PAINFUL SILENCE
A tear rolled down her eye as she gazed at him sleeping on the couch in the living room, it stung her heart like a dagger. No one in the house was talking to her, it was like she didn't exist. Her daughter was the only exception given the fact that the little soul had no clue of the mistake her Ishima had commited. She wasn't wrong in helping Shagun but she was wrong in hurting her family. No one had spoken a word to her after Raman and Ashok's face off regarding Shagun. He had simply pried her hands off him and walked out once again. Her family too had simply walked back to their rooms and left her alone to deal with the mess she had created. It was not just her in-laws who were pissed off at her, her own parents refused to speak to her. It finally dawned upon her of how much she had hurt the people around her to help the one person they all dislike the most. Tears pricked the corner of her eyes as she saw him tossing on the couch for yet another night. He had refused to enter the room with his ex sleeping in there but it broke her heart to see him out of his room once again. What had she done.? Her own thoughts sounded absurd to her, it wasn't his room; it was their room. She was living in a silence since morning, no one in the house bothered to talk, not that she didn't deserve it. Above all, it was his pain, his anger and his silence that was killing her inside out. She was missing his taunts, his tacky one liners on everything she does, his unending complaints about the breakfast she serves him. She was missing him the most. He had walked out of the house without even having breakfast, ignored all her calls all day and was now on the couch without a single word towards her. Why couldn't he just say something to her.? Be it his crude words, they were better than the silence she was living in.
His head was just about to fall off the edge of the couch when her hand came right below it. There wasn't a single trace of peace on his face... She felt misrable. She was the sole reason for his anger and turmoil.
- I'm sorry Raman.
She said with anger rising within her, for herself. Yes she had been foolish to hurt him and help the woman who did nothing but always hurt her husband. She should have asked him before deciding on her own to bring Shagun to their house, worse their bedroom. What had she been thinking.? How would he have felt seeing the same woman once again in his bedroom, the same woman who had once walked out on him from the same place for another man leaving him to deal with a ocean of pain. She had done nothing different this time either, she had hurt him too. The tears she had been trying to hold back finally made their way down her cheeks.
He walked out of the room to find her plaiting Ruhi's hair and getting her ready for school. As if sensing his presence, she looked up to see him and lowered her gaze immediately. Though it was just for a few seconds she had met his gaze, but he could never have missed the guilt written in her eyes. They were red, it didn't take long for him to know that she had been crying. Though he didn't like it, but he couldn't stop himself from admitting too that she was wrong. It was now that he had started moving on from his past and yet she had brought that woman back to his house, his bedroom. These were the same places she had walked out of, for better luxuries in life. His blood boiled when he saw the same woman lying on his bed, the bed that now belonged to her. His wife. Though they had never shared it, but that didnt change the fact that it was her right to be on that bed now. How foolish could she be to bring that woman to their bedroom.? Even after 6 years he never forget the pain his parents went through on loosing their grandson to the dirty games that woman played. He had yearned for his son's love for so many years because that woman took him away from his house and life. His son hates him because of that woman and Ishita had brought back the same woman to the house once again.
He quietly picked up a glass of juice and gulped it down. He didn't miss the way she was being ignored by everyone in the family. His mother refused to even look at her when she asked something, his sister was worse, she didnt leave a single chance to taunt her. His dad was not ignoring her, but he was disappointed with her. He looked back at her face to see the sadness written over it. He could read the guilt too but it was not enough to subside the anger he felt. It wasn't his intention to hurt her but he wanted her to know that he was no less hurt by her insensitivity.
She could do nothing but look at his back as he walked out of the house without a word to anyone.
It had been 4 days since she was taking in his silent treatment without any complaint but it was getting unbearable for her now. She had tried everything she could to make him talk to her, scold her atleast but she got nothing but silence from him. Starting from his favorite food to a sorry card delivered to his office every one hour she had tried everything to apologize to him but he didn't accept any. Her patience was running out and the pain was filling her heart, yes she had been wrong in hurting him but she was suffering no less in the past 4 days she had spent in complete silence. Life without him was difficult to imagine but she was living it. He was there at the very same place she was, but he was far away from her. The thought itself evoked a sob inside her and this time she couldn't hold it back, it eventually escaped her lips. She pulled the duvet closer to herself as the cold wind sent a shiver down her body.
