That people are linked no matter how unknown they are to each other.
That's what this means to me.
Two strangers who have faced nothing but tears. Heartbreak. Self loathing. And return to nothing but oblivion each passing moment.They meet one morning and change the of the day.
The heartbreak that lies below the "I-am-doing-fine" facade that they put out for the world to see.
And as I said in the 'continuation' with Raman - the night will fall and the demons will return to haunt.
The demons kept perfectly at bay by so many various encounters .
While the parallelism focuses on how similar yet different their lives are.
Quoting myself because I'm that cool, " He knew sleep would evade him tonight and his demons would escape their cages. It was night fall, the time where his worst nightmares snuck into his reality."
That's what he is . That's what they are.two heartbroken souls in search of escape.
An escape that they never have.
f he has shunned company, she lacks it despite being surrounded by so many people.
He's away from every one and any one he cares about.
And she is taking refuge in a world away from her own. A world unknown to her.
So they take refuge in themselves. Seek company in the people they've learn to not look back at.But they know that they are the only ones they can turn back to.
Because the fact remains that at the end of the day we have no one but ourselves.
And for when they meet. He is the ruthless beast he has transformed into .
And she? She for once isn't a people pleaser .
And despite his remorseful nature in that moment he finds a bit a bit of his lost innocence.
And to accomplish what seems to be his simple task of self appeasement he does they very thing he has been doing time and again - he surfaces her demons.
Like pulls them back from the back of a closed box at the back of her mind and sets them free.
And as the night falls, they are haunted by each other.
For once instead of being haunted by their demons they haunt each other..
Six Degrees of Separation; everyone is interconnected.
Two strangers who meet in a fleeting moment that should have gone unnoticed .
Two strangers hurt beyond repair ,both by love find solace in each other. In reminiscing that seconds worth of tiff .the seconds worth of meet .
And a moment that holds no importance at all ends influencing them.
As they go back to their routines.
Him of drowning in his sorrows so he doesn't have to be sane it sober when the demons come alive .
He doesn't care about perfection or pleasing anyone .
But she does .
She finds herself facing the worst moments in her life - twelve years of relationship lost.
How is Subbu?" She asks herself and then prides herself on not breaking down. A victory .
But a victory that isn't a victory because the heart grows heavy and she find herself begging for a diversion.
The demons are surfacing and she needs an escape.
And she finds it.
In an incident that should have left her traumatised and thankful for having evaded it.
Instead she finds her asking herself whether she's alive or just breathing.
She doesn't know the answer to.
And instead of focusing on the incident she focuses on the man .
Finding her escape in weaving a perfect future for him, a future that she wants for herself somewhere deep in her heart. A future that should have been here.
He sits in a alone that night, refusing company or any reminder of what what his or could have been his or any chances to have a slip at his past or of what he has lost and left behind.
He feels the demons call and on cue he toasts to himself - a perfect sadist or a coping mechanism to deal with misery .
And as the sirens grow closer and they approach he finds himself losing himself in the mystery that was her.
He weaves for her what he had lost .A perfected version of what should have been his of what he was the rightful victor. The present and life he was cheated out of .
And in a split moment they in their respective places are reminded of reality and it tears apart the perfectly weaved dream begging for a seam of imperfection. And the irony in the fact is that tgey refuse to let imperfection taint their illusion. On how they'd rather see it snap and disappear than to have it tarnished .
Two broken people who significantly take refuge in each other. In a moment that was meant to pass and be forgotten.
An insignificant moment that saves them from their demons that night.
The sun will rise and tomorrow would come. But tonight. Tonight was theirs.
'Their First Encounter' solely belongs to Rajji as 'Meherbaan' belongs to me. I'm just too much of a fangirl when it comes to Rajji and her works that I had to have my one of favorite work by her collaborated into Meherbaan. To all those whom haven't read 'Their First Encounter', please do. It's highly recommended from my side. It's so well written with so many possibilities.
So baby wants me to include why I decided to write this collaboration with her? The answer is because I love her and The First Encounter too much. Bas.
How did I manage to do it? Baby, was just too nice.
Who's involved? The trio. Rajji with the premise, basic story line, editing and her TFE. Kiara with the penning down. And Payal with her motivation and quotes
Ishita had accidently set the sprinkler and Raman had taken the moment to pull her into the garden, he had even gone ahead to use the hose handed by his daughter to spray Ishita with what was to be cold water. Their daughter had picked another and tried to spray water but had fallen back on the ground due to the pressure exerted by the water. The little child of four had burst into fits of giggles as Ishita had lightly sprayed her with water. Ishita had stood behind her daughter as they, together, sprayed the man with water. And this time around it was him trying to escape the water, until her held Ishita by her waist and sprayed water right over her head. Ruhi had jumped around in circles. And the family of three seemed happier than one could be lost in themselves as they fooled around on simple lawn, depicting the picture of a perfect family.
