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Preeti Malhotra had come
out of her room to get water when she heard the sniffles coming from the
courtyard, she could have recognized those sniffles anywhere. Preeti sighed
deeply, her heart hurting, as she put the jug on the kitchen counter and made
her way outside. She wasn't mistaken in her assumption, because Suman sat on the bench in the
courtyard, she was wrapped up in a shawl considering it was quite chilly.
"Di?" Preeti called out as
she got closer to her, a frown overcame her face when Suman frantically wiped
her face and turned towards her with a forced smile as if everything was okay.
"Preeti, what are you doing
up?" Suman asked trying to keep the shakiness out her voice. But Preeti could
see it all - the trail of tears, the red puffy eyes, her blotched skin, her
trembling lips and the used tissues that lay on the table in front of her. Preeti
felt tears prickling in her own eyes at the sight of her sister - she was
always so strong for everyone else
and she didn't have anyone that she could be weak around.
"Di, what's wrong?" Preeti
asked sitting beside her and placing a hand on her knee. She had noticed that
her sister was really sad despite the fact that she was married to Shravan now.
The wedding had been a surprise, and the tension between them was still
palpable but no one really knew what was going on between the two of them.
"Nothing." Suman replied,
but in reality everything seemed wrong. Her hope was slowly diminishing, every time she
thought she was moving forward with Shravan they catapulted back. She was tired
of trying to be his wife when he
didn't want her to be, she was tired of the off-hand remarks, the hate, and the
cruel words. She hated the way he looked at her sometimes, because he looked at her like he loved her and it gave her
hope for a second. But then he would say something that would shatter that hope
immediately.
"Di, please, don't lie to
me at least." Preeti said through her own tears.
"I am just so tired of all of this." Suman sighed staring ahead trying not to cry.
"I thought things were
changing -." Preeti trailed off.
"He still hates me. He
hates me so much. I don't even know why. I can't even pinpoint what I did to
make him so angry. Everything has just been going wrong since he came back from London. We
were fine for a while and I thought - I thought he loved me too you know, even if it was just as a
friend. But the things he said to Aditya, and the way he's acting-." The tears
started rolling down Sumo's face as the words poured out. "You know when Shravan left all
those years ago and I realized that I loved him, something inside of me broke a
little. But there was still this hope that held everything together, and from that day I waited for him to come back so I could apologize to him and
tell him that I love him. For ten
years, I thought it would all be okay, I would tell him that I was sorry and that
I love him, he would say it back and we would be happy." A sob broke through
her mouth at the thought.
Preeti wrapped her arm
around her sister, rubbing her back gently as the tears flowed.
"I was so naive. When he came back he was so angry, and the whole party thing - I agree I was at fault for
what happened all those years ago, I was dumb, my image was everything to me
because Sumo was cool and people
wanted to be around her and I thrived off that. I felt so unwanted my whole
life and I wanted to hold onto that feeling of being someone that wasn't a
burden, someone that people genuinely wanted to be around. I made mistakes but
I never realized how badly I hurt him. And that day, after the party, I broke
for the second time because the man I loved apparently hated me. For a while I
was so sure that there would never be anything between us."
Suman couldn't stop the
words once she had started, she knew she shouldn't be thinking about this, that
there was no point in wanting to relive all that had happened. But she wanted to talk because someone wanted to listen to her for
once, she didn't have to hold everything inside her, she had held this inside
her for months and she felt it weighing her down, so she continued talking.
"But then things changed,
slowly, and we became friends again and that stupid sixteen-year-old girl in me
died of happiness, because she was so
sure that he loved her. All those dreams came back again at full force and I
was so happy. But then I realized that he had moved on, that
he hated the idea of marriage because of his mother and I wanted to make him
believe in love again, to believe in women
again. When I found out about what really happened between Nirmala Aunty and
Ramnath Uncle I tried to tell him but he didn't listen. He thought I was out to hurt him. And I broke again, I
tried so hard to get him to listen but he didn't."
Preeti was full out crying
with her sister at that point, there was a haunting pain in her sister's voice
that pierced her heart. She couldn't even begin to imagine being in love with
someone for so long and having that person slip away from you time and time
again.
Sumo took in a deep breath
before continuing. "After the whole PCT thing and the accident, I thought we
needed another chance because I was still holding onto the hope that he loved
me, he sure as hell acted like it. And I was happy again, until his dad walked
into my room and told me to my face that he didn't like me, that I wasn't fit to be his son's wife. And he put me
in such a hard spot, pick your family or pick Shravan, he gave me a cheque, he tried to put a price tag on
my love."
