papaG & Aditya's ghost : navigating parent-adult child conflicts - Page 4

Originally posted by: mango.falooda

I hope my net connection stays while I type this. 

so agree with points 1 and 2. in regards to point 3, it is debatable. do you remember the movie "kabhi kushi kabhi gham"? in the final scene, you find out that amitabh bachan's father character was waiting all those years for SKR's son character to come home and apologize. I remember when I first watched it, my reaction was: "whaaaaaaattttt?????" 🤦‍♀️

but now, after having ring side view to real life parent-child conflicts, I would say that the movie is actually spot on. there are many parents out there who want the child to apologize first. there is a mountain of hurt and they feel humiliated and not valued and respected if they make the first move. lot of it is cultural and how we have a heirachy and rituals on how we observe respect and effort. so even with apology, we expect that kind of respect and ritual to be observed. on the other side, the children are like "we made enough effort." so how much effort is the right effort to resolve a conflict then becomes debatable. 

also even if effort is made, it can sometimes be seen as insincere or not enough effort. let me share a real life example of family conflict in action: 

party A (to bystanders): we sent a whatsapp message to invite them to function but they didn't even acknowledge

party B (to bystanders): is whatsapp the way to invite?!

party A (to bystanders): well, they won't even pick up our calls. so how exactly are we supposed to invite?

party B (to bystanders): shouldn't invitations be done face to face?

party A (to bystanders): well, if you don't even acknowledge whatsapp, don't pick up phone, how do we know that you won't slam the door in our face?

this sounds like a comedy of errors isn't it? while that is being passed around in the family gossip chain, us bystanders watching this ping pong battle are also having varied reactions:

bystander 1: this is dumb. are we arguing over whether whatsapp message is good effort?

bystander 2: whatsapp message is not good effort at all. obviously

bystander 3: they invited you and you don't have the decency to accept?

bystander 4: shouldn't someone make the first move to thaw? why are we grading effort here?

bystander 5: a good event is a time to put aside pettiness. what kind of dumb reason is this to keep fighting?

my point is that when it comes to effort or whether someone made enough effort can always be questioned. did katha make enough effort? we don't really know or if we do, it will still be debatable and perceptions may vary. 

in mili's thread, shalzie asked a great question -- why did it take so long for mamaG to want to see aarav? why didn't she make effort earlier? my guess is that perhaps mamaG agreed with papaG and felt the bridges were broken and cannot be mended. however, with aarav's illness, she had a change of heart and all of a sudden a life and death situation made her dismiss all those old hurts as pointless. 

The point that I want to put across is that Garewals are not Katha's problem. They have issues with Adi and not Katha. If Katha and Adi were just friends and not lovers, they would have no problem. Kailash doesn't think that Katha is bad, he thinks that Katha isn't good enough for his son. There's a difference. Kailash is angry on Adi because he dared to disagree. And Kailash is projecting that anger on Katha, because she spoilt his son and made him to disagree. Katha can't pacify Kailash because he isn't actually angry on her. No matter what she does, it won't be enough. A lame example, if you are a vegetarian, and you are being served non veg food. Will that satisfy your hunger? No right. Not because the food served isn't filling, it's because you can't eat it, no matter how much food is there. 

Poor Adi made efforts till his last breath. I hope they show more of him before progressing to Viaan and Katha romance.

Originally posted by: Shalzie

M, I agree with everything you have written but I have to admit that I ended up laughing at the bystanders' story. I had the same reaction as you in respect of K3G. Anyway, we don't really have to take examples from fiction. In my own personal life, no matter how independent and opinionated I may be, I am always the one who is apologising to my parents. It doesn't matter that I am not wrong but it all comes down to respect. They expect that respect and to maintain the role of the elder and wiser ones in the family.

As for PapaG, we need more background on why he didn't accept Katha. I recall that there was a mention that she is not of the same status but I don't remember much. It's easy to judge but people are made up of their upbringing, environment, circumstances, situations and experiences. Not everyone has the courage to unlearn what they have been taught and form their own opinions. It's also not easy for some to go against societal pressure. Per my understanding, PapaG was heartbroken by the fact that his son did not choose him, and then died. There must be an element of guilt which is eating him up on the inside. We don't have enough background information to form an opinion on PapaG. But he earns points from me for the love which he feels for his wife. I will give the karoos a chance to turn things around. The good thing about life is that anyone can start over at any time.

