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Fragments of Passing Love
OS
Only if man had the capacity to change the already-done then nothing would have ever gone wrong, but he simply was not capable of donning such a thing. But when they would suddenly realize about what had past by them, the great mistakes they committed, that could have never been annuled, well it, they realized was too late for redemption by then.
When, by the first griping of the virgin sleep, he woke to find himself sprawled on the floor in a fashion that soon made him realize his position and the pathetic or rather disgusting act that he put up infront of his wife, or rather with his wife the day before, to be more precise, the realization of which sent shock-waves down his spine.
His skin went pale as the blood drained from his veins in fear of forever loosing her. He couldn't make up, if anything happened. What if something had happened, or may be he might have forced himself on her under the heavy intoxication of alcohol. Has she left him already? His body was filled with unknown fear and anxiety, and he without waiting for a moment went down stairs only to find the place empty and then, his fears got confirmed when he stepped in the parking to see the sight, again, that recently had come inspire unregulated fit of anger and immense jealousy!
What he has come to be, he was jealous of her friend, or rather a special friend who was bit too friendly, he had no other fault except for being of opposite sex, handsome and richer than himself. Why was he even jealous when he knew that their was never any scope for improvement in their relation, he never provided her with base nor did she ever talked it out.
They always had their own reservations regarding the life they carried, no questions asked no answers expected, that was their relation. Why suddenly he wanted to claim her, masking all this crude demands under the label of being a husband, why at all he wanted a reciprocation when he knew that everything was going to fail, even his heart gave up and instead of wailing because the catastrophic fall of his expectations with her it did less but to fade away in the silence of the dark curtain that once protected it, behind the walls of steel not letting pass any emotion.
As they came face to face with each other, he could feel his body shiver with anger, and immense jealousy, it was first hour of morning and instead of being at home she was out all night, okay he did misbehaved with her, but still she could have stayed at home, she could have gone to Amma's place, but no she chose the bloody Abhimanyu Raghav to spend a night with, trolling here and their out side house, and without informing her husband too!
Was she that much uninterested in him that she chose to completely forget him and her relation with him?
Well, he hadn't given her any ideas too about recent changes that were going in his heart for her... but wasn't it her duty to understand him? His turmoil, his feelings? To talk to him? Wasn't it the duty of a wife to understand her husband? And here she was all ignoring him.
He looked at her, and he couldn't stop himself and said, "Again with your Mani by the dawn? Its such a misery, you should live with him in his house instead wasting away your life's time in my house. After all that is where ypu want to be all the time, Isn't?" and then he looked at Mani, "And you... Why you had to come so late? Had you come earlier then things would have been better, I would have never been in such a misery living under same roof with a woman like her." he continued scornfully.
Abhimanyu looked at him, uncomfortable standing between a husband and a wife and looked at Ishita and mumbled, "I should go..."
While Ishita held his hand and said while looking at Raman, "Why are you going?... Stay here..."
Raman looked at her and then at her hand laced with Abhimanyu's comfortably, the sight that broke his heart into million pieces, only if was blind, Oh how he wished!
"Yes... Ofcourse! Why are you going? After all, with your arrival you have been the topic of most of our discussions, and well your Ishu leaves no stone untured than to bring you in every part of our private lives. So you should stay here, after all you have got all the right, and much to my dismay, its me who is at fault, I should perhaps ask your permission to talk to your Ishu instead, shouldn't I?" his voice was laced with sarcasm.
While Ishita and Mani stood their clearly shocked at his idea, Abhimanyu immediately left Ishita's hand that was holding on to him and left from there giving them much needed privacy.
While Raman looked at anywhere but at Ishita, not wanting her to see how vulnerable he was watching her with someone else, Ishita was looking at him, she was angry, disgusted and troubled.
How can this man talk nonsense infront of her friend? And all she had told Mani about him, all the praises that she showered of Raman infront of Mani, what would he think? Why Raman was being brute that he once was? Why he had to act like this? And after his action in bedroom, that had left her disgusted, she didn't even want to go their. She just wanted to be somewhere she would not be hurt.
Only if she didn't love him so much, regardless of how he behaved with her, she would have left him. But she loved him, Ruhi was her daughter and she loved her but Raman was her love, how can she even think of living without him, even if acted all brute. Why he doesn't understand that now all his toxic words hurt her, they wound her, why he has to be so insensitive, why doesn't he think about her? His speech at the award function hurt her so much, he gave credit to Shagun, not even acknowledging her.
How brutal was that, leaving her alone in the party, talking about his first wife! Doesn't he feel anything for her? Not even minuscule compassion? Is she not worth anything?
Her eyes were filled with unshed tears as she looked at him, his handsome features cascaded by the scowl, his straight but strict shoulders, and then his last night's action ran through her mind making her look away in sadness.
There were no words that they could say to each other, nothing that was going to soothe their broken soul, nothing to hurt each other, standing their in complete silence was something that was making everything peaceful, like the two wandering barks finally getting a star to guide them, but could silence be really a star helping enough?
What could have he asked her? Would it be right to lay down his insecurities and vulnerability infront of her? After all she, if he heard it right was in love with Mani, her savior as per her, wasn't she?
