My Dad's SOUND Sleep
It was an important day for Ruhi. She was selected to participate in the inter-school impromptu competition. Her Ishima and Papa have been training her on various topics that she would possibly get. The enthusiasm and nervousness of her parents was more like it was them participating and not her. Nevertheless she enjoyed the affection and concern of her parents.
Dadi and Paati were ready and with Dahi-Cheeni and Payasam respectively. Do I have to even mention that they had a fight on what was Ruhi going to eat before leaving? To put an end to their silly war Ruhi mixed Dahi in Payasam and ate it. Romi Chachu, Mihir Chachu, Vandu Periamma, Mihika Chitti, Simmi bua, Dadu and Thaatha everyone was there to see her off.
"Mai kisi jung me nahi jarahi. It's just a competition" Ruhi rolled her eyes on seeing her over-enthusiastic family.
"Mera bachha pehli baar inne vadde kampitition me jaraha hai. Jung se kam thodi na hai" Mrs. Bhalla said.
"Competition Dadi"
"Haan wahi wahi. Ja mere bachhe jeet ke ana"
"Ok Dadi" Ruhi smiled "IshiMa Papa chalo humein der horahi hai"
"All the best Ruhi" everyone wished her together.
"Thank you. Bye" and they set off to the venue.
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"I am so nervous Raman. Patha nahi Ruhi ko kya topic milega?"
"Itna nervous kyun horahi ho?" he shrugged as if he was totally calm but his frantically rubbing nails conveyed something else "Maine achhi tayyari karwayi hai Ruhi ki. Pakka jeet jayegi"
"Bol to aise rahe ho jaise maine kuch sikhaya hi nahi. Internet pe topics search karke maine sikhaya tha Ruhi ko"
"Kya topics choose kiye the tumne. Flower, Smile, Honesty etc etc aise bhi koi topics hote hain kya? Topics to woh milenge jo maine sikhaya"
"Haan ab ye 8 saal ki bachhi ko Marketing, Inflation, Finance jaise business terms denge na?" she said mocking.
"Arrey tum Madrasi kounsi sadi me jee rahe ho? Topics ka bhi standard hona chahye"
"Isme ab Madrasi aur standard kahan se aya? Aap bhi na har baat me mere community ko kheench late ho. Arrogant Punjabi"
"Tum to jaise doodh ki dhuli ho"
"Jo bhi ho topic wahi milega jo maine sikhaya hai"
"Challenge kar rahi ho? Dekh lena mere sikhaye hue topic me se hi koi milega"
"Dekhte hain"
"Haan dekh lena"
"Excuse me Sir and Ma'am! Could you please co-operate with us? People sitting beside and behind are complaining that they can't hear the participants. Please Sir and Ma'am!" the volunteer requested them with a smile.
"Tum bhi na ladte waqt na jagah dekhti ho na mahol. Bas shuru hojati ho" he glared at her.
"Maine kiya? Aap to bas..." they started again.
"Sir and Ma'am please! If you don't co-operate we will be forced to ask you to leave" the volunteer said this time a little miffed.
"Sorry!" they said simultaneously and glared at each other. They stopped fighting verbally but they continued the war silently through actions.
"Our next participant is Ms. Ruhi Bhalla from Delhi Public School" they forgot their fight at this announcement and held each others hands in nervousness.
"Ms. Ruhi Bhalla please pick a topic from the bowl" Ruhi picked one.
"Ayyo Murugan! Koi easy topic dena meri bachhi ko"
"Haan Murugan! Iski bath sunlo aur mere sikhaye hue topic me se koi topic dedo" he earned a deadly glare from her.
Ruhi stood in front of the mic and opened the chit. Her eyes widened for a moment. She then calmed down and spoke "Good Morning everyone. My topic is SNORING"
"What?" Ishita and Raman said in one breath.
"Snoring? Ye kaisa topic hai? Aisi topic bhi koi detha hai kya?" Ishita was shocked. (This is how my lecturer reacted when I had read out my topic aloud😆)
"Kis pagal ne ye topic choose kiya hai? Abhi Pathak ko phone lagatha hun. I am going to sue him" Raman roared.
"Ye kuch zyada hogaya Raman. But seriously ye topic?"
"Wahi to! Mai jakar Ruhi ko abhi stage se wapas latha hun. Koi zarurat nahi aise bakwas competition me participate karne ki" he was about to eave when Ruhi started her speech.
"Snoring is the vibration of respiratory structures and the resulting sound. It is due to obstructed air movement during breathing while sleeping. In some cases the sound may be soft, but in other cases, it can be loud and unpleasant. We usually expect to hear snoring at night but its not true. You may hear people snoring in public places during day time too just like I can faintly hear a snoring voice among the audience."
"Raman she is speaking so well" Ishita and Raman were surprised.
"But Ruhi ko itna sab kaise patha snoring ke bare me" Raman was amazed at her knowledge.
"You all must be wondering how I know so much about snoring. Right? Well, before telling you that let me tell you something very interesting. I have heard someone say that a woman who bears her husband's snoring every night but still loves him unconditionally will enter heaven. (My cousin had told this once) If this is true by any chance I am glad that my mom will be the queen of heaven because my Dad snores very badly"
Raman's eyes widened in shock. Ishita tried to stifle a laugh.
"One night I was doing a science project on my Dad's computer when I heard some dangerous noises and was scared to death. When i tried to find the source it was none other than my Dad snoring. He was indeed having a SOUND sleep."
