When every breath you take reminds you of your iniquitous deeds, heart senses the brutal spear and brain nothing but questions how you dare to breathe the same air as the one you oh-so-unmercifully killed with your bare hands by throwing her out of your life, the littlest gesture of care, and a few lulling words of comfort feels like a soothing balm to your never healing scars
The sound of the Muazzin’s Adhan (evening prayer call for Muslim) jolted Rohit awake. The voice was clear and crisp, the loudspeaker of the mosque near his farmhouse succeeded in its task to wake anyone who was not shielded by steel wall. The room he was in overlooked the vast greenery that surrounded the land of the Sippy Farmhouse. The sun was bidding bye to the world as it began to envelop itself somewhere behind that sky, leaving a remnant of orange, yellow and pink hues behind. The birds chirped back to their homes as the daylight started getting dimmer every minute.
Rohit Sippy remained in his sleeping position as he stared at the vast sky. The various colours of the sky would lift up anyone’s mood. But it did just the opposite to him. He watched the sky with great envy as the past events hit him back with a blow once again. His life was just as colourful until one fateful night, all the hues were snatched away from him, turning his life upside down, leaving only a pitch black hollow in his heart.
Rohit scoffed as he remembered how his life came crashing down in a split of a second just a week ago. The very people he once considered his own, the one woman he had given his everything to, the one person he had loved with all his being had shredded his trust into fragments, betrayed him and broke him in the most brutal way possible whereas the one woman he hadn’t made his priority weaved his faith bit by bit and gave him every reason to dare to trust.
Rohit sighed as he realized how his afternoon nap turned into 4 hours of sleep without him jolting awake in the middle due to nightmares. He felt her squirm under him. He lifted his face up for the first time since he woke up and stared down at the face that put him to ease even in the most stressful time. He noted their sleeping position - legs entangled, his arm around her waist, his face buried in the crook of her neck - no wonder he slept so peacefully and for so long!
“Shh…I’m right here”, rohit threaded her hair as he raised himself up on his elbow, lulling her back to sleep. He knew she had barely gotten an ounce of sleep in the past one week. He could see the bags of dark circles under her eyes and the exhaustion written all over her face. She needed this sleep...more than anything else.
It has been a week since his mother came to him with the divorce papers. One week since his world has been turned upside down. One week since he finally pushed the veil aside and saw the true colours of his very own family. One week since the ground was swept beneath his feet as he saw a different side of his mother altogether. One week since his trust and the definition of love have been changed in his dictionary. He wanted to go back to his old life when he didn’t need to choose between his mom and wife, when his mother used to be the perfect woman he knew in his world, when life only meant happiness, love, and laughter. The life he was living felt so unfamiliar, it was as if he was pushed into another planet where he needed to find his own way to survive.
He still couldn’t wrap his head around the fact a woman possessed the willpower to take down another woman. Accusing sonakshi of infidelity on the clause of divorce paper took down the veil that his family used to wear in front of him, and their nasty side threw him off balance. He could not believe his family could stoop down to such levels. It still felt like a nightmare to him.
With Nishi’s constant blackmailing and his mother’s insists to throw sonakshi out of his life had muddled his brain so much that he didn’t know what to do. Despite his protests, his mother hadn’t budged from her decision and had started emotionally blackmailing him leaving him no choice. He had asked for time to think it through and his mother had been kind enough to give him the liberty.
When he went through the clause, his heart had dropped to the extent Veena Sippy could go to “save” his family, even if it meant that she would have to hurt or destroy their life. He had always seen the sweet, caring and loving mother in her, until that day. He had called up sonakshi and explained everything. She looked devastated. He could see the same fear in her eyes...fear of losing him.
“You’re not gonna leave me right, rohit?”, her voice was whacked with emotions as she stared into his eyes with a gaze he still couldn’t fathom.
He had pulled her into a hug as he had whispered in reassuring words that he wasn’t going anywhere and he would find a way out of this.
The two days he had gotten were enough for them to come up with the idea of fake divorce. Well, it was Sonakshi’s idea of course. Rohit chuckled softly as he remembered his wife’s beaming face when she explained the idea to him. He still couldn’t believe she had convinced him to play one of her tracks that had been played in her show, Kahani Parvati Ki. Either way, the fake divorce papers were enough to put his family, especially Nishi and Veena at peace. Rohit had convinced them that he had no connection with Sonakshi whatsoever and that she is out of his life.
Ever since that day, they had been meeting up at his farmhouse everyday. He remembered the first few days when he couldn’t sleep at night. He would break into sweats in the middle of night as flashes of him kicking sonakshi out of the house would hit him. There were times when he had almost believed that the divorce was real. He would get dreams about her holding a bleeding heart and stare at him accusingly. He remembered that night he had called sonakshi up. Ever since that night, they have been sleeping together at the Farmhouse. Rohit would sneak out of the sippy mansion and pick her up from her house. Suman knew all about it and she was relieved that rohit hadn’t chosen his mom over her daughter.
