Mahak, Sorry for the delay in reading and replying, I truly look forward to updates of this SS.
Chapter seven The atmosphere had changed. Exactly, you masterfully show why you can call yourself a writer. The ambiance before was strange, being that it involved two strangers but in one jhalak you add an eerie quality that just like the temperature of shock takes him from fervid passions to
chilling! Skillfully done.
I loved, JUST LOVED, that little doubt upon her side. That first sign of hesitation, for now she had something to lose, that mark that now they truly were not strangers.
seemingly she had not heard what I had said. Or chose to ignore it. Wonderful detailing. Very subtle but nicely added, layering the scene and characterizations and thereby the story as a whole.
humne zindagi se haar nahi maani. Par phir...woh aaye hamari zindagi mein." It is this detailing of her narrative that is imbued with sincerity so that these lines never seem overly dramatic but humble and simply stated. Beautifully done. You always keep her upon this side of the line where she can stand with dignity and not over the other side where we might be compelled to give her an obliged sort of sympathy. Finely done.
Then again illuminating your brilliance in this art you add another twist, another layer. Just like life, we cannot foretell, foresee. We are struggle against this blindness, like she does, frustrated, helpless when due do this weakness we are befallen BUT as you elucidate, we just need to keep faith, remain steadfast and strong for the unforeseeable aspect of life is a gift, like an unopened gift, we don't really know what it will bring but we should not lose our excitement upon the birth of each new day, each new gift no matter how many cut us, hurt us. In this steadfastness we gain strength, as she did. Beautifully done.
Here the light of a saviour, and yet the added pain for the viewer, for what became of him in character, to fall from such grace, or is the pain from his loss. Then question of what is to become of this new friendship. Excellent suspense, skillfully done.
Chapter 8.I really liked the intricacy of the flashback. The story itself is simple but it is through those nuances of human feeling, emotions that you so very skillfully illuminate what I find myself becoming lost in. Few could write so well about feelings that very few have known and yet you are able to make us understand to some degree that awkward, strange almost surreal moment,
I tried to smile. Yes, it was indeed wrong.Some might say that it seems ludicrous that a man who would save her chastity would then steal something from it, that a girl like her would kiss back at such a moment. However as you paint it, giving that moment depth, we are able to easily understand that hazy strangeness that suffuses such moments, those moments when we are not ourselves, but besides ourselves. That a jolt into reality makes you shudder back into your senses, as though your soul had left your body and had been gazing down as your actions. Close and yet far removed too. It is indeed strange and you write it wonderfully well.
some stolen moments of life from here and there'few kisses'.few hugs. Beautifully written. Very much in her style, her adab.
Chapter 9Again I loved how you bring in elements of noble themes that some may scoff at but only because they do not understand. Here the issue of a person like Pankhudi would give herself up to him.
"Do you trust me?" These days these words feel shallow and not strong enough to pull into into a surrender to a man BUT unlike us, to Pankhudi who truly understood, comprehended the most vast and majestic trait of Trust, she would have given her life let alone her body. I am truly glad you illuminated this issue. We live in times of nonchalance where such words are used like placebos when in fact they are a balm for our wearied souls.
I can only give you love, not commitment." Then you come full circle for one may question her insightful nature in this respect. Did she only
see what she wanted? Was she only grasping a hold of something she truly knew would never happen? I disagree, for a girl like her who understood the worth of trust, she was conned by not her naivety but his, for in truth both got what they
desired from the relationship. On her side it was love and trust, and ALWAYS remains so whereas on his side it was deceit and will always remain so. Her trust and love were true and therefore remain as love and trust. His never amounted to any good and so neither will his heart understand these traits that are the only things worth attaining in this life.
The proof of this is that years later she still places a high value on trust, by letting another stranger into her house, into her life. She understands that love is worth seeking and so once again opens her heart to the idea of it. Her love and trust were true and so when he deceived her, he only deceived himself, and in that way love and trust remained in her heart and did so until this day too.
Mahak, wonderfully done. I really enjoyed this narrative. With much love, Sabah
Edited by a little faith - 14 years ago
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