"You should have picked
Shravan Di." Preeti cried, the guilt eating her alive.
"How could I? It was your
happiness Preeti, you love Pushkar and he loves you, and I wasn't going to
stand in between that. I owe our family as much-."
"Di, you don't owe us-"
"I do though. After my
parents died they took me in, they didn't have to, they gave me so much. I owe them so much, my mother owed them so much - and I couldn't just forget
that no matter what. So I promised Ramnath Uncle that I'd stay away from
Shravan and you know what's funny - I told him that he could stop me but one
day Shravan would realize that he loved me - what would he do then? I said that
to him, I was so stupid. I thought Shravan
would come to me if I couldn't go to him. But that didn't happen, the fights
just escalated throughout the wedding. How was I supposed to take money from
him? His help was always linked to his father, the man that told me that he
didn't like me, the man that was trying to put a price tag on my love - taking
money from him was wrong. But I never
thought that Shravan would get so angry
about it, I thought we understood each other but I guess not."
"Why didn't you tell
Shravan Di?" Preeti wondered after Suman quietened for a second, sniffling,
trying to control her tears.
"Ramnath Uncle means the
world to Shravan, I didn't want to come between them, he loves his dad so much,
do you remember how he was when we thought uncle had died in the plane crash? And
even if I did tell him he wouldn't have believed me, I tried once before, with
Nirmala Aunty and he didn't listen." Sumo sighed.
"And then Aditya walked in
and he seemed so nice for a while, he tried to help, but he didn't try to give me money. He got me investors for
PCT and I was grateful because I got the investors based on my business, not
him. And I was happy again because I thought Shravan was the one who gave
Aditya the papers to PCT to help me indirectly. But he marched in and he told
me that he hated me, that I was selfish, that I used him, that I never
considered him a friend, khokli dosti, that's what he said. He was my
only real friend, the only person apart from my family that I would do anything for, and he said that he hated
me, that I used him all this time. And I broke again. He said he hated me but
he got mad at me for saying yes to marrying Aditya - what was I supposed to do?
Naanu was on his deathbed, begging me, everyone was pressuring me and it's not
like I could have said that I loved Shravan - he wasn't a choice, he said he hated me. I didn't choose Aditya, I had
no real choice, nothing would have come out of telling anyone about Shravan so
I agreed. I thought I could move on but he didn't let me, he was always around,
always saying things that cut deep, and I was confused as to what he wanted."
"Aditya kept pestering me
about what was going on between Shravan and I, but I had no answer to give him.
What was I supposed to say? That I've
loved Shravan since I realized what love was, but he hates me and yet I still
love him and I don't know if I'll ever be able to stop?" Sumo let out a sad
laugh at this point. "What happened with Aditya and the way Shravan acted, I
thought that maybe there was still hope but that got crushed when I came to see
him to discuss the wedding. And I broke again. But then he married me and I
felt hopeful again, but it was all out of obligation and pressure, he still
hates me."
Sumo bit her bottom lip
willing the tears to stop but they wouldn't. "For years it was my dream to
marry him, but not like this, I feel
like I am suffocating every second. He doesn't want me here, that's clear. And
any love he ever had for me is buried under all that hate that I don't know
what to do about. He just assumes the worst of me, and that's not going to
change. I could do anything and he'd find it wrong. I try so hard to get him to
talk to me so we can work it out, but he just says something that hurts the right spot and leaves. And the worst
thing is, that despite all of this, I can't stop myself from loving him. Every
moment of the day I wonder if something will change and he'll love me again but
he doesn't, and I break every single time. And I am so tired of it all. I am
tired of pretending to be happy when I am not, I am so tired with myself and my
own hopes - I am tired of breaking. I just- I just wanted to be happy you know.
I wanted this one thing, I wanted to
be with him, it is so easy for
everyone else, they fall in love, get married and live happily. In my head it was
that easy, we loved each other, we
would get married, have cute little kids and live happily, like normal people.
But-"
Sumo broke into
uncontrollable sobs as Preeti wrapped her arms around her and cried with her.
The two sisters sat in the courtyard, crying, unaware of the two pairs of ears
that had heard the whole conversation.
