Question to married women. - Page 4

Originally posted by: Maroonporsche

I think the same way. But I also don’t think anyone who feels differently is wrong by any means. It’s Just have they to live their own life. For example people said cheating was glorified in Biwi no.1. An that film was regressive. I mean that situation happens all the time tho. Cheaters are forgiven and given more chances. Husbands, wives, even partners in same sex relationships. Everyone has to navigate their life how they know best 

Agreed.....the only thing that everyone should agree on is that violence is never justified...other than that everyone has their own hell or heaven to deal with...

Short answer: No.

Long answer: My husband isn't the sort to hit his wife or for that matter, anyone. In fact he is the type who silently broods away after disagreements, much to my chagrin. I would rather have him be more confrontational, and I lose my temper at times leading to me hitting him across his arm or hand. My anger fizzles out very quickly and soon things are back to normal. Whether I would divorce him if he slaps me would largely depend on the context.

Case 1: Did I do anything horribly wrong for him to slap me?

- i dont imagine doing anything like that so i dont think this scenario will ever happen. But if it did, i think I would say I deserved it.

Case 2: Did he do it just in the heat of the moment? 

- I would not take this well and will probably hit him back. But it will take more than that one slap, maybe several more such incidences of violence for me to divorce him.

Case 3: Did he do it solely to exert control over me? 

- I haven't married that kind of a guy.

At last I would like to say, different couples share different kinds of equations and solve quarrels differently. One rule cannot be applied to every marriage. 

Yes. If people have problems they should discuss with each other . Slapping and beating is big no. Atleast they shpuld leave for some.month and come back on own terms.

 I have anger issues and start screaming at top of voice. But later i regret. Though never gets physical with anyone but still wanna control  my anger bcoz at that time, i m just abusive with words atleast and sarcastic hurting people with words , bringing the most painful events to hurt them, which i regret 10 mins later, but damage has been done. Lost many close people because of my tongue. But never hit people. 

Sometimes its not easy for women to leave considering they have no support from their family, not educated  enough and have kids. That conditions suck.

So i wont pass judgement on them like some privileged  people here do. They dont have the means like u to walk away that easily

Originally posted by: Kaali_Widhwa

What is so stupid in my question? I'm just asking to married women who are supporting this movie that can they actually follow what they are preaching or are they just internet feminists.

Your question is stupid because of the implications. The reasons a woman won't leave a husband or atleast separate from a husband who hits her are

a. Blinded by love/how great the marriage is excusing the behaviour as a one off thing. Excusing an abusive incident as one off. Trust me,it never is. 

b. Thinking of society and how difficult it will be in the eyes of society to leave a man for something desi society has a 'chalta hain' attitude towards. 

c. She thinks it's perfectly okay to get hit by her husband cause that's what husbands do sometimes to 'Keep them in line'. Aka deep rooted social conditioning that's it's a part of  marriage and it happens. That's it's okay to slap your wife. Can't see it as ' physical abuse' which it is.

d. Most housewives are not financially dependent so they can't even think of leaving.

e. Children.

Now all of these tell you one thing only. How difficult it is for a woman to leave a husband. Not because of how much they care for him, but because of how much society makes it difficult. Your question has implications of ' is one incidence of physical violence that proves how your spouse has no respect for you and does not see you as an equal really enough for you to leave him. Just a slap. And then taunts them by saying 'yeh bolna asan hain karna muskil' and calling them internet feminists. Yes it is difficult to do because it's normalized. 

Brings us to the question why it should be any different for a woman to leave a man after an incidence of physical violence.. married or otherwise. It should not matter. Society makes it matter. It's difficult because of society. 

Your post reeks of 'how much is enough to leave a spouse'. I do believe that if there are those people who are as you say 'preaching' (though i fail to understand what's preachy about advocating an end of a marriage when a spouse hits you.. should be the norm,no?) and still can't do it in real life... I hope you understand in most cases they do not stay back because of the husband,they do so because of society and not to disrupt their own lives in the shitstorm of divorce. So they compromise,adjust to abuse. They never forget. Now is that really a marriage. Also after that one incident,everytime a situation crops up wives do feel the trauma. Your post of terming physical violence as 'just a slap..just one slap..no other reason' is very condescending. 

Originally posted by: AllThatCritique

Your question is stupid because of the implications. The reasons a woman won't leave a husband or atleast separate from a husband who hits her are

a. Blinded by love/how great the marriage is excusing the behaviour as a one off thing. Excusing an abusive incident as one off. Trust me,it never is. 

b. Thinking of society and how difficult it will be in the eyes of society to leave a man for something desi society has a 'chalta hain' attitude towards. 

c. She thinks it's perfectly okay to get hit by her husband cause that's what husbands do sometimes to 'Keep them in line'. Aka deep rooted social conditioning that's it's a part of  marriage and it happens. That's it's okay to slap your wife. Can't see it as ' physical abuse' which it is.

d. Most housewives are not financially dependent so they can't even think of leaving.

e. Children.

Now all of these tell you one thing only. How difficult it is for a woman to leave a husband. Not because of how much they care for him, but because of how much society makes it difficult. Your question has implications of ' is one incidence of physical violence that proves how your spouse has no respect for you and does not see you as an equal really enough for you to leave him. Just a slap. And then taunts them by saying 'yeh bolna asan hain karna muskil' and calling them internet feminists. Yes it is difficult to do because it's normalized. 

Brings us to the question why it should be any different for a woman to leave a man after an incidence of physical violence.. married or otherwise. It should not matter. Society makes it matter. It's difficult because of society. 