"Let me share one interesting story with you. My Dad once had an important conference in Mumbai. Mr.Tandon from London, my Dad's business associate was also coming. As it was a celebration time in Mumbai almost all suites were booked and Dad somehow managed to book one suite for himself and Mr.Tandon. Mr.Tandon had a long flight and he was hell tired. He badly wanted to catch some sleep before attending the conference next morning. To his ultimate dismay, he had to share the room with Dad. Guess what he did? He literally threw Dad out of his suite in a desperate need for sleep which was not possible with Dad sleeping around. Poor Dad had to spend the entire night in the Hotel's lobby"
The audience broke into laughter. Embarassed was an understatement to define Raman's situation at that moment. Ishita could not control anymore. She started laughing too. Raman face-palmed and wished he could disappear in thin air. He wished his little princess stopped here.
"I must admit that my Dad's snoring is extraordinary. Initially it sounds like flowing river, soothing the ears. Slowly it starts roaring as if the river is trying to flow outside its boundaries. Sometimes he whistles in between. sometimes it sounds like a generator and sometimes like a volcano which can give you nightmares. If there was something like a Best Snoring Award I am sure my Dad would win it."
"Lastly I would like to say that if a snoring husband can give you an easy entry to heaven, I would not mind having a life partner who snores like my Dad. I am sure my mom needs my company in heaven. Thank you" she said and confidently walked back to her teacher and the team.
A roar of laughter and applause could be heard in the audience. It was difficult to decide which sound was over powering.
"Wow Ruhi you spoke so well. I must admit that you are very quick and smart in cooking up stories" her teacher said.
"Thank you for the compliment Ma'am. But I was not cooking up stories. It's true" she giggled.
"You got to be kidding me" her teacher said.
"No I am not" and she pointed at her parents in the audience.
One look at Mr.Bhalla's embarassed face and Mrs.Bhalla's unsuccessful attempt of controlling the laughter was enough for Ruhi's teacher to confirm her doubt.
"Does your Dad snore so badly?" she asked laughing.
"Well I must say I am lucky that my Dad snores. Else I would have nothing to say on stage" Ruhi shrugged proudly.
"That's true" her teacher accepted.
"Meri ek important meeting hai. Mujhe jana hoga" Raman tried to escape.
"Aaj ki apki sari meetings cancel kar di gayi hain Mr. Bhalla. Aap bahut excited the na Ruhi ke competition ko lekar. Aur dekho aap ki chuni hui topic nahi par AAP KI topic mili Ruhi ko" Ishita started teasing him.
"Bahut hasi arahi hai na tumko? Dono maa beti milke meri izzat ki dhachhiyan udado" Raman was visibly annoyed.
"Now its time to announce the result. The first prize goes to...any guesses???? You are right. Its Ms. Ruhi Bhalla from Delhi Public School"
"Yeyyy" screamed Ruhi and ran to the stage. The announcement brought Raman out of his embarassment and he started cheering loudly and clapping for her. Ishita stood up in excitement and started clapping for her little princess.
Ruhi recieved the trophy. Raman was too excited that he forgot what had transpired a while ago. In his enthusiasm he nudged the man sitting across him and said "She is my daughter. Ruhi Bhalla".
"Oh Congrats!" Raman smiled heartily, the man continued "So you are the one who snores so badly!" and he burst out laughing "I must say you are amazing"
Thusss! Raman felt his bubble of pride breaking. As if the humiliation was not enough the man called out to the others pointing towards Raman and they joined him in laughing too.
"Chullu bhar paani milega kya?" he asked Ishita.
"Kya? Kyun" Ishita asked confused.
"Doob marna hai" Raman said with a straight face.
"Raman aap bhi na. Kuchh bhi bolte rehte ho"
"Tumhari beti ne meri izzat ki jo dhachhiyaan udaadi hai uske baad to yahi karna baaki reh gaya hai"
Ishita laughed at her husband's comment.
Ruhi came running towards them with a victorious smile. Ishita kneeled down and hugged her. "My little champion. Mujhe patha tha you would win it"
"All thanks to Papa" She beamed happily. Ishita signalled Ruhi to keep quiet.
"Yeah all thanks to me. And all thanks to you meri izzat neelam karne keliye"
"Haww Papa! Mujhe thodi patha tha ke ye topic milegi?"
"Mujhe to lagta hai ke ye tum donon ki mili bhagat thi. Ishita ne hi ye topic suggest kiya hoga"
"Kya Raman? Kuchh bhi?"
"Congratulations Mr & Mrs Bhalla. Your daughter is very talented." Ruhi's teacher congratulated them.
"And by the way Mr.Bhalla award function me humein invite zaroor karna"
"Kounsa award function?" Raman asked confused
"Best Snoring Award" she said and laughed loudly.
Ruhi and Ishita held their tongue in cheek. Raman's expression said that even if a giggle escaped their lips they were going to be killed by him. He angrily marched towards his car.
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Back at Akash Ganga Society Bhalla and Iyer family were impatiently waiting for the trio to return. As soon as they saw Raman's car approaching, they ran downstairs.
Ruhi came running with her trophy and everyone screamed in joy. All congratulated her. They were in full on celebration mood.
Mihika asked "Ruhi tumhein topic kya mila tha"
"Mujhe bahut kaam hai. Excuse me" Raman marched towards the house.
"Oye Ise kya hua?" Mrs. Bhalla was confused at his sudden mood swing.
Ruhi and Ishita looked at each other and burst into another round of laughter leaving the Bhalla and Iyer family confused.
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