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I had given myself a temporary period,of self-realization,self-analysis,to actually a examine,a part of me,...SURAJ,a fictional character with whom,I am obsessed with,or in my words,I am in love with,madly,totally,completely...any relation,of my life,that helds a special place in my heart,is a promise for me,and SURAJ was also one PROMISE for me,a promise that I had made to myself,to be with him ,stand by him,support him,never judge him,never unlove him...no matter what.
and then he committed the most dreadful,most soul-shakening,most horrendous sin ever,,,,,,,he disrobed,the woman,he had claimed to love the most in the world,he stripped the woman of her modesty,whose respect he had vowed to protect,he teared the soul of the lady,he had swore to fill with infinite happiness and solace...
and it turned out to be the worst nightmare for any Sukorian...
and I was also left completely shattered,devastated,and shaken,to witness that in front of my eyes...and I spoke such harsh words for him,not basically in the forum,but more to myself,as i said to myself that I am ashamed of myself to love such a beast so crazily,who was born one,even before his birth...
but when I actually,saw the episode,when I actually saw some old episodes,when I actually talked to myself,I felt so,so ashamed of myself[yet again],for BREAKING MY OWN PROMISE
just how could Rabbi fail to understand her gemstone,her Suraj,her heart.
for the one that I am watching since the five year leap,is not my Suraj,who am I to judge him,when he is not mine,and then when I saw him once again,then I realized,what pathetic condition,he must have gone through in those five years,what was his fault in actual,that life,his fate brought him to such a stage,and now,when he needed me the most,just how could I leave him alone,and instead of sympathizing,get angry at him...
Its nature's law,history is an evidence for it,that if anyone dares to challenge the system,or embarks on a lifelong mission to bring about some change,then that persona has to give uncountable sacrifices,in the path of that journey,a price has to be paid,in order for some fruitful gain...
that is what happens with Chakor,right from the time,she stepped into this world,that girl is fighting constantly,as she has her life set on a goal to see "A FOREVER FREE AZADGUNJ"...and no doubts,all the hardships,that she has to go through since,and is even suffering,is really the sacrifices and price she has to pay,time and again,for her dream of A LIBERATED AZAADGUNJ.Earlier it was KN,now its Imli and Rannvijay.
but what has been Suraj's dream or ambition,coz he had renounced it all,long time back,his life,his nights,his days used to satrt and end with Chakor.
Chakor,Chakor,and Chakor,and a blissfull marital life with her,this has only been Suraj's ambition,his focus,his dream.
and now he is targeted,and had to pay such an hefty price for his ambition,that he had been changed upside down,not an ounce of SURAJ RAJVANSHI is left within him...
was loving a woman,worshipping her,with so much passion and reverence,was such a big crime,or ambition,that Suraj had to pay such a big price...
his condition is now so pathetic,the WHY WILL I NOT SYMPATHIZE WITH HIM???
when I had seen Suraj for the first time,he used to a style icon,and he never failed to boast of his good looks,as he time and again used to praise himself,of how handsome he was.He was so much obsessed with his signature jackets,thats he used to fight with Chakor,very childishly,on the topic of his jackets.When he was leaving azdagunj,for his life,then also at that critical condition,he had that energy left with him,to question Chakor of his jackets.When he was dying of thirst and hunger,during the bandhua period,then also he was left with energy to tell Chakor,to protect at least one jacket of his.This was original Suraj Rajvanshi,the style icon.Fashion mattered so much to him,that when he was going to meet Chakor in Benaras,he dressed up in the kurta,gifted by her,in order to keep alive the festive spirit...
And now,the same man is wearing,those strange costumes,with his body half naked,all the time,and he has not an ounce of complain for it.
SEE WHERE LIFE AND HIS FATE BROUGHT HIM???
WHY WILL I NOT SYMPATHIZE WITH HIM???
when I had seen Suraj,for the first time,for me,he came across as someone,on whom no one can reign upon,even if he is a subordinate,you are a fool,if you expect that he will bow down his head to someone,he had that pride of keeping his held high.Even when he was made a bandhua,and he was asked to bow down his head in front of KN,for food,Chakor had take help on a self-inflicted cut,beside her mouth,so that he agrees to bow his head to KN,and even though he did that,his unwillingness,was so,so much visible in his attitude.That man even did'nt bowed completely,in front of his own father.This was original Suraj Rajvanshi,a man made of self-pride
And now,he constantly keeps his head down in front of his masters,and bows to them,time and again,without a percent of hesitation.
SEE WHERE LIFE AND HIS FATE BROUGHT HIM???
WHY WILL I NOT SYMPATHIZE WITH HIM???
when I had seen Suraj for the first time,he bowled me over,with his attitude..."my life,my rules,my way"...he was a man,you can never maipulate,even when he will listen to you,he will only do,at the end,what he is actually willing to do.One can never twist the mind of SR,he will only do,what he wants to do.The biggest example,when during navratri,there was achallenge between Sukor,to not let Suraj drink,for a night,at the end when finally Suraj got his hands on a bottle through Ranjana,he went to Chakor,and did'nt drink the alcohol,and he threw the liquor...his words to Chakor,"hamaari haath mein sharaab thi,apr humne nahi pee,isliye nahi ki tum nahi chaahti ho,balki isliye kyunki humne apni marzi se nahi pee"...this was original Suraj Rajvanshi...a man of his own mind.
And today,he is himself saying,that he has no mind or choice of his own,he will do anything that his masters will command him to do.
SEE WHERE LIFE AND HIS FATE BROUGHT HIM???
WHY WILL I NOT SYMPATHIZE WITH HIM???