He tossed around in his sleep restlessly. He didn't know what it was that woke him up but the moment he opened his eyes, he could feel the restlessness creeping up his heart. Something told him that she was in pain. Maybe it was the same restlessness that woke him up. He closed his eyes thinking about all the efforts she had made to apologize to him, the pain he saw in her eyes every time she tried to talk to him and would silently go away taking in his silence. He had nothing to say to her except for the fact that he was hurt by her callous ignorance towards the fact that she was his wife, he wanted her to behave as one. Was he too harsh on her.? No one was talking to her, not even her parents. Frustrated at the direction of his thoughts, he sat up on the couch running his hands through his hair. He wouldn't be able to sleep unless he knew she was okay, something in his heart told him that she was not. He silently got off the couch and walked towards the bedroom. Much to his shock, it was empty. He walked towards Ruhi's room with a hope of finding her there but all he saw was Ruhi sleeping in the room. There was no sign of Ishita. Panic ran through him as he thought of all the possible places she could be. His intuition had been right, she was indeed not okay. There was no reason for her to be out of the house at this time unless it was an emergency. He walked towards the balcony to check if her car was missing and as he opened the door, the sight in front of him stunned him.
He felt the blood drain out of his face as he saw her sleeping on the ground on the balcony curled up into a ball with the quilt covering her mouth. It was evident she was trying to stifle her sob, but she hadn't succeeded. The sight was a painful one to witness, it irked him to no ends. What the hell was she doing in the balcony.? Was she sleeping in the balcony.? The thought hit him hard. It was her sob that brought him out of his thoughts..
- Ishita...
He called out to her which was more of a whisper. She froze at the sound of his voice. She immediately controlled her sobs and silently wiped her tears away with the corner of the quilt. She had been caught red handed.. Just as she was about to close her eyes pretending to be asleep, she felt a hand pulling on her shoulder. It was too late to pretend now, he had already turned her and was looking straight down at her.
- Get up right now.
She heard him and by his voice, she could be sure that he was seething in anger. This was exactly the confrontation she had been trying to avoid but now that he had caught her red handed, there was no way she could escape his wrath. Without a word she silently stood up and looked at him. The fury was shining in his eyes.
- What's all this.?
He said in a straight voice but his tone was deadly. It sent a shiver down her spine.
- I...actually..wasn't feeling sleepy ..so I thought I will come here..
She fumbled with her words infuriating him more as she spoke. He always knew she was terrible at lying, the one thing she could never learn and yet she never stopped trying.
- And sleep here.?
He said completing her sentence for her. She lowered her gaze at his words confirming his thoughts. She was lying. Without a word, he grabbed her by her arm and pulled her along. She was momentarily stunned by his pull but she knew that she had brought it upon herself.
She felt his fingers digging into her skin as he dragged her into the bedroom and pushed her in. Her eyes widened as she saw him bolt the door and turn towards her. He was seething in anger and it scared her. In an instant, his fingers were digging into her skin and his face was just a few inches from her.
- Ahhh..Raman...
She whimpered when her back hit the wall behind her as he pinned her to it.
- I want the truth now..What were you trying to prove by sleeping in the balcony.? Were you trying to prove of how sorry you are.? Oh wait, may be you were trying to prove of how heartless I am for forcing you to be so sorry that you end up sleeping in the balcony.. So what's next.? Are you going to sleep at the foot of my house.?
He clenched through his teeth making her look up at him with tears pooling in her eyes once again. What was she supposed to say to his words, would he believe her if she told him that she wasn't able to sleep in the room without him.? The silence in the room and his absence were not letting her sleep. She was missing him. He was already mad at her, her actions had only made things worse.
- I... I was..
She fumbled with her words when his fingers dug more into her skin. It hurt but she tried not to show it worried of what it may seem to him.
