Shiva! Shiva!
Everyone called after him but Shiva stormed out of the living room.
Eventually the conversations and laughter resumed but Raavi found herself not enjoying anymore. There was something nagging her but she couldn’t tell what. Excusing herself, she retired to her... no the bedroom didn’t belong to just her. It belonged to them.
Ignoring the emotions that thought brought up, she walked inside. A part of her expected him to be sitting there ready to pick a fight. Instead, what she saw surprised her. Shiva was lying on the bed with his back turned to the door. His back was stiff and the lights were still on. He wasn’t asleep, was he?
“Shiva? Tu itni jaldi so gaya?” No response.
“Shiva main tujhse baat kar rahi hoon! Dimag ki tarah kaan bhi kaam karna bandh ho gaya kya?” She expected him to turn around with a sassy retort but again no response.
Sighing loudly she sat on her side of the bed and turned off the lamp.
As she sat in the dark, Raavi suddenly felt worried at the lack of reaction. “Shiva,” she asked softly. “Tu theek hain?”
The minutes went by and Raavi thought it best to stop pondering over what was wrong and why she was so worried. Maybe he was tired and fell asleep. Jitna bhi shaitaan bula loon, aakhir hain toh woh insaan hi na. Convincing herself that was it and nothing more, she began to lay down when she heard a sniffle.
It was almost inaudible but it was there. Her heart lurched a bit when she realized it came from next to her.
Without turning on the light, she placed her hand on his shoulder. “Shiva?” She kept her voice soft. He didn’t respond but she could hear him breathing unevenly and his skin felt warm to the touch.
The silence felt really uncomfortable but didn’t deter her from repeating his name.
“Aye MaamiKiBehenKiBeti, tujhe aur koi kaam nahin hain. Chain se sone nahin degi, kya!” His words came out quickly and lacked the usual punch.
“Shiva main toh bas—“
“Tu mujhe akela chodh de bas!”
“Haan jaise tu chodh kar aaya tha uss din!” The words came out before she could stop them. Raavi mentally smacked herself for bringing up that topic at the worst time.
“Tujh jaisi aafat ko chodh kar aana hi chahiye. Bachpan se hi hum sab ke peeche padhi hain.”
Raavi felt anger rush through her body. He did not just say that! She quickly sat up and turned on the lamp, instantly brightening up the room.
“How dare you Shiva! How about the fact that you ruined my entire childhood! Spent all of it taunting me!” She suddenly felt furious at both him and herself. Why did she even bother to care for him! All she got in return were taunts as usual.
Raavi could literally feel the anger radiating off of him when she said that and she steeled herself for a fight. She stood up and walked towards the front of the bed.
Shiva got off the bed as well and walked towards her. He stopped until he was mere inches away. She swore she could hear his heart racing.
“I ruined your childhood? Maine hamesha sirf taunt hi kiya, right? Ek baat bataa... Uss raat mele mein tera saath kisne diya? Kisne tujhe hasane ki koshish ki?”
Raavi scrunched her eyebrows at the sudden question.
“Kya bakwas-“
“Haan main kuch bhi kahoon, tujhe bakwaas hi to lagti hain. But Dev ki har baat yaad rehti hain. Even if it isn’t true.”
Raavi was genuinely confused. She looked into his eyes and was shocked at the amount of hurt she saw in them. His eyes were red and she saw dried streaks on his cheeks. Raavi had never seen him like this. He looked... heartbroken?
“Shiva?” She reached out to touch his cheek but he pulled away. Looking anywhere but at her he said,
“Somnath ki sabse beautiful ladki rote huye bilkul acchi nahin lagti,” he said softly. Raavi looked up sharply. Slowly realization dawned upon her as she recognized those words. In fact she uttered them herself just a few moments ago.
“In fact, tujhe hamesha smile karna hain. Tu akeli nahin hain.”
