Hey everyone! I'm so sorry for not replying to everyone's comments. But I'm in a rush right now, so will reply to everyone once I'm free. But for now I'm posting the next part and now exam in 2 hours! Wish me luck and enjoy the update...
"But my happiness didn't last long...because she...she didn't want the baby. She didn't want our baby! For the first time in my life I was so happy, I wanted to shout out to this world that I was going to become a dad. A part of me was living in her, our love had resulted in a child. It had to be the happiest moment of my life. For once I wanted to shout out that she is Shagun Bhalla...my wife and the mother of my child. I wanted the world to know about us and our baby."
"Sorry, but Shagun Arora and now Shagun Bhalla?!"
"She never wanted the world to know about us. The wedding was super private and we never went to any events together. And no media reporters were allowed to talk about the two of us. She said it was because she didn't want my influence on her career and I never thought much about it before agreeing."
Though he said he didn't mind her not changing her name, she could tell he really wanted people to know she was his, his wife and his child's mother. Maybe Shagun didn't understand that or maybe she was thinking too much about this...
"Sorry again for interrupting, but why did she say she didn't want the baby?"
"I'm getting to that...That...well I thought she was kidding with me, but back in our hotel room, she said the same thing... She said...she didn't want to give birth because she wasn't ready. I thought it was because we already found it hard to give each other time and she probably thought we couldn't handle it or maybe she thought it would tamper with her career. So I tried to tell her it would be okay, we could handle this child, announce our relationship to everyone, and she could always continue her career after the baby. But she didn't budge. We spent days arguing over on whether this child would be brought into this world or not. I... I hated arguing with her because we would spend our time away from each other, I would hurt her and she would hurt me. And I absolutely hated it!"
His tears were rolling down his cheek nonstop. He really loved her a lot. She wondered how Shagun felt to be loved by this man so much. She wanted to know how she felt to be respected and cared for like he did for her. She wondered if the woman loved him back as much or whether he never asked for anything in return for his love. But then he did ask for something...this baby. Is that what he regretted till this day?
"Ishita..."
He started to sob before he could continue talking further. His sudden cries startled her and seeing his state, she didn't know what to do. She had never seen him cry like this. She pulled her hand form his to wipe off his tears and the other hand gently stroked his back.
"We...fought for the longest time over this. Even after we came back to India, things were... worse because we were now... alone in this apartment. In this very room... we had the huge fight. She told me to choose between her and our child..." he tried to talk between his sobs.
"Oh my God..." All that came from her mouth. Raman stop crying, she wanted to shout out to him seeing him break down in such a way, but then...she remembered his words. He found it hard to cry and let out his feelings. So she needed him to cry as much as he wanted right now to relieve him of the pent up feelings. It took him a few minutes to stop the crying and get back to a state where he could talk again..
"I was also in my worst mood, I wanted to say so many things, but I was so shocked at what she was saying. She was extremely upset that day and just blasted at him. Told me... I couldn't force my choices on her, I didn't have the right to decide things for, and in her anger she told me she didn't want a child...that would ruin... the figure she had maintained for years, she didn't want to sit and home... dealing with a child when she could be on the ramp or at a high end party..."
"I couldn't believe this was her. I couldn't understand anything. All I knew was she didn't want this child..."
I understand that feeling very well. She thought to herself, but looked at Raman. This whole conversation was taking a toll on him. He looked very stressed and tired with all this. She rubbed his hand gently with hers attempting to relax him. It seemed to kind of work as he continued to talk...
"In my own anger, I walked out of the room trying to understand what I had just heard and in my own anger, I told her if she could threaten me, then I could as well. And I told her it was either this marriage or her..."
"I can't believe I said that in my anger! I was just so stupid!"
His sobbing returned again. She couldn't see him and turned her face away hiding her own tears. She felt his tears falling onto her hand. But then he was the one to wipe them off making her turn back to face him.
"We took each other's words so seriously...that we ended up in different rooms. I slept in mom's room while she slept here. She was upset with this and so was I. We both tried to sort it out, but then again we were both very stubborn. I wanted to become a parent and she... didn't. She was fed up and so was I. It was almost 2 months into her pregnancy when we finally made a decision. I don't know what happened to her. But that morning, she had woken up after another argument and I was entering the house after staying out the whole night. I noticed her in her oversized tee which she would never wear. She came up to me and asked me if I was happy enough..."
"I didn't know what she was talking about. She showed me the small baby bump that was starting to show. I thought she was happy experiencing the happiness of motherhood. But instead she was really mad. She told me there was no point in aborting this child because it had already started to ruin her body and now even doctors said aborting now wasn't a good idea."
"I was overjoyed because my baby would come into this world...but she was still not happy. I tried so much Ishita...I had tried so much to explain to her what happiness this baby would bring into our lives. I tried as much as I could. I thought overtime she would adapt to this or change her mind about this child, but she didn't. I took as much care of her and my baby, but she was not happy. Our arguments continued throughout those 6 months of her pregnancy. "
"And I was also losing my patience with her. That one day she had starting to complain again and told me she wished I was never there in London. If I wasn't there she wouldn't have ever let me know of her pregnancy and would have aborted this child without any problem. It was enough for me to leave the house and not come back for 3 days by staying in a hotel. I only came back when I got a call from Vandita. She was in the hospital..."
He was panting as he stopped crying. He couldn't help, but leaned back on the couch closing his eyes. She didn't what to feel for the man in front of her right now, He had never looked so defeated and stressed like he did right now. Her eyes were fixed the blue vein throbbing at his forehead temple. She wanted give him the biggest hug ever and continue to hug him until he felt like all that pain had been washed away by his tears, but this friendship they shared at its limits. And this would be crossing those invisible limits they had set.
She felt helpless at not being able to do anything, their relationship was such that she had no choice but to sit holding his hand patting it assuringly until he would become more stable enough to talk or do whatever he wanted next. And his sitting up straight on the couch with his red eyes all devoid of tears for now told her he was going to go through with this...
"By the time I reached there...she was in a horrible state. They had to deliver the baby right then. I had never felt worse in my life. She was 6 months pregnant and in such a fragile state and I had left her all alone. During the C-section, she...she suffered from a lot of internal bleeding and it led from one problem to another...and finally to her...her death. It was during her hospital stay I learned this pregnancy was so dangerous for her...her body had been so weakened by the treatments, pills, and surgeries she had done to get that body she loved so much, that...it was hard for her to carry a child...and that weakness was the...same reason...for her miscarriage 2 years ago..."
"Then Ruhi..."
"Ruhi...Ruhi wasn't my first child Ishita...I didn't even know...about my first baby. She never told me. Ish...Ishita...I would have never asked her to keep the baby if it meant...risking her own life..."
"Raman it wasn't your fault..."
"Ishita I was the one who kept on arguing, was stubborn on this baby's birth. It was my pressuring that stopped her from that abortion. And if I had never stopped her, she would have been alive today. My stupidity was the reason she isn't here today. I'm to blame for her death!"
"Raman!"
"It's all my fault! I'm the reason she died! I killed her!"
Ishita froze in her spot hearing his words...
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