Chupana Bhi Nahi Aata, Jatana Bhi Nahi Aata
"For some people, "the point of no return" begins at the very moment their souls become aware of each others' existence."
C. JoyBell C.
"They do not kiss
but they both want to
instead their feet touch and so do their arms
it is electric magic."
Brigid Lowry, Guitar Highway Rose
She enters her home to the sound of muttering.
Nearing the threshold of her room, she ducks to see her husband standing near the bed as he unbuttons his purple vest.
He is livid and muttering to himself.
"Stupid Mihir, idiot can't keep a thing to himself. Moron he is worse than women are in keeping stuff to themselves. Who needs enemies if you have friends like these?"
With the last button undone, he takes off the vest, throws it on the bed, and later slumps down on it, his grumpy mood still unaffected.
"What was the use of informing everyone I kept a fast? So I kept a fast, it is not a big deal. Ishita cannot stay hungry so I did, okay so staying hungry and thirsty the whole day is not easy but she did it for me too on her Varahlakshmi vrat now didn't she?"
His stomach rumbles loudly and he looks at it and rubs a hand over it,
"Yeah, yeah I know...this is the longest you have gone without me feeding you...but...crap why they had to arrange the dinner at the terrace. No way am I going there with all those idiots around. So you stay put..."
She cannot decide whether she wants to kiss him, hug him, pull his cheeks or do all of these things when he is being this adorable.
Wait a minute; did she just say she wanted to kiss him?
Whoa, whoa Ishita she thinks to herself get a grip, she reprimands herself.
It is when his stomach rumbles loudly again and he folds his arms over it and starts moving back and forth she finally enters the room.
As soon as he sees her, he stops with his movements, sits straight, and looks away, anywhere but at her.
Shaking her head at his antics with a smile on her face, she comes and sits on the bed besides him on the bed.
When he does not say a word or do anything, she finally clears her throat to get his attention.
"What is it?" He asks her still annoyed.
"I have brought dinner for you."
He finally looks at her and the plate currently placed on her lap that is filled to the hilt. For a moment, he is so tempted to take the plate and just start digging in when he remembers she was smiling along with everyone else when they were teasing him. So of course, he does what he knows best, he stays angry.
"No need to do all of this for me, I am not hungry."
"How can that be Raman when you haven't eaten a thing since morning?"
"I said I am not hungry, I am not like you that a day' fasting would cause me to faint or anything, I am a strong Punjabi man okay. So don't you dare underestimate me?"
With a smile that she cannot contain she replies,
"Yes my strong Punjabi husband I know that but you don't have to prove your strength by going anymore hungry than you already have."
"What is your problem? Why can't you stop bugging me? Didn't I already say I don't wanna eat, so just take this plate away and join the others like you did when..."
He almost blurts out what has him the most annoyed since his secret got out, that his wife too joined the others when they teased him and smiled. She never bothered to speak a word about him, rather she enjoyed it and it was amusing to her.
"Like I did when?"
"Nothing..."
"Raman...says it."
"I don't have anything to say. Leave me; I will eat when I want to."
"Raman unless you say it I won't leave."
"What is your problem huh?"
He finally is so annoyed with her he almost jumps up from the bed in annoyance in a move to get away from her.
"You..."
"If I am such a problem to you, you can leave like I already asked you to about a hundred times...but seeing as you are being so stubborn I will leave."
She keeps the plate aside and catches hold of his wrist as he makes a move to exit the room.
"You didn't let me finish Raman."
With a scowl on his face, he looks at her and later turns his gaze towards the hold she has on his wrist.
"I am not interested in hearing anything."
"See that is your biggest problem. You don't say the things that need to be said or hear things that need to be heard."
He lets her words sink in and with raised eyebrows finally asks her,
"Oh really, is that so?"
"It is. Like I said you didn't let me finish, my biggest problem is your mood swings."
"My mood swings are a problem to you?"
"Yes..."
As she says the word, her eyes widen for a moment with disbelief as she lets out a peel of laughter after that.
"What is so funny may I ask?"
"Us..." She says between fits of giggles.
"And exactly what about us is so funny may I know too?"
"This..."
"Huh?"
She keeps a hand over her chest to control her laughter as she finally speaks up,
"Isn't this what men usually do?"
"What do men do?"
"Complain about the mood swings of their wives and here I am doing that."
That is the last straw, he finally releases his hand from her hold and she immediately is off the bed chasing him as he tries to leave the room.
"Raman, Raman, Raman...sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you or anything."
"Of course you never mean things; everything is a joke to you."
