BEZABAAN DIL Part 1 & 2- A short Story

Their first meeting had been unusual to say the least. Simran and her fianc Arun had been at the same restaurant as Sarfraz. Arun had been overbearing and self-centred throughout the meal. He had shown no interest in Simran's hopes and dreams about their upcoming marriage. As the evening wore on she had become increasingly frustrated and annoyed at her partner's ill-mannered behaviour. It was after they had paid their bill and were in the foyer on the way out that Arun had made some uncouth remark. At that point Simran's patience had snapped. Despite being partially aware that a small group of young men had joined them in the foyer, she had rounded on her fianc.

"Since you've been nothing but a pain all evening, I'll be making my own way home.

Arun spoke with a distinct Indian accent even though his English was word perfect.

"And how are you going to manage that? You don't have a car.

"I'll take the tube or get a taxi, she told him in a voice that was controlled but defiant.

"At this time of night? Don't be stupid!

Saying that Arun grabbed her by the wrist and pulled at her to follow him.

"I'm not leaving here with you, Arun. Now, let go of my wrist.

"You're my responsibility. So one way or another you're leaving with me, he insisted and yanked on her wrist trying to pull her towards the exit.

Simran attempted to shake off his grip but failed. He was much stronger than her.

"Let go! You're hurting me.

Before Arun could respond, a new voice intervened to say, "It's clear the lady doesn't want to go with you. So mister it might be a good idea to let go of her arm.

She had turned to look at the young man who had spoken. He stood out from his two friends on either side of him because of his long jet black hair combed back from a broad forehead. His companions all wore short trendy haircuts. This guy was tall, broad shouldered but his casual shirt hung loose on his thin frame. His denim skinny jeans only emphasised his thin appearance.

"This is none of your damn business! said Arun rounding on the interloper.

The stranger moved one step forward towards Arun while looked on anxiously by his friends. "It became my business when she said she doesn't want to go with you.

"She's my fiance, idiot. And she's coming with me.

On hearing this the stranger's friends became a little embarrassed. One of them took Sarfraz by the arm and tried to coax him away from the rapidly escalating situation. Simran still held firmly by the wrist by her fianc looked on with concern at the prospect that the scene could become decidedly uglier. She was considering apologising to the stranger for her fianc's behaviour when she was shocked by what happened next. Arun let go of her wrist and manhandled her out the restaurant door. Paralysed by disbelief and panic, she was in no position to resist being dragged away by Arun.

From behind, Simran distinctly heard the stranger shouting at Arun. "Leave her alone.

Struggling with Arun she glanced over her shoulder on hearing the voice. When she noticed the stranger following, her heart sank. She feared the fracas would end badly for the stranger.

Sarfraz's friends followed close behind but pulled on his shoulder urging restraint.

"Let it go, Yaar (friend). It's none of our business.

Sarfraz wasn't certain what drove him to intervene in the first instance. Now that he had ceased to be an idle bystander, he felt it necessary to follow through. When he saw Simran still struggling with her partner a few yards outside the restaurant, he shrugged off his friends and went after the couple.

"Let go of me you jungli (savage) you! Simran screamed at her companion. She was beyond feeling shame at their very public spat.

"Let her go! Sarfraz shouted at Arun from a few yards away.

On hearing the shout she turned to see the persistent stranger rapidly drawing near. She feared that the altercation was going to end badly for some or all of them. There was just too much testosterone in the air for it not to.

"And I told you she's my fiance! Now go f**k off!

"She's your fiance, not your property, you Neanderthal.

The stranger tried to prise off Arun's grip on Simran.

Without warning Arun swung with his free arm, his fist making a solid connection with the stranger's jaw. The unexpected blow sent the shocked young man sprawling to the ground. Simran looked on with horror.

"It's nothing to do with you, Arun spat at the man on the ground before he dragged his fiance towards his car.

Simran was bundled into her partner's new looking BMW. As they sped away, she saw the stranger's friends crowded over him trying to ascertain he was alright. She couldn't help thinking that she was to blame for the young man's injuries.

xxx

When he got to work at the dental surgery, Martha the receptionist gave Sarfraz a big grin and said "Morning young hero!

"What?

"I said morning, hero, she repeated emphasising the appellation and retaining the grin-like rictus.

"Martha what's up with you this morning? What's with this hero business?

Martha reached for a folded newspaper on her desk and handed it to him. "Here, read that.

While Sarfraz scanned the item circled in black felt pen, the middle aged receptionist with red hair added "Sounds to me like the damsel in distress is trying to contact you.

A couple of months earlier he remembered telling some of the people at work, including Martha, why he had an ugly bruise on his left jaw.

"It looks like love is in the air, Martha teased.

Visibly embarrassed, Sarfraz took the newspaper and left for his room, conscious of the sound of Martha chuckling behind him.

His dental assistant hadn't arrived yet so he had a few minutes to read the circled item. Two month had lapsed since he had intervened foolishly in a private quarrel and received a blow to his jaw and ego for his pains. When he read the ad by the mystery woman on whose behalf he had intervened, he didn't quite know what to make of it. The message ending with a P.O. Box number, read as:

"You the hero with his friends that came to the rescue nine weeks ago. Me the damsel in distress at that Indian restaurant. Want to thank you for your courage. Contact me confirming the name and address of the restaurant at which incident occurred and I'll buy you dinner.

The young woman had clearly taken precautions to screen out chancers and Romeos who might try to reply to the ad. He was intrigued. The question was how would she manage to keep the future assignation from her fianc. But that was her problem, he figured. Sarfraz felt he deserved to get a better look at the woman, considering he had taken a blow to the face on her behalf. A free dinner with a young woman would be icing on the cake he told himself. He decided to reply to the ad when he got home.

It took about ten days before the reward dinner took place at a popular restaurant at seven thirty in the evening.

It was only when he entered the restaurant that he suddenly realised he wasn't absolutely certain what she looked like. He was momentarily panicked by the thought he wouldn't be able to recognise her. The problem was quickly resolved however when the matre d' approached him. Sarfraz let the head waiter know he was meeting a Miss Ahuja and was led into the room full of diners. The matre d' indicated a table by the window where a young woman sat alone, clearly waiting for someone. Sarfraz took a moment to get a better look at her to refresh his memory of what she looked like. He noted she was tall with almost shoulder-length dark hair and decidedly attractive. She wore a light blue sleeveless blouse and bluish denims. She's dressed sort of smart casual like me, he told himself.

As he approached her table she looked up and flashed him a smile of recognition. Sarfraz mentally noted she gave him direct eye contact had lovely white teeth and generous pink lips.

When he reached her table looking up at him, she greeted him with "Hi, I'm Simmi Simran Ahuja. With a hand gesture she indicated to him to sit down.

Having noticed she hadn't extended a hand for him to shake, he nodded his acknowledgement of her introduction.

With an easy smile he said "And I'm Saffy Choudhry, and sat down opposite her.

For a brief moment they sat silently sizing up each other. She didn't appear discomforted by his gaze, or pretended she wasn't. There was air of confidence about her and Sarfraz found that appealing.

When Simran broke the silence it was to say "It's nice to meet you under different circumstances, Saffy.

"The same goes here.

"I can't say I've come across the name Saffy before.

"My older sister Huma when she was very young couldn't pronounce my name so she started calling me Saffy. Now close friends and family use the nickname.

"But what's it short for? asked Simran, still puzzled.

"Sarfraz.