It was Madhavi who put an end of the event.
"Raman, Ishita, Ruhi. Get changed now. Raman don't you have a meeting, and Ishita you're the sensible one, you know Raman falls sick. Like the time you'll decided that it was a great idea to fool around in the rain and your poor mother-in-law had to take care of the both of you'll. Ruhii, baccha. You know you're parents aren't really sane around each other. You shouldn't encourage them," the older lady chastised her young ones.
****
Raman Kumar Bhalla turned his head and smirked at his wife who was staring at the ground as his mother-in-law gave him a piece of her mind. Madrasans', he rolled his eyes. And Amma just being Amma.
And if that wasn't enough, his wife had started muttering in Tamil. Raman Kumar Bhalla was in for a long long hour, he knew. But the funny thing was that he liked it. He liked her. He liked everything that came along with them.
And she held his hand, as their daughter tugged at her saree.
******
It was her grip on his wrists. The strength with which she pulled him. The emotions that played across her face. The tears that threatened to fall any moment. The wrist hold that was now their interlocked hands. Her hair as they swayed to her movement adding beauty to ever step she took. The glance she stole to to make sure that she was following her. The smile that crept on her face. Raman found himself returning to that December night where he met for the second time. The fake snow. The borrowed laughter The midnight memories. The night that should have been long forgotten. How was he to know that the lady that drove him crazy for just one night was the one for him.
December 18, 2007
Raman Kumar Bhalla found himself wide awake at midnight. He knew sleep would evade him tonight and his demons would escape their cages. It was night fall, the time where his worst nightmares snuck into his reality.
He had taken refuge in the abandoned rocking chair moving it to the center of the room - it gave him a sense of peace, of calmness or even finality. He could still smell the stench of alcohol in his bedroom - his borrowed bedroom. Licking his lips he could taste the remnants of the bitter liquid he previously drowned his sorrows in. With his eyes closed he shuffled through his play list and at that moment no song could elevate his mood. He needed company, he mused. And company he would get. The irony.
He dragged himself to his bed - the perfectly made bed that he refused to sleep in. This is why had his life had come to - misery, grief and sorrow. Gone were the days when he could just sit back and wait for the day to end so that he could return home to his beautiful wife and son. Gone were the days where he struggled to live up to someone's expectations and along with those days gone was the part of him who cared. Crushed. Crumpled. And carefully disposed of.
He was a broken man, he concluded as he changed into khaki pants. And broken men needed company. He hated the solitude. The eerie silence. On other days he would loved the lack of non stop bit today, his life felt incomplete without it. The rambling. The nagging. The complaining. The familiarity. The sense of acceptance. Did it have anything to do with his meeting with that lady he met hours ago, he didn't know. Though he was man enough to admit that meeting her for mere seconds, he had been reminded of home. Of the life he left behind. Of the base of the heartless man he had unknowingly turned into.
"Be brave.. You're now legally separated from Shagun." - Neil Pathak
Legally separated. How cruel was his fate? His wife, ex-wife, was one month pregnant with their daughter had cajoled him into a legal separation. 'We need a break, Raman. I've been stuck to you since the day my mother forced me to terminate my first child. The child I would give anything to bring into this world. This relationship. It's suffocating. I'm not happy. I need time, time to think over. Aditya. And now this child. I can't connect with either of them. The joy. The happiness. No matter how much I try or struggle it just doesn't happen. I need a break, ' she had wept in his arms and he hadn't known when their discussion of a separation had turned into a full blown argument and for once he hadn't pacified her. She had demanded a separation and he had walked out. A part of him knew that this was the end. A part of him still needed her in his love. The part that craved for her. A part of him knew that they would never work. That there was a different story altogether on why such a pretty girl would agree to marry a dud like him. Shagun. He had convinced himself that he was in love with. He fancied himself to be in love with her. But Shagun had never loved him. She had loved another. She shared her firsts with another. She had craved for another.
'I was pregnant. Abhi. I had seduced him on the night of our farewell. I deprived him of his first love for my selfishness. He never knew. He walked away. I never saw him. And I was pregnant. I tried my best to hide it from my parents. Almost killed myself whilst doing so. Until she found out, my mother. And the next thing I knew was that I woke up in a hospital and I had lost the swell, the feeling of another being inside me. I wanted that child Raman, that was the only thing that I wanted in my life of misery and no hope. You won't get it. You won't get what it's like to be deprived of time by either of your parents. To be seen as a problem, a burden. I had promised her that I'd be the only thing that she'd ever need and I had broken that promise. I couldn't protect her. And this pregnancy, it's too soon. I don't want to be a mother. So soon. It's too fast.' Shagun had wept holding a home pregnancy kit in her palms. He had been too selfish. Too in love to notice the cracks in her. He had talked her into having the child, promising that it would make everything better. He had been cruel enough to reveal her state to his parents - trapping her into a decision that was choice, leaving her without any options. He had been her ruin. He had led her to a path of self destruction. He understood that now. He should have known better. He should have protected his wife. Shagun. She had trusted him the day he married her. Trusted him to love, protect and cherish her. Love he did, he had loved her till her suffocated her in a relationship. And look where they had been now. If the first pregnancy was the first crack in their fragile marriage, the second one had been the deciding factor - the child that Shagun had never wanted. Seeing Shagun love Aditya, Raman had decided for them again. He wanted the child. He wanted the child he wished to be a daughter. A perfect family.
