Hey, all! I know you must be
wondering "So soon!" but frankly, it's 3 days late since I was supposed to be
posting it already, but anyway... I hope I haven't done your cushions worthy
job for this chapter. :/
Chapter 61
Ishani
returned late from the church. Kailash and Amba had already left, and now
rather relieved with the positive consequences of their one week old ordeal and
thankful to God that things had ultimately begun to fall in their right places.
Ishani noticed her cousin, Sharman, and Puneet seated down on the couches and their
eyes drooping low every now and then, as she entered the room. Taking her
notice, Puneet got up, while Sharman too was brought out of his slumber.
"Ishani,"
Puneet said, rather sleepy. "Where had you been?"
"I
just went off to the church," Ishani answered wearily. "It always feels better to
be there. Has any other new development followed?"
Puneet
shook his head, and gestured her to take a seat. "Don't you think, Ishani, you
should atleast now break your endless fast and have something, or else we might
have to get you admitted in the hospital itself?"
"I'm
alright," Ishani repeated the hundredth time. Why was everyone after her like
that? If she felt hungry, she would herself go and eat something. With everyone
dancing on her head, she could very well shout her heart out to let them know
she was not starving or dying.
"Ishani,
are you alright?" Puneet's voice interrupted her string of thoughts and she
smiled, rather sarcastically.
"Yes,
and thank you, Puneet. But I'm perfectly fine."
"She
must have been turned into a robot, too," Sharman called from behind and Ishani
sighed, irritated.
"You
people can't force things on me, can you?"
Puneet
shook his head, amused, and sighed. "You two are a bunch of nuts impossible to
crack. Made for each other perfectly in heaven," he laughed slowly, and Ishani
frowned, but her cheeks reddened in a crimson blush.
The
evening news had indeed changed the mood of everyone, and thus the atmosphere
of their moments. The air was easy and less tense even as they said nothing and
only pondered how future was to take them all from here.
Ishani's
thoughts flew back to Ranveer as she snuggled herself closely on a sofa, and
glanced around. Very few people tonight remained there and, to her, there was
no sleep, only eyes filled with hope and anticipation for the future. Could everything
really go right just like that? Was it one of her dreams?
No,
it wasn't. This sting in her heart that made her chest swell with joy was an
evidence that it was not. Sometimes reality was better than dreams and this was
one such example.
Thoughts
kept running in her mind, rolling over and over again, some vivid and some blurred
due to the onslaught of the weariness of 3 days, and at last, after 2 days she fell
asleep. Not the rough or irregular one, but peaceful and sublime with a hope for
tomorrow, and a expectations for the two days to pass in jiffy.
Two
days. The same anxiety. Same anticipations. Same hope and hopelessness and the
same look of worry stuck on everyone's faces. The doctor said no further problems
were detected and Ranveer would be alright; if so, why her heart did not truly
believe it? There were these world class doctors adroitly doing their work
skilled in their professions, knowing the musts of a patient and their needs.
They knew what was to be done and how. She needed to keep her faith in that Higher
Power strong when things were so close to resolve.
"I'm
getting mad!" Ishani muttered to herself and slapped her head, her eyes now
looking at Kailash and Amba who still somehow managed to keep themselves calm.
What
could be wrong when all the reports were so positive? Still her heart lurched somehow
as she waited for the final information that the doctor was to come up with.
Within
nearly one hour, Mr. Gregson emerged from the ward, a quiet smile on his face and
declared. "Mr. Ranveer is alright now, and awake too. You can meet him."
Amba
and Kailash along with Ishani rushed to him swiftly. The words reached her ears
as if coming from another dimension of the universe. He was awake! He was
awake! Was he? She couldn't be dreaming. Tears of happiness filled her eyes as
her own words escaped in disoriented form.
"C-Can
we... m-meet him, doctor?" her voice stuttered thoroughly as her eager eyes
struggled to keep tears away every passing moment.
"Sure,"
the doctor replied calmly. "But make sure he doesn't talk too much right now.
He isn't fit to do that. And I will need you to complete few formalities, Mr.