"But isn't that " She suddenly stopped mid-sentence, deciding it was wiser not to complete her question. Simran hoped her faint blush of embarrassment had gone unnoticed by Sarfraz.

"Isn't that what? he asked pretending he hadn't noticed her blush.

"Nothing, she replied waving away his question. "It's not important.

"Anyhow, explained Sarfraz, "there's not many acceptable contractions or nicknames for the name Sarfraz.

At that point the waiter arrived with menus and asked for their drinks order. When the waiter left to fetch their drinks, they casually scanned their menus while they got acquainted.

"I wanted to thank you face to face for coming to my rescue.

"Think nothing of it.

"The ad was my way of tracking you down since I didn't even know your name or where you lived.

"Given the way things developed that night with your fianc it's not surprising you didn't know a thing about me.

"Anyway, tonight's dinner is my way of saying thanks for coming to my rescue that night.

"Not much of a rescue in my book, commented Sarfraz self-deprecatingly. "I got decked by a blow to the jaw and you got dragged off home by your fianc.

As her fianc had dragged her toward his car that night, she remembered looking back at Saffy lying dazed on the ground while his two companions were bent over him checking his injuries.

"You weren't badly hurt were you, she asked solicitously and gave him that poor you' look.

"No, but my self-esteem took a battering.

For some reason that remark made her giggle like a young girl. She quickly became serious again.

"Well I think you were chivalrous - my hero if you like.

She appeared to be genuinely grateful despite the fact that his intervention hadn't been successful in the way he had intended.

"If I'd been a true Bollywood hero, I'd have thrashed your fianc and sent him off with his tail between his legs. And as for you, you would've instantly and hopelessly fallen in love with me.

Simran wondered momentarily whether he was flirting or just making conversation. She decided either way it made her feel good.

"Instantly fallen in love with you? she queried through suppressed laughter.

"Well, maybe not instantly but certainly by the next day. When you realised how I'd saved you from your cruel fianc you'd have broken into a song and dance number, while dreaming about our future life together.

Sarfraz's retelling of the Bollywood clichd first encounter between hero and heroine precipitated further laughter from her. In that unguarded moment, in his view, she sparkled. The rational part of him grounded in reality, reminded him that she was engaged to someone else. Nevertheless, the less rational side of him wondered how her eyes could be so blue and her complexion so fair. She must have Kashmiri blood somewhere in her genealogy he concluded.

The arrival of the waiter to take their food order sobered both of them up. They spent a few minutes deciding what to eat. Even as they did so, he couldn't resist stealing glances at her. That was when he noticed that she had a vertical scar through her right eyebrow. He couldn't help wondering whether her fianc had anything to do with that.

When the waiter had departed to process their order, Sarfraz made an exaggerated show of looking about him nervously.

"Aren't you taking a big risk meeting me behind your fianc's back? he inquired in a low conspiratorial voice.

Sarfraz didn't miss the steeliness in her tone when she replied "Not really. These days I do what I want and go where I please.

"And he accepts that?

"Of course not.

"Then you're not making any sense to me.

"Put it this way. Your intervention that night led to a major rethink on my part and resulted in a change in the direction of my life.

"Wow. And I triggered all that without realising it?

"Yes. That's why I wanted thank you in person.

While they waited for their food to arrive, Simran told Sarfraz how the incident at the restaurant had made her realise just how controlling her fianc Arun's behaviour had been. She admitted there had been other earlier instances she had dismissed as minor but his violence against Sarfraz had crystallised for her the serious character flaw in Arun. Her parents had of course resisted breaking the engagement on account of what they characterised as an unfortunate mistake. They had argued that Arun was a great catch. He was good looking, quite westernised in his attitudes and came from a respected business family. Furthermore Arun had recently set up and was running a new successful business of his own in Delhi. As a couple, she and Arun would be financially secure enough to afford a decent home in the London. And with the additional bonus of not being required to live with her in-laws, she would be foolish to break up with Arun.

"Of course there was a big hungama (ruckus) about breaking the engagement. But in the end I persuaded my parents that it was too risky for me to go ahead with the wedding.

"How did Mr Neanderthal take the news?

"Let's just say he did a great deal of apologising and made promises he'd change, but I'd made up my mind by then and there was no going back.

"That was awfully brave of you. You're lucky you have such supportive parents.

Sarfraz noticed she made a face suggesting she was far from convinced his characterisation of her parents was wholly accurate.

"Let's just say they're a mixed blessing.

"What d'you mean mixed blessing'?

She could have changed the conversation and avoided talking about the matter but the man across the table from her made her feel safe in opening up to him.

"Well now there's the constant pressure to choose from a long line of other potential partners. My parents think, because of my career, I've already left it a bit late to get married. As for my younger brother Dev, he just wants me married off so it'll be his turn next.

When she noticed Sarfraz smirking she was clearly irritated. "What's with that look of yours?

"Sorry, but when you said what you did about potential partners, a picture of you judging a beauty pageant of men in swimming shorts popped into my head.

"You're weird.

"But amusing nevertheless was his flippant rejoinder.

"Beauty pageant or not, all I'm saying is that when eligible males come to visit, I feel I'm the one on show. I'm the one being judged, she explained sounding very earnest.

In that moment he realised she could be strong, even fierce when the need arose. Sarfraz couldn't help wondering how her future husband would deal with that.

"At least you get to meet and choose your husband-to-be. My sister Huma never did. She didn't exchange a single word with her first husband-to-be until after the official engagement.

"Really?

"She was shown a photograph of him and told what he was like etc. Some parents won't permit the man and woman to talk on the phone let alone meet face-to-face before making a decision.

"You're kidding, right?

"No I'm not. Huma was just expected to agree to the young man my parents had picked out for her.

"Wow. And here was I thinking I had it hard.

She lapsed into thoughtful silence. Perhaps I've been too critical of Mom and Papa's attitude, she thought.

Sarfraz was content to leave her to her distracted thoughts because it gave him longer to admire her appearance without being obvious.

"You really do have a nice set of teeth, he heard himself comment out of the blue.

"That's a rather unusual chat-up line. Her eyes twinkled when she made her observation.

"No I didn't mean it like that. Didn't I already mention I'm a dentist?

"Not that I recall.

"Well in any case, a chat-up line would be more like: when you smile, it lights up the room.

"Does it?

"Does what?

"My smile light up the room, she teased with a mischievous grin.

When he coloured with embarrassment, she burst into laughter.

Sarfraz didn't care that the laughter was at his expense. He was captivated by her beauty of spirit revealed in that moment of uninhibitedness. He paid no heed to the voices at the back of his mind warning him he was treading into dangerous territory.

However all too soon her laughter ceased.

"Oh I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to make fun of you.

"Oh yes you did.

She grinned.

"Well, maybe I did, she confessed not at all looking apologetic.

When Sarfraz smiled back at her, she knew she hadn't offended him and that he could withstand a ribbing.

Simran's attitude changed surprisingly quickly from being light-hearted to serious.

"If you don't mind me changing the subject, there's something I've been meaning to ask you.

"Ask away.

"Tell me honestly. Why did you intervene that night at the restaurant?

"I wanted to be a hero, was the glib reply.

"You persisted even when Arun made it clear I was engaged to him.

"Yes. So?

"There must have been a reason for you persisting.

"Or maybe once I'd started, I wanted to finish what I started.

"That only brings us back to what I asked originally. Why d'you intervene in the first place?