Pulling a simple white tee over his head, Raman found himself struggling to breathe. He had destructed his family. Placing a palm over her mouth, he tried his level breathe. In and out. It did all but lift the heavy weight off his chest. He found himself falling onto the bed, choking back sobs as he felt his soul tear apart. If only he had known better. If only he had been wiser. If only he cared less. If only.
'Real men don't make women cry,' his mother's voice echoed throughout the room.
'You wouldn't know what it's like to be with you. You suffocate me. I need an escape, Raman. And it isn't you.' Shagun's voice added to it.
'Why does Mama cry so much, Papa?' his almost seven year old son joined in.
'Puttar, you make me proud. You wouldn't know the joy of watching your child follow your footsteps. You're my puttar.' his father's echoed through room.
Raman flung aside the nearest thing he could reach to. And within minutes the room could notice deciphered to be what it previously was - a perfectly furnished room in a respectable resort. Letting out a scream of frustration Raman picked up the nearest black blazer available, pocketed his wallet, iPhone and walked out, slamming the door on the mess he left created. Running his hand though his hand he walked into the elevator. He wasn't welcome there, he knew. He knew it from the way the ladies moved away auto a corner, shielding themselves from him. He wasn't welcome. He shrugged as he instructed the elevator girl the floor in which he wanted to be dropped off to.
He hadn't expected to see her here. She was dressed in a full sleeved blue lace partially backless bodycon dress that accentuated her curves perfectly and ended two inches below her thighs, she looked ravishing. During their first meet he would have deemed her to be a no makeup person but here she stood, to prove him wrong all over again with perfected makeup and hair which was teased into perfect loose beach waves. She was truly a sight to behold. And it wasn't just him but every hot blooded male in the room in the room would agree to him, he swore.
You just separated from your wife, approaching another girl is just wrong, the voices in his mind whispered.
"To hell with this. Didn't we agree that I need company, that I needed someone to talk to, isn't it she? Why would a girl like her sit in a lonesome club to he oogled by random men who were probably plotting on how to get her in bed," he argued against himself.
He watched from afar. As he sat in his VIP cubicle he watched as random guys hit on her. He watched her consider that as a bet won. She wouldn't shoo them away, not did she acknowledge them. Instead she sat there, on the bar stoll below the flashing lights as she downed one martini after the other.
And in her he saw her sorrow. If he had chosen to hit on an old abandoned chair in the middle of a well furnished room, this lady had decided to sit in a room with people all around her. How different were they? And then a tear ran down her face, it hung onto her mascara lined lashes and then dropped onto her chubby cheeks, rolling down them and finally landing onto her shoulder. His previously spun stories seemed so unfamiliar. They had no meaning. Maybe she didn't have a family to return home to. Maybe she was alone just like him. Maybe she was a reject too. Maybe she was just like him. Maybe she craved for love and acceptance. If only he knew how right he was.
And within all the maybe's that crossed his mind, he found himself walking towards her. He found himself seated besides her. She had looked at him with her drowsy yet soulful eyes.
"Tum?"
It wasn't her drunk smirk or the smile of recognition that she gave him.
"Are you my angel? Ravan ho tum? Mera toh Ram bhi nahi," she had whispered as she choked on her own voice.
He signalled the bartender not to hand her anymore of those drinks she took pleasure in this evening. He sat there besides her as she held onto his hand, as she let her tears dry out, as she searched for another drink. As she blinked over and over again, in search of sanity.
"Why do I live? Am I alive or am I just breathing? You don't exist, right? You've come to take me away? So tell me, what's the point of living if all try to do is perfect the mask of normalcy. What did I do wrong? What did I do to deserve this? Wasn't I the proper one? The same one. The envied one. Did I deserve this fall when there was no climb?"
He knew it was the alcohol, and he knew her screams were barely audible in the blasting music. Instead he read her lips, he drunk the pain in her eyes. Pain heals pains as love brings forth love. Wasn't it? Maybe he could drink in her emotions. Maybe he could save someone and learn to live for himself. Tonight. Tonight he would live for her. And then she would be his last memory.