Vaghela. I hope to see you soon."
"Thank
you," Ishani said, and turned to look Amba and Kailash, who looked back at her with
a gleam of happiness, their eyes wet with tears. "Kaka, Kaki, I think it's time
you both should see him."
"But,
you--" Kailash began but was cut short by Ishani.
"No,
I'll see him once you both return. Alright?" Ishani insisted. Her heart
certainly felt lighter than before, but she couldn't face him. Making all the
promises to him a day before was another thing and seeing him after making him face
his death because of her was another. She needed to take hold of herself before
she visited him today. What would she say once she met him? Lost amidst thoughts,
she saw Kailash and Amba leave for the ward Ranveer was in, and she sighed. Turning
back, she walked back to the waiting room and from there to the spot she always
loved being. Nature had its own ways to heal hearts, and she wanted one for
herself now.
What
would Ranveer be thinking now, were her thoughts, as town before her stood
defiantly, painting a picture of all that lay in future and to be conquered. All
the odds towering upon them like those gigantic buildings, blocking their way
to the sunrise, but their love rising high, like the gusts of the winds, swirling
amidst them and, defying all the odds, reaching where they were meant to be. On
the top, free, and happiest!
Ishani
wiped her tears, as a small smile erupted on her lips, and she laughed. After
many days. So much had happened in this one week. Now every event returned to
her mind like those scythed strokes of recollection of the past memory and plated
the holes of her heart with a gentility that only filled them with a wholeness
and completeness she had never felt before. One week ago she was drowning in a
hopeless darkness but now... was it even real? After all night had to end.
It
wasn't a colossal thought to hope now. But what could you expect from someone
who had always paid a colossal price for the littlest of the joys?
His
heart had been broken long before he even knew the meaning of heartbreaks, and
she had lost him long before she even had the chance to step out into the
outside world. Life had played strangest and ugliest possible games, and all
that had been lost was never coming back again. She couldn't get those years
back at any cost now, but that didn't mean future couldn't be planned for the
best.
She
had lost her father that day, and now had no courage to lose her love. One loss
was enough to crumble her down completely, and she couldn't dare think what another
would do to her.
But
above all, what thought was it that made her so nervous to go in front of him now? He would indeed be the happiest once
he sees her, so what was it that wrenched her soul? Perhaps the taste of being
the cause of somebody's happiness after always blessing them with tears of
agony is always bitter. But it was not what he believed which was a comforting
thought. And as soon as her Kaka and Kaki returned, she would be visiting him.
"Ishani!"
Amba's voice brought her out of her reverie, and she turned back. "He's fine.
He isn't speaking anything, though, but you can visit him in a while. There are
few checkups being carried out."
Ishani
nodded and Amba caressed her head.
"Kaki,"
she spoke after a while, and Amba looked at her curiously. "You forgave me so
easily!" It was meant to be a question but rather became a broken statement,
and colour of Amba's eyes changed that Ishani could see was neither of coldness
nor of what she expected. She could not guess what it meant, but she hoped to
find an answer.
"Sometimes
things are not to be judged so simply, Ishani," Amba said, her voice kind. "I
have seen a mother should never witness in her entire life. Seeing her child die
every day, seeing him long for what he considers the most precious moon and
never having it is the worst ordeal a mother can herself go through. And we had
to undergo it everyday. It's still... unbelievable that you're here."
Ishani
lowered her head, and tightly closed her eyes. But Amba continued.
"I'm
not what you think I would be, Ishani. I'm not cruel. I find it hard to forgive
anyone from your family, even your father, but I know you. You are different. You
were an outsider there as well and unloved, and I realized this when I saw you
here. Why would someone stay thousands of miles away from their home? Not
unless that someone is Ishani Parekh. And as long as anything makes Ranveer
happy, I'll always accept it without a single question. I know if today he's
alive, it's because of you. Your two visits did that wonder which none of us
could hope for until two days ago. Doctors had nearly given up after the second
surgery but it was Puneet who insisted them to, and that's why it all happened,"
Amba said, her eyes wet and voice unsteady.