What could she say to him? Does she have right to complain to him about his action at the award ceremony or in the bedroom, she knew that he wasn't doing all that, nor was he speaking, it was the alcohol. But what about his speech in the function, didn't he thought about her even for a second? Not only he waved her off infront of the delegates but also called her gift invaluable, weren't it his words, "This has got no emotional value." How can he even say so? Wasn't she no one for him?
She looked down and wiping off the single tear, she walked off, not looking back at him, while he walked off out, not wanting to go to a house that was not a home anymore.
***
It were two days since that day, no one came foward to say anything, nor they would spend a single minute in eachother's company, it became rather difficult to spend a moment together, Family was too busy with the adjustemnt that they didn't gave any unprecedented focus on their sprinting life.
It was night, when Raman, unusually didn't appear on dinner, while everyone else had dinner and Mr Bhalla said, "Ishita, have dinner, Raman must have gotten into some meeting or something... you need to eat something Puttar, Raman will eat afterwards."
Though Ishita quietly gave in, sitting on the dinner, but couldn't eat much. How much she may ever show herself that she didn't care but the truth was that she did care and cared a lot!
It was 1:00 AM and he hadn't yet returned, all she thought was about his well being. she wanted to call but couldn't, what would she say? They were so far away, and he didn't even liked her. He was again the same that he was to her when they first met.
She felt tears easing down her cheeks, what can she say or tell herself now? Didn't she wanted someone who would love her, despite of every flaw that was in her, but when Subbu left her things became a nightmare, her life bacame a living Halloween, but then came Raman, with whom, with time she fell in love, and so much that she had never even been, of a lot more intensity than what was for Subbu.
May be love was not for her, may be her flaws were much bigger than her love.
She opened his Almirah, to get one of his shirt, when something dropped down in the dark room, she switched on the lights, only to find a writing pad on ground, she shook her head and picked it up.
She opened the first page, and caressed his writing, and smiled seeing it, "Such a bad handwriting he has, why he took up business when he has doctor's writing." and then turned the page and then the next page and then stopped as she came across a page that read, "How to become best husband?"
As she read all the bullets points written she was shocked, happy and teary at the same time. All she could remember was his trying to follow these points and her rebuking him, showing him down and making fun of him and laughing at him telling stories of his strange behavior to everyone. Not respecting his trying, not once trying to understand him.
What she has done!!
But the question that was coming to her was, "Why was he trying to be a good husband? When he was already the best husband, when he had long ago surpassed her jiju in that!"
It was then she heard the main door clasp, and she hurriedly put the pad back and went out, down to the living room where he was sitting, his one hand on his eyes while his legs on the cushioned stool.
It were almost a week since they had talked, and two days since they had completely given up on any kind of conversation. However she had seen how disturbed and stressed he looked all the time, his eyes felt vacant while his lips seldom curved, and even it they, then it were of sarcasm.
"Main Khana laga doon?" she said looking directly at his form.
He immediately removed his hand from his eyes and looked at her surprised at her normal behavior. This was definately not what he was expecting. He wanted to deny but he was famished, the day was very busy and he didn't got anytime to grab a bite. He nodded and walked over to washroom.
By the time he returned, the table was already laid, he silently sat on one of the chairs and ate quitely, though he could feel her gaze on himself but he didn't once looked in her direction. He just wanted to get over with everything, and recently when he came to think about it, he knew that best thing was to keep his mouth shut, as it would, if not solve anything, would definately not let it worsen than it already was.
Who says waking for your husband till late in night and serving him food was troublesome, when it was giving her immense happiness in doing this duty. More than duty, it was by her will that she was doing it. Looking at him eat, was making her content, how much better it was to sit their on dining table and admire him than to sulk alone in room.
'She must talk to him now', she thought.
When he finished and was about to get up, she held his hand and said, "I'll wait for you to share, what is troubling you..."
He stilled and looked at her surprised and the look away and loose free his hand and said, "What are you even talking about? And even if I would have any problem, I will solve it myself, like till now I have been doing... I don't need any help from anyone." and with that he walked off.
While she looked at his retreating back and sighed, thinking, 'Why he has to act so tough?'
After clearing the table and kitchen she walked up to see him lying down on bed with Ruhi, who was fast asleep, she went to the dressing table and combing her long beautiful tresses she looked in the mirror only to see his reflection, he was still awake, and seemed lost, bit too lost to even notice her presence.
She got up, and quitely went to her couch and sat down and said, "You know Raman, you don't need to prove about being best husband because you already are. You really are best person in every relation, be it husband, a friend or a confidant, the only thing is, you never discuss your problems, it may be that those problems that you are thinking to be too big, in actual wouldn't be that big. You just have to learn to share your fears. Sometimes things are much different than what they look like. Look at me, I was so wrong about you in beginning, but you are not like you seemed to be." that said, she turned away and laid down, slipping into deep sleep, while her face adorned a sweet smile.
While he lay awake, deep in thought. He looked at her and decided, 'They really needed to talk', and then turned and cuddled in Ruhi's small form with a sweet smile on his lips and unusual peace in his mind.
***
Okay that it.
I hope you liked...
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[NOTE: This was strictly an OS and please don't ask me to extend it any further.]
Anupamaa
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