X-X-X-X-X
Shravan Malhotra staggered
back into his room, he felt like the world was spinning with all that he had
just heard. He knew she wasn't lying with the way she was crying. His mind
didn't know what to make of everything, the only thing that kept reverberating
through his mind was that she loved him,
that she still loves him. She had loved him for all these years.
He sat on the bed in their room, and put his head in his
hands as her words played through his mind again and again, it was like he was
reliving every moment with her but through her eyes. He took in a staggered
breath as the severity of his own actions hit him, she sounded so broken and he was at fault for a lot of
it. Yes, she pushed him away, but she apparently had a reason for it. Yes, she
agreed to marry Aditya but she was pressured to. All of a sudden he was
confused why he was mad at her - for pushing him away? She had a reason for it,
apparently his father and her family. For not taking money from him? She
apparently had a reason for it, again, his father. For not loving him back? She
did love him, but couldn't admit to it - not like he had admitted it either. For
agreeing to marry another man after he told her he hated her? There wasn't much
else she could do with Naanu asking
for it.
Yet, there was still this
doubt lingering in his mind, that his father would never do this to him.
Shravan thought that his father knew
how much he loved Sumo and how hurt he had been by her indifference - he didn't
think that his father would have let him suffer like that.
Shravan could feel his eyes
water as he tried to make sense of what he had just heard when he heard the
door to the room open, and then he heard her
footsteps. She was dragging her feet, she never did that before, as she
walked over to the sofa without saying a word. She wasn't looking towards him
because she didn't want him to see that she had been crying. But he was
watching her like a hawk, he noticed the redness in her face and her puffy
eyes. He wanted to say something but
he didn't know what to say so he just
sat there and watched her.
She pulled the blanket over
herself and turned into the couch so he couldn't see her face. Shravan rubbed
his hand over his chest, right above his heart, there was a weird twisting
feeling that he couldn't describe as he took in another breath. He couldn't go
to sleep tonight, not with so many questions lingering in his mind. So he got
up and left, quietly closing the door behind him to not disturb her.
He went out and sat in the
courtyard where she had been sitting with Preeti earlier. He had come down to
the kitchen on the pretence of getting water earlier, he had actually been
wondering why Sumo hadn't come up to the room. He had seen Preeti walk into the
courtyard and he knew that the sniffles he was hearing belonged to Sumo. He wanted to leave but his feet
wouldn't move once she had starting talking.
Shravan took in another
breath as the tears flowed down his face, he didn't know what to feel at the moment. He was so caught up in his thoughts
that he failed to notice that Kamini Chachi
came to sit across from him. "Shravan puttar! What happened? Why are you
crying?" She asked, but she knew exactly what was going on, she had heard Sumo
and Preeti. And then she had instigated Preeti to tell her everything she knew
about Ramnath's words to Suman about her son's marriage. With every word that
came out of Preeti's mouth, Kamini's plan solidified even more, she was set on
creating a wedge between the father and son. She had a feeling that Shravan
would leave and go to London with Suman once he found out.
"Nothing Chachi." Shravan murmured trying to
control his voice which quivered.
"You can't lie to me puttar. What's bothering you?" Kamini
coddled knowing that Shravan needed someone to talk to at that moment, he had
alienated Suman enough to not be able to talk to her and he couldn't talk to
Ramnath either.
Shravan wondered where to
start, Sumo had said a lot to Preeti but the one thing he knew that Kamini
Chachi would know is what happened between his parents all those years ago. So
he took in a deep breath before turning towards his chachi. "What happened between my parents all those years ago?" He
asked. Kamini pretended to be taken aback by his question but internally she
was dancing with happiness.
She sighed before she
began. "Puttar, I am not trying to
defend or badmouth anyone here, I want to tell you the truth. Bhaisaab would never want you to know
this, and I've hidden it from you on his insistence. But at the end of the day,
I am like your mother and I feel like you deserve to know the truth. So listen
to my words patiently, puttar." She
said, all of this was mostly true, she did think Shravan deserved to know the
truth. She had sided with Ramnath before because that's what was profitable for
her and now siding with Nirmala was profitable, she didn't really care who was
right or wrong - in her mind they both were.
"Life was very different
for your father when you were young, he was struggling as a lawyer, he had
nothing. You barely managed to scrape by every month. So your mother took up to
working, something your father hated. But Nirmala didi was only trying to provide for the family because your father
couldn't at the time. You know the older generation, right puttar? Bhaisaab was
obviously hurt by the fact that his wife was more successful than he was so he
started lashing out at her, and those fights just seemed to get worse and worse
everyday." Kamini paused noticing the look on Shravan's face, he seemed to be
eating up her words with gusto.