Your post reeks of 'how much is enough to leave a spouse'. I do believe that if there are those people who are as you say 'preaching' (though i fail to understand what's preachy about advocating an end of a marriage when a spouse hits you.. should be the norm,no?) and still can't do it in real life... I hope you understand in most cases they do not stay back because of the husband,they do so because of society and not to disrupt their own lives in the shitstorm of divorce. So they compromise,adjust to abuse. They never forget. Now is that really a marriage. Also after that one incident,everytime a situation crops up wives do feel the trauma. Your post of terming physical violence as 'just a slap..just one slap..no other reason' is very condescending. 

This whole "slapping can never be a one-off case" is utter nonsense.

An abusive person will have many other symptoms. He/she will be in general disrespectful and manipulative. Also, the slap will not be a one-off case THEN.

But on the other hand, if a guy who never displayed any signs of physical or mental abuse for a LONGGG time into the marriage suddenly hits his wife one fine day, then its something drastic and exceptional.  Something that shouldn't be taken as the norm.  Hell, maybe the wife called his mother a wh*re in the heat of the moment. Maybe she tried to poison his pet. It could be anything. 

Bottom line is, we can't generalize something with strong sweeping statements. THAT is stupid. And childish. 

Originally posted by: Mahisa22

This whole "slapping can never be a one-off case" is utter nonsense.

An abusive person will have many other symptoms. He/she will be in general disrespectful and manipulative. Also, the slap will not be a one-off case THEN.

But on the other hand, if a guy who never displayed any signs of physical or mental abuse for a LONGGG time into the marriage suddenly hits his wife one fine day, then its something drastic and exceptional.  Something that shouldn't be taken as the norm.  

Bottom line is, we can't generalize something with strong sweeping statements. THAT is stupid. 

Says who? In all my years as a social worker, slapping once and the abused being okay with it started a chain of other events of being taken for granted to be a punchbag for years. So yeah. I can definitely say that slapping isn't one off in most cases. 

And your particular case of years and years of good marriage and then a sudden slap out of nowhere. My question is why. Why would anyone resort to hitting anyone under any circumstance unless its life threatening/ in self defence/to get someone out of panic attacks. It's not a generalized statement at all. One is not allowed to hit anyone in marriage. If someone's instinct is to slap you they don't respect you to stop themselves.  And if they are so out of control,one should remove themselves from the spouse cause god knows what other exceptional shit they will do. 

In most cases,it's always done with intent to hurt. To stop an argument. 

There is no sweeping generalization here. If someone hits you, they do not respect you. There is no justification for physical violence. These small leeways society continues to give them is the problem. 

Don't know man , my gf hits me time to time , but that's okay , since I always have done something wrong and she is a girl not like she can do some griveous injuries to me

Originally posted by: AllThatCritique

Says who? In all my years as a social worker, slapping once and the abused being okay with it started a chain of other events of being taken for granted to be a punchbag for years. So yeah. I can definitely say that slapping isn't one off in most cases. 

And your particular case of years and years of good marriage and then a sudden slap out of nowhere. My question is why. Why would anyone resort to hitting anyone under any circumstance unless its life threatening/ in self defence/to get someone out of panic attacks. It's not a generalized statement at all. One is not allowed to hit anyone in marriage. If someone's instinct is to slap you they don't respect you to stop themselves.  And if they are so out of control,one should remove themselves from the spouse cause god knows what other exceptional shit they will do. 

In most cases,it's always done with intent to hurt. To stop an argument. 

There is no sweeping generalization here. If someone hits you, they do not respect you. There is no justification for physical violence. These small leeways society continues to give them is the problem. 

Bold underlined: There are literally thousands of reasons as to why he could've hit out of the blue. That's the reason why we have words like 'exceptional'.

Maybe something drastic happened which would not happen under normal everyday circumstances. Maybe the wife called his mom a wh*re or did something unforgivable. Or it could be some serious effing misunderstanding. Could be lots of things. But the bottom line is, whatever happened was not the norm. 

Red: That usually happens when the violence starts early in the marriage along with lots of other red flags and the victim ignored it. Not the cases I'm talking about. 

Originally posted by: S_H_Y

Don't know man , my gf hits me time to time , but that's okay , since I always have done something wrong and she is a girl not like she can do some griveous injuries to me

Don't under estimate us.

Grevieous injuries r very much a possibility

😆

Originally posted by: Mahisa22

Bold underlined: There are literally thousands of reasons as to why he could've hit out of the blue. That's the reason why we have words like 'exceptional'.

Maybe something drastic happened which would not happen under normal everyday circumstances. Maybe the wife called his mom a wh*re or did something unforgivable. Or it could be some serious effing misunderstanding. Could be lots of things. But the bottom line is, whatever happened was not the norm. 

Red: That usually happens when the violence starts early in the marriage along with lots of other red flags and the victim ignored it. Not the cases I'm talking about. 

You can't hit your wife under ANY circumstance. That's the point. Thats physical violence and should not be normalized. Exceptional cases like maybe calling his mother a w*ore is also not an excuse to hit his wife. That will be pretty ironic. Hitting a woman while seemingly defending another. You can't hit your wife. Point blank. 

And sure he can hit her for whatever reason he deems 'fit' or "acceptable". That's his part. But that's still violence. Regardless of whatever reason he conjures up. There is no justifying it. If we are to normalize men hitting women because something 'drastic' happened then we should normalize calling it an abusive action which it is and her validity to use to leave a marriage too. 

The intent was to hurt.