"I
don't blame you, Kaki," Ishani said, raising her head up and looking into her
eyes. "It was all my fault those days. All of it could have been avoided... all
of it... but..."
Amba
kept quiet to this but spoke in a while. "I might not care about your family or
your cousins who have never known the taste of agony that a poor family has to
go through everytime the question of their status arises, but out of all of
them, I'd always trust you."
Ishani
looked away, her eyes unable to meet the old woman who, after having gone
through so much, had accepted her because she could see through the facade
others didn't, and also because she was a mother. Neither of them spoke as an
uncomfortable silence ensued between them, the murmurs of the visitors slowly gaining
momentum.
"I
appear so selfish, I know," Amba said at length, and looked at Ishani whose attention
was brought back to reality as well; "but could you please make a promise to
me?" Her hands folded up as she spoke.
Ishani
took Amba's hand in hers and nodded her head. "Anything, Kaki. Anything," she
whispered.
"Please
never leave him again. Please!" Amba spoke slowly.
"Kaki,
trust me," Ishani said urgently, tightening her grip on Amba's hand as if the sole
sign of this assurance would be her touch. "I love him. Is that not enough? I
have always loved him. Even when I thought I loved Chirag, I loved Ranveer... I
just didn't know it until now."
Amba's
eyes blinked, as though to keep tears away, and for a while she was speechless.
"Thank you," she said after sometime, unable to say anything more.
"Kaki,
you and Kaka should go home and return in the evening. Kaka told me you were
having some troubles with your health. You better take rest," Ishani said,
wiping her tears.
"I'm
fine. It was just stress of the weeks. That's it," Amba assured but Ishani shook
her head.
"But,
Kaki, it's not good for you, right? Please try to understand. Puneet?" she
called out, and he rushed to her. "Please ask the driver to drop Kaki and Kaki
safely at home."
"Sure,"
he said and left.
Within
next 10 minutes Amba and Kailash left for home.
The
morning wore off and evening drew on. Ranveer was asleep and Sharman and Pratiek
had been to visit him while Ishani waited eagerly for him to wake up, her thoughts
rapidly playing all the past events one by one and leaving her forlorn all the
while. She shook her head as if to smash all the thoughts away and sighed.
The
time continued to pass and it was somewhere about the evening that Puneet
turned up, and she, wiping her tears stood up.
"You
can meet him now, Ishani," he said, rather awkwardly which did not go amiss
from Ishani.
"Everything
is alright?"
"Yeah,
all's well. It's just I don't like something about him, and he doesn't know
you're here either."
"Did
he ask about me?"
"First
question as soon as I turned up was this, but before I could answer, he was
back to being unconscious again. But he's awake now, and it's better if you do
meet him now."
Ishani
sighed. "Thanks. I'll just..." The rest of the words melted in her thoughts and
she headed to Ranveer's ward.
She
entered the room, grey walls of the hospital, the smell of the medicines, and
the sounds of the machines welcoming her. Her heart beat frantically as if
threatening to jump out any moment, and her head spun with all the agitation
that would have nothing better but to frighten her all the time. Her eyes fell
upon Ranveer, and her chest clenched suddenly. Thinner, paler, and weaker than
she remembered him ever seeing before. Machines still remained attached to him,
just in less intensity now. Oxygen mask had been taken off while his forehead
still remained covered with the bandages, and Ishani blinked.
All
her fantasies and questions came to an end, and now there was no turning back. She
gulped. He was awake, but his face wasn't turned to her side and it was
somewhere a comfort in that suffocating hour. The air grew unbearably tense as
her feet followed the marbled pavement leading to Ranveer's bed.
She
quietly sat beside Ranveer, her eyes never leaving him as he remained oblivious
to her presence, and his head turned to the other side still. She didn't know
what to say. "Hi, Ranveer." came to her mind, but that was not what he wanted
to hear. Should she rant on about how sorry she was? She couldn't remind him what
miserable friend she had been to him, and more miserable lover. Words once
again froze in her mouth and she remained there, quietly sitting, lost in her own
reverie until the sound of the footsteps of a doctor passing by broke the
silence.
