Some things will always remain unsaid. Unspoken. Life goes on and one day you realise that you should have said those words to a certain someone. Maybe then, life would have been different. Maybe then, things wouldn't have turned out the way they did.
Or maybe, you should just have kept quiet. Because sometimes leaving things unsaid is the best. Because sometimes words come in between relationships. Words have the power to break everything apart. Strange how just mere letters woven into a bunch of words can matter so much. And yet, they do.
Today was a day of memories. The windowpane creaked in the gentle wind that drifted into the dark room. Through the gap in the curtains, he could see a sliver of the moon, sparkling against the dark night sky. It seemed hauntingly beautiful and just for today, he wanted to sit in the dark room on his bed and admire its brilliance and its beauty. Today, he had a reason to smile. Maybe not the heart-warming smile he had once had, but just a faint one. Just for her. For Ishita, who had once been his best friend.
He remembered the day she had left, twelve years ago, her eyes red and puffy from crying. He remembered her bleak smile, when she had dumped her suitcases into the taxi and had bid him goodbye.
Scraps of memories crossed through his mind, reminding him of the day they had been chatting casually at the door of her flat, when she had proudly announced her sudden urge to study dentistry in London.
"Why London?" He asked.
"Because the universities there, are the best!" She smiled and tossed back her long black hair.
"Toh, tum wahi rahogi?"
"Haan. Kuch saalon ki hi toh baat hai. Once my course is over, I'll come back na. Aur main bhi thodi na Amma, Appa aur Akka ke bina zyada din reh sakti hoon. Beech beech mein aati rahoongi."
"Waise na hi aao toh better hai."
"Kyun?"
"Mujhe yahan chutkara mil jaayega. Tumhare lectures se." He grinned as she punched him on his shoulders.
"Let's see who misses who!" She made a face and slammed the door of her flat on his face.
He had been the first one to email her as soon as her flight had taken off. Of course, he hadn't seen her flight take off. But he had called her father to confirm.
He still remembered the first email that had left his outbox, shortly after her flight had departed.
From: ramanK.bhalla
To: lifeIsBeautiful
Subject: Silence!
Hey Madrasan!
I know I said I was going to love these years with you gone and no one to lecture me on what I do and don't with my life. But I was completely...right!
It feels amazing! Bliss! I am sitting on my computer right now, emailing you who is flying in the air at the moment (that's what you wanted to, right?), and it feels absolutely awesome. I didn't realise how much of silence I can enjoy when you aren't around. I didn't even know that silence existed. Thanks to your sudden decision of going to London, I have the benefit of getting acquainted with it. Do you even realise how much you speak, Ishita?
I mean, itne words laati kahan se ho?
Sometime you should try the silence for a while. I don't think you know what it is. Enjoy the flight! I hope you don't bore your fellow passengers to death, just by speaking.
I feel rather sorry for your room-mates. Unfortunate people.
But fortunate me!
P.S - Maybe you should just stay up in the air. That way I'll never have to see you!
He had been lying when he had written that. He had loved teasing her. He didn't tell her that he was actually missing her.
He had paced around his computer for hours on end, waiting for her email to pop up on his inbox. And it had, but a good fourteen hours later.
From: lifeIsBeautiful
To: ramanK.bhalla
Subject: Re: Silence!
I won't even bother to say hi. Thanks for asking whether I have reached or not! Or whether I have settled in or not. You have always been about complaints, Mr. Raavan Kumar Bhalla. So go enjoy your so-called silence while I enjoy London. The weather is fantastic. I can see the River Thames, sparkling in the summer sun from my window. I have just about dumped my suitcases into my tiny room and typing this email to you. In a few minutes, I am going out London-exploring with my roomie, who happens to be from Delhi!
Ha! I can already see you turning green with jealousy. You can go enjoy with that woman you enjoy going out so much with. What's her name again? Shotgun? Blah. I can tell she will mess up your life in a few days. Mark my words!
P.S - Your email shows how much you miss me even though you'll never admit it. Too bad. This is just the beginning.
She had been right. For days, months and years, he had missed her smiles, her sudden laughs, her Tamil curses and her non-stop chatter. He had missed having someone to tell him off when he did something wrong and someone to pat him on the back when he did something to be proud of. Most of all, he had just missed her physical presence by his side. Just a hand on the shoulder, to let him know she was there and always will be.
Twelve years had passed. Her course had long finished, and she was now practicing dentistry in the city of London. And so much had changed in his life. That single, carefree Raman Kumar Bhalla was gone. In its place was a broken man... a man with responsibilities. A father. Divorced.
He wondered how his life would have turned out, had she not left Delhi. Maybe, he wouldn't have missed her so much and gone out with Shagun then. Maybe, he wouldn't have fallen for Shagun and married her in haste. Maybe, life would have turned out to be different had he said those words he had meant to say to her, all those years ago. But now, it was too late. Words had been left unsaid. He knew, there wouldn't be anyone like her anymore. Because no one could replace the space she had carved out for herself in his heart.
In just over a few hours he would see her again. Would she have changed? His heart told her she wouldn't have. She would probably be the same bubbly, chirpy Ishita he had known. The last time he had seen her was six years ago, just before Ruhi had been born. Little did he know that when he said goodbye to her at the airport, it was the last time he was speaking to her. No, she hadn't spoken to him since then.
Not even when he had been going through his divorce.
Something had changed then. And she had never revealed what. Years of their friendship was just gone. And now, she was coming back.
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