With that he tightened his grip on her hand as he pulled her off the bar chair and away from the crowd. She had laughed as she choked onto her tears.
Maybe this was really the end, she had wondered.
"Ramaan, I am bloody talking to you. Get out of the washroom now. Jaldi yaar. Ruhi is waiting"
And with that Raman snapped back to reality.
"Kaha khoye ho aaj, seriously, Raman," his wife stared her rant as he smiled at her. She handed over their daughter who had successfully been changed into dry clothes. Raman picked up the towel from the wardrobe and proceeded to squeeze out moisture from his daughters head. His wife entered joined the scene soon after sans make up, not that it made any difference to her looks. She had tsked at him and then proceeded to do the same as he had done with Ruhi. She had then blow dried his hair and Ruhi's and had then instructed them to go downstairs and have the 'kaada' prepared for them. Raman had picked up and scrunchie and then picked Ruhi by her waist and spun her around like the propeller of a helicopter which earned them nothing but an annoyed tsk from his wife as his daughter burst into fits of giggles.
Downstairs he was handed a glass full of bitter liquid as his younger sister-in-law poked jibes at him. Mihika had laughed at his state and offered to fix him, which he gladly complied to. Even Ruhi had quietly gulped down her medicine the minute the spotted her mother decend the stairs. Ruhi's mother had in turn gulped down her share of medicine in front of her Amma.
It was Amma who instructed Ishita not to trouble Raman and Ishita who glared at Raman who shrugged at the comment. It was Ruhi who tugged at Raman's pants asking him about the movies. He had picked his daughter in his arms and held his wife's hand as he instructed Mihika and Mihir to follow them.
*****
"Kya karna hai?" he asked her as he tapped into his phone.
"Mujhe kya karna hai?" she had asked him as she had looked at the ground, tapping her feet to the concrete.
Raman didn't know what possessed him to drag here out. He wouldn't know. And there she stood, the lady of the night - too engrossed in the concrete on the floor than on herself or him.
"You know, I'm yours for the night. Jo bhi kar sakti ho. In your limits and I shall accompany you. I'll be your Guardian tonight. Tum akeli nahin ho and tonight you'll live. Not just breathe. I'll make sure of that. I promise. And I keep my promises," he had bent down to her level and spoken to her alcohol self like a parent would speak to her toddler. Her face above his had shown signs of a smile as her eyes lit up with excitement and her body shook with joy had he realised that he had signed his undoing. And for the next hour she dragged him around town, spinning around in circles, laughing at the sky. The wind in her hair and the joyful tone of her voice was all he needed to let him self know that he'd be fine. That he could be happy like she was now. Maybe it was the alcohol in her system or maybe it was his offered companionship he should have known, but he didn't. So her watched her as she laughed at her own antics. He let himself smile for seconds as he watched her enjoy. As he leant for support when she stumbled. She spun in circles like a toddler as the passing carriage flung rose petals in the air.
Kaise mujhe tum mil gayi, kismat pe aaye naa yakeen
Utar aayi jheel mein, jaise chaand utarta hai
Kabhi haule haule dheere se
Gunguni dhoop ki tarah se tarannum mein tum
Chhooke mujhe Guzri ho yoon
Dekhoon tumhe, Ya main sunoon
Tum ho sukoon, Tum ho junoon
Kyun pehle na Aayi tum?
How did you become mine, I can't believe my good fortune
You came to my life.. like the moon descends into the lake sometimes
Slowly and graciously
Like the touch of warm sunrays
You touched me with melody so that
Should I look at you or should I listen to you
You are my solace, you are my passion
Why you didn't you come earlier?
Main to ye sochta tha ke aaj kal
Upar wale ko fursat nahi
Phir bhi tumhe banake woh
Meri nazar mein chadh gaya
Rutbe mein woh aur badh gaya
I used to think that nowadays
God has no free time
But, having created you,
He has risen in my eyes
His status has become higher..
She held him by his hand as she dragged him over to couples dancing. She had placed his hands on her waist and his around his neck. She had buried her face in his neck. He could feel her breath and he could feel his demons melting away. Maybe, all he needed was company?
Badle raaste jharne aur nadi,
Badle deep ki tim tim
Chhede zindagi dhun koi nayi,
Badle barkha ki rim jhim
Badlengi rituyen adaa
Par main rahoongi sada
Usi tarah teri bahon mein bahen daalke
Har lamha Har pal
Roads, falls and river may change their course
Radiance of lamps may change
Life may initiate a new tune
Raindrops may hum a different note
Seasons will change their style
But, I will remain forever
In your embrace, like always..
Each moment each second
And he spun her around and she giggled like a toddler. Almost tripping on her own feet. She laughed at his antics and he smiled at him. Maybe he needed someone who made him happy? Where was the love? Where had it gone? Had he loved Shagun? Maybe the woman was right, maybe he obsessed over her.
