Posted:
I propose to Bani
Pardon
my cliche.. but life is full of mystery or else how can any one explain
an intelligent, cultured, soft-spoken, caring, social
IT guy like me with tattooless skin would fall head over toe for Bani
who is in sharp contrast with me in every way.Like Dil To Pagal Hain movie I suddenly knew that I had fallen in love. I am a rational go-getter who realised that Bani was way out of my league and had to strive hard to deserve her.
I am a dog lover and own a cutie Labrador and here was the first problem. It was evident from Bigg Boss videos that Bani despises all Kutte of the world. Let all kutte goto dogs for all she cares. A rumour is making round that Bani even won against Legendary Dharmendra in dog-blood drinking competition.
I cant part with my dog to be with Bani. Luckily, he is always eager to please his master, a quality no doubt will please Bani. Unfortunately, he is little unruly, rebellious by nature and hence having him trained to obey all orders without question like Gaurav. Well .. fingers crossed..
I know that apart from physical exercise, Bani loves to exercise her jaws constantly by munching any known protein in sight. I am prepared to be at my lady Khali's service 24/7 and have already learnt to cook everything from starters like oat fritters, egg idaly to main course like oat/egg biryani, oat paratha, egg-spinach masala to desserts like egg kulfi and egg Srikhand. If I
I know that Bani is self-made since childhood. She never agreed with her teacher's evaluation and used to make her own report cards at school. It is also rumoured that she is such an extreme case of being self-made that she was not born to her parents like ordinary commoners but made entry into this world like that Terminator movie.
Bani has set some impossible benchmark there for a person like myself who started from abject poverty to now head all Goa/Gujrat/Maharashtra operations in my company.
Bani's rich,expressive and explosive vocabulary and unwavering, loyal use of f**k words in all sentences, situations and even in pauses was a great revelation to a poor guy like me who naively relied upon works of Dicken/Austen or GRE preparation or editorial columns to enrich my English knowledge.
No wonder she landed the prestigious job to translate all Hindi cusses to innovative English expletives in Hollywood remake of Omkara and Delhi Belly.
Bani not only conveys her feelings by her flat, monotonous tone, generous f**k words, constant flailing of hands or skyward blank,vacuous gaze but also with a subtle twitch at the corner of her mouth. Hence she is so difficult to read and easily misunderstood.
She is so grossly misunderstood that teachers always found her answers incorrect during exam, the waiters invariably mess with her orders, GPS misunderstands her locaion, even Expedia issues her ticket to wrong destination. It will be a challenge to decipher her moods but I have also noticed that a piece of special diet protein cake always lightens her mood and brings expansive smile on her face in any situation.
Bani staunchly believes that relationship is based on trust and insists that her partner puts an unwavering trust in every syllable she utters. If the partner seems to wander away from this tenet, he is subjected to multiple twitches of every facial muscle along with walking away unexpectedly.
It is of paramount importance that I develop this blind trust and have already started practicing by jogging blindfolded on the street filled with open manholes. I just can not see her disappointed.
I am currently being trained as a punching bag of Mike Tyson. I am sure this rigorous training will come in handy with Bani. Love you Bani. When will I be your d**k-h**d ..?
I showed few of Bani's BiggBoss clippings to my Mom. I wanted to create good impression of hers and then slowly announce my love for her.. but alas!! my old fashioned mom passed out while watching Bani's convo heavily sprinkled with f**k and sh*t. Aynyway.. Good news!! Doc says the shock is not quite severe and mom should recover in a couple of days and she may not remember anything she saw.. Well.. Next time I will show mom clippings of Bani snoring or eating oat without talking.
Bani's f**k talks, however endearing, were not palatable to my mom. Yesterday, I dreamt that Bani accepted my marriage proposal with effusive (and strangely inviting and arousing) f**ks. I later begged her to tone down f**k a bit for my mother and our happy life. But even in my own dream she screamed..
"F**k man.. I dont mind cooking some sh*t for her or give her all sh*t respect and all or even get her tattooed head to toe with your Gods. But you suggesting that I overuse f**k is really so f**ing insulting and wrong. f**k f**k. I hardly use that word.. f**k F**K F**K"
I was apologising with folded hands with earnestness of 1000 Gauravs in my eyes but Bani ignored me and walked away. I woke up shuddering..and was relieved that it was just a dream. This can never happen in reality, right ?
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FUN POST - Priyanka Son's Letter.
http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=4738030&PID=137981170&#p137981170
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