Chapter 4
All you
could hear was the muted humming of the scooter's engine as we made our way
back to the apartment. Unlike the last time we were on it, there was silence.
Not a word had been spoken since leaving, yet the entire story had been
conveyed. Without me even asking, Khushi had thrown the tickets into a trashcan
and started the scooter. What a tamasha it must have been, if even Khushi had
shushed herself due to it. We reached the apartment after what seemed like ages
of just pensiveness. Its amusing to see how the whole day passed like seconds
when having fun, yet a moment of pain, and an hour seems like a century.
I settled
myself on the swing in the balcony, locking the door from the outside. I needed
some time to think. I laughed at myself, think, isn't that what I've been doing
for the past two days. Instead, I decided to focus on my phone, but of course
the wallpaper was still a picture of me and Omkara. From the day of our
engagement. How happy we looked, or actually, maybe it was only me who looked
so complete. Maybe this relationship was only me this entire time. His eyes
never reciprocated the same twinkle mine shone with, and he never felt the
michmichi I did every time I saw him smile. Maybe he was never in love with me
after all...
Furious, I changed the wallpaper,
funnily enough to a painting of me that he had created. It was as if there was
no way to erase the mark he made on me. I couldn't deal with this. And so, I
texted him, his number memorized by my heart. I texted him the very same dialogue
I had heard a woman speaking in a movie I had watched the other day. "Aap humse hamaari zindagi maang lete, hum
aapko Khushi Khushi de dete, lekin aap ne to humse hamaara gurroor hi chheen
liya..." I knew he would know. After all, we had watched it together. It was
supposed to be our last single date. The last day before he left for Bareilly.
The last day I'd see him before... Our wedding. Funnily enough, it still was his
last date as a single man, only not mine. Why was it as if my entire world just revolved around him? Maybe that's why
it felt like the whole world had ended. And maybe that's why it still does...
I was knocked out of my thoughts as loud noises started
coming from the door. I got up, to see Khushi was profusely banging on it,
nearly about to break it. "Ishaana, don't suicide please!!" I heard her
yelling. What will I ever do with her? I unlocked the door, and within seconds,
she barged in. "What were you trying to do, locking the door like that huh? We
live on the 35th floor, zara sa bhi try kin na niche jump karne ki,
to seedhi upar jaogi. So yeh hoshiyaari bandh karo aur andar challo." She said,
all in one breath. I just stood there, thinking how she could come up with so
much, from just a locked door.
"Arre, khadhi kya ho, I'll kill you before you
kill yourself ok, andar challo!" She threatened. I placed both my hands on her
shoulders and explained "Khushi, pehle listen. I wasn't trying to kill myself
yar, main itni bhi depressed nahin hoon. Main sirf sochne ke liye aayi thi. I'm
sorry ki tumhe itni chinta hogayi thi." "Oh, okay. Toh theek hain. Lekin mujhe
tumse uss lambe baal vale ladke ke baare mein baat karni hai. Kya samajhta kya
hai voh, huh? Aise hi chhod diya, aise hi vapas aa gaya. Man to kar raha tha ki
champal se uska raita bana doon. Phir dekha ki itni intensity se tum dono baat
kar rahe the, to privacy dene ke liye kulfi khaane chali gayi. Lekin yeh bata,
ke agar voh tumhe lene aaya tha, toh tum kyun nahin gayi uske saath. Wouldn't
it have solved all of your problems?" she answered and questioned, all at once.
"Nahi Khushi, it isn't that
simple. Voh mere saath khush nahin tha, nahin toh voh aise karta hi nahin. Main
janti hu Om ko. Voh jo kuch bhi karta hain, soch samajh ke karta hain. Usse
gauri se sach much mein shaadi karni hogi, and that's why he did it. No
majboories and all. And he probably only followed me because he was guilty.