"You suffocate me. This relationship suffocates me, Raman," Shagun's words echoes into his ears. Funny how the happiest gift one would get in a marriage had ended theirs. They were just two spiteful people and they were heading for worse.
He felt the girls fingers on the corners of his lips snapping him out on his reverie as she drew a smile on his face.
Happy. He should be happy. How could he be? His world had shattered and crashed. He had destroyed his world with the help of his own hands.
Fireworks lit the sky as the girl placed her head on his chest in an attempt to have a look at them, she grinned at the sky. His arms around her waist securing her from toppling over, he smiled at her.
Trust her to smile at the silliest of them all. What was her story?
"Nothing worse than yours, or maybe the same as yours. Heartbreak."
And under the fireworks he spun her around as he forced a smile on his face.
Raman Bhalla was dead. Shagun had killed him.
This girl would light aflame the remains of the man lost at war with fate and love.
And from his ashes would rise another man. A man who stand on his own, for his own and no one would he able to bring him down. No one.
Zindagi sitar ho gayi,
Rimjhim malhaar* ho gayi,
Mujhe aata nahi kismat pe apni yakeen, Kaise mujhko mili tum
Life has become like (melodious sound of) sitar
Like showers of Malhaar
I can't believe how fortunate I am to have you in my life
* In history/mythology, Malhaar is the Raaga that could make it rain when sung by certain people.
Through the glass walls that separated him and his wife at the given hour, Raman Bhalla spent a good amount time staring at his wife and daughter. Mentally noting every action they shared. The way they laughed along with each other. The way Ishita tickled the little girl. The way the laughed at almost every scene that wasn't even funny. They way Ruhi was sandwiched between her mother and her aunt.
Fate. Raman Kumar Bhalla believed in fate. What man proposes God disposes, he mused.
Ishita was always meant to be Ruhi's mother. And he was always meant to be Ishita's. Ishita was right, God has sent Ruhi into Shagun's womb as a way to get the child to Ishita.
Or else, how else could what he proposed to himself and then shunned the idea of happen a few years later.
Fate. Meeting Ishita was fate, marrying her was choice but falling in love with her was beyond his control.
******
Later that night Ishita found herself waiting for Raman. It was funny how recently everything seemed to be so put of place without his presence. It was as if she needed him to be around her. As if he was her drug. Her personal dose of ecstacy. Something she wanted to be forever high on.
Ishita didn't care that Rohit had forced her dance with Subbu. She hadn't bothered to look at Subbu's face as the dance started. She hadn't cared about the wishful glances that were thrown towards her. The gossiping words, the ooh and the aahs. They hadn't mattered.
"Biwi wali harkatein kyun kar rahi ho," she could almost hear Raman's taunt echo in her mind. "Kyunki biwi hoon," that would be her reply the next time he said that she mentally vowed, grinning at her coined statement. Her eyes locked at the doors she burst into a grin and a smile as she locked her gaze on Raman walking towards the room. Excusing herself from Subbu she walked over to her husband. Her Raavan Kumar. Almost rushing, almost tripping on her own feet. She realised that she missed him. That a second apart from him now felt like an eternity. And she didn't even know why.
**********
The girl then dragged him as she flung her head in the air and laughed to her heart content. And for once in the mess that his life had been lately. Raman found himself struggling to smile. He tried to flex those cheek muscles of his, but it hurt.
And then she moved, running along the pathway as she flung her stiletto away the minute her bare feet touched the sand. He had picked them up and he had followed her as she spun around the sand. And the moonlight intensified her beauty. She resembled a Greek goddess in all her beauty, and he knew it was wrong. It was wrong for her to be so enchanting at her worst.
He hadn't known when he had taken his phone or when she had started recording them. She, the forgotten child of nature, had momentarily merged with the sea and he feared for her. So when she dragged him along with her, he found himself passing a comment or two and then he had joined her convincing himself that he wasn't losing himself to her, but instead protecting himself from a crime he would be blamed for if her drunk self fell into sea. Or if the waves dragged her away.
"You're crashing, but you're no wave," she had whispered as they walked towards the shore and away from the water hours later of fooling around with the waves. Of running away and to the water and walking along the coast and under the moonlight and he hadn't know if she had meant her or if she had meant it for him. Her voice wasn't hearty now. It was hollow now.
She had fallen onto the sand and along with her so had he. Their domino effect, he mused. And he had placed his blaser on her shoulder covering her up and shielding her from the cold. She inturn had placed her head on his shoulder, as they waited for the sun to rise.