"He hated that his wife was
independent and strong-willed, even though if that wasn't the case you would
have all been out on the streets. He was the typical Indian man, wanted a wife
that deferred to him, wanted to be the breadwinner and the fact that he didn't
have that made him angry." Kamini continued.
Shravan mind went back to
his own childhood, he remembered that his mother worked and his father didn't.
He remembered the fights he had overheard; over time he was taught to believe
that it was all his mother's fault but Kamini Chachi's words made him re-evaluate
the situation and questions popped up in his mind.
"When Nirmala didi started working for Mr. Ahuja, your
dad didn't like it one bit but Ahuja paid her well and didi became a known lawyer. At the same time, Tiwari Ji helped your
father out and he started getting cases. Your father wanted your mother to quit,
but she had worked so hard to make a name for herself that she didn't want to
quit, and Bhaisaab's success wasn't
guaranteed either yet. Bhaisaab took
it the wrong way and assumed it was - I feel so embarrassed saying this - but
he thought it was because your mother and Ahuja Ji had an affair. But in my heart I know that Nirmala didi would never do that. Plus, Ahuja Ji was so in love with his
wife who had recently passed away that he would never even consider Nirmala,
they were just friends, like Pushkar and Suman are. When Bhaisaab accused her of an affair, she wanted to leave, obviously
she would, no self-respecting woman would stand an accusation like that. She
wanted to take you with her, but your father didn't let her."
"She wanted to take me with
her?" Shravan asked, his voice sounded so broken and Kamini's heart melted a
little, she had seen Shravan grow up, she had nothing against him, she just
wanted her son to get what he deserved.
"Of course she did Puttar, but Bhaisaab was so against it, he said he would go to court and fight
for custody and she didn't want you to lose your childhood to that so she
left."
"And married Ahuja."
Shravan mumbled remembering her adopted family.
"No no, she never divorced your father." Kamini said
and then smiled knowing she had hit the nail on the head.
"Did she ever try to come
back for me?" Shravan asked.
"Bhaisaab sent you off to London because he was afraid she would
come back for you; you weren't here so she didn't have a chance." Kamini said. "And
when she came back Bhaisaab was so
rattled, that's why he hates Suman
and wanted her to stay away from you, he was afraid that she would tell you the
truth. And he hates that Suman is just as independent as your mother. I've always admired Suman for
it, it takes a lot to make a name for yourself in a society like this,
especially considering the hardships she's been through, but she always comes
out strong." Kamini added trying to soften Shravan's heart towards Sumo and
elicit guilt that she knew would be Ramnath's downfall.
"D-did you know that dad
told Suman to stay away from me?" Shravan asked Kamini, praying that his Chachi said something to refute the
idea.
"I found out recently."
Kamini sighed and Shravan's heart clenched in his chest. "When I noticed the
tension between the two of you I wondered what was wrong, you were drinking all
the time and Suman looked so sad. And
when I found out I was taken aback wondering how Bhaisaab could take her away from you like that, especially when he
knew how much you love her and how hurt you were by what was happening. He
offered her money for the wedding to stay away from you, she didn't take it,
she never would. But I couldn't say anything to anyone, Bhaisaab is the head of this family after all - but I tried to fix things. That's
why I pushing so hard for you two to get married because I knew that once you
two were together this stuff would sort itself out. But if she got married to
someone else and you found out later - I could never see you like that puttar." She ended, driving her point
home. She knew Shravan was taken aback because of the horrified look on his
face, he had just realized how close he was to losing his Sumo forever.
Shravan sat rooted in his
spot, he didn't know what to think or
do. He wanted to believe that Kamini was lying but her story matched up too
perfectly with Sumo's, and he knew that Sumo wasn't lying - especially not with
the way she was crying and sobbing. He felt so betrayed, he had always thought that his dad was the only person
that he had, someone that always looked out for his best interests, someone
that was always truthful and a good person. But he had done so much behind his back, things that hurt
him so much, Sumo's indifference to
him cut him deeper than anything ever had, losing her to another man broke his
heart into tiny pieces, and his pain wasn't hidden from his father. He spewed
all this hate about Sumo to his father and he just listened even though he knew
the reasons behind her actions.
