ISHRA OS: EVERY MIRACLE TAKES A LITTLE TIME
She was carefully held by her husband when they returned back from hospital that evening after getting discharged. She looked at the sad faces around and couldn't help but put up her usual "I am fine" face but her heart continue to scream in sorrow. The man who supported her neither showed any kind of emotion. She looked up to see her two angels studying when all they did was play the entire day. Even last week she remembered the way, she had to coax the two of them to study for their monthly tests. Today seeing them study lifelessly pinched her heart further. Within minutes she was in her room sitting on her couch staring at the bright evening sky.
A week earlier, she remembered the way he kept running her hands across her stomach claiming to talk to their unborn child. Rather in his words their miracle child. He had been upset with her the morning for being careless but at night he was rather playful and teasing her. It had been his daily routine since the day she was confirmed pregnant. He had pecked her stomach every night and tapped it just too lovingly pouring all his love for a piece of theirs which was to enter the world in 8 months' time. The kid was a few weeks old but the memories they had shared in that small amount of time was countless. The future they wanted to gift, the love they wanted to shower and the security they wanted to provide in the name of siblings Ruhi and Adi. But today everything seemed so void and lifeless.
Adi and Ruhi was more than her own and so when the doctor had announced she lost her child, all she could envision was the loss either of them. It was only after seeing their worried faces did she realize the baby they mentioned was hers which was no less than a penance. Her hand slowly reached her stomach and for the first time she felt it so empty. She clutched on to her stomach and cried. All the time he was sitting in the living room staring at Rohit who was pampered by his parents. He had dreams. A dream to spoil their child rotten and love endlessly. The kind of love and affection which he couldn't provide Adi and Ruhi due to his bitter past. Till a day before he was going to be a father soon and today he was back to being the usual Raman. It felt like someone had sucked all the energy out of him. It was then he heard her voice cracking. All of them almost rushed to the stairs but his one glare was enough to get them all silent. He reached her in no time and saw her cuddled up on the floor lying down trying stifle her sobs. Tears were streaming down endlessly and her body was shivering.
"Ishitha Ishitha", He called her. Her sobs only got louder. She was the bravest in the house and today seeing her curled up like a little child crying broke his heart. He did not have the courage to sit with her and give her the strength to face the reality. He hence chose to stay with all downstairs. Maybe he should have stayed with her thought his heart. Maybe just he felt.
"I lost our child Raman. I lost our baby cos I always considered it a worry. I worried for the baby more than I was being happy. It never occurred to me that I should have been more careful. I thought my body was strong but no. It was weaker than what it appeared. I thought I understood our baby more but no I failed to understand that tiny little bud. I am once again barren. This was the only happiness that I could give you for all that you gave me, Raman. Only wish which Ruhi demanded from me. This was the child which made Adi say I love you Ishima. But what did I do Raman? I killed our child. I don't deserve any of this happiness. This family gave me the happiness which I was never destined for but I couldn't take care of our child. You were right Raman, I was always worried if he or she would be safe and born exactly the way we wanted it to be. I forgot the fact that, for all of this I had to take care of that unborn child. But what did I do Raman" saying she clutched his collar and cried uncontrollably and fell on his chest shivering.
He had never seen her this way. She was sick upset when Ruhi had gone with Shagun because of his silly mistake. Otherwise or rather every other time she was the bravest among them. Here she was sobbing like a little baby. More than all of it, she was blaming herself. He was forced to think about the fact that did his wife realize that they lost the child because they had to save the entire family. The actual target was Adi. How could he explain all that to her but leaving her the same would only ruin her already ruined health? He felt big lump in his throat which was making it difficult for him to talk all that he had to today.
"Ishitha, you are a wonderful lady. Do you realize that" and he paused momentarily seeking for a response from her. She was only sobbing more after that line.
"Listen to me carefully Ishitha and he tucked her hair behind her ear. We did not give anything to you. In fact it was you brought our Ruhi back to me. Adi hated us and particularly he hated to even see you. But he refused to leave your side knowing his life was in danger. What did you not give this family? You have given more than anyone could ask for without expecting anything in return. You know Ishitha, this child of ours mattered a little more than Adi and Ruhi to me. I wanted to shower all the love and affection on this little child which I couldn't earlier. Remember you never wanted another one in the first place. It was this family who pressurized you in to having one. It did happen but for some reason we were not destined for it. Also why are you blaming yourself? It was us who have to be blamed. We should have been together with you in the bus. If so none of this would have ever happened. You did not drive the bus because you wanted to. You saved all of us and again you did all this because the driver's target was Adi. You saved our Adi, Ishitha. If you have to then blame me. The past which refuses to leave me even after so long. Blame that Ashok. A moron of a guy who did not help that poor driver. If so none of this would have happened. So stop blaming yourself. This child was never meant to be our weakness. He was always going to be our strength. This child was the symbol of our love. Our love was never weak. He will always be our strength Ishitha. Maybe this child was meant to be carried in our hearts and not in our arms" saying he cupped her face as tender as he could and looked at her face which looked better than what it was an hour back.
He wiped her tears and brought his finger near the corners of her lips. He kind of pulled the edges of her lips making it curve in to smile. She reluctantly smiled at him and he smiled back with the same reluctance. He wiped the lone tear that clouded his eyes when he felt she wasn't looking at her. They both stared at one another and he placed a long kiss on her forehead and took her in a hug and stayed in it as long as it could last.
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