Confession: I am only reacting to your post. In case I went off topic, bear with me🤣time is a luxury in my life.

well in retrospect, it is a black comedy. 😂 basically technology just makes our life so complicated that people see insults there also. problem is no one knows the rules or rituals to this and so rather than not getting invite, how you get the invite also becomes an issue. 🤣

ooh -- I like that sentence in green. so hopeful! fingers crossed, the CVs don't disappointe us. 

Originally posted by: Shri_12

The point that I want to put across is that Garewals are not Katha's problem. They have issues with Adi and not Katha. If Katha and Adi were just friends and not lovers, they would have no problem. Kailash doesn't think that Katha is bad, he thinks that Katha isn't good enough for his son. There's a difference. Kailash is angry on Adi because he dared to disagree. And Kailash is projecting that anger on Katha, because she spoilt his son and made him to disagree. Katha can't pacify Kailash because he isn't actually angry on her. No matter what she does, it won't be enough. A lame example, if you are a vegetarian, and you are being served non veg food. Will that satisfy your hunger? No right. Not because the food served isn't filling, it's because you can't eat it, no matter how much food is there. 

Poor Adi made efforts till his last breath. I hope they show more of him before progressing to Viaan and Katha romance.

he is listed in wiki drama page as one of the recurring characters. so I thought we would have more of his scenes actually. maybe we will see more of him when they start a romance and she starts remembering what it was like with adi and she feels guilty? 

Originally posted by: kshitu_20

Viaan is a boon for memers 😂 

Yeh harry ka kya hai yaar 🤣 You mentioning it in the DT made me curious and the first post I came across on Twitter was some clip from his book where he's talking about his frosty thing.. Uske baad meri kuch himmat hi nahi hui aur dekhne ki.. I was like enough internet for today 😂

(meant to respond earlier but had internet issues)

that passage was hilarious. I was cracking up so much with the audio book reading clip that was floating on the net. 🤣🤣 lets just say twitter is just as confused as us on why he would want to share such details. that book is the definition of TMI -- too much information 🤣🤣

Viaan will respect Adi’s memories , he would like to know more about him too

Many parents are like PapaG who think they own their children because they came to this world through them!

Such parents even if  out of love “make children lives terrible “

If he really loved his son selflessly and respected him , he could have the grand son now with him!

Most of the ITV shows shows “ very unhealthy parent & children relations”

Men most of them will throw wives out for slightest reason or without reasons to please their Moms !!!

I am relived to see MamaG such an amazing MIL as a FIL , PapaG is good to the elder daughter in law 

He reprimands her when needed , PapaG and MamaG such a delight to watch their dynamics 

It add more “ colours and depth “ to the drama 

Originally posted by: mango.falooda

INTJ personalities are actually not that common; only about 2% and most are men and are in sciences. so basically you have an independent mind and it made sense to me why I felt like an outlier at times while growing up. 

if I had to explain, these phrases from the article (in link) encapsulates it -- "both the boldest of dreamers and the bitterest of pessimists...(they) are full of contradictions. They are imaginative yet decisive, ambitious yet private, and curious yet focused. From the outside, these contradictions may seem baffling, but they make perfect sense once you understand the inner workings of (their) mind " 

so basically all these contradictions, different way of processing and communicating did cause problems for me. for me, understanding the context to my personality was a real light bulb moment. I wont' say that I fit every bullet in that personality list (sometimes it may seem that I am more INTP which is another similar personality type) but very broadly yes, it does fit. 

so it gives you context on what are some pitfalls, what are your pluses and things you can may be do to help you navigate your minuses. basically a personality test does not define you but it can give you a broad layout of the land if you are wondering why you react a certain way to situation in comparison to others. 

so yea, I would definitely encourage folks to take  a personality test and get a broad overview of themselves. there are lots of sites that offer free tests but the link I have included -- I found it easy to understand what they were saying. 

ritzee -- let me know what you think after you take the test and read the result. 