Shravan wanted to run, he
wanted to go grab a bottle of whisky and drink until everything slowed down and
became a buzz. But that had gotten him nowhere last time, if anything it seemed
to have clouded his judgement because he failed to see the sadness on her face
that was so clear to him now when he
thought about it. He figured that he needed to stop running, he needed to
confront his father about all of this. He needed to hear his own father admit
this to him.
And he needed to fix
things, he needed to talk to his
Sumo, he needed to tell her why her actions hurt him so much, he needed to tell
her that he spewed all that hate because he wanted a reaction from her, he
needed to apologize for all that he had said and done. He needed to apologize
for breaking her numerous times like
she had stated - all those times he was just trying to protect himself from
heart break, lashing out at her gave him the power in the situation and saved
him, but it broke her. He took in a staggered breath yet again wondering how he
had gotten it all so wrong.
"You're thinking about how
you've misjudged Suman, aren't you?" Kamini asked adding fuel to the fire. "Bhaisaab's
words clouded your judgement, didn't they? I always wondered what happened that
caused you from seeing her as your best friend to the selfish woman you claimed
she was. I guess being fed the same words over and over again about how all women are xyz clouds your judgement, doesn't it?" Kamini took a deep
breath and spewed words she truly believed about Suman next. "Suman is the
furthest thing from selfish and manipulative puttar, she chose everyone else's happiness over hers, even your
father's - a man who she has the right to hate - she thought your happiness lay
with your father's and didn't want to get between you two."
Shravan got up and walked
away from the courtyard, his mind running a mile a minute, he didn't quite know
what to think anymore. Everything he thought was right apparently wasn't and
there were two people that could answer all his questions, he just needed to
decide which one he wanted to talk to first.
X-X-X-X-X-X
Shravan opened the door to
the bedroom carefully, noticing that the light was still on despite it being so
late. He sighed as his eyes rested on the figure sitting on the armchair, a
file in his hand. His feet dragged as he walked into the room, he dreaded what
was about to come, his heart sank in his chest and his stomach twisted.
"Shravan? Is everything
okay?" Ramnath asked as he noticed Shravan's desolate face and puffy eyes.
Shravan didn't say a word
but fell in front of his father's chair like he had weeks ago when he begged
him for his love, for his Sumo.
"Shravan, what happened?" Ramnath asked, and when he didn't reply, Ramnath assumed that the problem was Suman. "I
told you to not marry Sumo, I told you she would only bring you unhappiness-"
"I don't think she is the
one that brought me unhappiness." Shravan
murmured looking up at his father. "Papa,
can you please be honest with me today? For both of our sakes?" He asked and
noticed the fear that seemed to settle over his father's face immediately.
"Shravan, I think you
should go to sleep, it's late, we'll talk tomo-"
"No Papa, I want to talk now."
Shravan insisted, his voice firm. "Did you know that Sumo loved me?"
"Shravan-"
"Papa, please, for my sake. Tell me. Did she tell you that she loved
me?" Shravan asked hoping the ansswer was no, but his eyes filled with tears as Ramnath nodded.
"After I told you that I
love her?" He asked and Ramnath nodded yet again, his face grim, and his mouth
set in a straight line.
"And you didn't think to
tell me?" Shravan wondered.
"She was lying, we both
know how manipulative she is, you said so yourself-"
"Then why did you find the
need to pay her to stay away from
me?" Shravan asked as Ramnath's eyes grew wide. "You went to her didn't you?
After you found out that I loved her, and you told her to stay away from me and
in exchange you offered to make sure that Preeti's wedding went off without a
hitch?" He asked already knowing the answer with the way his father refused to
look at him, but he still hoped that he was wrong, that there was another
reason for all of this. "Papa, answer
me, please."
"I was only trying to
protect you Shravan, you weren't listening to me."
"I told you that I loved
her, that I couldn't live without
her. Yet I asked you for your permission, I gave you the option of saying no papa. Why did you have to do this?" He
cried.
"You weren't listening.
She's all wrong for you, she's selfish, independent, stubborn - exactly like
your mother."
"I loved her the way she is,
I loved her for years, she is the only
woman I ever loved. When you told me
that she was wrong for me, I didn't believe you at first, everything you pointed
out seemed so irrelevant. Yeah, she is a bit stubborn, but so am I. Yeah, she's
independent but she had to be, she feels like she has to pay off her mother's
loan to her aunt and uncle. How is she selfish papa? She gave me up for
her family even though she loves me, she does so much for them, for Preeti, for Naanu, even for you. She
agreed to stay away from me, didn't she? For you, for the relationship between
us papa."