WHY WILL I NOT SYMPATHIZE WITH HIM???
when I had first seen him,slowly and slowly I realized that,how much this man is obsessed with drinking alcohol.Suraj shares the same relation with alcohol,that I share with chocolate,for me chocolate is neither a sweet,nor an addiction,its an emotion that soothes my inner self.In the same way,for Suraj,alcohol was never an intoxicating substance or a drink,but an emotion,that was always with him,during good and bad times.Anything happens with,especially bad thing,he is ready to gulp down a whole bottle.If Suraj was upset at for disrobing Cahkor,he would have been immediate in grabbing a bottle.This was the original Suraj Rajvanshi,a man proud and not ashamed of the fact that he loves alcohol.
And now,he is even unaware of his own choices or preferances of what was he in need of,when sad,disturbed or confused.
SEE WHERE LIFE AND HIS FATE BROUGHT HIM???
WHY WILL I NOT SYMPATHIZE WITH HIM???
when I saw him from the first time,and as long as I followed,him,he came across to be as the biggest emotional introvert to me,I have known...
but he had those DIP[deep,intense,pink] eyes,that for me were always used to be a gateway to an insight to his mind and heart,for those eyes used to speak volumes.And he never used to have an ounce of shame in his eyes,if he had not done anything.But he never looked into the other person's eyes,if he was at mistake,anywhere.
when he was lying to Chakor,for being physical with Imli and making her pregnant,he was looking everywhere else,except for her eyes,and at the same time,his expressions changed every second,with his eyes revealing it all.
when he was having an emotional confrontation with Vivaan,of their childhood,he knew that he was alos wrong at may places,that is why he never really looked straight into his eyes,while he was crying,and those moist DIP eyes,revealed it all.This was the original Suraj Rajvanshi...a man for whom his eyes used to speak more than his tongue.
And now,the same man is having a constant unchanged stern look on his face,without even a blink.And when he was disrobing Chakor,he was looking straightway into her eyes,with no expressions on his face.
SEE WHERE LIFE BROUGHT HIM???
WHY WILL I NOT SYMPATHIZE WITH HIM???
when I had first seen him crying,I was totally shaken,for one tear of his,made me to shed hundred,I always used to say,when Suraj is really,really hurt,and he cries,his eyes does'nt cry,they actually bleed.This was original Suraj Rajvanshi,whose tears will reach upto your soul.
And now,even he is not left with even a single drop of tear in his eyes,so that even he could express his pain,if he feels anything.
SEE WHERE LIFE AND HIS FATE BROUGHT HIM???
WHY WILL I NOT SYMPATHIZE WITH HIM???
The one thing that had caught on me with Suraj during baby track 2,was the fact,that all the while,inspite of claiming to commit adultery,he never gave up on his claim to love Chakor,for he used to respect her,worship her,even more than he loved her.He did'nt failed to protect her respect,even when he felt nothing for her,even when he did'nt felt anything for her,when he was offered a price for her wife,by the dubai sheikh.This was original Suraj Rajvanshi.the man who respected his wife,even before he loved her.
And now,the same man was made to disrespect her in public,and he did that.
SEE WHERE LIFE AND HIS FATE BROUGHT HIM???
WHY WILL I NOT SYMPATHIZE WITH HER???
and there are many more such examples...that completely teared me and made me question myself
can I even see through,the amount of change that had been brought in him.
How can I judge him for his present,when I am already very well aware of his past?
How can I get angry or hurt at him,for the sin he has done now,when I already know,of what he is capable of doing?
I will not call this Suraj even an animal,as they also feeel so may things...
this Suraj,is actually one living personal property kind of object with attributes of a non-living.
He would have indeed listened to Chakor,and felt her pain,and emotions,,,,IF ONLY HE WAS LEFT WITH ONE HEART.
He would have indeed felt guilty,enough to not confront her,,,,IF ONLY HE KNEW THE DEPTH OF THE SIN HE HAD DONE
He would have indeed questioned himself,after feeling disturbed,instead of going to her,,,,IF ONLY HE KNEW WHAT WAS IT ACTUALLY DISTURBING HIM
He lost his childhood,behind his greedy father.
He lost his family in his adolescence.
He lost his mother,in those five years.
He lost his dear younger brother.
He lost his once loyal servant[Shikhu].
He lost his best friend.
He lost his child,that was his dream.
He lost his wife,to five years imprisonment.
and in between all these...
HE FINALLY LOST HIS MEMORY
HE LOST HIS HEART
HE LOST HIS SOUL
AND THUS HE LOST HIS LOVE,HIS LIFE,,,,HIS CHAKOR.
and Suraj finally paid the price of loving a girl,crazily,madly,totally...
and what I did,cursed him,spoke ill of him,left him alone,when he was in need the most,how can I leave him alone,when I am well aware of the fact as to how it feels being alone.
I am really Sorry Suraj,really,really Sorry...
I loved you for the way you were...Suraj.
I love you,for the way you are...Suraj.
I will always love you,for the way you will remain...Suraj.
you are my most rare from the rarest gemstone from the heavens,,,,,,and you will always remain that for me.
I love you Suraj,and I am proud of my feelings for you.
juts give me an another chance,and I will prove it.
at this critical stage,you are in terrible need to be tended..as you have to go through the most rigorous hardships of life
WHY WILL I NOT SYMPATHIZE WITH YOU???
"BAS SIRF ISLIYE,MUJHE ITNI MOHABBAT HAI TUMSE DILBAR...
MERA TOH KOI NAHI HAI,CHALO...TUMHAARE TOH KOI HO...!!!"
[this is the only reason that connects me with you,I know the feeling and pain of being lonely,thats why I dont want you to experience the same]
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