"I said I am sorry Raman."
"You don't have to say things you don't mean."
"What do you mean by that? Of course, I am sorry; of course, I mean it when I say it to you. Why do you have to be like this all the time?"
"Fine if you say I am like this always why do you even bother to say sorry? As it is you obviously don't even realize what you have to be sorry about."
"If you won't tell me what is bothering you how am I supposed to know?"
"If you can't even understand what is bothering me you shouldn't be even saying sorry in the first place."
"How am I supposed to know if you won't speak up."
"If you don't pay attention to things it isn't my problem. I am not liable to explain everything to you here nor should I be."
"Why can't you just spell it out?"
"Why should I when it clearly doesn't even matter to you? When I don't matter to you nor do my feelings."
"How can you even say that to me Raman?"
"Why can't I?"
"Because you know it obviously isn't true."
"Do I, really?"
"Of course you do, if I didn't care for you or your feelings I wouldn't have came driving like crazy the other day when Mihir lied to me."
He calms down after that recalling the incident of the prank. How he had hurt her unintentionally by not thinking through the consequences of this juvenile joke, Mihir as usual was being an idiot but at least he should have thought through and understood how Ishita would be terrified hearing the news, hadn't he experienced something similar when she landed in the hospital recently? Watching her still form as she was in the ICU with the doctor's warning that it could be a relapse of TB was one of the most horrifying moments of his life.
He had not realized until that moment when he stood outside the door watching her from that glass pane how important she has became to him. He had reigned himself in for one and all until he could that day but the moment he saw Mihir taking Mihika in his arms professing how much he loved her had been the last straw for him.
Watching them together as they held onto each other in a moment of crisis, where they found those stolen moments of joy, happiness and love had been too much for him.
He had married this woman without any expectations or hope. To him marriage was a sham; a namesake relationship solemnized for the sake of society just so a man and woman could live together and procreate legally that could always end on paper.
She was the one who forced him to change his mind.
Her selflessness, her care, concern and the endless ability to give wore him down.
Heaven knows he gave it his all, tried his best to keep her out but she succeeded where everyone else failed - she managed to take down the wall he built around himself brick by brick from the moment she stepped in his life, in his home.
He finally gave up and yielded when he could fight it no more; fight himself no more. How could he not do so when she defended and justified him in front of Ruhi when he embarrassed her by making her apologize to Adi for no fault of hers?
He couldn't help but recall that night as he had looked upon the mother daughter duo how Shagun always pulled him down in front of Adi, couldn't help but recall how she made Ashok a hero in his son' eyes because he could afford expensive things which he couldn't back then.
With her he understood what he had before with Shagun was merely an alliance...he was finally married, had a wife when he exchanged those sacred vows with Ishita. Even when he fought with her, he knew should he need her she would never let him down.
He cannot lose this woman, not now, not ever and so he did what he had never even done for Shagun in all the years they were together - for Ishita he fasted on Karwachauth.
He realizes he has been pondering silently lost in his thoughts when she shakes him by the shoulder.
"Raman, Raman where are you lost?"
"Huh...nothing...I was just thinking something."
"What?"
"N...n...nothing important, work related that is all."
"Raman, you are impossible cant you keep your work aside for a while?"
When she made a move to turn, away he held her arm and turned her around gently to see her miffed,
"Are you still angry with me for that? I am sorry Ishita; I didn't realize you would get so scared."
"I can't say I could ever forgive a joke like that Raman but we have more pressing issues to deal with right now than jokes made in poor light."
"I know and I admit I should have smacked Mihir when he even suggested that dumb idea. It just never occurred to me, all I thought was you weren't talking to me, I had upset you so much."
"Why didn't it occur to you Raman?"
"Like I said you were upset Ishita, you refused to talk with me."
"So?"
"So what hmm...?"
"Why did that hamper your thinking - my silent treatment, why did it affect you so?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean...you are usually so focused and all, then what got into you?"
"I...I was feeling guilty what else could have gotten to me?"
"I don't know this seems new, you don't exactly have a spotless record when it comes to misunderstanding me."
"What are you trying to say huh?"
"Oh don't take me otherwise; what I mean to say is...you said you stopped thinking basically right?"
"Yeah I did so?"
"As per you the only thing that causes someone to stop thinking is love...didn't you say it the other day?"
To say he is stumped at her boldness would be an understatement, but he cannot let her get the upper hand; no he just can't. Therefore, he relies on his trusted tools - taunt and sarcasm.
"Marriage to a stupid woman has the same effect on a man too."