"Shravan, I don't know what
you're going on about, you said yourself that she is-."
"Because I was blinded by
your words, and she was pushing me away because of you. I thought she had used me and now that she didn't want
anything from me she was throwing me away and replacing me, but she wasn't, she did it because you made her. You tried to sell my love and
buy hers."
"I only did it because it
was best for you Shravan." Ramnath said and Shravan's heart broke a little more, he thought that his father may have been misjudged, but he was accepting all the accusations wholeheartedly. What bothered Shravan more than that was the fact that his father failed to realize that his actions were definitely not what was best for him - he had never felt as miserable as he had in the past few weeks.
"Did you not see how much
her indifference was hurting me papa?
Did you not see the pain I was going through? Did you not see the way I was trying everything to numb the pain? I drank all
the time, I was so miserable. I cried
for her in front of you, I broke down, I did so much because just the thought of losing her killed me. I died a
thousand times a day. You know how much I love her; you knew why I was acting like I did. You knew why she was acting the
way she was. Did you not see that despite everything I still loved her and
needed her in my life? Did you not think that I deserved to know the truth?
That I would be happy with her. I
told you Papa, even back then, that it was her
or no one, you knew that." Shravan
cried.
"She isn't right for you
Shravan, she's exactly like Nirmala-"
"Sumo is not my mother, she's a different person,
they share traits, but that doesn't mean they'll do the exact same thing. And
even if she was like maa what's so
wrong about that?"
"Shravan, that woman left you, left us for another man
and another family-"
"Why did she leave Papa?" Shravan asked looking at his
father's face which registered shock. "There is a reason other than the one you
told me, isn't there papa? That's why
you got so angry with Sumo, that's why you wanted her out of my life because
you didn't want me to know the truth, right?"
Ramnath got up
from his chair and walked towards his bed, and started pacing. "Shravan you're
out of your mind, Suman is filling your ears against me, she wants you to hate me-"
"She didn't say
anything papa, she hasn't said a word
to me about you, I wish she had." Shravan murmured still sitting by the chair.
"Shravan,
Shravan, Shravan! You're being blinded by her again, just like I was blinded by
your mother, this is why I didn't
want you to marry Sumo, I knew she would break this family apart, she's not fit
to be-"
"She did
everything to keep both of our
families happy." Shravan interrupted as he processed the last few weeks. "You
made her choose her family or me, she chose her family because if she didn't
then Pushkar and Kamini Chachi would
have fallen out, her own family would have been broken, she loves me but she gave up her happiness
for everyone else's, even yours."
Shravan realized.
"Exactly
Shravan, she put you second, her own
ego, her self-respect, her family, that is more important to her than you
are-" Ramnath said to his son, but Shravan recalled her words about him, the only person apart from my family that I
would do anything for.
"I would have
stopped seeing her if you told me to, I would have chosen you over her, I would
have tried very hard to at least - how can I blame her for putting her family
before me?" Shravan murmured recalling her words about how indebted she was to
her family and how she thought he
would go to her if she couldn't come to him.
"Shravan-"
"To me it just seems like
you were worried about yourself and protecting your own lies, not me. I think
I've heard everything I needed to hear for now." Shravan said getting off the
floor and walking towards the door with a sigh.
X-X-X-X-X
Shravan Malhotra sat on the
floor by the couch in their room, his chin resting on the edge of the cushion as he watched
her sleep. Her breathing was even and her body was still, she was sound asleep.
Her cheeks were still blotchy and he could see the trail that the dry tears
left behind. His hand itched to smooth the lines of her forehead but he felt
like he didn't have the right to after all he had said and done. Her eyebrows
were furrowed and her lips were turned down even in her sleep and it made him
feel horrible.
He needed to talk to her,
to apologize for misjudging her. He wished that his mother had never come back
into his life, they could have avoided all
of this, they were so happy before
that. But there was a nagging voice at the back of his mind that said they would have
fallen out over something else if not his mother, their relationship was so
volatile, the past few weeks seemed to highlight that perfectly. They had
a lot to talk about, that was for sure. He just hoped that she was ready to
listen.