"My goodness. You're not going to let this go, are you?

Realising she was making him uncomfortable, Simran flashed him a smile and backed off a little.

"I'm sorry. Obviously you're not obliged to explain yourself to me. Maybe I should just be thankful for your intervention and leave it at that.

"But deep down you'll still wonder why I did it. Isn't that so?

Simran nodded.

"And if I said it was a spontaneous act of kindness, you wouldn't believe me.

She shook her head. He gave a heavy sigh before he began his explanation.

"The truth is that your fianc's behaviour had echoes of something that happened to my sister Huma in her first marriage. I'm very close to my sister, you see. She's the nicest person you could meet. So it really affected me when her husband became violent and controlling. I mean, how could anyone want to hurt such a loving person as Huma?

The telling of the story made his eyes glisten with held back tears. There was pain in sorrow written in his face. She realised there was a vulnerable and caring side to him and he was prepared to show it. He had shown his empathetic and gritty side when he had tackled Arun. While she recognised his talent for humour, it was obvious to her he also use humour to disguise his true feelings.

When she saw the depth of feelings he held for his sister, Simran was moved to say "It must have been awful for your sister.

"It went on for a couple of years before she finally managed to divorce him.

"But thankfully it did work out for her in the end. You said earlier, didn't you, that she remarried?

"Yes, she's now happily remarried and I'm an uncle to her three-year old twin girls, explained Sarfraz beaming with pride.

"And I'm sure as an uncle you dote on the twins. My own older sister, Sangeeta has a five year old girl and has a second baby on the way.

"That's nice. "

For a moment he just sat staring at her intently. He couldn't get over how attracted he was to her. What was it about this woman that drew him to her, he wondered. It wasn't as if he hadn't met attractive women before.

"What? Why you staring at me like that?

Caught off guard he did his best to cover up his impolite behaviour.

"Sorry, but that scar in your right eyebrow. Did your fianc do that?

Instinctively her hand went up to her face and she stroked the scarred eyebrow with a finger. "Oh, noticed it did you?

"Yeh.

"No it wasn't him. It was caused by a glancing encounter with a nail when I was about ten years old, she explained. "If Arun had caused it he would have been history a lot sooner.

"So no love lost between you two, then.

"Why should there be? I told you it was an arranged match...Look. Can we change the subject and talk about something else?

"Sorry, I didn't mean to go on about it. Whatever you want to talk about is fine by me.

Till the end of the meal they talked instead about themselves, filling in each other about the nature of their jobs, some basic information about their respective families. It was the kind of social chit-chat that both realised they ought to have led with in their conversation. Their talk dovetailed into a discussion of personal interests and ambitions. They found themselves relaxed in each other's company despite this being their first face-to-face encounter. At an instinctive level both of them recognised that there was some chemistry going on between them. Only Sarfraz was unafraid to acknowledge it openly to himself.

Not surprisingly time seemed to fly quickly. All too soon the meal was over and the bill was paid. It was now time to take their leave of each other.

Sarfraz held the door of the restaurant open for Simran to exit. Soundlessly she mouthed a thank-you at him.

"Saffy, I really must be getting back now.

"Of course you must, he acknowledged. "Thanks for the meal, Simmi. It was nice getting to know you. "

"Same here...Goodbye then, Saffy.

"'Bye Simmi. We won't be meeting again I expect.

She couldn't explain why but she heard herself ask him "What if I might need you to play hero again?

His hopes soared when he heard that. He could only hope he sounded suitably casual when he answered her.

"I'll be ready - but no fisticuffs this time. OK?

"I'll do my best.

When he should have walked away, he hesitated as if he had forgotten something.

"Look, before you go, can I ask you "

"No, she rushed to answer even before he could complete his question.

Sarfraz was sure in his own mind she seem a little flustered after her quick and unequivocal response. Deep down he was convinced she had curtailed his question because she knew exactly what he was going to ask. And for some reason that had unnerved her. He put it down to some sort of dissonance between her feelings and her upbringing. That was easier to accept than the other option that she didn't find him appealing.

Despite his disappointment, when he responded he tried to sound jocular.

"Well that was a pretty emphatic no to a question I didn't even get round to asking.

She looked a little sheepish when she apologised. "Sorry. I didn't mean to sound so harsh.

He waved off her apology. "It's alright. Don't worry about it.

Just as she was inwardly sighing with relief, jokingly he added, "It doesn't hurt at all when you accept that some girls prefer lighter skinned guys.

Initially her eyes widened in shock at his remark. Then she could only laugh when he defused the situation by quoting an old Bollywood film

"Main kaala hoon toh kya?

They both knew the discussion was not about his skin colour. Sometimes some things were better left unsaid, both of them had decided consciously.

"Do you always joke about serious matters?

"I find it's the best way. First you make the serious matter laugh. And while it's laughing at the joke, you come up from behind and throttle it, he explained miming the pouncing and choking actions.

"I'll have to remember that next time. Look, I've parked my father's car around the corner -

"And the tube station is that way, said Sarfraz jerking a thumb over his right shoulder.

She was undecided as to how she should take her leave of him. A handshake seemed so stiff and formal. Would a kiss on the cheek be a step too far? It would be gauche if she didn't do something. Sarfraz resolved the matter when he stepped closer to her and proffered both his hands for her to grasp. That seemed an acceptable way forward and she grasped his hands.

"Before I go, a word of advice, Simmi. I know you have to be sensible but don't deny your heart a say as to who you pick as your future partner.

She squeezed his hands and said "I won't.

Letting go of him, she turned and walked away. Sarfraz watched her until she disappeared around the corner.

xxx

Ten days later Simran texted Sarfraz. The message didn't need much parsing. She was under pressure from her parents. She texted that she needed a fresh perspective from outside her circle of family and friends. Would he be prepared to provide her with a safe space to talk without being judgmental? Sarfraz didn't hesitate in coming to the rescue.

Over the next six weeks, they met three more times. On each of those occasions their rendezvous followed a phone call or text message from an upset Simran. Their meetings followed the same basic pattern. She complained about the latest tussles with her parents who were frustrated at her refusal to consider certain potential suitors because the young men did not meet her criteria. Her last call was a little different. She was more distressed than she had been before. He heard her sniffing back tears. Simran had been introduced to a young man and was upset because she was plagued with indecision.

"Saffy, two sets of parents are waiting for my answer. What do I tell them?

"Only you can decide that.

"That's not very helpful, she snapped at Sarfraz.

"Fine. If you don't want to hear what I have to say, I'll button my lip and say nothing more.

His hurt expression was surprising and pulled her up sharp.

"Saffy, please don't be like that. I didn't mean to snap at you, she added, some of her intensity softening.

"So said the crocodile with a mouthful of antelope.

"Is that your idea of being funny?

"Not an idea. That is funny.

"Says you.

"Says anyone with a sense of humour, he corrected her.

Simran felt better now that he appeared to bounce back. She could acknowledge to herself that Sarfraz had been there for her whenever she called. No questions asked. He was her go-to safe space. She had no intention of alienating him. Right now she needed his support too much.

"Look, I'm really sorry for being short with you. She reached across the table and placed her hand briefly on the back of his to confirm her sincerity.

Sarfraz was momentarily distracted when after a moment she removed her hand from his.

All that he could muster in terms of advice was "If you can't decide, is there any way you could see or speak to the guy again?

"Maybe, but I'm not sure a second meeting will help me make a decision. What's scaring me is, what if he is Mr Right and I turn him down?