She pouts prettily for a moment before beginning,
"So rude Raman, I was only trying to figure something out here."
"Don't bother with whatever it is; it would be too much work and exertion for that pea-sized brain of yours."
"Then in that case why don't I ask you Raavan Kumar something very important?"
"What do you want to ask now?" He asks frustrated.
"As per you, a girl realizes she is in love when she gets jealous...and when in love you stop thinking...so how do guys figure out they are in love? Do they get jealous of say their love interest' friend or something or does the guy stop thinking or both?"
"Who do you think I am? A useless idiot who sits all day and daydreams about things like these huh or Wikipedia that you can get all the information you need?"
"Neither, to me you are Google, the all-knowing one after all you do say you know best in every matter don't you, just like Google does."
She ends with a smirk that infuriates him even more.
"Your sense of humor sucks you know."
"I do, that is why I asked you to share a joke the other day so I could forward it to Mani."
God damn it! Here we go again, he thinks to himself.
"You know what I don't have time to waste on nonsense; I have better things to do."
He is about to leave again when she holds his arm,
"Where do you think you are going?"
"To change so that I could start working."
"You won't, not until you are done here."
"I already am."
"I meant having your dinner, which has gone cold now thanks to you."
"I don't wanna have it."
"But you haven't eaten all day Raman."
"I will eat later when I feel like it then."
"But you can't just eat like that."
"Oh pray tell me why not?"
"Because we haven't completed all the rituals of the fast as of yet and you can't eat until they are done."
"What are you even talking about? You already did the pooja and gave me a sip of water, so as far as I am concerned we are done."
"Tsktsk" she clucks her tongue and continues,
"Raman shouldn't you know better? Yes, I did the pooja, you got a sip of water but the fast is not complete until you eat the first bite that you have not. I have not fed you yet. And as far as I have understood the Karwachauth rituals the fast is considered complete only when the husband feeds his wife something and since you have fasted for me...I have to feed you."
Before he can refute or reply his stomach growls loudly again and he is embarrassed.
"I don't think you should ignore that Raman."
Cornered and betrayed by his own stomach he sulks and sits on the bed only to see her picking up the plate and leaving the room.
"What is this woman doing? She asks me to sit and leaves the room with the plate. I will definitely lose my marbles thanks to her."
"Stop with your mumbling Raman I am coming." She yells loudly.
He looks around and is surprised for a moment, when he sees she isn't around he utters,
"How did she do that?"
"I am in the kitchen will be in a minute, the food got cold like I told you and as for how I know you were whining, Kud-Kud Kumar I have been living with you long enough to know this by now."
Her reply brings an involuntary smile to his face as his heart warms up to the thought that they have come this far. From two complete strangers who could not stand each other even as they got married today she knows him so well. The thought brings with it the recollection of a night when Ruhi took care of him - fed him and slept beside him; she even read a bedtime story to him that night.
They never spoke about it but he knows it was her doing all along, he cannot be thankful enough to have this woman in his life.
He just wishes she could know his heart as well as she has come to know him by now. He knows he is the one who can do that - reveal what is in his heart to her, but he is so scared of losing her, the tentative thing they have achieved that he cannot bring himself to do it.
Her rejection would kill him and so he stays mum...though he does not know how to do this anymore. How long can he keep this up?
With each passing moment it becomes all the more difficult to do this - stay away from her, maintain this charade they have going on especially when all he wants to do is take her in his arms, kiss her and love her.
He knows what an effort it was to hold back today in the morning. Watching her getting dressed took his breath away and the worst part is she does not even know it or realize it - the effect she has on him.
Closing his eyes, he tilts his head back as he puts his palms behind him and lean back a bit on the bed. It is when he feels the cushion sinking he opens his eyes to notice her beside him. The plate of food in her hands as curls of smoke rising from the bowls.
He sits straight as she picks up a piece of barfi placed and feeds him,
"I know you don't like sweets much but mummyji said the fast should be broken with a sweet it's a good omen."
He takes a small bite of it and to his surprise sees; she eats the rest of it.
Something in his heart soars at the act; he cannot help but recall the number of times he has seen his parents doing this all his life. It had always appealed to the romantic in him when he saw them like that so much in love sharing a plate of food, feeding each other. He had wanted that always with Shagun but she had been too fussy and would cringe at the mere thought of sharing her food. It had baffled him, hurt him to say the least that his wife, the woman he shared a bed with, and went on to have two children with would find it disgusting to share a bite with him even if he offered her to go first.
