_________________________________ A Meal Alone __________________________________
After a long trying day I finally reached home . Putting my bag on couch , " Aditi ! I am back home , have you prepared dinner ? " I shouted so that my wife who must be busy in kitchen with this I started moving towards washroom to refresh and with the very first step realisation stuck me ....she is not more ... Suddenly a void feeling started to consume me . I ordered the food online as I am still learning to cook and honestly I am a terrible cook . I sat on the couch , deeply thinking about the events that occurred two months ago in Mumbai and how they turned my life upside-down .
When I saw Deepika outside the hospital after so many years and got to know that she is still single , I thought I can be reunited with her and anyway my relation with Aditi was not good . We always kept fighting which only increased after Pari's death . Aditi was having trouble in conceiving as well and I never let go my past with Deepika , I never accepted the fact I can be unworthy of anything or anyone . There were many factors that made me think that me and Deepika have a chance . From her reaction upon seeing me i was confirmed that she too never let go of our past . When she denied , i started manipulating her and she finally gave in . We started dating . I was too happy by thinking the future of that relationship , about having kids . I was so happy that maybe I can feel that feeling of fatherhood again which I felt five years ago when I took Pari in my arms for the first time , that selfless love that I felt for the first time for someone when she grabbed my finger with her tiny hands . I was so selfish that I never considered Aditi's feelings .
Suddenly Aditi arrived Mumbai . I was shocked and was thinking how should I tell her truth and when I told her she argued . At that time I was so furious on her for her arguments and unwillingness to finish this marriage . But when now I think about the situation back then she was right , she gave her ten years to this marriage without my expectation and that too after knowing that I was still stick to Deepika . And at last after many days of arguments constant fights she gave up . And I am also such a fool that i put all the blame of Pari's death on her. And when she choose IVF , I confronted her . It was all right for her to be scared of my anger as i have no control over my anger .
When Deepika broke-up with me and said me to come back to Aditi , life gave me a second chance so that I can give a chance to this relationship , I was one of the few lucky people who get this second chance but I completely wasted it . And now she is not in this world anymore so that I can have one more chance . When she was alive I never cared for her enough , only a little as she stayed with me . My nature and attitude towards her made sure she think that she is second in my life and never can be first . I was the one who always kept Deepika's presence in ours lives in some or the other way . I always used to fight with her for small things .
And now when she in not here anymore , I only remember good memories of her's which are very few but still there are some really good memories of her with me . There were some times when we really laughed together and were happy with each other . It happens with all of us isn't it ? When someone with whom we share a close relationship dies we can only remember our good memories with them .
She left the world leaving so many maybe s behind her . Maybe I should have shared my grief over Pari's death with her and took some of her grief as well , but what I did was completely opposite I asked her to not to mention Pari ever again . Maybe I should have gave this marriage a chance . Maybe ..... Just leave it . I do not matter any more .
Now I am totally alone in my life . I came back to Delhi after her death . My family asked to stay with me but I denied i have no power to deal with them only God knows how Aditi used deal with them on my behalf . They also asked me to get remarried but I denied because as Deepika said I am a misogynist and egoistic person who has God complex and as Aditi said these qualities of mine will never let any woman to be happy with me . I can never be a good father as well due to this . I have decided that I will try to change myself not for Deepika , not for Aditi but for myself so that I can have the family I always wished to have . So that at least I can adopt a child and rise his or her to be a good human .
Suddenly the door bell ringed breaking my chain of thoughts . I stood up from the couch , wiping a tears which left my eyes without my permission while thinking all of this and went to open the door . It was delivery boy with my order . I took my parcel payed him bill and closed the door . After this I put the dinner on dining table and take out plate and bowls from the kitchen to serve myself dinner . After serving myself dinner I sat on the dining chair and was about to put first morsel of food in my mouth just then my eyes fell on the chair beside me which was empty but was used to be occupied few months back . I am totally alone , there is no one with I could share anything or whose talks I can listen to , with whom I can enjoy my vacations . I have realised this long back that I left my forever for something that I can have never . And only thing which is left is regrets and guilt . This is what my ego , misogyny , selfishness and my God complex has brought me .... a meal alone . And having a meal alone is the worst thing that can happen to anyone .
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Hi ! This is me with my attempt to sneak peek into Vikrant's feelings , the most shady character .
I didn't tried to justify him , I wrote what I thought he must have felt . This is written completely from his POV . I am really sorry if this work justify his actions .
Do let me know how this turned out to be and I apologize for mistakes .
Joote qubool hai
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