"You have to trust your judgement.

"That's what I did with Arun and look how that turned out.

"Insist on a long engagement to give yourself enough time to find out if both of you are really compatible. If he's not...Well, you know what to do.

"That's easy to say. My parents however won't agree to me breaking a second engagement.

"I'm no position to comment on that but what I do know this. You're feisty and argumentative.

Her expression was disparaging of his assessment. He nevertheless ignored it.

"I can't picture you marrying someone you weren't keen on.

"I wish I shared your confidence. You don't understand the pressure parents and family can put you under.

"Yes I do. Why d'you think I moved out of my parents' home?

His personal disclosure surprised her. She knew he lived alone but he had never explained why nor had she ever asked.

"And you did that because they harassed you about getting married?

"That and major differences of opinion about other matters.

"Do you still see them?

"I don't have anything to do with my father. He and I don't see eye to eye on lots of things. I drop by now and then to see my mother. Despite that, I'm certain my parents pick up gossip about me from my sister Huma. I see a lot of her.

"How come you've never told me any of this before?

"Because you never asked.

She was genuinely surprised and a little embarrassed at her own self-centred behaviour during their meetings.

"God, I really must come across as very self-absorbed.

"Yes you do.

She gave him a disapproving look for being blunt but inwardly acknowledged he was correct.

"But I understand why you're self-absorbed honest I do, he quickly added to soften the criticism. "The whole reason for meeting up has been for you to have a safe space to let off steam.

"Well saved.

He chose to ignore her sarcastic remark.

"I was just trying to be honest but helpful.

"I know you were. I was just being bitchy.

She reached out a hand and placed it over his to demonstrate her sincerity. That however only succeeded in distracting him.

"And I'm lucky to have someone like you who listens and even lets me be bitchy when I feel that way. You never seem to ask for anything in return.

"Are you sure about that?

"Well I've never heard you say anything.

"Check your mail when you get home, he advised managing to sound enigmatic.

"Why? What's in the mail?

Sarfraz kept a straight face when he answered her.

"My bill for counselling service rendered.

She took his answer in good humour.

"I didn't know you had a licence to practice counselling as well as dentistry.

That elicited a broad smile from Sarfraz and a concession of "Touch.

She beamed back at him triumphantly. It was obvious to Sarfraz she felt comfortable in his presence. While he was pleased he had managed to lighten the mood momentarily, it was only for a moment, as he found out all too soon.

"Saffy you have to help me make a decision. I still can't decide what answer to give my parents, she complained. "It would be easier if I felt strongly about him one way or the other, but I don't.

"If he doesn't move you one way or the other, it's best to say no, Simmi.

"This match making business is not at all like I imagined it. Is it too much for a girl to ask that love feature somewhere in the decision making?

"That's a conversation you should have with your parents, not me.

"Saffy, both of us know they'll say marriage comes first, then love.

"Should I alert Bollywood?

Her dismissive look made it clear she wanted him to be serious.

"Saffy, what if I make the wrong decision?

He didn't answer right away. It was if he was carefully considering his response. When he did reply what he said was for Simran unexpected.

"Simmi, do you believe in destiny or kismat?

"What's that got to do with anything?

"Humour me. Do you believe that events are predetermined by a supernatural power?

"Yes. I think most people do.

"If that god has preordained that this is the guy you'll marry, then that's what will happen. If he's not the guy that god has in store for you, then god will ensure you don't pick him. Follow me so far?

She nodded.

"Therefore whatever decision you take will be the correct one to fulfil your god-determined destiny.

"Hmm. Never thought of it that way. It kinda makes sense. Yes, I think I like that idea.

Her countenance visibly brightened on understanding his argument.

"My mother says, har dana dana par khanewala ka naam likha heh.

"Don't you believe that's true?

"I believe neither in destiny nor a supernatural being.

"But I thought you were -

"In name only, he added before she could complete her sentence.

"Really?

"Yes.

"I never knew.

"And that's why we avoid stereotypes.

Because there was implied criticism in his comment, she ignored it. She didn't have the energy to deal with that right now.

"If you don't believe in destiny, then I take it you don't believe there's just one special person out there for you?

"I think there are a number of possible women with whom I'd be compatible, could fall in love with and be happily married to. Which one of them I end up marrying is down to chance or random events.

"Since it's all down to chance what's the point in looking for a partner?

"Sometimes chance or randomness needs a little help, he said with a smug smile.

After their coffee and discussion session Sarfraz walked her to the tube station. Unlike on previous occasions, the short walk was conducted mostly in silence. It was almost as if Sarfraz was brooding. When they reached the entrance foyer, she felt obliged to ask why he hadn't been more engaged in conversation.

"Did I say or do something to offend you?

"No. Why d'you ask?

"Because you haven't said a word since we left the coffee house.

"Just trying to be silent and mysterious.

She felt his grin was forced and although deep down she was convinced he was being evasive, she decided it would be prudent to let the matter go.

"Time for me to go my way and you yours.

The manner in which he stated the obvious concerned her. It was not like the Sarfraz she had come to know.

"Saffy, what's wrong?

"What makes you think something's wrong?

"Those sad puppy dog eyes, for starters.

"That's my default position to make me appealing to the opposite sex, he deflected.

"And you're hiding behind humour.

"When did you become so perceptive?

"Look Saffy, I might be crap at dealing with my own stress and pain, but I'm very good at picking up on other peoples' emotions.

He said nothing. Simran looked directly at him. Her silent relentless gaze bored into him. He felt uncomfortable, almost as if he was under an assault from her penetrating blue eyes. It was only a matter of time before he caved.

"What? he asked, breaking the silence.

"Why do I get the feeling when you said we were going our separate ways, you sounded as if it was for good?

He couldn't look her in the face when he admitted "Because it is.

"Why d'you think that?

Silence.

"Saffy, I realise we haven't known each other long but I thought we were friends.

"We are.

"So why are you suggesting we go back to being strangers?

"Because we're only temporary friends.

"Why d'you say that? I was rather hoping we'd be friends for years to come.

"The relationship will come to a crashing end when you get married.

"No it won't.

"Your future husband might have a different view.

"What's it got to do with him? You're my friend, she insisted.

"He'd feel threatened.

"If he's the one I'm married to, why should he feel threatened?

"Because we're close, I'm gainfully employed, have a lovable personality, I'm good looking and I've a great head of hair, said Sarfraz injecting humour into his explanation.

"Is that you're way of saying he'd be jealous?

"Yes. Most men in his situation would be.

"Are you telling me, when you get married, your wife won't be allowed to have any close male friends?

"I didn't say that.

Becoming combative, she asked what made him so different.

"For a start, I'm only getting married when I'm certain my partner loves me and I love her.

"Are you suggesting I won't love my husband and he won't love me?

"I'm saying all that takes time and an arranged marriage might stall at companionship and never get to the love stage.

It was not what she wanted to hear.

"So you think we should stop being friends, just in case my future husband the one I haven't found yet - gets jealous?

"That's pretty much it.

"But Saffy, what am I going to do without your help?

"Seek a therapist, or resort to drugs maybe, he quipped.

"But I need someone like you in my life.

"It just feels that way because you're under a great deal of stress over this marriage business. Once you've picked your partner, you'll feel differently.

"So you're serious about this being goodbye for good.

His reply was barely a whisper. "Yes. I think that would be for the best.