Shaking his head off, he brushed away the thoughts and stared down at his wife. Her rhythmic heartbeat put him to ease as he dropped down to softly touch her forehead with his lips before untangling himself and slipping out of the bed.
~~~
Sonakshi squirmed as her hands looked for her husband in sleep. She frowned when she felt his side of the bed empty and she opened her eyes. She sighed when she heard the noise of the water splash that came from the poolside.
Quickly slipping into his flip flop, she walked out of her room.
She saw Rohit diving into the pool water, taking massive leaps as he aggressively swimmed to the other side. The navy blue canopy above his head seemed to have stared down at him in mockery. The cold wind of the night that had now started blowing violently added to the dejected self of his and he slammed his fist against the rigid tile of the pool edge. His back was facing her, yet she could detect his heavy breathing.
The muscles on his black were clenched and tight. She had the sudden urge to relax them with her hands. She didn’t know why he had to take everything upon himself. It had been one week since he had thrown her out of the sippy mansion...in pretense of course. Guilt and anguish were the only two emotions she had seen on his face. She had found him in the pool at 3 in the morning. He would break into sweat in the middle of night, scream her name as he would be jolted awake. He smiled at her, he grinned, he laughed but none of them were the kind of smile that would reach his eyes. It was as though he had locked himself up because he was ashamed. There were times when she had found him not even meeting her eyes. She could see the dark pouches underneath his eyes. The creases on his forehead looked like they had found their permanent shelter. she would see him touching the pads of his palm more frequently than ever, never realizing that it was the headache, he would only eat a few morsels at the dining table, and most importantly, his words had become monosyllables. She had witnessed him standing by the poolside or inside the pool bleeding his brain by going over the same incidents, and the sins he had committed, chasing the remaining sleep away for the rest of the night, and welcoming the long lasting fatigue with open arms.
It was as though he was punishing himself to his heart’s content. She knew the guilt he felt was for not being able to provide with the love and care he vowed for on their wedding day. She had seen the anguish in his eyes for never believing her when she had been right all along. For prioritizing his family over her. And perhaps that is why he had begun to feel this sudden protectiveness of her. Actually scratch that..overprotective would be the right word to use. Sometimes she felt as though he wanted to hide her under his skin so that no evil can harm her….not even him!
Sonakshi sat on the tiled floor, dipping his feet in the water. She flinched at the cold water.
“Not a good time to do that Sona”
She still didn’t know how he always felt her presence. She could swear she came here in pindrop silence.
Rohit turned around to face her as she pouted. His gaze fell on her luscious plumped lips before drawing it back to her eyes
“Off the water please”.
To others it might sound like a request but sonakshi knew he meant what he said. This is just one of the many incidents that took place in the past one week that made sonakshi conclude that her husband had bottomed up something that triggered his protective instinct to such extent.
“C’mmon Rohit, I do this all the time.”, sonakshi protested.
Turning around, he tilted his face as he stretched her lips into a smirk, skillfully masking his inner turmoil that till now, was royally reflecting on his face. It didn't go unnoticed by Sonakshi.
“It is night time and the pool water is very cold.” rohit paused before asking again with a frown “ And why do I not see your sweater on you?”
“I’m not cold...now come here”, sonakshi spreaded her arms as she gestured with her hands.
She saw him taking long leaps as he swam back to the other end. Sonakshi smiled when he reached her. She cupped his face before brushing the wet locks away from his forehead. Rohit closed his eyes at the touch of her finger. It was like a paint brush against a canvas - soft and tender.
He covered her hand that rested against his cheeks with his before bringing them to his lips, “you should be in bed.”
“So should you…” sonakshi paused before looking into his eyes, “Rohit…you need to let go. Whatever you are doing to yourself is not right…”
“What am I doing to myself?”
“THIS. This whole guilt game you’re playing with yourself. The way you are punishing yourself.”
Rohit sighed before he turned around to take another leap only to find himself locked between her legs. His legs wrapped around his waist as she remained seated on the edge of the swimming pool. “I’m talking to you!”
Sonakshi took a deep breath before continuing, “what good is it doing to you, to me, to US?! Rohit you need to understand what you are doing is very VERY immature.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”, rohit stayed firm to his words as he looked away from her eyes. After all, how could he lie on her face?
Sonakshi took a deep breath before cupping his face tenderly, “look at me.”
Her voice was so soft and she held his face as though he was the most prized possession of her life. His eyes welled up in tears as he quickly blinked to push them away.
It was a while before he finally looked into her eyes again, “Isn’t it enough to know that I don’t hold a single grudge against you?”
Rohit felt a bulge in his throat and he took a painful gulp. He couldn’t find his voice. He shook his head into a no as he felt his body tremble. He didn’t find the energy to stand in front of this woman whom he had nothing but caused pain, humiliated in front of her fandom and media and whose heart he had royally broken...not once but multiple times.