She
stirred. Unsure how to say and what, she slowly took his hand in hers, delicately,
as if any harshness upon it will plunge the remaining life out of it. It
worked. Ranveer stirred as well, and slowly turned his face to look at her. And
for a moment, Ishani felt her entire world stop as she looked into his eyes.
Hollow. Blank. Emotionless. Only one thought crossed her mind: Pain of which
she was the cause. Or it was the effect of the medicines that had lingered upon
him, and she was just over thinking the matter? She did not know, but she had
no courage and strength left to become the cause of his sufferings anymore.
She
couldn't speak anything as he stared at her vacantly. And after what felt like eternity,
Ishani mustered a little courage to speak a word, hoping he would answer it,
but looking at his impassive form, immediately fell silent. Why was she so afraid now? She needed to
talk to him just like she had imagined all this while!
A
drop of tear fell from her eyes, followed by various others, falling upon his
hand and he gently retracted it from hers and raised to wipe her tears. Ishani
closed her eyes as he smeared away the wet traces from her cheeks. She wanted to
cry, holding him close to her heart and tell him how sorry she was but it
wouldn't be enough. Not now when everything coming to her mind felt utterly
useless. She felt like being a coward who had no courage to even apologize to
him when she was the only cause of all his miseries.
"I
didn't know you'll be here," his own weak voice broke her reverie. "I'm
surprised."
Ishani
looked up and sighed, tears still visible in her eyes. "Me neither," she tried
to say sarcastically but failed. "You are so cruel, Ranveer. So cruel!"
Bitterness in her voice startled Ranveer slightly and his curious eyes
alarmingly bore into hers. Surely, he never expected this from her. He laughed.
An emotionless laughter that made Ishani shiver lightly. But she was not sorry
to say that. "You heard it right," she added calmly, concealing the agitation she
was supposed to be overwhelmed with.
Ranveer,
after examining her face for a while, turned his eyes away. "Perhaps you are
right," he whispered. "Cruel! But I had no other option."
"And now you don't feel guilty over anything
at all?" Her voice carried a weight that made him turn towards her again, and
his eyes sparkled with tears. He was melting finally, she thought.
"What
would you have done if you were at my place?" he asked, slightly amused.
"How
could I let you go, knowing I can't live without you? How could you do that? You think of me selfish, so
selfish I am!"
"And
you think it was easy for me? To lie to you all those weeks and see you go away
despite..." he suddenly fell silent, as though gasping for air. "I'm alright,"
he added as Ishani stood up, panicked.
At
his assurances, she sat back, glaring at him and hoping he wasn't performing his
crazy stupidities again, and he assured he wasn't. "But you couldn't once
inform me, could you? Why do you do this all
the time, Ranveer? You could have killed me had anything had happened to
you!" she cried in hope to break this coldness about him. Why did he behave so
strange now?
"It's
not all easy, Ishani, and say what you know nothing about. I will never let
anything happen to you as long as I breathe."
"And
yet you were leaving and killing me. You didn't care at all!" she retorted, her
calmness now wearing off. This conversation was not at all like she had
expected. She was hoping for better, not this behavior from him.
"It's
not so, Ishani. Trust me," he said softly, lightly groaning. "Before anything
happened to you, I'll..." he said, but fell silent at her enraged expressions.
"This!
This is what I all mean!" Ishani shrieked, infuriated. "Why was Chirag getting
out of my life was so important to you? Couldn't you for once think of your own
health? Kaka and Kaki either? Just... just all the time about in your silly
fantasies that others will never even know of. You indeed are a piece worth
keeping in a museum! Don't you ever feel suffocated claiming to be this silly
sacrificial lamb all the time?"
Ranveer
face suddenly turned expressionless, his eyes shallow. "And I thought that is who
I am," he said calmly. "And will do anything for the people I love."
"Of
course you are! But it's not good, you know that? You frighten me," she said,
her voice lost.
His
eyes did not change, and nor did their colour. "Frighten you?" he asked. "Indeed!"