A part of him knew that she
would forgive him wholeheartedly eventually, that was just who she was as a
person, and that made him feel even more miserable. He took in a staggered
breath as he remembered her words, about how she trusted him to never let her
fall that day on the terrace, they pierced him. He had broken that trust,
numerous times. He failed miserably as a friend, and he didn't even want to
think about how badly he failed as the man who loved her.
He wondered how he had gone
so blind, at first when she started avoiding him he realized that something was
bothering her and he tried to find out what it was. But every time she resisted
his advances his heart broke a little, and he always lashed out at her to save
himself the heartbreak because his biggest fear was always being rejected. He
was rejected by his peers, by his mother and by the woman he loved - and being
rejected by her again had turned him into a man who spewed vicious words.
He kept getting such
different feelings from Sumo though, when he came back he was sure that she was
the same self-obsessed Sumo he had fallen in love with as a teenager. But then
when they worked together through the Khosla case and they went to her old
house he realized that she had changed. She cared for others, that
much was clear, and he knew she cared for him too because of her insistence
that he not fight the case because of his family, the way she had lied that
getting money out of Khosla for Varun was his idea, and how she remembered
little things about him. She was the only person he felt comfortable sharing
his problems with when he decided to go back to London because he knew she would understand.
He still remembered how she
had dragged him home when he thought he lost his father, she was there for him
in a way no one else could be. She cried right along with him. She tried to
bring his mom back into his life because she understood that he missed the
memory of his mother even though he hated what she had done to him. She went
through so much trouble trying to keep her away from him and then to unite
them. He remembered how she waited outside his office for hours so she could
explain herself but he didn't give her the chance to. Tears streamed down his
cheeks as he remembered that conversation they had in the conference room
months ago, she said that she would always find him if he got angry with her,
and she would wait if he left. She had done her part but he hadn't done his. On top of that, she almost jumped off a terrace because she
wanted him to trust her. He wanted to hit himself for thinking all of that was
fake.
He wished he had just
listened to her words and understood her problem. He remembered her words from
when Khosla was a part of their lives, she said she couldn't pay off his debt
if he fought the case for her at the expense of his family. She said that she
was already indebted to everyone, she seemed like she was suffocating under
everyone's favours - and he had seen the way her family acted towards her
sometimes, especially Manju mami, he
realized how horrible she must have felt. She did everything because of her family and his father, things that apparently caused her pain. And he had made it so much worse for her with his words, he had
told her that no one wanted her, that she couldn't keep anyone happy. He was
just frustrated with her and her refusal to take his help, but he kind of
understood the reason behind her actions now.
He could feel his eyes
burning with his tears and her face blurred in front of her. His guilt was running
through his arteries and veins like gasoline, and his past words and action
seemed to spark that guilt and cause it to burn through him. He had broken off
their friendship and had been downright horrid to her. He had married her in
court to spite her because she wanted to pay for the wedding - now he realized
it was just because she didn't want his father to pay for it.
He remembered her elaborate
plans about her wedding from when they were little, she loved the weddings in
Bollywood films. She used to say that she wanted all the functions, with a
different dress for each one, choreographed dances at the sangeet, henna up to her elbows, jewellery with emeralds and so
much more. She had compromised the first time with Aditya, and then he had
killed her dreams again it seemed.
He felt like he couldn't breathe when he
realized how close he had come to losing her forever despite the fact that they
both loved each other. He didn't quite know how to explain what he was feeling,
he just knew it hurt, physically,
mentally and emotionally.
X-X-X-X-X-X
Sumo awoke to what she
figured was someone sobbing, her eyes
opened and she blinked a few times trying to adjust to the light in the room.
As the sleepy fog lifted from her brain she realized that Shravan was sitting
on the floor in front of the sofa she was laying on, and the sobs were coming
from him.
She got up and sat on the
sofa, carefully as to avoid hitting him by chance. She sat near where his chin
was resting and put her feet on the floor beside him but he didn't move. "Shravan,
what's wrong?" Sumo asked placing her hand on his head, her fingers running
through the soft hair.
Shravan looked up and met
her worried gaze which made him feel even guiltier. Sumo ran her fingers
through his hair wondering why he was crying and looking at her like that. Before she could ask again he
wrapped his arms around the middle of her body and rested his face on her lap
against her stomach.
"I am sorry, so so so sorry."
