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Hey all...
i am aditi.. i am writng something on ishra for the first time... some of you might know me... so here it goes...
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Raman was sitting in his bedroom with a glass of whisky in his hand.. lost in his own thoughts... a complete look of agony on his face...
seeing him.. with a lost look a depressing thought made way to ishita's mind.. She could understand that he was again facing demons of his past... his meet with Aditya is always accompanied with his remembrance of past where perhaps he was not a man he is today.. or maybe he was always like this.. she didn't know... But seeing him lost in past she couldn't help but go back to her past...She didn't want to but she cannot help.. her past too was as painful as his if not more... Her past also had broken trust.. broken heart .. broken marriage.. and shattered dreams..
The dreams that every girl sees.. the dreams of a beautiful happy family...
She did not know yet why Raman's marriage broke... why his own son hates him.. why shagun left him.. may be she was wrong or may be raman was wrong.. who knows.. but yet she couldn't deny the fact that he had loved shagun with all his heart.. he had loved his children with all his heart..
But his broken heart always show a mirage of her broken heart... his pain shows the same pain which i have in my eyes behind the curtain of calmness that i let people see.. The inability to trust someone .. oh how i wish things could have been different.. then maybe i would have found a companion in raman.. But as i see us.. we are nothing more than acquantances who carry a similar baggage of past... Behaving indifferently with family at some point or another gives a warning to our minds that our past is not over yet...
His encounters with shagun reminds me of my own encounters with Subbu.. Sometimes i wish Subbu would have taken a stand for me.. and sometimes think how could i have fallen in love with a guy like that... but as i remember my past i still find difficult to answer a question - have i forgotten my past... the answer keeps me on edge.. as i know the answer is no... yes i have forgotten my past but till the time i do not see the mirage of me consuming alcohol infront of me to try and forget the past...
i dont know if i believe in love now... like the person sitting infront of me.. i desperately need to move on like him.. but we both are caught in a web of time.. where one feet is the past and other in the future.. with no present in between... The surprising part being we dont know how to step further or how to go back..
And with that i looked in eyes of raman... with the realization dawning upon both of us that we are thinking about past.. not only ours but of each other's too.. both have an understanding of pain.. but still are blank on what to do... He forwards his hand towards me but i turn back... He says " i dont know why i am giving you my hand.. but i do know the pain.. maybe if we hold hands pain might lessen.." Seeing no other ways i gave my hand to him and we both stood by the window staring outside at nothing... but does it lessen the pain.. i wonder... The answer stares at my face that it still is a NO... but now atleast i know that someone is travelling in the same boat as i am... ..
We look towards each other not knowing what to say... but the first thing that comes out of our mouth without passing through our minds " i am not yet over my past" We look towards each other and finally smile... Finally we found a companion who has to travel the same path .. Maybe one day we'll get over our pasts.. but till then we are in this together...
Now we are not just ruhi's parents but companions of pain... Pain that is similar yet it is different..
"yahi toote dill saare"... but we hope hume bhi mil jaaye sawera...
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now thats just a short os... hope you all will like it.. and sorry for mistakes .. haven't proof readed
Anupamaa
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