After a slew of expletives hurled at Shiva, Mami had pulled away Raavi along with her. This time Raavi did not resist. Neither did his mother. Dhara tossed between him and Raavi trying to get one of them to change their stance. But he could barely hear what his Bhabi was saying. He was as if in a trance. All he could focus on were Raavi’s eyes. They held unshed tears in them that threatened to flood out any moment. They held hurt in them. Wait, what!? Hurt!? But why? Did she not say umpteen times that she hates him?
“Tujh jaise jaahil, gawar aur bewakoof ko meri jaisi sundar ladki chiraag le kar dhoondhne se bhi nahi milti.
“Tujhe toh khusi mein laddoo baatne chahiye ki teri kismet khul gayi. Par meri toh phoot gayi naa!”
“I hate you Shiva! I Hate You!”
Shiva flinched at these memories. He was beyond hurt every time Raavi said something of this nature to demean him, mock him or insult him. His heart was shred to pieces every time she said she hated him. He was insecure every time Raavi laughed whole-heartedly at something Dev said. She did not want to be with a low-life as him. So he set her free. Then why does he feel he saw a flicker of hurt in those doe eyes. He expected to see relief in them. He expected her to smile with the sense of freedom that those divorce papers would give her. But he saw dejection in them, sadness in them. Or did he?
No! He was imagining what he wanted to. She will only be happy and relieved to be set free from the shackles of this unwanted relationship that was forced on her. She will probably find someone sophisticated, handsome, and polished with time. Someone who can match up to her in every way he could never. He felt a sharp striking pain deep within his heart with this thought. His Raavi with someone else. Scratch that! Not his Raavi. Only Raavi.
He was all messed up. So he decided to go away to the store and distract himself with work till late into the night. This room suddenly felt suffocating. Yes! He needs to go.
He jerked open the cupboard and absentmindedly grabbed his shirt out. Few of Raavi’s belongings tumbled onto the floor breaking Shiva’s chain of thoughts. Seeing Raavi’s things puddled near his feet, he instantly got down on his knees picking them up while simultaneously blasting out –
“Ay Chipkali! Yeh tere kapde mere kapdon k saath kyun rakhti hai tu? Kitni baar mana karna padega ki tera raita alag se… “
He paused abruptly and the momentary lapse hit him hard. She wasn’t here to retort him back!! For the first time in 3 months she wasn't here for a sharp retort. An involuntary tear trickled down his face. She wasn’t here.
He wiped the tear and gathered her clothes to keep it back in their cupboard only to realize there was a diary and a gift-wrapped packet along with her clothes. One look at the packet and thoughts of “Mere Dev Ke Liye” written packets rushed back to his mind. He kept it aside and inquisitively flipped open the diary only to realize it was a journal. Her journal. He was about to shut it close and keep it back safe when he spotted something. He spotted something that shook the very earth beneath his feet as he slumped down on the same spot.
He looked at it twice, thrice and again! He rubbed his eyes and looked at it again. No it still was the same. He punched his hand on the nearby wall to make sure this was not a dream.
The journal still read “I hate you Shiva! I hate you for not letting me hate you!!”
The usually street-smart Shiva was at a total loss of his senses. He was numb. As realization started setting in, he scampered between the pages of the journal like a madman.
“Tujh jaise jungli ko mujh jaisi sundar ladki chiraag le kar dhoondhne se bhi nahi milti. Par kya karein mujh jaisi jungle billi ko bhi ek jungli saandh hi kaabu kar sakta hai!
“Tujhe toh khusi mein laddoo baatne chahiye ki teri kismet khul gayi. Par meri toh phoot gayi naa! Pata nahi tu kabhi mujhe bojh se zyada kuch samjhega bhi ki nahi!!”
“Dhara Di! Meri pyaari Dhara Di! Waise toh aap meri apni ho. Par aapka ek, sirf ek hi ehsaan mujhpar humesha rahega. Ki aap ne mujhe aap ke Shiva ki Gauri banne kaha! I love you the most for this Dhara Di!”
“Aye Bhootnath! Kya tu sach mein kabhi bhi mujhe iss ghar mein aur teri zindagi mein rehne nahi dega?”
“Shiva! Kya tu kabhi apni Raavi ko apni Gauri nahi maanega?”
No! No! No! No! What has he done!? As he moved from one page to another scanning the journal, his tears refused to stop. He felt as if life had been sucked out of him.
This was the state Dhara found him in. “Shiva!” She was fear-struck at his state.
“Yeh kya kar diya maine, Bhabhi!!? Shiva muttered showing her the diary. Raavi, mujhse.. pyaar..par kaise!?” He was no longer able to form coherent sentences.
But being the mother that she was, she did not need any more words.
“Shiva! Pyaar kisi bhi ‘kaise’, ‘kyun’, ‘kintu’ aur ‘parantu’ ka mohtaaj nahi hota.
Pyaar ki bhasha thodi der mein samajh aati hai. Pan jab aati hai toh Shiva apne Gauri ko kabhi khud se door nahi hone dete.
Tu mera Shiva hai! Ab tu Raavi ka sach jaanta hai toh apni Gauri k liye kya karna hai yeh tujhe batane ki zaroorat nahi padegi. Hai na!?”
Nodding his head, Shiva leapt on to his Bhabhi as a child would.
“Mera intezaar mat karna Bhabhi”, he said while rushing out of the door.
comment:
p_commentcount