Prologue
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Dear Diary,
Probably people give an introduction of themselves
when they begin to write their diaries but I don't have one to give
even when I want to. Mother of two, but wife of none; neither do I have a
surname nor do I have something that I can call as mine.
I have
been losing everything I had ever since I was just an infant. I lost my
16-year old mother when I was just a few weeks old, I lost my innocence
unknowingly when I was just a little above 7 years old. I lost my body
to my first child when I was hardly 13 and I lost my soul every day to
sustain the two children who were born to me even before I reached 15
years of age.
I lost even them when I began doing what my mother,
her mother and in fact every one in my family had done, the job which
was termed as the most disgusting and the home-wrecking job as I was
kidnapped, raped and sold by men who were behind the biggest curse of my
life, my beauty. But my grandmother cared less. She just wanted the
money, which she somehow received but I had lost as a mother in my life.
The day I had left to earn some money for my children on the orders of
Nani was the last time I had seen them.
After losing my soul,
nothing seemed to affect me but when Varun, my supposed boyfriend who
was with me for the money I earned through my encounters with strangers,
tried to kill me off when I was not ready to sleep with a rich guy who
had offered him a huge amount. I was left on the roads of Delhi to die,
to be tormented by other men after being raped for more than 4 times
that night and being subjected to physical abuse from that snake. I
somehow managed to reach the hospital nearby and seeing the nature of my
wounds, a officer in khaki clothes was called in and that officer
instead of treating me as the devastated person, asked the hospital
staff to throw me out on the roads because I was what I am, I was a
prostitute and the hospital implemented his orders almost immediately.
Every single encounter of mine, from the first one to the last forced
one appeared in front of my eyes to be deformed. The 20 years of my
life, where I kept on losing everything, not even knowing what they
actually mean, suddenly seemed so unwanted. I wanted to change it, but I
knew it was beyond my reach. I want to forget every single thing and I
have often heard that pain reduces when shared but I have lost every
single person with whom I could share my pain and then I found you. And I
decided I will pour every pain of mine into you, erase every memory of
it and move on, away from the prejudices of this society, away from the
people who made me a withered angel.
Bye,
I am Khushi, the one without any Khushi.
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