"What if in the coming months I find myself in dire straits? Will you really refuse to help me?

"I'm sure you'll find someone else who can help you was all he was prepared to say.

"Put it this way then. If I called would you refuse to help me?

God, she's persistent, he thought.

"Well... if push comes to shove...I don't think I could refuse outright to help you.

"So we're staying friends, she cheerfully announced.

"Simmi, please. That's not what I said.

She didn't care. As far as she was concerned she had won the argument. From the look on Sarfraz's face it was clear he had conceded defeat.

In relief she threw her arms around him and hugged him hard, catching him off guard. If he had been in a position to see her face, he might have noticed she was beaming with happiness. While Sarfraz was enveloped in her arms, he realised he was not unhappy with the outcome. In fact he was relieved. Mistake or not, he knew he wanted Simran in his life. The only matter that concerned him at that moment was that seeing her again was entirely dependent upon her need for his sympathetic ear. There was no telling when she would be in touch with him again. For entirely selfish reasons he could only hope it would be soon.

Two days later she texted him with her latest update.

<Turned down the guy. What a relief!>

<How are your parents taking it?>

<Like there's been a death in the family>

<Sorry to hear that. Must be awkward>

<Can we meet & talk?>

<Saturday, same place 2pm>

(Part 2 to follow)

Another two weeks later they met yet again when Simran brought Sarfraz up to speed on the latest melodrama in the Ahuja household.

"My father's still avoids me as if I have some unmentionable disease.

"A disease called rebelliousness.

"How did you know?

"I had a dose of it myself once, two years ago.

"So I caught it off you, you blaggard, she joked.

"Guilty as charged, ma'am.

After a chuckle, she returned to the subject of her parents' attitude towards her.

"You'll never guess what my mother asked me last night.

"Do tell.

"She can't understand why I've been turning down perfectly suitable matches, so she's come up with a theory of her own.

"Which is?

"She asked me straight out whether I was seeing someone.

"You're seeing me fairly regularly aren't you?

"No, silly. She meant, was I romantically involved.

When he heard her say that he felt crushed but did his best to hide it.

"She thought that was what was stopping me from picking a partner.

"What did you say to her?

"I told her no, of course.

If he was honest with himself her answers were predictable, so why did they sting?

"Did your mother believe you?

"That's the interesting bit. She said she and my father wanted to see me married and settled. So if I was romantically involved with someone, provided he was of good character, they'd be agreeable to me marrying him.

"Well that sounds like great news.

"How's that great news?

"Now you can find someone you love and your parents will agree your marriage to him.

"Saffy, how long is that going to take even if I knew how to go about it.

"Trouble with you Simmi is you've no sense of adventure.

"And you have, I suppose?

"You bet.

"OK, we'll see if you do. Since you're also looking for someone to settle down with, give me a month six weeks tops - and I'll find a suitable partner for you to marry. What d'you say to that idea, Mr Adventurous?

"No can do.

"I thought you said you were the adventurous type. So why not?

"Because I'm forbidden to take a wife.

"And why's that?

With a deadpan expression he said "I've already married my quota of four wives.

Through her supressed laughter she asked "But isn't that considered bigamy in this country?

"Only with reference to wives two, three and four.

When Simran heard that, she couldn't contain her mirth any longer and burst into full throated laughter. While he joined in he was partly distracted. He was distracted in watching her laugh, in noting the sparkle in her eyes and the way her ear rings jiggled.

When she had calmed down she said, "Saffy, now d'you understand why I need you somewhere in my life? You make me laugh and help me cope with my troubles."

"Laughter's a good basis for a life-long relationship.

"That, and friendship of course.

"Naturally...So if you found someone attractive who had all these qualities would he be a potential marriage partner?

"Yes, I guess so.

"Well I'd count that as progress.

"Are you forgetting there's no one like that on the horizon?

"What if I said I know someone that fulfils all your criteria?

"Is this you teasing and joking around like you always do?

"Simmi, I swear I'm not pulling your leg on this one.

"What's the catch, Saffy?

"There isn't any.

"Then I'd say when do I get to meet him, she said with bravado.

"That's the spirit. After all, your parents haven't turned up anybody worthwhile.

"So far, you mean, she corrected.

"And how many times are you going to turn down guys your parents suggest?

She shrugged.

"If you think it's stressful now, wait a few months more and you'll see how bad it gets.

"Thanks for cheering me up.

"Are you prepared to go along with my suggestion?

"I don't know...

"But just a second ago you were all for it.

"Maybe I was being impulsive.

"Simmi, what's the harm in trying?

"None I suppose. But how is this any different from my parents arranging it?

"You can meet him as often as you need to make a decision.

"And he'd be ok with that?

"Why not? He needs to be sure of you too. But the main advantage of this method is you won't feel that somehow you've let down your parents if you reject the guy.

"Yes there is that. For me, a lot of the stress is connected to breaking the bad news to my parents.

"So, is a meeting with this guy on or not?

"First tell you have to tell me everything you know about this guy and then I'll decide.

"What specifically d'you want to know?

Simran became more business-like in her demeanour, even put on a serious face to match.

"Who is he and how did you come across him?

"I've known him a long time.

"How come you didn't mention him before now?

"You were going through your parents remember?

"Well go on then. What's he like?

"For starters, he's Punjabi like you. Maybe about four years older than you.

"What's he do?

"He graduated the same time as I did. He's in a good job and has his own flat. You could say he's a lot like me in terms of his attitudes to women, sense of humour, being understanding etc.

"What about his family?

"Look, why don't you wait until you meet him and ask him yourself?

"Well I suppose I could. Still, it's a bit nerve wracking, meeting up with a stranger who might end up as your husband.

"I was a total stranger when you met me the first time and you didn't strike me as nervous then.

"That was different. I wasn't out to find a partner. Saffy, to be honest I'm not comfortable talking to some stranger on the phone to organise a meeting of this sort.

"But you're ok with putting an ad in paper to track down a stranger.

She just gave him a look that said, don't go there. He took the hint.

"Leave it to me then. Give me a few dates when you're free to meet him. I'll call him and get back to you confirming the date.

"That sounds an acceptable way forward.

"Well that's that then. I'll text you once I've been in touch with him.

She checked the time on her Smartphone.

"And on that note Saffy, it's about time I got back home.

"If you say so...Look, just before we head out can I say something?

"Sure.

She finished tucking her phone into her handbag and then gave him her undivided attention.

"He's a genuinely nice guy, Simmi. He's got a lot going for him, so give him a chance.

"What's that mean?

"It means when you meet him, approach him with an open mind.

All of a sudden her expression changed and she was cautious and defensive.

"Saffy, what is it you're not telling me?

"And I could ask why all of a sudden you're so suspicious? Sarfraz batted back at her.

"Well your phrase approach him with an open mind' makes we wonder what it is about him you're hiding from me.

Sarfraz was genuinely surprised by her truculence. "I can believe your attitude. Here I am trying to help you out and "

"Has he been married before?

"Of course not.

"Well what exactly should I be open-minded about?

"Simmi, I promise you you've no reason to be suspicious.

"So what's his name?

He was caught off-guard. "What?

"You've never once mentioned his name. Why is that Saffy?

Sarfraz was silent and looked away.

"It's a simple enough question, Saffy.

He said nothing because he didn't know what to say given the situation. His unwillingness to answer her fuelled both her frustration and suspicious.

"The fact you're not answering and that guilty look on your face says it all. What you trying to pull here, Saffy?