He whispered again and again through his sobs. Sumo was surprised and confused
but she knew he was in no state to tell her what was wrong and she didn't have the heart to push him away even though she was
annoyed and angry with him. So, she played with his hair, running her fingers through the strands, trying to calm him down as he apologized over
and over again, she wasn't quite sure what he was apologizing for.
"Shravan, what's wrong?"
She asked when he quietened a bit after a few minutes but he didn't say
anything. Rather, he wrapped his arms around her even tighter and buried his
head even closer to her stomach finding comfort from being close to her like
this.
They were quite the sight
to behold, she was sitting on the sofa and his arms were wrapped around her
waist, his head in her lap as she ran her fingers through his hair. The sat
there for a while, the only sounds that resonated through the room were his
apologies and his name leaving her mouth followed by a shhh.
"Shravan, you should
sleep." She murmured a while later.
He moved away from her lap
and looked up at her, his eyes red, his hair disheveled and a look of anguish
on his face. "I am sorry." He whispered again.
"For what?" She asked
wondering what had happened to cause him to break down like this, the only time she remembered him
doing this was when he thought his dad had passed away.
"Everything." Shravan said,
he didn't quite know how to say it all out loud to her at that moment, he was
sorry for so many things that he
didn't even know where to begin.
There was this sincerity in
his eyes that caused her to melt a bit. "Shravan, what happened?" She asked
cupping his face between her hands, forcing him to look at her.
"You love me." He
whispered. Sumo noticed that it was a statement rather than a question so she
didn't say anything in response, rather she just stared at him wondering why he
was bringing it up now. "You've always loved me." He added when he noticed that
she was tearing up too. "But my father-"
Shravan stopped short and let the sentence trail off but realization dawned on
her, he had found out about his father's truth.
"Go to sleep Shravan." She
murmured letting go off his face, she didn't know how to respond to him at that
moment. Yes, she loved him, and his father told her not to tell him, but that
didn't change what he did.
"I love you." He said,
tears streaming down his face again. She looked back at him, her eyes growing
wide at his words. "I love you. I've always loved you." He murmured looking at
up at her hopefully.
She should have pushed him
away, she knew that, he said that he
loved her but his actions seemed to say the opposite sometimes. But she also
knew that the words were true, he wouldn't have said them if he didn't mean
them, and his eyes - she knew they
could never lie. She wanted to be angry at him, to scream and yell but she
couldn't because at the end of the day she had made many mistakes too. Mistakes
that led them to this point.
There was a part of her
that already forgave him and a part wasn't ready to accept his apology just
yet, not after the words he had said to her, about her. But at the end of the
day she loved him and she couldn't
push him away after hearing the words from his mouth, words she had craved to
hear for years.
She got up from her spot on
the couch and held out her hand for him to get up, there was a confused look on
his face but he got up and stood in front of her. She pulled him towards the
bed and motioned for him to sit on it, letting his hand go. He sat but looked
up at her confused.
"Go to sleep now Shravan,
we'll deal with it tomorrow." She said, she didn't miss how his face seemed to
fall as he nodded, but he lay down on the bed with a sigh. She was about to
walk away but he grabbed her hand again causing her to look back down at him.
"Stay, please." He pleaded. Sumo knew she should have said no but she was
drained from the day, the conversation with Preeti earlier still fresh in her
mind. She had been waiting for something
to change, and as soon as she had given up the hope, things did change. She
knew they were far from being okay,
they had a lot to talk about and a lot to get through but she wasn't strong
enough to push him away. She hadn't managed to do it through all those years and she couldn't manage to do it now.
So she nodded and he
scooted over on the bed and held the covers up for her as she lay down beside him.
He wrapped his arms around her tightly as she burrowed her face into his chest.
It should have been awkward considering their equation but it was far from
that, for the first time in weeks Sumo breathed a sigh of relief. She felt a
weird peace settle upon her at the feel of being in his arms, something she had
craved for as long as she could remember.
Shravan pulled the covers
over them and placed a kiss atop her head. He felt the pain in his chest ease a
bit, he knew he had a long way to go and that they had a lot to discuss but he
knew that she was going to be right by his side even though he didn't quite deserve
it.
The two of them fell asleep
instantly, due to the stress of the day catching up with them and the comfort
of being in each other's arms. The room was silent apart from the sounds of
their rhythmic breathing. It was the calm before the storm, a raging storm that
was waiting for the two of them as soon as they awoke, but it was a storm they
would weather together.
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