[I] Right from the start
You were a thief
You stole my heart
And I your willing victim
I let you see the parts of me
That weren't all that pretty
And with every touch you fixed them
Now you've been talking in your sleep, oh, oh
Things you never say to me, oh, oh
Tell me that you've had enough
Of our love, our love
Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
We're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It was that night that Ishita had wondered if it had been it all. He had dumped twelve years if a relationship over a medical report he wasn't even sure of. Was this what it equalled to? Was this what their life equalled to? All the dreams and the hopes that she had foolishly dreamt of? Hadn't she spent months crying over him? Wasn't that enough? Weren't those tears enough for her while he probably shed none. While he'd be starring afresh with his wife. She needed to end it all. And what better than to start a fresh. She would start afresh.
I'm sorry I don't understand
Where all of this is coming from
I thought that we were fine
(Oh, we had everything)
Your head is running wild again
My dear we still have everythin'
And it's all in your mind
(Yeah, but this is happenin')
You've been havin' real bad dreams, oh, oh
You used to lie so close to me, oh, oh
There's nothing more than empty sheets
Between our love, our love
Oh, our love, our love
He couldn't love. He could receive love but he couldn't love back. If he loved his love would come too strong. It would chase the other person away. And if he had to keep the ones he loved closer, he wouldn't tell them that he loved him. He would love them unconditionally. He would love his daughter unconditionally, he promised. He would live for her. Where did he go wrong? Wasn't he was the ideal everything? The ideal father? The ideal son? The ideal husband? The ideal brother? Then why would she claim that he suffocated her? Maybe he did suffocate her, maybe he came too strong. Maybe he'd nevet fall in love, and maybe he'd never know what that emotion meant, tonight had ended and a new day was rising. Tonight, Raman Bhalla had died. And in his Raman Kumar Bhalla was born. The man he'd turn out to be years from. Ruthless Fearless. Feared. The man with no weakness.
Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
I never stopped
You're still written in the scars on my heart
You're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
Oh, tear ducts and rust
I'll fix it for us
We're collecting dust
But our love's enough
You're holding it in
You're pouring a drink
No nothing is as bad as it seems
We'll come clean
Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
That we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
That we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
Oh, we can learn to love again
Oh, we can learn to love again
Oh, oh, that we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
And as they waited for the sun to rise she had confessed her past. Her childhood. Her want for a child. Her fiance. Their relationship. Her family. The love grew up in. The break up. And her condition. She broke down as she ranted to her heart's content.
And he found himself talking about his life for the first time. About his family. About his father. About his siblings. The Empire he had refused to take over. His ex-wife. The son she was sowing seeds of hatred in. And the less than a month old fetus that he had fallen in love with - his daughter.
And they had discussed it out. Among whispered, tears, drinks and laughs. They had discussed it all. And the sun had risen. And she had fallen asleep in her arms. As the sun had risen, filling the skies in hues of orange he found hum carrying her to his room.
He wanted to meet her again. He wanted her in his life. And the funny thing was that he wanted her to be much more than the stranger. He wanted to give her more. He wanted to elevate the stranger from her sadness and at the same time lift his mood and sort out his life. And out of the various scenarios that crossed his mind, he thought of the worst. The selfish man in him in desperate need of her sanity and pain debated over pawning his child to her. His to be born child needed a mother, and she needed a child. As as selfish as he could be he found himself waiting for her to wake up. To discuss it with her. To spend another day with her forgetting all about his pressure, pain, workload and futile efforts. And when she did wake up, she didn't remember him.
He stood locked up in the adjoining room in his master bedroom for that night as she gushed to her friend on how she felt better, how she felt like she had moved on, and on how she felt lighter. But she didn't mention him. And as they left, her friend and she, the friend looked back as she saw the man who unknowingly healed Ishita by offering the very same thing she was in dire need of - unbiased company. The friend looked back as she gave him a sad smile and acknowledging nod thanking him for what he had done.
And Raman was once again left behind with the words that fate was a cruel mistress indeed.
He found himself whispering a silent thank you to the figure that walked away. And breathing in a sigh he booked a ticket to Delhi. All his daughter had was him. It was him and her against the world.
Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
That we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
Oh, we can learn to love again
Oh, we can learn to love again
Oh, oh, that we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
[I]
Back in the present Raman looked at his wife as she stood before him, her hand held out as she waited for him at the door. She looked pretty and excited and almost hyper. A deadly combination when it came to her, one would agree.
Mere Bina Main Rehne Laga Hoon
[Without myself, I started living]
Teri Hawaon Mein Behne Laga Hoon
[In your wind, I am drifting]
Jaane Main Kaise Tera Hua Hoon
[Don't know how I bacame yours]
Mujhe Tho Lagta Hai Main Shayad Tere Dil Ki Dua Hoon
[Feel like I am a wish of your heart]
Tujhko Jo Paaya, Tho Jeena Aaya
[With you, I learnt to live]
Ab Yeh Lamha Theher Jaye, Tham Jaye, Bas Jaye Hum Donon Ke Darmiyan
[Now this momement may pause, stop, lives between us]
He placed his hand in hers and smiled as she locked her arm with his as she led him to a partially enclosed patio with an adjoining pool that stood at the extreme end of the property. The area was dimly lit - adding a sense of enigma to the classic sense of architecture that was the patio built purely of sandstone.
