***
RAMAN
"It took me a couple of months to realize I was in love with her. Well, probably not to realize it. More like to admit it. And when I did, I knew that was why I had chosen to stay away from her. I love her enough to want her to be happy and safe and successful, and all that other shit. I want her to have everything she wants in life."
"I'd rather spend the rest of my life without ever seeing you again," he says, than watch them destroy you because of me." - Sangu Mandanna
The BG score they used for RKB today could not have been more on-point, however, these lines come to mind as My Heartbroken Duffer prepares to leave his love for good.
Chahunga tujhe saanjh savere
Phir bhi kabhi ab, naam ko tere
Awaaz main na dounga
...and...
Iss tarah aashiqui ka, asar chod jaaounga
Tere chehre pe apni, nazar chod jaaounga
Where do I even begin? Let's borrow Mihir's nickname for RKB today, okay? Let's call him Buddhu-Ram. My poor puttar just can't see past his own guilt. It's sad. What can I say about his plight that hasn't already been said?
This guilt has been his companion for many years, as the failures of his past have had repercussions on his loved ones. He's shouldered the responsibility of his failures and resulting guilt single-handedly for so long, that it's become second nature for him to see any problem that befalls his family, as a direct consequence of his past failures. When Ishita came into his life, he got a chance at setting things right. Unfortunately for him, despite his best efforts, he continued to fail in his own eyes, and it's only added to his guilt.
The thing about RKB is that he is, as has been said before, a Man-Boy. So in spite of how selfless he may be in his love, it's ultimately always about him - his failure, his guilt, his past. Thus, he's unable to see the effect that his walking out of her life will have on her. He needs to walk away because it's the only solution he sees to not only fixing the damage he's caused in her life (stupid, he is!) but also easing his own guilt for being the source of all her tears. He fails to see though, that what she really needs, all she really wants, is for him to hold her hand and walk by her side...that just his presence in her life makes it all worthwhile and gives her the strength to face it all with a smile.
It's funny, because this Duffer knows she loves him - so how could he not be good enough for her if she loves him? He said it himself - she accepted him with all his flaws and baggage. But the thing about love is that we want the one that we love to have the best of everything...and he simply feels she deserves better than the life he can provide. I literally chuckled when he called Mani her knight in shining armor because is he so blinded by his guilt that he's unable to see that if she has come into his life and put all the pieces back together, so has he, for her?
A part of him knows it's not going to be easy for her to cope with his absence - hence wanting to set everything in place for her before he goes. I guess it's like the Picoult quote you've used above - in love, you want nothing more than the well-being of the other - even if it means ripping your own heart out. What he fails to see however, is that he's not only depriving himself of the love he deserves, he's depriving her of it too.
This quote that I used yesterday, sadly, fits My Heartbroken Duffer very well...and sums up his lonely walk in the parking-lot today:
"Some people feel like they don't deserve love. They walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close the gaps of the past." - John Krakauer
As I've said before in my stand-alone post about Raman still trying to mend the wounds of his past, it is going to take Ishita's love to make him see and believe that he is worthy of love ...and that he's not only good enough for her, he's everything she could have ever dreamed of, and much, much more.
Side Note:
1) "Aur tumhe meri life mein koi replace nahi kar sakta."
2) "Usse apni amaanat samajh ke rakhna."
3) That lonely, dejected walk...the crippling sob that rose from the core of his being and drained him of all his strength.
4) All of the above...gut-wrenching.
***
ISHITA
"You are all I ever dreamed of and hoped for. You are much, much more. ...My love for you will last as long as I live." - Maeve Binchy
"I love you with everything I am, everything I've been, and everything I hope to be. I love you with my past, and I love you for my future. I love you for the children we'll have and for the years we'll have together. I love you for every one of my smiles and even more, for every one of your smiles."
Julia Quinn
Changing the song for Ishita...because I think this song speaks better of the juxtaposition of their thoughts today
Aaye ho meri zindagi mein, tum bahar banke
Mere dil mein yunhi rahna, tum pyar pyar ban ke
Ankhon mein tum base ho, sapne hazaar ban ke
Mere dil mein yunhi rahna, tum pyar pyar ban ke
Mere saathi mere sajan, mere saath yun hi chalna
Badalega rang zamana, par tum nahi badalna
Meri mang yun hi bharna, taare hazaar ban ke
Mere dil mein yun hi rahna, tum pyar pyar ban ke
Agar main jo rooth jaoon, to tum mujhe manana
Thama hai haath mera, phir umr bhar nibhana
Mujhe chod ke na jana, wade hazaar kar ke
Mere dil mein yun hi rahna tum pyar pyar ban ke
There's something so beautiful about this woman in love. I dunno whether it makes my heart smile because I'm so happy that she's finally found the love she deserves, or because I know it is only her love which will help to mend My RKB's battered and broken self...ok, let's be honest, it's both.
Her monologue today, they way she spoke about her hubby to her best friend, the way she was glowing at the realization of her love...knowing that he felt it too. It was all so heartwarming.
Here is a woman who had resigned herself to fate, accepted the fact that she'd never experience true love because she was a defective piece that had been rejected more times than she'd like to count. So now, when she loves this man, and knows without a doubt that he loves her too, I can't imagine what that must feel like. Because, what do you do when you realize you've finally gotten everything you've always wanted but never thought you could have? The thought alone makes my heart swell.
As for My RKB, he is so lucky to have this amazing woman in his life who loves even the broken bits of him, and will help him see that he is her dream come true and as imcomplete without him as he is without her.
I look forward to seeing the missus tell my Buddhu-Ram that he's being a duffer and how dare he think that his leaving her will solve all the problems in her life when in reality, he is the answer to all her prayers. He is her Knight in Shining Armor.
***
Because I can't not:
Karan Patel. He is flawless perfection. He acts with every fiber of his being, from the way he emotes with his eyes, to the intonation of his voice, to his body language, it is all impeccable. I don't know where he draws from but his portrayal of RKB's plight this week has been gut-wrenching. He not only makes the connect possible but makes the poignant emotion tangible. All praise is mere words...I can't even.
DT breathes life to Ishita. It can't be ignored that she gets to the core of the emotions of the character, and adds subtle nuances via her body language that add so much to the scenes. I'd go so far as to say she is the most refined actress on Indian television.
YHM would not be what it is without it's cast members and brilliant writing (the dialogue was on point today!). And, I hear it's finally #1...very well deserved.
Love.
P
PS: Please excuse the mistakes...I hope this makes some sense today, but I can't be sure.
🥺