He is lost in thoughts when he sees Ishita has extended a small piece of puri with a healthy amount of Chhole in it, quietly he opens his mouth and she feeds him.
It occurs to him she had been away with the women to do the preparations for the past two hours and so before he knows it he asks her,
"Have you had your dinner?"
The moment she hesitates, he has his reply, so he picks up the remnant of the puri she fed him, dips it in the chhole bowl, and offers it to her.
"This is your plate Raman. You eat first you have been hungry all day."
"Shut up and eat else I will just shove it in your mouth and don't worry there is enough for the two of us on this plate."
Without any more arguments, she does as asked and he feeds her.
Too embarrassed to feed each other anymore without letting on just how much they would like it they have the dinner by themselves sharing the plate in silence.
Once dinner is done she gets up to dispose the plate in the kitchen as he too leaves the room to wash his hands. he sees she is having a glass of water when he sneaks up behind her and notices the house is still empty so quietly speaks up,
"You know there is another tradition that goes with Karwachauth."
She is surprised for a moment to have him behind her so close for a moment that she almost loses her balance and he is immediate to have his arm around her so she does not fall. With a hand on his shoulder she regains her balance and shyly moves away as he too withdraws his hand,
"Sorry I didn't mean to startle you."
"It's okay; you were saying something about another tradition. What is it I don't know, or maybe I forgot what mummyji said."
With a half-smile, he begins.
"Well usually on Karwachauth husbands give gifts to their wives especially if it is the first one."
"So you are saying you have a gift for me?" She asks with a wide smile.
"No silly woman, since things are going the other way around for us I am asking you for my gift."
She is stunned for a moment and then her face falls,
"But I don't have anything Raman and its too late now to even get you something; I'll get you something tomorrow I promise. If I knew you were fasting earlier I would have bought you something, see that is why I said you should have told me."
He steps forward and invades her space as she finishes making her eyes widen and her backtrack and collide with the fridge. Leaning into her he whispers,
"You don't need to go anywhere to give me my gift Ishita, what I want you can give it to me right now, right here."
"What?" She whispers the word in the smallest of noise, her heart thumping at his proximity and her pulses racing with the way he stares at her, especially when his eyes pause for a split-second on her lips.
"I want you to..."
"You want..."
"I want my bracelet Ishita. The one you were gonna gift me the other day."
He finishes with a dimpled smirk and once he sees it has sunk in what he said to her she heaves a sigh of relief and pushes him back.
"I thought you didn't want it."
He notices how she does not meet his eyes as she says that and realizes how hurt she still is by his behavior that night. Gently he places a finger under her chin and makes her look him in the eye.
"I am sorry about that night Ishita; I promise nothing like that will ever happen again."
"Then promise me something else too."
"Anything you want."
"Promise me you won't ever scare me like that again, you don't joke about such things ever Raman."
"I already had decided that but if you want to hear it then ok I promise never ever to do something like that again."
Her face softens and her eyes convey to him how that statement of his relieves her. With a smile, she tucks a lock of hair behind her ear, moves away from the kitchen, and makes way to their bedroom.
He enters the room just as she is shutting the door to the cupboard and she hands over the box to him.
"Thank you."
"Aren't I the one who is getting the gift here? So technically it should be me to thank you."
"I meant for accepting the gift."
"Help me wear this."
He sees how happy she gets when a smile lights up her eyes as she takes the bracelet out of the box and places it on the bed. He extends his hand and she places the bracelet on it, for her convenience, he turns his wrist and she clasps it.
"Thank you, it's lovely."
"I am glad you liked it."
The moment is broken when they hear Ruhi calling out for her and she has to leave the room.
"I will see what Ruhi needs."
"Okay."
She is at the threshold when she looks back and watches he is admiring his new bracelet when she speaks up,
"Raman."
He looks at her and mutters
"Hmm..."
"Thank you."
"Didn't I say I am getting the gift here?"
"Not for this, I meant thanks for fasting for me."
He is taken aback for a moment before he solemnly says,
"Did I thank you when you fasted for me on Varahlakshmi Ishita?"
"No."
"Then you don't have to thank me either...let's just consider it we are even."
"Is that why you fasted tonight - to even the scores?"
"Is that why you fasted for me at all in the first place - to keep scores?"
Unable to answer him she mouths the only thing she can,
"Ruhi is calling me, I better go."
She misses the smirk on his face as he watches her leave and is thus unaware that he caught her blushing as he asked her the last question.
"One day you will have to answer me Ishita...and on that day I will answer all your questions as well."
Book Talk
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
Debate Mansion
15