When he still didn't answer, Simran scowled and gathered her handbag and jacket and stood up. Looking down at a despondent Sarfraz, she said "I'm hurt and disappointed you're not prepared to be straight with me especially in an important matter like this.

She turned and made to walk away when he reached out and grasped her arm.

"Simmi, please listen, he pleaded, oblivious of the other people in the caf.

She turned and just glowered at him.

"Sit down please and I'll explain.

Sarfraz's earnest expression persuaded her not to be hasty in walking out.

"Only if you promise to tell me the whole truth.

"Promise. Now will you sit down, please? People are watching.

Grudgingly she sat down again. She stared him intently.

"Simmi, I swear I didn't lie to you.

"This guy you were ready to set me up with what's wrong with him?

"Nothing.

Simran began to get up to leave.

"For goodness sake, Simmi, at least hear me out!

His words born from frustration came out angrier and louder than he expected. He was also angry with himself because he hadn't anticipated nor planned for this turn of events.

"OK, I'm listening.

With any further preamble Sarfraz blurted out "Truth is that the guy I told you about is really me.

Simran's mouth fell open. She was stupefied by his revelation.

"You?

"Yes, me. Why is that so surprising?

In response to her continued look of shock, he asked "Kyon nehi? Mujhpe kya kami heh?

"I didn't say there was anything wrong with you, she said, embarrassed by his question but trying to give herself time to come up with a suitable answer to his original question.

"Well then...?

He gave her a little longer to answer. Although she tried to say something no sounds came from her throat. She ended up sitting there looking bewildered.

"Simmi, you've considered guys who are complete strangers, so why not me? As somebody you already know quite well even like - don't I deserve consideration?

"Saffy, I feel as if you're backing me into a corner here and I'm not comfortable with that.

Even if she hadn't said anything, he should have been able to gauge her reaction but at that point he was distracted by his hurt pride.

"And I'm hurt by your attitude towards me.

Her feeling of being cornered had now changed to one of defensiveness. "What's so hurtful about my attitude?

"There's clearly some chemistry going on between us but you're deliberately ignoring that. To add insult to injury you then talk about other guys you don't even know as potential partners.

Where's all that anger coming from, she wondered. She was convinced she hadn't misled him about their relationship but that wasn't something she was in a mind to discuss with him.

"What you've read as chemistry is friendship, she replied, agitated by the topic of discussion.

She was surprised when unexpectedly he laughed at her comment. What was there to laugh about?

"What's so funny?

"Simmi believe me, I've been around long enough to know when someone's been flirting with me.

She was indignant. "I haven't been flirting with you!

"Yes you have, he insisted. "From the very first time we met you've been sending me signals.

"Men are always imagining they're receiving signals.

There was no alternative as far as Sarfraz was concerned. He would need to spell it out for her. Deliberately keeping his tone light-hearted so as not to antagonise her, he counted off a list of some of her behaviours.

"You twirl your hair while smiling and give direct eye contact; you laugh at all my jokes even the bad ones; you lean in towards me and touch my arm when you say something - and don't even get me started on those lingering hugs when you say goodbye.

Simran coloured with embarrassment. Yes, she admitted to herself, she had found him attractive when she had that first meeting with him. But she refused to accept that she had been signalling her interest to him all along.

"Did I mention I've noticed you checked out my bum a few times?

"Enough, Saffy. This isn't funny.

"OK, maybe it's not funny, but it's true all the same.

"In your mind, maybe.

"Well whatever it is between us, it's certainly more than friendship. Feels to me like we're dancing around each other in the dark.

She was silent but decidedly sheepish looking. At some level she was conscious that it was more than a simple friendship. However what she acknowledged to herself during her deepest introspection and what she was prepared to declare openly were two very different things as far was she was concerned.

Sarfraz decided to take advantage of internal confusion and silence.

"Of all the people you could speak to about your problems, Simmi, why pick me?

"Please, that's enough, Saffy.

"I was ready to say goodbye weeks ago but you virtually pleaded against me doing that. Why is that, Simmi?

"Saffy, let it go!

"Why?

"Look. I can't handle this right now.

"And when would be a more appropriate time? Do tell.

"I don't need to listen to this.

She grabbed her things and stormed out.

He sat stunned and bewildered. That was not how it was expected to go, Sarfraz kept telling himself. He was upset because she had denied she had any feelings for him other than friendship.

During the whole journey home, his mind kept replaying the dialogue that had transpired between them. Occasionally he conjured up different responses either on his or her part to check out where they led to. In the end he kept returning to the conclusion that his whole scheme of introducing her to a kind of avatar of himself had been serious flawed. Perhaps if I'd had been courageous enough I could've declared my feelings for her openly and taken my chances, he told himself. At least that way she wouldn't be angry with me.

Tossing and turning in bed that night he kept telling himself that although she had left precipitously, the outcome was still positive. He clung onto the fact that the truth of their relationship was now out in the open. It wouldn't now be necessary for him to pretend his feelings towards her were merely platonic. However he was honest enough with himself to acknowledge that she might never want to see him again.

Two days went by and Simran still hadn't contacted him. It was clear she was still annoyed with him. I could contact her, he dared himself. However deciding such a move might further antagonise her, Sarfraz left it to her to make the next move. By the fourth day of silence he had begun to doubt she cared about him. She's not going to make any move now, he cautioned himself. He resisted the temptation to message her. Maybe she had been telling the truth when she had denied having feelings for him, he conceded to his most pessimistic self. He certainly couldn't coerce her to feel a particular about him. It was up to her to say how she felt about him. It had to be her call.

With each passing day, the call he anticipated seemed less likely.

On the sixth day since their last meeting, late in the evening he received a text message from Simran. Momentarily he was filled with hope.

<I miss our coffee get-togethers and your support. Can we not go back to the way things were before?>

Disappointed by her text message, Sarfraz's reply was reflexive as it was short and blunt.

<No>

She didn't seem inclined to debate his decision by texting back.

Silence settled in and its stay stretched for weeks. Sarfraz became increasingly anxious and despondent. He began to wonder how long he ought to wait before abandoning hope altogether. Accept she's disappeared from your life, he told himself. He realised hoping against hope, was an overly romantic notion difficult to sustain in the face of a long silent rejection.

XXX

One month later on a rainy night when he was returning from visiting his sister Huma, he checked his smartphone when heard it signal a text had arrived. When he identified the sender, his heart raced. He immediately read the message.

< I'm stressed out of my head. Tensions at home are awful. I don't know who else to turn to. I have no right to ask but please meet me tomorrow around 7pm. Please?>

Disappointment washed over him. As much as he wanted to see her again, Simran wanted to relive the old relationship. He wanted something different and new. However Sarfraz didn't think very long before he decided what to say.

<One last time only>

He excused his behaviour by telling himself that often the heart rules the head.

The next evening arrived quickly and he stood outside the coffee shop waiting for Simran to show up. When he saw her, she looked exhausted and unwell. There were dark circles around her eyes and to him she appeared thinner and nervous. She manged to fake a smile and say hi but when she closed the distance between them to give him her customary greeting hug, her movements were awkward and self-conscious. Sarfraz felt sorry for the state she was in even but he tried not to show it. He escorted her in, got her seated and then went to the counter and ordered some coffees before returning to re-join her.

"So how have you been? he asked gently to prompt her to talk.

Simran didn't give him any eye contact. She looked down at her hands which were trembling slightly while she spoke.