Ishani
gave a frustrated sigh. "Not funny!" she warned, and Ranveer smiled, the same smile
she had seen the first time she saw him when they had met in the meeting in his
office months ago: a ghost of the smile, more frightening than amusing. What was wrong with him?
"Sometimes
life doesn't play kind games with us, and we're forced to do the things we
never intend to, and it might not be our own fault, but time's that doesn't
allow us to do anything, doesn't give us a chance. No one has gone beyond it,
and no one can. You can't fight that thing ever," Ranveer explained silently.
"But
in the time that is given us, we have to live our life and you didn't even let
us do that!" Ishani accused, her voice quivering.
Ranveer
kept quiet, and continued to look at her, while Ishani observed his face. Despite
his calmness, she felt an agitation surging within her that would burn the
whole world in the whit of a moment if not subsided. Why did his eyes showcase
an aloofness that was not supposed exit anymore?
"Are
you alright?" she asked, now calmly. "Is there anything I don't know?" There
was no way he would ever answer the question if something was indeed wrong, but
something... a hint that could follow it. But before anything else could
happen, Ishani noticed slight change in Ranveer's eyes and he coughed lightly,
hiccoughs increasing in numbers as the time passed; and in a frenzy of confusion,
Ishani felt Ranveer slowly closing his eyes, her words going unaffected on his
passive form.
"Ranveer?
Ranveer? Doctor!" Ishani rushed past the passage right to the doctor's cabin
who at her sudden appearance looked shocked.
"What's
wrong?" he asked, worried.
"I...
don't know," Ishani panted. "There's something wrong with him... Please come!"
"He
had just needed some rest," the doctor said as he came out of the ward. "Nothing
to worry about."
"Will
he be alright?"
The
doctor nodded and turned to leave when Ishani again called him out. "Doctor,"
she said, "I see something's wrong with him. Is he completely fine now?"
"Miss
Parekh, he is fine. You don't have to worry about anything. You can see him in
a while once he wakes up."
"God,
what's wrong with everyone?" Ishani growled. "Why can't they tell me the truths?
It's as if everyone's hiding something!"
She
cursed herself. What was the need to go so crazy on him? Her head dropped low
as the memories of a while back flashed in her mind again. She needed to keep herself
calm for their sanity's sake, but instead had created the mess again. She caught
her head in her hands, the awful weight of guilt again overpowering her senses,
and this time it was not the strength that promised to return, but her head found
crashing on the hard surface of the floor and her eyes automatically closed,
but there was no pain. Weariness and weakness had finally accomplished their
long overdue mission.
Oxygen
mask rested on his mouth, covering a large part of his nose and whole of mouth,
and pumping enough oxygen for him to breathe regularly and sufficiently to keep
him alive. Alive. Death was so close to him a few days ago and he survived, but
even that felt so distant of a thought when he lay here in this hospital room. Ishani
had just visited him, and he had been unable to answer any of her questions
satisfactorily.
What
would she be thinking of him? He never intended to hurt her, but perhaps her
happiness lay somewhere else, and not with him. Probably fate had just planned something
else for them.
"You
could not give up now, Ranveer!" a voice from within himself cried. "You've
waited for her all your life. And now just because this little disease
threatens your life, you are giving up on her? Don't you remember what she
said? You let her go, and she will cease to exist!"
True,
he waited for her all his life, but life was what wanted to run away from him.
Or maybe not. She was his life.
"Don't
think so much, you fool!" the voice again erupted. "It's not what you two were
made for. No pain anymore. Didn't you always say, life is too short to avoid
some things? Why avoid life when it's come to your doorstep?"
Something
within him broke. Life truly had its own ugly games to play, and sometimes its
victims were the most beautiful people like his Ishani. What was he supposed to
say?
She
had lost her father that day, and how could she lose him now? She loved him,
yes! It was the worst irony of his life: Something couldn't let her stay with
him, and he couldn't let her go either.
His
eyes suddenly opened, her face lingering with in the memories that never left,
echoing themselves scornfully again and again, but he couldn't help. Not
anymore.
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