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Disclaimer: No offense meant to either Divyanka Tripathi and Karan Patel. I know how creepy it is to have strangers fantasize about you. Raman and Ishita are characters to me, nothing more nothing less and in my mind they're not even you. :)
C L I M A X
Disclaimer. I am not in an abusive relationship or a dark relationship of any sort. This is the 28 October confrontation affecting me. And this is for my sanity. Meherbaan is for the fluffier stuff. This is my dark take. Or the darkest version penned down someone who loves fairytale, happy ending and hates villains can get.
High dive into frozen waves where, the past comes back to life.
Fight fear for the selfish pain cause it was worth it all this while.
Hold still right before we crash, because we both know how this ends,
Clock ticks till it breaks your glass and I drown in you again.
Cause you are the piece of me, I wish I didn't need.
Chasing relentlessly, still fine and I don't know why.
If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?
If our love is insanity, why are you my clarity?
"Be my wife in the true sense. What more do want from me? You're my wife. The mother of my daughter. Now be mine."
And she had been. In all sense. Body. Mind. Heart.
It took one moment for her to realise that he was never going to hers by heart. And yet, he had taken his first step, so in return she would take hers. Love be damned.
He hadn't remembered what had transpired between them the previous night. She had taken the first step only to be met with hate. She needed to know what was going on in his mind at that moment and at every moment that followed. She couldn't let him walk away the next time. She wouldn't let her love walk away walk this time.
That night as their daughter had been put to bed in the adjoining apartment, Ishita had joined her husband. She had placed her palm on his cheek only for it to be flung away by him. Instead, she sat by him as she poured him his drinks.
"Be the thing he needs the most during the time of turmoil - be his wife."
That night as she pushed her lips against his..He had failed to respond. It was moments later that he had his mouth on hers as his hands wandered across her body - tracing it, feeling it, undoing every pin that held her saree blouse together. He had fondled her body as he held her against the wall. His arms traced her curves moving their way up as he seductively pulled the cloth that had been carefully draped aroundher. She lay there in her saree skirt and undone saree, with her legs locked around his waist. And as they lost themselves in each other she vowed to be his forever. He was hers - only hers to keep. They hadn't proceeded any further that night. They had just kissed after which he lost consciousness in her arms.
"Don't leave me, I'm yours," he had mumbled against her chest.
Why can't you be mine for once, she had wondered. Just once, just once, her mind had screamed.
She had touched her swollen lips the next morning. He had glared at her as she arrived with his mocktail.
Raman had frequented home less after that. It was either for Ruhi or for a change of clothes.
Had I repulsed him that much, she had wondered.
She hadn't wept. She had lost him before she had even gained an ounce of him. He would never be hers, she had concluded all over again.
"First Love, Only Love!" she had stared at the book at the local library as she picked Ruhi's reference books. It was as if it screamed common sense whilst mocking her for her idiocy.
"Don't marry him, Ishani. A loveless marriage will only suffocate you." she overheard a friend warn another.
... A loveless marriage will only suffocate you, the girl had said.
"Mama," her bundle of joy ran down the school staircase and jumped right into her arms. "Let's meet, papa. Chalo, please. I haven't seen him ages."
She had complied.
There he stood, with a random girl straightening him up. An intimate position that should have been hers. The girl ran her hands tracing his chest dusting non existent particles off his attire. He had looked into space until his eyes met hers.
She could feel a hot tear threatening to fall off. She had turned away and breathed in
"Ruhi wants to meet you," she had said to which he had nodded his head.
"I'll meet you'll at home after I get this done," he had said not turning away from her.
He had returned the next evening.
She had met him halfway as they headed towards to place that was now theirs - their bedroom.
She had fallen on the bed as she held her head in her arms.
"Why are we here? What have I done to bring me here? All I ever asked for was a family to be mine. Was that too much to ask for Raman? Did I ask you for anything more? Did I ask you for anything more or even love? Just companionship, hope and trust. What have we done to us, Raman?" Her whispers had turned into frantic cries only to turn back to sorrowful questions.
He rushed to her side as he held her in his arms. Everything forgotten.
"All I asked for was you to be mine. Just mine.You should have. You should've asked for more. You should've asked for more than companionship, hope and love because you deserve more that. You deserve.." He had said as he cradled her in her arms. They had silently wept in each others arms.
What had they done of what had to be love? What had they happened to their second shot at love?
Buried in pieces, like some shattered glass;
Now we're shattered glass.
But it's meaningless beating that we can't get past. We just can't get past.
Cause the harder we try the more we fall apart. We fall apart.
It's a war we can't stop and we've lost before it stops.
Strangers and shadows, we're that desolate waiting for regret,
And all the sorries and pain smash into our silhouettes.
All the pain fires head on and the screams are definite,
Now we fell through this ground to the greats standing in.
Pain in the tear drops paid for with each lie and we'll die with this heart beat..
Can we recognize?
I don't think we'll survive, if we can't stop this fight.
Can we really apologize when all our words collide?
And if we can't break this wall then we can't catch this fall..
Is there a way we can save tonight if you and I collide?
Yes, we're crashing down. Oh, we're crashing down.
That night, he held her in his arms and he had kissed her as she unbuttoned his shirt, followed by him running his hands across her waist - each getting of rid of what shielded them from each other as they headed towards the inevitable.
Where were they heading, she had wondered. Was this the point of no return?
As they lay in bed that night, she in his arms with her head against her chest - she had felt a hot tear escape her eyes. She had him just where she wanted him to be - what now?
As she drifted to sleep she thought she heard him whisper a "I Love You" the same time as she did. Such was not her fate she wasn't that lucky, her subconscious mind stated.
"I know," she had whispered back. This time too, she had illusion of him whispering the same.
What now, she thought.
What now, he thought.
Okay. Before I get hate. I didn't know how explicit you could get here so I just kept none, the darkness turned to an unknowingly muddle of goo.
This is is in Ishita's point of view except one sentence at the end.
Not mentioning her name to me just sums the irrelevance she feels at the moment.
No, Raman doesn't cheat on her. People who get cheated on so messily know better than to cheat on others but if he doubted Ishita - this could be your take.
I've left so many places open and it just flashed from one scene to another because that's what life is - that's unrequited love to her. A wibbly wobbly mess of nothing but self doubt and questions.
I am not really proud of this but - I think I've portrayed what I wanted to, albeit to a tiny extent.
#first_edit because this was originally penned down at 4 am and reading it the next evening almost gave me a heart attack and I just could find time to edit it, followed by wifi problems. Oh, how firing the wifi office is now a routine in my life.
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Shiv Shakti
Madhubala - Ek Ishq Ek Junoon
Cricket
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