Unchained Melodies
All she had ever wanted was a happy family.
Life was a roller-coaster of ups and downs; her mother had
always told her. There was balance to be maintained in the world and everyone
had to sacrifice something to get their fair share of something else. While she
didn't get her chance at a perfect childhood, she had found a life partner to
stand by her all through her life, a family to call her own and a friend with a
firm shoulder to always lean on.
If only.
Life worked quite unlike the set way for her. It had
tested her time and again before gifting her the remotest feeling of happiness.
It had many a times shown her the hope of a blissful future only for it to
crumble and shatter. It made her face the worst forms of betrayal and hurt, and
yet, she emerged stronger and braver, every single time.
As she played her memories over and over again in a loop,
she wished she didn't have to face this dilemma. On one hand, she had the person
who had stood by her even when her own shadow had betrayed her. He had made her
his family and her daughter his own without expecting anything in return. Her
concern, however, was that she didn't feel the love and yearning for him as she
should ideally have. On the other hand, she had her perfect family she had
always desired for. Her future beckoned her. She was tired of running away from
it - tired of denying her own feelings and her own mistakes. She had loved this
man once. Maybe and just maybe, she still did. She couldn't deny the fact that
being with him made her happy. She could be a part of his family once again Mumma, Dida, Mishti, Pari and him - the perfect
happy family.
The one thing that stood between her and her dreams of
the perfect family was him. All she
had to do was ask. He would walk away in a heartbeat - this she was sure of. However,
her friendship with him transcended her love for herself. She couldn't bring
herself to do the same what had once been done to her. She had once been cast
aside for a love she didn't understand and the prospect of doing it to someone
else threatened her very being. She would choose her promise. She had promised
him her commitment. No matter what the future held, she would choose this
commitment over anything else.
She now regretted her decision to have the conversation. As
she walked towards him, she felt the weight of truth upon her shoulders. She
was going to let him know of her inner turmoil and whatever be his decision,
she would abide with it. He deserved his own chance at happiness as much as she
did. She couldn't tie him down to her with a false promise of love. She would
marry him, as she had promised, but not with the dreams of glass she had caused
him to build. She would marry him with the certainty of truth.
His happiness reflected in his eyes as he spotted her. She
stood numb as he moved forward a step at a time - lest he scared her - and engulfed
her in his arms. She felt his warm breath on her neck and her own body go tense
at the closeness. It was only when he moved away immediately that she realized her
restlessness had transpired. She no more was sure of the truth the fear of
losing him had moved something within her.
It wasn't her fear of losing her happily ever after. It wasn't the promise of commitment. It wasn't her desire
of giving Mishti her happy family. It
wasn't her past she was fearful of returning to.
It was something much deeper that had resonated within
her when she had felt his hands wrap around her. She had been in love before,
but what she felt then wasn't anything like she knew of. The new feeling was
warm and fuzzy like the hot chocolate in the winter afternoon. It reeked of
melancholy and heartache, and a deprived sense of longing and yet it warmed
her insides like the first rays of the sun after a long spell of rain.
It didn't consume her like it had once done. It didn't
make her bask in its glory and made her heart skip beats. It didn't make her
feel scared or fearful of the uncertainty. It didn't make her rush out and profess
her new-found happiness to the world. It was something much more calm and
profound. It was stillness wrapped up in an eternity of happiness.
She didn't dare look up when he shook her to ask what was
wrong and yet she did. She felt peace wash over her as she looked into his brown,
concerned eyes. And in that moment, she knew.
Her heart was finally home.
Edited by WanderingBeauty - 5 years ago