Ishita let go of Ramans's hand as background music played.
Pehle Se Zyada Main Jee Raha Hoon
[Now I am living more than earlier]
Jabse Main Tere Dil Se Juda Hoon
[Since I'm attached to your heart]
Rahon Pe Teri, Main Tho Chala Hoon
[I am walking on your path]
Tu Meri Manzil Hai
[You are my destination]
Tere Kadmon Pe Bas Rukne Laga Hoon
[I've started stopping only at your feet]
Teri Nazar Mein Nayi Si Adaa Hai
[There is a new grace in your eyes]
Naya Sa Nasha Bhi Ghula Hai
[A new charm disolved to it]
Kayi Dino Se Bandhaa Tha Baadal Jo
[The cloud which was tied for long]
Tere Hi Baalon Mein Khula Hai
[Has opened in your tresses]
Teri Hadon Mein Meri Basar Hai
I[ am living within you]
Ab Tujhe Bhi Janu Kidhar Hai
[Now where else you need to go]
Jahan Rahe Tu, Main Woh Jahan Hoon
[I am that world where you live]
Jise Jiye Tu, Main Woh Sama Hoon
[I am the air where you live]
Teri Waja Se Naya Naya Hoon
[Because of you, I am new]
Pehle Kaha Na Maine Ab Yeh Tumse Kehne Laga Hoon
[I haven't told you earlier, but now I am telling you]
Ishita locked gazes with Raman as she stepped a step closer to him with each beat that flew.
She put forth here hand as if asking himself a dance and he held onto it and pulled her closer to him as she threw her head back and let out a laugh. He places one arm behind his back and with the other he twirled her around like a princess in a ballroom. And when she did fall onto him, he let her cling onto him and lead the path with her moves. He just held her waist and moved along to her body. And in the moment that he was an emotional fool he placed a light peck on her forehead, right above the red vermillion concealed under her partition that marked her as his. She closed her eyes at his unexpected move, relishing the moment that was hers. And Ishita buried her face in Raman's chest breathing in his scent and letting herself lose herself in all that was him.
And it was Ruhi who ran towards them screaming, "Papa, Mama, daanceee!"
It was Raman who bent down and pulled Ishita along with him as he picked their daughter in his arms. It was Ishita who rubbed her nose against Ruhi's cheek. It was Ruhi's, "Papa daari chubti hai," thay earned a laugh from Ishita," and Raman's, "Ruhi. Papa ne toh shave kiya hai," that caused Ishita and Ruhi to look at each other and burst into fits of giggles.
And in that moment Raman felt blessed all over again. He had his wife and he had his daughter. His life here was almost complete. Now all they needed was Adi.
Or maybe he didn't. And as he held Ishita and Ruhi closer to him, and as selfish as it was he didn't think of anything else that mattered to him other than has two ladies and their moment. His precious precious jewels.
Tujhko Jo Paaya, Tho Jeena Aaya
[With you, I learnt to live]
Ab Yeh Lamha Theher Jaye, Tham Jaye, Bas Jaye Hum Donon Ke Darmiyan
[Now this momement may pause, stop, lives between us]
*****
Ishita woke up in an half empty bed that missed her husband, she tucked her sleeping daughter in bed and went out in search of her husband. Her husband, she liked the sound of it. Ishita blushed as she tied her hair in a bun and picked her dupatta from the head of the bed.
She blushed as she remembered him say the words that she now cherished more than anything else hours ago. Blush, she had been doing that lately.
"Would you have married Ishita if she wouldn't be able to give you a heir? Would you marry her if she was infertile?" Nalini had asked Raman during the truth, dare and rapid fire fire session earlier.
Raman had smiled, thought for a while and then replied, "I would have. It doesn't matter. I believe in fate. And I believe we are fated to be. Isiliye humare zindagi mein koi aur tikh hi nahi sakta. And marriage? Marriage binds two individuals. Jab hum shadi karte hai, we marry for each other. Because somewhere down the line we want to spend the rest of our lives together. It doesn't matter what, when or how it takes place - it just does. And kids, they're the gifts showered upon you, just like Ruhi is Ishita's. Kids can strengthen your marriage but you can't base your marriage on a kid. The answer to your question is, if I loved her I would have married her, because she gives me a reason to live for. A reason to survive yet another day and to fight against all the odds. Infact, jab se mili hai she has always been my better half. Agar mere bas mein hota and if fate was on my side then I would have married her hours within meeting. She's my happy little pill, and Ruhi is an added bonus."