- I am listening.. Tell me. Why did you bother sleeping in the balcony after managing to throw me out of the room.? You had it all for yourself, then why all this drama.?
He bit out the crude words once again breaking her control bit by bit. She closed her eyes and let the tears fall..
- I couldn't sleep in here without you. I was missing..you..
He heard her whisper with her eyes closed and tears rolling down her eyes. Her words were a wave of ice on his burning anger. As a reflex his grip on her loosened. How could he even say the things he did.? He had seen her suffering in the past 4 days. Did she say she was missing him.? The words were music to his ears.
- You were sleeping outside, even I wanted to..So I..
He heard her continue but she couldn't complete her words as a sob followed. He could feel the tears forming in his eyes as he looked at her innocent yet tormented face. She had been sleeping in the balcony because she was missing him and wanted to be close to him.. The realization that the thought brought on was painful..
- You were sleeping in the balcony all these days.?
He said shocked. She looked up to find him staring at her with a shocked expression. Her lowered gaze was the confirmation for his question. Her answer left him speechless. This woman never ceased to amaze him, just when she can be foolishly insensitive she can be foolishly emotional and sensitive. She had gone to the extent of sleeping in the balcony because he wasn't sleeping in the room. He didn't even know if he was supposed to scold her or feel bad for her.
- Ishita, are you mad.? What were you thinking before doing all this.?
She heard him whisper in a soft tone. The calmness in his voice surprised her. She looked at him to find him looking at her with a soft expression. He didn't say anything else, only waited for her to answer him.
- I don't know. All I knew was that I didn't want to be here without you..
Her words stunned him again. At one point she does things stupid enough to hurt him and then she does things which made him respect her more. She was foolish enough to bring Shagun to their bedroom without thinking and yet again she was foolish enough to sleep in the balcony because his absence was taking a toll over her. Her innocence did its work and all his anger seemed to have gone out of the window. Now he felt guilty for being so ignorant towards her.
- Why.?
Was all he asked. That was her cue, she knew she had to let her pain out. Apologize to him for hurting him.
- Because you were angry with me and I hurt you. You were sleeping outside because of me..I just couldn't take it. I am sorry Raman, I am really sorry for behaving so foolishly. I should have asked you before bringing her here or better informed you about the situation. But I swear, I wasn't thinking, but it was never my intention to hurt anyone of you. I know I was wrong and I can't tell you how sorry I am. Please, scold me, punish me, scream at me, do anything you want but talk to me. I can't take the silence anymore.
She confessed with tears rolling down her eyes. He hated the way she was crying but he wanted to hear something else from her. Something he knew was at the tip of her tongue.
- Does my silence bother you that much.?
He asked her calmly once again.
- Ofcourse it does. Why will it not.? Do you think I will be happy if you stop talking to me.? Raman, you don't know how much I was missing your tacky one liners, your taunts..your nonsense ramblings.. I was missing the way you always use to irritate me for every small thing. No one was talking to me but it was your silence that was killing me. Raman, I'm really sorry..
He heard her say which brought a smile on his face. Yes he had been angry with her but her efforts and her innocent confession had melted his heart.
- Shhh..
He silenced her placing a finger on her lips as she continued to blabber. He wasn't even listening to her, her confession still had him reeling in happiness.
- Now will you keep blabbering or let me talk.?
He said taking her by surprise. His smile widened as she smiled through her tears. It was her first genuine smile in the past one week. It once again melted his heart. She was looking at him with expectant eyes.. Her eyes were shining with a new kind of happiness.
- Ishita, don't ever do that again. Yes you did hurt me by bringing that woman back to our house, our bedroom. The thing that hurt me the most is, you brought her between us, I have already lost everything once..I don't want to again..I
He said when her hand sealed his words in mouth as she placed her palm over his. He looked at her to find her shaking her head asking him to stop.
- Raman, how could you even think all that.? How could you say I brought her between us.? She can never come between us because I won't allow her to. Raman, she may have been the cause of your pain in the past but I won't let her be the reason for your pain now. It was foolish of me to bring her here and I have already told you how sorry I am but don't for one minute think that I will let her come between us. I promise, I won't let it happen. You are my husband, Ruhi is my daughter and this is our house and I won't give it up for anyone not let anyone take it away from me.