Omkara and Guilty never add up. And vaise bhi, main uski Khushi mein khush
hoon, so agar usse gauri chahiye, to I'm fine with that. Pehle pehle dard hua,
lekin chahun bhi, to kya kar sakti hoon.Unki shaadi ko tudwa thodi sakti hoon,
voh to hogayi. Ab Om ke liye, matters ko zyaada complicate karne se achha hain,
ki mainye sab accept kar loon, and uski life ko simple bana doon." I explained.
"Gauri? Uss sautan ka naam Gauri hain? I don't understand you
Ishaana, kabhi modern, kabhi dadima. Tum jo chaho karo, tumhari life hain,
mujhe decisions lene ka koi haq nahin hain. Lekin free advice zaroor doongi.
Voh ladka tumhaare kaabil hi nahin tha. Kitne lambe baal the, baccho ko bhi
gorilla bana ke rakh dehta!" She said while laughing. "But on a serious note,
maanti hoon ke apne rights ke liye fight karne ko keh rahi thi pehle, lekin ab
mujhe lagta hain ke its not worth it Ishaana. I saw ke tum kaise react kar rahi
thi, and I don't think that he could ever go back to being the same prince
charming in your eyes. And usse aisi cheez ke liye maaf karna bhi nahin
chahiye. Now, he'll always be reminded of your sacrifice, and that will eat him
up. That is the punishment he deserves. You going back, would just be a
punishment on yourself. Instead, koi accha sa Punjabi munda doondh le, aur
jaldi se uss hippie ko shaadi ka card bhijwa!" She said. I playfully hit her
head at the Punjabi munda comment, but it seemed like that was the only option
left.
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I sat in Omkaraji's room as the
clock kept ticking by. I couldn't sleep. How could I, when he was gone. He
didn't even tell me where he was going, although I already knew. Ishaana. What
a nice name. Probably a nice person too... I knew everyone in this house was
attached to her in some way or the other. While Annika didi did accept me, I
could see that she was missing her. Baat baat pe uska naam unki zubaan pe aa
jata tha. And I didn't mind. I couldn't mind. She was more of the bahu of this
house than me, without even actually being a bahu of the house. What mattered
to me was Omkaraji. I didn't understand what was going on with him at all. Kyun
kiya unhone ye sab? If I had known that unki shaadi hone wali hain, to unki madad
lene ke bijay kaali ke haaton halaal hone chali jaati. He felt bad for her. I
understood that. Lekin aise unse milne chale jana. Uska kya matlab hain? It's
not as if just talking to her will fix her problems, right?
Maybe he loves her. Arre gauri,
are you stupid? Agar shaadi ho rahi thi to of course he loves her. Iss hiliye
to unhe itna farak padta hai, ki sab kaam chhod ke unke paas chale gaye. Apni
biwi ko bhi chhod ke. What nonsense Gauri. Tum sach much me thoddi na unki patni
ho. Vo to Ishaana ka haq hain. Aur Ishaana ka rahega. Lekin iss sab mein main kahan se tapak padi. Its
funny how I knew exactly who Ishaana was, but had lost myself... Kya hoon main?
Kya lagti hoon main iss parivaar ki? Who am I to Omkaraji? It's as if my entire
life had become just a big and bold question mark...
******************************************************************************
I stood there, rooted to my spot,
as my eyes trailed her as she walked away from me, rapidly. I glared into her
back until her figure was a mere speck in the crowd of many. Time passed, it
seemed as if every moment was a day's length, but I stood there, awestruck.
Shocked. Abandoned. She just left. The
large crowd of tourists reduced to just the vagabonds, trying to make a bed of
the wooden benches. The lights had dimmed, the noises dulled, but I could still
hear the ringing of her voice, demanding "kya voh ladki tumhaari patni hai?"
over and over again.
