi nahi derahi hai..
She was stunned..may be she haven't expect me to talk or now expecting a tirade...
She prepared herself.. lowering her eyes and her head flung down.. I could no longer see her like this..i could never let her be in this state in front of any one including her husband once, but now she is in the same state in front of me all the while, how I enjoyed such a poster of her few days back,but now it hurts to see her like this.. may be the vengeance against her has started detoriating, her daughter has started getting an upper hand in me.. I so wanted to have a talk with her tonight at peace but she hasn't given a chance, so I raised my voice..it was not intended to hurt her..
Ru: How long will you act? Why can't you just be yourself?? For heaven's sake stop your acting...
I: It's nothing like that beta.. sorry I'm not acting, why can't you understand..
Ru: I can understand you very well..that's why I'm asking you to stop your acting
I: Seriously!!! You know only this much about your Ishimaa!!! You think so low about me?? It really hurts to see hatred from your eyes.. can't you see that? When will you give your ears to what I say Ruhi?? Won't you never forgive your Ishimaa ever!!! Tell me what should I do to prove my point of view?? Will you believe me if I give my life for u???
Ru:Haan... you proved it yet again...
I: What?!
Ru: You just want to leave me alone again...you don't want to stay with me... do you even realize what I go through when you are not around??? Even after 7 long years of separation and hatefulness for you, only you could give the soothing feel to make me believe that everything will be fixed soon.. Im getting solace when u keep visiting me after every ruthless ugly fight of mine, that still I have a person to be claim as my own.. but how could you even understand that... I forgot that I could never get a mom in my life...all thanks to the person who gave me birth..
I: RU.. it's nothing like that.. I'm still your mom.. ur Ishimaa..
Ru: No.. you are not my Ishimaa anymore... I just got a glimpse of her only once after coming back to India..
I: Why are you saying like that.. I agree I did a mistake but I could never stop loving you.. atleast till I breathe my last breathe.. I'm still and will always be your Ishimaa...
Ru:Huh.. I have never seen my Ishimaa so fragile... she was so strong..
(I could see the change of expression in Ishimaa 's face, it took some time for her to absorb my words.. now she was keen on my expressions)
Yeah you heard it right.. my Ishimaa was strong, brave and she doesn't compromise her self-respect for anyone.. but you are not strong, yeah I accept you were very much determined to bring me back but that doesn't meant that you are strong.. coz as far as I know my Ishimaa she loves me unconditionally but when it comes to my discipline and manners, she will be the strictest mom anyone could get.. she can't stand me indiscipline... but you always tolerated that... or I can say u always accepted my those wrath with open hands..
( She is now having a smile playing on her lips, which irked me )
Ru: Now can you kindly explain, what on the earth is funny here that u r smiling!!!! (Here I lost it again.. I wanted a peaceful talk not this...)
I: Nothing.. you carry on... I just wanted to hear u out..
I just crossed my arms against my chest.. and gave a questioning look...
She again returned the smile but this time it reached her eyes.. I so want to capture the moment..
I: It's nothing ru..u r still my ru, how much ever u pretend you r not... it's just that u haven't changed a bit..
Ru: But u have changed... haven't u??
I: What if I say no..
Ru: You can't.. coz u know u have changed.. u have a separate family now..u have a new daughter to take care of..
I:You know very well Mani is just a friend of mine..
Ru: Then what about your daughter!!!??
Now she is having even bigger smile... here I'm burning in jealousy, and she is smiling..!!! oh no scratch that, I'm not jealous of anyone, particularly Aaliya..
I: U r jealous
As if she heard me, she just announced... I could not accept that so easily, after all I'm daughter of Ishita Bhalla... before I could even give her an explanation, she did the unexpected... I was feeling warm.. feel of being in my place.. finally Im home..she pulled me, or dragged me to her embrace...
I could have never believed anyone if they said me that we will stand embracing each other in a bone crushing hug,penting out all the sorrow in us by the way of silent tears with only the stars above witnessing the union of our souls once again...
It was deadly silent... both our sobs subsided.. but none of us were willing to part an inch.. i just don't want this to be a dream..the fear of loosing her made me whimp.. that is exactly when she pulled me apart.. now facing each other..
I: Ruhi.. u r my soul, the very reason for my living.. none can match u.. u don't need to be jealous.. u..
I didn't let her complete whatever she has been saying... this time I took her in embrace...I hid myself under her chest... coz that's exactly where I could gather courage to pent out whatever it was in me, hurting me..
Ru: Y haven't u did this long back??? You very well know I could never stay mad at u after ur hug... however much I tried I could not stop myself from being ur ruhi in ur embrace.. what took u so long to do this Ishimaa??
She must be smiling through her tears now.. after all, after so many days of calling her by names I called her Ishimaa... Ishimaa, that must be the word she was waiting to hear since ages.. and I could feel her heartbeat increasing rapidly...
Ru: I missed u Ishimaa... I missed u every damn single day.. I was expecting u to save me every single time nidhi used to raise her hand on me.. I was waiting for u to come and take me in ur embrace and protect from her whips.. I could not sleep a wink for few months without u.. I thought if I slept I would miss u,what if u came while I was sleeping and u would return back without me.. I was scared.. I was not junior jkr.. I lost my appetite.. Then gradually my sleep was incomplete without u by my side.. who would read me to sleep or with whose hair would I play?? I was not really expecting anyone than u to protect me ishimaa... u r the only person I believed with all my life.. every whip I faced was just with the expectation that may be that would be last one, my ishima would come and take me away.. I don't know why I never expected shagun mama or anyone else... that made me hate u all the more..U know, I never misbehaved with anyone in Australia.. i did mostly everything u taught me..I never wanted to disappoint u on ur upbringings... but the day I met u as Aaliya's Amma, every sensible thing in me washed away.. the wait, the love, the disappointment, the hurt, the belief everything just turned out as hate .. my hate for u.. for my Ishimaa... it's was next to impossible for me to control my actions and emotions... i just wanted to hurt u to such extent that u hurted me..how much ever I thought i would be happy hurting u, I was hurt the double every single time...I was left alone to handle all these..I was left alone.. I was left alone by you.. I faced rejection from the person i least expected.. i felt unwanted.. I still could not take the fact that u left me for ur own blood??? Am I not ur daughter Ishimaa??!!?
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