She spoke with utmost sincerity. Her words swelled his heart with happiness. It was exactly the words he wanted to hear. It made him happy to realize how much he mattered to her; just as much as she mattered to him.
- Say it again..
He said with a serene smile on his face. She looked at him in confusion raising her eyebrows at him.
- The thing which you just said..
She smiled realizing what he wanted to hear.
- You are my husband.. Ruhi is our daughter and this is our home.
She repeated gladly. He smiled and a tear rolled down his eye. She felt bad seeing him in tears. Her hand automatically reached upto his face to wipe it away.
- I am sorry again..
She said holding her ears making him smile at her.
- It's okay..
He said taking her hands in his and squeezing them. He wanted to take her in his arms to comfort her but stopped himself not knowing if he should or shouldn't. She felt relieved on having him back again; his 2 words had soothed the pain of hurting him. All her yearning of the miserable days pooled up in her heart and unable to stop herself, she snaked her arms around his waist and hugged him tight. A wave of happiness ran through his heart as he felt her soft body press against his. The intensity with which she hugged him was the evidence of her suffering. Her tears wet his shirt and he willingly wrapped his arms around her.
- Enough Ishita, you have cried enough in these 4 days. Only if you collected them one could use it for an entire day saving water.
He said laughing and he felt her lips curve into a smile too. She laughed and pulled out of the hug wiping her tears.
- By the way, tell me one thing. How did you manage sleeping in the balcony without me or anyone knowing about it.? Now you have started behaving like Mr.India too.?
He asked raising an eyebrow.
- I waited for you to sleep and came back before you woke up. I knew you would be angry if you came to know of it, but I didn't want to be here without you..
She admitted looking down and he could be sure she was blushing.
- I know you were missing me.
He said and saw the blush on her face. Pagal madrasan he said mentally shaking his head at his foolish yet innocent madrasan.
- But you definitely proved that you were absent when god was giving out brains. Who sleeps in the balcony.? What if it would have gone down by your weight plus the weight of your tears.? I am sure you would have flooded it with your tears over these days..
- Aiiyyoo.. Isn't that too much.? I admit that I am fat but isn't that too much.? I am not fat enough to bring down your balcony..
She said with a pout which turned into a smile as she saw the smirk on his face.
- Finally I have my Raavan Kumar back.
She said shaking her head. Her words once again were a wave of happiness over his heart.
- You are perfect the way you are, inside and out.
She blushed at his words again.
- Oho, someone just cannot stop blushing. Ishita, no matter how much I love that blush but I think its time we should sleep. I really want to have a peaceful sleep.
He said to which she nodded and started walking towards the door.
- Where are you going.?
- To get the blanket from the balcony.
She said and earned a glare from him.
- Not needed.
He said and pulled her along towards the bed. She looked at him surprised as he made her lie on the bed and covered her with the quilt.
- You are not sleeping on that godforsaken couch from today. You will sleep here, on this bed; our bed in our bedroom.
He said stressing on the word "our". He could see the tears forming in her eyes so he chose the best to distract her would be to be her Raavan Kumar.
- Just for the sake of it. Tell me one thing, how ever did you even manage to sleep on the touch all these days.? Its so uncomfortable and small. I almost fell off it being so thin so I am sure that you must have fallen off it so many times. Is that why you are like this.? All crazy and abnormal..
He said making her laugh.
- There, that looks better. Good night.
He said with a wink and walked to his side of his bed tucking himself in. She couldn't have been happier. The more she understood him, the more her respect for him grew. It knew no bounds now. She was glad to have him in her life, her life was nothing without him.
- Thank you, Raman. For always being there for me..
- I will be there, always.
He said holding her hand which lay on the bed. She entwined their fingers without any hesitation. He loved that gesture.
- So will I, always.
She said and closed her eyes. He felt relieved seeing the smile back on her face. It gave him peace. For her it was the feel of having him by her side.
Edited by -IshRaDivAn- - 10 years ago
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