I love those 16 Personalities tests as well. I am an INFJ, so I completely relate to what you said about different ways of communication and processing. Though these tests make you better understand yourself, it's unfortunately still our job to make sure we understand others and vice versa, though they can have different personalities. And that's where the difficulties come. 

It would be interesting to know what the personality types of characters in KA would be though! I know for sure the Ehsan would be an extrovert 😆

Originally posted by: mango.falooda

(meant to respond earlier but had internet issues)

that passage was hilarious. I was cracking up so much with the audio book reading clip that was floating on the net. 🤣🤣 lets just say twitter is just as confused as us on why he would want to share such details. that book is the definition of TMI -- too much information 🤣🤣

OMG don't get me started on that passage.🤣 There was a post on Instagram where they shared that passage in an audio book version recited BY HIM. I was literally laughing and wondering if this was a parody or real. I still can't believe it's real 😆😆

Also, can someone kindly explain how Adi and Katha got married and why exactly is papaG not willing to have a relationship with Katha and Arav? I began seeing the show from episode 9, so I am not very familiar with the background. I did skim through previous episodes, but I am not really able to comprehend as to why the in-laws are estranged from Katha. 

Originally posted by: amrapali2

I love those 16 Personalities tests as well. I am an INFJ, so I completely relate to what you said about different ways of communication and processing. Though these tests make you better understand yourself, it's unfortunately still our job to make sure we understand others and vice versa, though they can have different personalities. And that's where the difficulties come. 

It would be interesting to know what the personality types of characters in KA would be though! I know for sure the Ehsan would be an extrovert 😆

100%. better communication is always a continous process especially as it is so fraught with problems. 

for example, say, we are moving a furniture around in the room and we are shifting the table. initially I would just say "that won't work". people around would get irritated. so after the test, I learned I had to say why it won't work and that was difficult to verbalize because I had to really think why I felt that way though I knew I had my reasons. then I would spit out "left corner! left corner! left corner!" --which again made no sense to folks. but in my mind, that was more than enough to draw conclusions. but this time, they would ask "okay, what about the left corner?" and I would then have to think a bit and then be able to say "that corner is jutting out and someone can trip on it."... and then we would have a discussion on where better to place it or to keep it there but shift something else. 

so people would often say "why didn't you just say that in the first place?" and my response was "thats not how my brain works".. so the test was really helpful in making me understand that I can't just say "that won't work". I had to provide the context "why" -- that itself was a gigantic leap for me. however, like you said, we still have to make people understand how we are coming up with our conclusions and it was often difficult to explain in words what was instinct for me. 

so in this drama, I see something simliar with viaan and katha. viaan really had no context to why katha was asking for this huge amount and it never even struck him to ask why. for many viewers, it would seem obvious that the first question would be to ask why but not everyone operates that way. instead, he just responded out of his world view and his own context. his mom keeps yapping about gold diggers at every turn and unfortunately for him, it keeps getting reinforced when random women try to hit on him and climb up the ladder. so when katha came to ask him for him money right after her promotion, he thought she was trying to fleece him. so he was basically triggered and super irrational. only after the dust settles, he is puzzled and now fearful that he might be missing something really big. now, he is asking her for the context and almost desperate for it but she is refusing to tell him which makes him even more anxious. 

so yes, lots of pitfalls in how we communicate and it can cause so much drama. like you said, just because we better understand ourself does not mean we don't have problems. viaan is very self-aware of his flaws and there is a certain amount of guilt and censure he feels because he desperately wants to be better man. but he is still caught in this loop because he does not know he can do that. 

I would say viaan is definitely an introverted type because he is quite happy being alone. katha and gang are such enthu cutlets that they are all extroverted and that includes ehsaan for sure. 😆

Originally posted by: amrapali2

Also, can someone kindly explain how Adi and Katha got married and why exactly is papaG not willing to have a relationship with Katha and Arav? I began seeing the show from episode 9, so I am not very familiar with the background. I did skim through previous episodes, but I am not really able to comprehend as to why the in-laws are estranged from Katha. 

there was only a few scenes. from what I remember, they dated for a while and got married. no one was at their wedding other than rewa because his side disapproved. they didn't give too much context to why papaG disapproved other than her being an orphan and not having equivalent status. since aditya married without their permission, they had been estranged after that.