Ishita grinned as she hid her face in her palms. Her Raavan Kumar and his recent sweet talks. He was going to be the death of her.
********
"Aditya. Shagun. Aditya. It will always be Aditya and Shagun, Raman. You don't need to remind me that I'm just Ruhi's mother. I'm well aware of the fact. And I can take care of daughter. Do what you want with your wife, I won't care. I shall never care." Ishita screamed in a fit.
"You are my wife."
"The irony, because you mean nothing to me Mr. Bhalla. Nothing at all. You were Ruhi's father to me. I don't even know what you are anymore. And the funny thing is that I don't even care."
Raman could picture a furious Ishita staring back at him as the words 'I don't even care' echoed though his ears.
He took another swig of his beer as he leaned against the terrace wall. Wouldn't his demons ever leave him? Couldn't they just rest in peace?
Why did they haunt him all these days? He knew he lived in a glass house that would crash and fall. He knew all wasn't well between Ishita and him. He knew he was being delusional enough to think she cared about him. He knew she didn't. He knew he was taking advantage of her happiness. He knew she pretended because she was around those who shunned. He knew he had all his cards on the table and he knew that she had hers against her chest and that she wouldn't pick his up. He knew everything, damn it. And yet he chose to believe in his delusion.
"Nightmares?" she asked as she joined him on the rooftop. He smiled at her as he scooted to make place for her, tapping on the concrete wall besides him, encouraging him to join her.
What has he done? What good had he ever done to deserve her? And how how stupid was he to let her go? How darn stupid. And now he bad her and didn't have her at the same time.
She smiled as she walked towards him, as she leant forward her hand as if asking for him to pass on his bottle of beer.
"But you don't drink," he found himself replying.
"I have my moments. And I'm a good wife, Mr Bhalla," she chucked.
"Good wife," he chucked and it earned him a playful whack on his shoulder. His abusive Madrasan so used to going all physical on him.
They shared a bottle or two of beer as they discussed practically nothing.
"Let's dance," she proposed. "There's nothing a dance in the moonlight can't solve,"
"There's no music,"
"When did we ever need music,"
And he her his hand as she placed hers over his. And as he lost himself in her eyes and as they twirled in the moonlight in all their simplicity, he found himself falling for her all over again. They might have danced for hours or minutes. He wouldn't know for time had ceased to exist. All he knew was that she was here, and he was here and all they needed was each other. That they had a future that they had yet to live. And that he was falling for her. That she was breaking down the walls that surrounded his heart, and there could be nothing as perfect as her, other than their daughter. That she was his and that he would never let her go.
And as her body crashed against his, he lost himself in her eyes. Maybe it was the fairylights that twinkled in the background, maybe it was her, maybe it were their heartbeats beat that now beta as one or maybe it was their rapid breathing but Raman Kumar Bhalla descended his lips upon his wife's as she closed her eyes in anticipation. There was a keen sense of certainty in that moment. Maybe it was the undying yet unrequited loved that they had for each other. Maybe it was the universe that tried it's level best to bring them closer. All that was known was that two people were falling in love and a whole new galaxy was created in their wake.
It was as his lips met hers, and as his hands lightly cupped her face has it made all the difference. As their lips moved in synchronisation, as they silently gasped for breaths in between kisses not wanting the moment to end. It was when her hands left her face and traced along her curves, or when she dug her hands into his hair and he enclosed his around hover waist pulling her closer to him, almost merging their bodies through the flimsy excuses for clothes that they wore for the moment that they realised that they never wanted this moment to cease. Maybe it was magic in air. Or the pixie dust that came along with midnight. Maybe it was the twinkling lights or the moment that was them. They were successfully creating magic.
******
"You don't know how precious a child is. You are having the one thing I could never have. Be with her," she whispered as she picked a fistful of sand further letting it slip right through her fingers.
"Rooh, soul. If I ever had a child I would name her Rooh. Someone to complete my soul," she snuggled closer to him, the early morning December cold finally getting to her. She placed her head on his shoulder.
"Anika, mercy. The one thing I'm in need of,"he whispered as he placed his head over hers.
"Ruhanika," she whispered as she spooned another spoonful of frozen yogurt that he had purchased for her minutes agom
"Ruhanika," he whispered as he looked over at the sun rising on the horizon.
****
People aren't always what you want them to be. Sometimes they disappoint you or let you down, but you have to give them a chance first. You can't just meet someone and expect them to be everything you're looking for and then be angry when they're not every hope and aspiration you projected onto them. It's foolish to believe that someone will be what you imagine them to be. And sometimes, when you give them a chance, they turn out to be better than you imagined. Different, but better.
-Chloe Rattray, Sacr Noir
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