“Why?”, Sonakshi whispered as she rubbed her thumb against his stubbles. Her heart shattered into pieces seeing the dejected man in front of her. He looked so weak, so fragile as though he would break any moment if she didn’t hold him together.
“I...I can’t...it’s not...easy”, she saw him gulping again.
“Then talk to me. Tell me what’s going on in your head. Don’t just shut me out like that.”
“What do you want me to tell you? That it weights my heart even more to see you forgive me so easily? that i can’t meet my own eyes in the mirror when I think about every wrong I have done to you? That I don’t feel worthy of your love when I had never proved myself to be a good husband while you have done anything and everything to be the ideal wife that you are? That I feel unworthy of the respect you give me when my own dad left no stone unturned to insult you and your work and for whom you have happily quit your f*cking job? That I feel suffocated when I remember how I humiliated you in front of the media and your fans? That I f*cking can’t sleep at night knowing I had never prioritized the woman who deserved to be nothing but worshipped by me and my family for always saving their lives putting her own life at stake? “, Rohit breathed heavily, his every word nothing but showed utter disgust about himself and his existence
Tears streamed down her face while she massaged his scalp to comfort him and brushed his hair back while his other hand wiped the beads of water covering his face and forehead.
“See! Now that I should be at the receiving end of your wrath, I am getting THIS from you. un-f*cking-believable!", he moved away and shook his head in disbelief.
"Why can't you just...Why can't you just be a little selfish for a change? Why do you always have to be so nice?!", he brushed his finger through his hair in frustration.
Taking a deep breath, Sonakshi locked him with her legs once again and pulled him close, “Listen to me and listen to me very carefully Rohit. I don’t sympathize with you. That would be the last reason for me to forgive you. If you know me enough you would know it very well that i don’t do that. If you are wrong, you are wrong and that’s the end of discussion. But Rohit, there’s a difference between ‘anyone’ and ‘you’. Do you think I will be able to stay sane if I just let you suffer like that? I'm not ready to put myself through such torturous punishment.”
Massaging his scalp she continued, “Mamma is your life Rohit. She has been there long before I came into your life. A wife can never take a mother’s place. I respect you and love you for caring for your mom the way you do. I had never expected you to put me over her and I will never want you to do so in future either."
“But I WANT to put you first. There is no one who deserves this more than you. And I learned it the hard way”
“Okay we will negotiate on that later. But you not talking to mamma is not going to solve the issue. It’s just gonna make it worse.”
“Yeah? Well guess what, I couldn’t care less. She called it upon herself.”
Sonakshi sighed, “Rohit. She is a mother for god’s sake. Tell me which sane woman would want to live with someone who she thinks is involved in her husband’s murder? When i tried to tell them about nishi bua, they didn’t believe me because i didn’t have any proof against her! Mamma was only protecting you and the rest of the family members. That’s it!”
Rohit cupped her hand and kissed them before speaking, “ I know you're saying this for my betterment. But please try to understand. Just like how I can’t tone down my temper in a span of a day, I can't be all normal to a person who had tried to snatch away one of the major reasons of my existence, that too by falsely accusing you of something you are far away from. I don't know if you have realized yet, but you're the only reason left after the truth was revealed that I look forward to seeing a new morning with, after every night. You have become the only reason I breathe without feeling repulsed about myself. And when I can't tolerate if anyone points a mere finger at you, how can you expect me to forgive the person who has crossed all her limits to walk you through hell?"
Sonakshi’s eyes misted as she gulped the bulge in her throat. She didn't know whether to be concerned about the mother-son bond and his way of seeing Veena or be happy at his confession he just made about. Never in her wildest dreams had she imagined him in his sane mind to say such critical thoughts so simply.
And before sonakshi could say anything, a sneeze royally disrupted the vicinity, making sonakshi prepared of what to follow as she covered her ears and bit her tongue.
“This is the height of carelessness! Didn’t I tell you not to dip your feet in the water? Will you ever listen to me sona?”
“Okay okay I’m going, i’m going”, she said as she stood up
“And get a sweater, will you?”
“Bossy Brooding Sippy!”, Sonakshi muttered as she walked away from the pool into the room.
“I heard that.”, Rohit shouted before letting out a soft chuckle when he heard a “Good for you!” from her.
“Pagal!”
Rohit grabbed the towel on the recliner to dry off his hair when his phone vibrated. it was a text from Sonakshi.
"Come downstairs. I'm making paneer pakoras.😳"
Rohit shook his head as he spoke to himself, "Not sure what i'm paying the maids for"
As he changed into new clothes and sprinted downstairs, his each step told him it was a beginning to a fresh start. it was the beginning to weave a world where his wife would be his utmost priority. it was the beginning to see his sona from a new angle, a new perspective. it was the beginning to the kind of love and respect that never existed between them. it was the beginning to many more 'making paneer pakoras' together. it was the beginning of 'them'. a colourful 'them'
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Please do let me know how you like it. Loads of love❤️
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