Everyone had been sharing stories of their younger days, especially the ones associated with the haveli. Rishita, despite a hint of jealousy also listened in eagerly. Raavi had just finished talking about a night at the mela from years ago when Shiva had stormed off.
“Tujhe kuch bhi yaad hain Raavi?” She snapped back to present. He rarely used her given name.
“Uss raat Dev nahin, main tha tere saath,” as he said this a lone tear escaped and trickled down his cheek.
Raavi gasped softly, trying to replay the memory but wasn’t able to come up with anything clear. Over the years so much happened that the memories of that night simply slipped away. A part of her preferred to not recall memories from the years right after her parents’ death. It wasn’t until tonight that she even mentioned it.
Did she just assume it was Dev with her that night? Did her mind tell her what she wanted to hear? All her childhood memories were of Dev... right?
“Tune apne parents ki barime bataya. Tu unhe bahut miss karti thi, especially jab bhi hum sab ek saath bahar jaate thhe. Uss raat tu akeli baithi thi aur main....” he trailed off. His cheeks became flushed but he quickly masked any and all emotions with anger. Shiva took a step back.
“Tujhe kuch dikhta bhi hain ya abhi bhi patti khuli nahin.
Raavi ignored his words as she recalled what happened outside when she told the story. As usual Dev looked confused and didn’t say anything. She thought he didn’t want to react in front of Rishita. But he had no idea what she was going on about.
Raavi felt tears rolling down her cheeks.
“Dev ne kuch nahin kaha...”
“Woh Dev jo haar saal tera birthday bhool jata tha, aur mere wish karne par yaad karta tha... woh Dev? “ he said mockingly.
Raavi felt a huge lump in her throat and a sharp pain in her chest. She tried to keep her breathing steady but all the thoughts racing through her mind made it impossible. She needed something... someone...
Raavi instinctively took a step towards him.
“Shiva...”
He stepped back and shook his head.
“No. Don’t. Aur ek baat, maine tujhe akela nahin chora. Mujhe theek se pata bhi nahin tha ki kitne gunde hain and kaunse hatyaar hain. Mere paas toh sirf tu aur tere yeh battisi thi. Socha tha unse deal karlunga phir tujhe lekar jaunga par isse pehle ke main wapas aata, teri Devta aa gaya.” He scoffed angrily and walked towards his side of the bed.
Raavi felt her head spin. She sat down on her side and tried to process it all.
“Khair, none of this matters. Tu light bandh kar ke soja aur sapne dekh kyun ke haqeeqat mein toh tu meri saath phas gayi.” His voice was soft and low as he said this but she knew he was hurting. And for some reason, that hurt her more than anything else.
Raavi sat in the dark, tears rolling down her cheeks. She recalled all her birthdays over the years and once she put aside the Dev inside her heart, it was more than obvious that Shiva was right.
It came with a taunt, but each year he wished her before everyone. Dev only wished her first in her dreams. In reality, he didn’t wish her first just like how he didn’t love her. Just like how he wasn’t the one comforting her at the mela. She spent the entire night replaying all her memories... her entire childhood and the only constant she came up with was the man next to her. She was still angry about all his taunts but he was there in the good, bad and ugly.
As the morning sun began to peek through, Raavi wiped her tears. She looked to the figure beside her. He wasn’t asleep, that much she knew. He was up all night. Just like her.
She thought about the hurt she saw in his eyes and the fact that Shiva rarely cries unless he is truly hurt. And he had every reason to be.
“I’m so sorry Shiva!” He didn’t say anything but she knew he heard her and believed her. And for now, that was all she wanted.
The End
Hope you guys like it!! I was going to write it in English but the dialogues sounded much more like ShiVi in Hindi! And were much more impactful! Hindi isn’t my first language so apologies for any mistakes!
Let me know your thoughts and can’t wait to read some of the other amazing pieces this weekend 🤍🤍
Lots of love,
Esha ❤️
comment:
p_commentcount