"Look, I want you to know I really appreciate you making the time to meet me.

He leaned forward and clasped her hands in his. She looked up at him, both surprised and comforted by her gesture.

"Everything's going to turn out fine, he reassured her.

She pulled her hands away from his. "No it's not.

She looked down again, dejected.

"Trust me. It will.

"How can you be so sure? Tell me that?

She scanned his face for answers as if they were written there.

"Because within our communities women less capable than you have dealt with worse and gone on to lead happy lives.

"But "

"The Simran I know is strong and awesome, he added before she could get another word in.

She looked at him for a long moment. How can he say that about me even though I've treated him abominably, she asked herself. That one thought softened her expression and her eyes began to well up with tears.

"How you can say that about me after everything that's happened?

"Nothing of any consequence has happened, he lied wanting to believe it more than Simran did.

"Saffy, I picked a fight with you, stormed off and then gave you the silent treatment for a month.

"You had your reasons, Simmi. And I think I finally understand the reasons for your behaviour.

"I wish you'd explain them to me.

"I will, but not now. More to the point, tell me what's been happening in the Ahuja household that's got you so upset.

"There's been two more suitors who've come to see me.

"From your angst I take it you rejected them.

Simran nodded.

Sarfraz sat waiting for more. He gauged she needed to take her own time to explain how she was feeling. However he hadn't anticipated that once she started she wouldn't want to stop.

"The family makes me feel like a pariah because I keep turning down guys that they think are perfectly suitable. I just feel so isolated and pressured. Can you believe it? Even my sister doesn't understand. She thinks I'm fixated on some ideal husband and because of that none of the guys pass muster. As far as my younger brother goes, he's just being a pain about the whole matter. I think he's got his eye on some girl and just wants me married so it'll then be his turn. And as for my parents, I feel as though they're now so tired of the matter that almost any guy will do. They just want me to pick someone and then they can feel they've fulfilled their responsibility towards me.

"So why d'you think you keep rejecting all the guys your parents suggest?

"I don't know, she said more by way of a wail than a statement of fact.

Time for a different approach, Sarfraz cautioned himself.

"Look I'm sure all the guys are perfectly decent blokes, so what's the missing ingredient you're looking for?

"I wish I knew, but I don't. All I know is that I get this feeling of dread whenever I think of getting married.

"What is it about getting married that that you dread?

"I worry about it not working out. I mean what if after being married and getting to know him, I still don't love him?

"You can't live with and be intimate with your future husband without feeling some degree of affection for him.

"Saffy, I want more than affection. Is it too much to expect there to be love in the marriage?

"I'm with you on that one.

"He can't make me love him any more than I can make him love me. I know that. But what can I do if I can't accept a loveless marriage?

"Divorce him?

"People file for divorce on the grounds of cruelty or infidelity, not a loveless marriage.

"Then make sure you both love each other before getting married.

"Even with a long engagement, there's no guarantee of that.

"Is that a reference to what happened between you and Arun?

"I suppose so. If he hadn't turned out to be the controlling type, I would've probably ended up in a loveless marriage. God! What was I thinking back then?

"I don't mean to pry but was there no sort of spark with any of the guys you met?

"No not really. But then the situation is so damned contrived that romantic thoughts don't enter into it. My head ends up making the decision, not my heart.

"And you want your heart to make the decision.

"I want to have the time and setting for my heart to help make the choice. Is that too much to ask?

"Parents always think so.

"What am I going to do, Saffy? I have to make a choice soon. My parents say if I don't decide in the next month or so, they're going to take me to India and marry me off there.

Sarfraz hoped she didn't notice the revelation surprised and worried him.

"Do you think they'd really do that, or are they bluffing?

"Before all this started I'd have said they'd never dream of such a thing. Now that things are at such a low ebb with them, I'm not so sure.

When Sarfraz didn't comment right away, she felt the need to ask "You think I'm being a drama queen, don't you?

"Of course not.

"Liar.

He refused to take the bait.

"I suppose in the end it doesn't matter if I'm being a drama queen or not. What matters is what I'm going to do now. Any ideas?

"Well, the way I see it, there's two possible ways out of your current situation.

Her hopes revived momentarily at the prospects of a solution. He saw that in the way her eyes brightened.

"I knew I could rely on you.

"Don't get your hopes up just yet. You might not like what I have to say.

"Saffy, at this stage I'm prepared to consider anything.

Sarfraz wanted to say, marry me, but resisted the urge. He couldn't risk antagonising her again given this was most likely their last meeting.

When he gave his advice it was with caution. "If you move out from your parents' home, they can't pressure you.

He sat back giving her time to consider, but her objections were almost immediate.

"But I don't want to cut myself off from my family. Besides, they wouldn't agree to me leaving.

"Look I'm not saying you steal out in the middle of the night and not tell them what's happening.

"So what exactly are you saying?

"Tell them you feel pressured over this marriage business. Reassure them you do want to get married but to take things at your own pace.

"I don't know if I have the courage to say that to them.

"Don't you have a friend who could speak to them for you?

"No, not really.

"I would do it for you but that would produce a whole set of other problems.

"You're not kidding.

"So, it appears it's back to you telling them to give you some space. And the only way that's gonna happen is for you to get your own place. But you have to make clear that moving out doesn't mean you're cutting yourself off from them.

"They'll never agree to that.

"You're financially independent and you don't need their permission or agreement to move out. Don't confuse getting their permission with getting their blessing.

His clarification made her realise she was so wrapped up with things that often she couldn't examine her own situation objectively.

"Well, what d'you think?

"It would cause one almighty hoo-ha, that's for sure.

"Any worse than what's going on right now? Look, even if you don't actually move out, the mere threat of it might make them back off a bit. I'm sure you'd welcome any easing of the pressure on you.

She thought it over for a bit. Sarfraz waited.

"Hmm... You might have a point there. I need to give it some thought. But what was the other option? You did say there was two didn't you?

Here we go, he told himself, taking a deep breath. He knew the other alternative was going to be even more difficult for her to accept. He delayed by saying "I did bring up the idea once before.

On learning that, she became wary.

"When? I'm sure I would've remembered if you had.

"It was that time you got upset and stormed off.

"Oh...

"There was nothing I said at the time that warranted you going off in a huff.

Even though he noticed her fidgeting nervously in response to what he had said, he carried on. "You reacted the way you did because you wanted to avoid discussing our relationship.

"Not that again!

"Yes, that again.

"It won't work, she told him with finality not prepared to discuss the matter nor to give him any eye contact.

"Simmi, that's a bullshit dishonest answer and you know it.

She was surprised by the intensity of his reaction. Clearly he wasn't going to let the subject go nor was he going to be put off easily. The fact was she didn't want to discuss the matter with its implications and complexities. It was too much for her to handle. Although she felt like running away again, Simran felt too beaten down by what was happening at home to repeat her previous behaviour. She recognised that when she had ran away last time, though it hadn't been her intention, she had hurt him. She didn't want to do that again. A small voice inside her told her she was obliged to stay in return for all his support. But that didn't stop her from feeling hemmed in and vulnerable.

Despite his own strong feelings on the issue, noticing her hounded look, Sarfraz softened his stance.

"Look, put aside ifs and buts, what may or may not happen and answer me a simple question. But first you have to promise to be totally honest.

"What makes you think I won't be honest?

There was that defensiveness of hers again, he noted.

"Simmi...

