Posted:
*Insecurities *
"Congratulations Anushka "
"Congratulations Anushka "
"Congratulations Anushka for such beautiful Art gallery "someoneelse from the crowd wishes Anushka
"Wow Anushka you did great job for this gallery "
"Wow you are so talented "
The entire gallery was filled with the praise and wishes for Anushka everyone was loving the beautiful Art gallery made by Anushka praising all her crafts work and beautiful painting works
"Wow rajeev never knew that your wife would be so talented she is truly an artist " my project partner said this to me .
No doubt that she is of course she will be a gold medalist holder in arts that also in foreign institution why won't she ,she carry a different passion for her work ,for arts ,for her tools she was extremely possessive about them but still she never ignored anyone in her life to follow her passion so blindly the she will ignore Any duties of her as a wife or as daughter in law of my family she was just perfect .or I can say way perfect than she should be sometimes being so perfect and idol for each work can be dangerous
"Rajeev "
"Rajeev"
I Heard my name numerous times I instantly came out from my thought process whatever I was think I heard a beautiful voice of my wife even I can guess from her voice how happy she was happines was floating on her voice
"Have you seen how much happy they were "Anushka said
"You know shikha daughter of your boss she got so much inspired by works she she wanted to pursue her career in fine arts ..isn't it great everyone brought so much praise and suggestions for our gallery "she continues further
"Ours gallery " I thought its her I just funded some shares of money that's it otherwise it's her hard work she contributed everything from her side for this art gallery why is she sharing the credits with me
"It's yours Anu not mine " I said
"Oh rajeev you are so stupid You have also contributed so much for my passion for my work and moreover that you are my husband my better half "she said giving me side hug I also hug her tightly .
Days get passed life was also peaceful everything was same as it was before only change was there my homemaker is not an homemaker anymore she was a working lady now she have her own gallery to work for ,her gallery was working very much smoothly I can say it was successful attempt for her all her survey ,research ,arranging stuffs ,contacts were giving her profitable returns .
Throughout my office and in my home she was hot topic for discussion how smoothly she was able to manage her work as well as her home .
But somthing was missing for me even I was bot able to figure out what it was bothering me or I was not able to accept the fact which was bothering me
Some months get. Passed my insecurities increases everything was even more normal than required but somewhere something was pinching me even after hearing that Anushka is pregnant I should be happy I was waiting for this day waiting for my baby waiting to hold some little fingers in my hand waiting to hear some cries some childish giggles .
My mother n Anushka the two important ladies of my life and my only family members existed were so cherished after this news that I could not even describe that in some two or three words .
I was witnessing the same smiles on my mother's face which I used to see when my father was alive after his demise my mother became a bit reserve never ever expressed her feelings as she used to do before she was sad that she loses her soul partner her best friend but she keeps herself strong for me so that I can handle myself ...on emotional level
But now I saw her smile was back her eyes were shiniing in immense happiness she was happy the very soon a new member is going to join our family and very soon her son will be at next stage of relationship .
Everything was just pleasant as I had planned for my life but still something was going wrong inside me .
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"Anushka where you are just look at the bedroom it's so messy why are you not focusing on house chores these days "I yelled at her these days our life had become so much hectic that sometimes it can frustrate me Anushka had delivered a cute little angel it was baby angel who was there to fill our life with happiness she was of five months my mother n Anushka were totally busy with hinaya my baby angel even Anushka were trying her best for all the house chores but still sometimes it can't get according to plan maid were also there but it's not like that helping hand will reduce work pressure on her even by health she was week nowadays and my expectations with my wife was being increased I just don't know why but it was there a creepy feeling inside me
As hinaya were getting little older Anushka decided to concentrate again on her gallery even my mother was there to support her on this decision but not me this time but. She dont ask me this time she thought if my mother is there to support her again why would I disagree with her and I knew my mother will always support her afterall she also chooses her. Work her career over many things sometimes over me also sometimes it was her work n work only which was important for her
Okay I may sound weird but i feel that I had seen this okay there was some issues within our family that's why mother has to work but. I can't neglect that she ignored me many times and I can't forgive her for that its not like I don't love her I love her but somethings can never be ignored and now I can't let my angel to go through with that same disgusting feeling to starve for a mother love to get hungry for little attention which a child wants from thier parents no I cannot
Even though she was taking care of hinaya but still I was afraid that my angel will suffer something very bad .
Now the things are not good at all my insecurities had just crossed it's limits I was ignoring the things which were very clear to me even if such things don't existed with my daughter I feel that she is getting ignored by her own mother just I was getting ignored it was my childhood fear which wrapped my thought process so badly that I wasn't even able to see what is fact and what is imagination of mine
Days were passing even more negative vibes me and Anushka were just fighting she kept saying me that she look after her baby as much she can n hinaya is happy even my mother told this to me so many times hinaya is anushka's foremost priority but I don't trust anyone a rigid thought entwined my mind that working ladies can't be successful mothers this black thought occupied my mind so badly that I was neglecting many logical understanding and what I am seeing n hearing .
Tolerating so much of lectures of mine ,mental torture gifted by me to my dearest wife she finally lost her patience I made her to left me I made my mother to left me alone now even the custody of hinaya was with Anushka not with me I left all alone in a big house no one was there to see me I hurt so much that a bit of care from them will be like asking for billions of dollars ,I was starving for love now I was hungry to get a family vibes , starving to hear "Papa " from my daughter I was waiting for somone with whom I can share my problems but no one was there in that house except some piece of furnitures n good items whom I should blame now ?
I don't know but I was in pain
I am still in pain
What wrong I did with myself n my family
How much I hurt them I didnt do it purposely it was unnecessary fear which engrossed my thought process but that doesn't matter I that doesn't matter at all I had done a mistake I had put my life in a never ending pain along with my family members and being so unluckiest I can't even ask for forgiveness from them
I can't
"Doctor please tell us clearly what's the exact condition of rajeev " she was asking it from the doctor
I can hear her voice though it wasn't clear for me but still I catch that sentence
"It's very critical "doctor replied
"The truck hit him so hard if he left alive it will not be less than any miracle " he continues further
"Is there any hope " Anushka asked
"We will try our best "
And then I was being taken to operation theater the last room I visited I know it's end going to end my life with a regret with a guilt but now it's end .
Mannat Har Khushi Paane Ki
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