My silent musings were
interrupted as the loud shrill of my phone erupted. Shivaay, it read. I was in
no mood to pick it up, but the thought of the consequent scolding was enough
for me to slide the accept button. A loud bark sounded the second I answered "KAHAN
HAI TU? I know delhi, but main tumhaare hotel pe gaya and you weren't there. I
know you're disturbed, but aise itni raat tak, what are you doing?" his
interrogation was going to last a while. "Mujhe thodi der akela chhod de
Shivaay. Please..." I softly said. "Om, I will track you down if you don't tell
me where you are, RIGHT THIS INSTANT. So jaldi se-" I cut the call, not ready
to listen to the multiple threats I knew he was about to spew. I found an
unoccupied bench, and seated myself, as I scrolled through my phone. Only I
couldn't, because I froze the second I even looked at it. She was my lock
screen picture. I sighed, as I noticed an unread message from an unknown
number:
Aap humse hamaari zindagi maang
lete, hum aapko Khushi Khushi de dete, lekin aap ne to humse hamaara gurroor hi
chheen liya...
Without any
doubt, I knew who it was. Lekin main karoon to kya karoon, Ishaana?! She didn't
even listen to me, she just assumed everything. If she wants me to not bother
her, I wasn't going to follow her around, but if only once..., I could explain.
Every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was her eyes, looking so betrayed,
so hurt. And every time, it pained me to think that that hurt, was all because
of me. I just wanted to make sure she was fine. I couldn't change what I did,
nor would I want to. And it annoys me to think that I feel that way. That I
feel fine after hurting the woman I was supposed to marry. That I don't regret
doing what I did. There's something about Gauri. I don't know why, but it feels
like without even knowing her, I know everything about her. As if she was the
puzzle piece my heart was looking for. And she just clicked right into place,
into the place that I tried fitting Ishaana into so many times, but to no
avail.
I looked at the ring fisted in my
hand. Kitni problems le ke aati hain
ye chhoti si metal ki tukdi. I replayed her handing it to me in my hand.
Kitna dard laati hain aise chhote se tukde. I remembered when I first gave the
ring to Ishaana. We had been dating for over a year, and with constant pressure
from the elders of the family, I guessed it was time to pop the question.
We were at a Mumbai beach, eating chane and panipuris. This is how we
often spent our time together. Common, middleclass and unmaterialistic. Just
breathing the salty air and seeing the small children having fun in the sand
was enough; we didn't need any fancy wine or dinner to fill our hearts. While
in one of these lovely dates, I leaded her into a secluded beachy area, on
pretense of a stroll. I poured my heart out into these beautiful words even I
didn't know I could say. She was on the brink of tears at this point. And when
I finally bent down on one knee and pulled out the very same ring, her smile
was more precious than the entire world. Only, when it was finally time to slip
it onto her finger, it just wouldn't fit.
I ran my hand over the small
joint still visible from where the ring was enlarged. She never even complained
about how I ruined the most perfect moment of our relationship. She just
laughed, and said it'll squeeze on with a bit of soap, before pulling me in for
a kiss, the ring still half on. I guess the ring had been like our
relationship. Something that wouldn't fit, no matter how hard she tried. Only,
after a while, she had learned to compromise. Only now, she had made enough
compromises. And here I was, sitting on a lonely bench in the middle of the
night, with the same ring staring back at me, only with no finger to accompany
it, and no Ishaana to accompany me.
It's funny how life plays games
with you. Just a week had passed since I was yelling at Mr. Oberoi, about his
betrayal to my mother, his selfish breaking of our family, for a woman he had
hardly known. How things have changed in a mere week, Omkara. How you have
changed... Who are you now? Just another shameless Mr. Oberoi...
My deep
trance was interrupted by someone firmly gripping my shoulder. Who could it be,
so late, in Delhi? I turned around, only to feel a sharp sting of pain as I was
punched hard in the nose. My vision blurred as all the lights blending into
one, and before I even knew it, everything faded into pitch black darkness. Ye ho kya raha hain?
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Hi everybody, sorry it has been a while since I last updated, but I have some very very important exams in a few days, so I was superrr busy. But in the meantime, I wrote a super filler chapter. Ainvayi. I hope you all like it, and for all the people waiting for Rikara. Sabar ka fal meetha hot hain. But anyways, rikara coming up next chapter, so keep reading!!!
Oh also, please like the post if you'd like pms every update, and please comment your feedback or criticism because it really helps me make the story better. Thanks y'all, and see you next update!!
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