She could see he was serious and wouldn't be fobbed off with evasions. Reluctantly she gave her word.

"Are you or aren't you strongly attracted to me?

She looked down at her hands and didn't answer.

"It's not a crime to find someone attractive, he added as a sort of prompt.

She bit her lip and remained reluctant to say anything.

"Could that be the reason why you turned down dozen of guys?

"Don't exaggerate. I only met five, she corrected tetchily, finally finding her voice.

"And what about all the ones that didn't reach that stage?

She just shrugged and looked away.

"You're attracted to me but are scared to admit it, even to yourself. Isn't that right?

Why can't he let it go, she asked herself.

"Well? he prompted.

She sighed audibly and caved.

"OK. You're right. I do have feelings for you.

"Feelings as a friend or something else? he wanted to know.

"You're not going to let this go, are you?

He shook his head. "Nope.

"OK. If it makes you feel any better, I do love you.

Despite her confession, her antagonism remained because she felt it necessary to add "But it isn't going to work. So what difference does it make?

He ignored her negativity concentrating instead on the reluctant confession. A feeling of elation passed through.

When she noticed him staring at her, with a wide grin plastered across his face, she felt obliged to ask "Why are you looking at me like that?

"You just admitted you love me.

Colouring with embarrassment at her own honesty she tried to backtrack. "Look Saffy, I didn't "

"It's alright, Simmi. It's not as if you've committed a crime, he said trying to make light of it.

He reached across and clasped her hands in his. Her head down, she half-heartedly tried to pull her hands away but he held on.

"Look at me Simmi.

She raised her head and looked him in the eye with a degree of sadness and regret.

"I didn't want it to happen to me either but it did. By the time we had our third meeting, I was in love with you.

"I know.

That took him by surprise. There he was thinking he was the master of disguise and misdirection.

"If you knew why didn't you say anything?

"For the same reason I didn't say how I felt. My feelings or yours don't matter. It's not going to work, Saffy.

"Instead of repeatedly saying that as if it's some sort of unquestionable truth, tell me why. Why won't it work, Simmi?

"You know why was all she was prepared to say.

"Simmi, love doesn't care about colour, culture or even religion.

"I get that but I plan on living in the real world.

"Look around you. Mixed marriages happen all the time in this country and even in India. And we're not talking only about Bollywood actors or TV celebrities.

"Saffy, I don't want to give up my family or community.

"You don't have to.

"Or my religion.

"Who's asking you to give up your religion?

"But what about your parents?

"They already know they're not going to have a say in who I marry.

"That's all very well for you, but I want my parents to be at my wedding and accept my husband.

"I want that for you too, Simmi.

"And I would like to have in-laws that respect and accept me.

"If both sets of parents realise they can't drive us apart, they'll come round to accepting us a couple.

"How can you know that?

"Because that's what's happened with many other couples. Besides what guarantees are there that if you married someone from your Hindu community, that would be a bed of roses?

"Saffy, you're asking me to go from the frying pan into the fire.

"Some people like it hot, he joked but she was not amused.

"I don't know if I could cope, Saffy.

"But you won't be coping on your own. I'll be there right beside you every step of the way.

"Who deliberately sets themselves up for all that grief?

"What's the alternative? Are you prepared to marry someone who's an unknown quantity knowing all along that you love someone else?

"I don't have any other alternative.

"Yes you do. You can marry the man you love, trust, who makes you laugh, who's always supported you - but most importantly, the man who loves you in return.

"When you say it like that, you make the choice sound so easy. But it isn't.

"Didn't you say you wanted the time to fall in love with the guy before you considered marrying him?

"Yes, but "

"And didn't you say your mother said she'd be agreeable to you marrying someone you'd already fallen in love with, provided he was the decent sort?

"I don't think she meant someone who wasn't Hindu.

"We have the same culture and language. We have more in common than differences. That's got to count for a great deal. And given the number of guys you've turned down, your parents might accept me as your choice. You'll never know until you ask. Don't you think our relationship at least deserves a chance?

"I don't know, Saffy. I really don't.

"Simmi, if you're not prepared to work with me to face the hurdles preventing us getting together then we'll both have to live with the regret of what could have been.

For a few moments both sat silently mulling over what had been said and what hadn't. As he sat there reflecting upon their exchanges, Sarfraz felt disappointment begin to seep into him. Conscious that this was most likely their last meeting he felt he needed to share one last thought, even though it was tinged with bitterness.

"You know, I naively thought when I told the woman I love how I felt about her and she told me she loved me too, it would be a romantic and magically moment. But you've managed to suck the joy out of even that special moment. You've left me nothing.

The truth of his words hurt her. Yes, it should be a magical moment and it's my fault that it isn't. But I'm not as brave as you. I'm scared of the battles ahead if we become a couple. That's why I have to be cold towards you, you wonderful man you. And because of my callousness, I have to watch you walk out of my life for good.

In a reversal of roles, Simran reached out to him, and clasped his hands gently. Now that I've owned up to my true feeling about him, how will I manage to keep them in check, she wondered. In her own inarticulate way she had tried to indicate how conflicted she was and why. But clearly she had failed to make him understand.

"Saffy, I'm so sorry. Honest I am. It's just that you don't realise how much braver and more independent-minded you are than me. And this marriage business is much more difficult for women than men.

Sarfraz withdrew his hands from hers. She realised she couldn't assuage his disappointment. The look in his eyes tore at her heart. She knew if she looked at him for too long it would set her off crying.

When he spoke his voice was calm and not much louder than a whisper. Even before he said it, Simran sensed there was an edge of finality to it.

"Since there's nothing more to be said, it's time to go.

He started to get up out of his chair while Simran remained where she was. It was as if he was oblivious of her presence.

"Saffy?

"What?

"Were you serious when you agreed to meet today on the condition it would be the last time?

"Yes.

"And there's nothing I can say to change your mind?

"Simmi, you already know the answer to that.

To her he seemed impatient to be on his way; to get it all over with.

"Will you at least walk me to the station, then? she asked, not wanting to repeat their last parting when she had made her way to the station alone.

"Come along then was his gruff reply.

The walk to the tube station was mostly in awkward silence punctuated by occasional inconsequential comments about the busy traffic and how busy the tube was during rush hour. Since they didn't want to part with acrimony, it was talk for the sake of talk. Most of the talking was done by Simran.

When they reached the station she heard herself saying banally, "Well, I'll be off then.

He looked at her with doleful eyes but said nothing. I don't want to remember you like this, she told herself. I want to remember the old Saffy who always joked, teased and made me smile. But I reckon I've put paid to that friend.

Impulsively she pecked him on the cheek and before he could react she quickly turned and walked in the direction of her platform.

He watched helplessly as her receding figure was swallowed up by the other travellers.

On arriving at his flat, he withdrew his smartphone and then took off his jacket which he threw onto the arm of the settee. With a heavy sigh he plonked himself on the middle seat and picked up the TV remote with his free hand. He had just switched on the set when he heard the smartphone in his hand announce the arrival of a text message. Ignoring the sound he began scrolling through the programme guide. When ten minutes later he found he couldn't settle on a channel to watch, he decided to check the recently arrived text message.

<I want to meet with the guy you said was potentially a marriage partner. I promise to keep an open mind and give him a chance. Can you arrange a date and time for me to meet him and get to know him better? Preferably somewhere romantic. Hope to hear from you very soon with the details. Love Simmi.>

(The End)