I DONT NOW WHAT HAVE I WRITTEN. I STARTED WITH SOMETHING AND ENDED WITH SOMETHING. TRUIED BRINGING IN LITTLE OF RUHI'S PART BUT THNE AFTER SOMETIME DIDNT WANNA CONTINUE AND HENCE ENDED UP WITH ISHITA'S POV. HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE IT. CHAPPALS AND TOMATOES ARE MOST WELCOME
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|| WOES OF PAST || "One day they said I would live. I didn't know that they would lie to me. I wanted nothing but love. I got that in return only to turn into hatred. They say right you hate only that person whom you loved a lot. If ever I was given a chance to undo something then I would undo only one thing. My Ishima! I got her when I least expected her. But she came showed me the fairy princess story, pampered me to death and left me hanging from the tower in the end. When people told me she is the best mother you could ever get, I would beam feeling proud. I would say, "My mother maybe a step mother but she is my real mother." Its contradictory but then it was the truth. But see the irony. It no longer makes me proud because it doesn't seem the same. Everything changed, I don't know how, when, why but I know that it made me lose everything I had. They say everything happens for reason. Was what happened 7 years ago also for a reason. I don't know what happened that Ishima chose the baby over me. Was I so bad that god snatched everything away from me in just a mere second? Am I destined to love?" Ruhi mused in her diary, which has been the second best friend she had after her music. Yes music was a compulsion but also the only thing she had been dependent on to take out her childish frustration... something, which she cannot voice out even she wanted to scream out.
"Ruhi... ruhi come here right now" Nidhi shouted startling ruhi. She paced slowly towards Nidhi's room. Nidhi glared at Ruhi scaring the living shit out of her.
"Ye..yes ma... ma'am" she down casted her eyes and waited for another round of shouting to start.
"You... you are acting too much nowadays... you think I don't know what you are trying to do. You are not allowed any social networking sites for a reason you get that. You little bitch... you think you can out pass me and search for your family. No Ruhi. Whether its Aliya or anyone if I see you ever again trying to cheat me remember you will face a whole new consequence." Nidhi slapped her warning her.
Ruhi could only cry as no words formed in her throat. She ran away from the room, outside the house and into the garden. Nothing made sense to her anymore. She was entangled in the web of unknowingness. She was too little to deal with the shit life was throwing at her. In the age she is suppose to be gushing over boys, enjoying the teenage life, going for outing with friends she was struck with a witch who belittled her at every point of her life. She made living a little too difficult for a girl of her age.
She had forgotten to even take care of her appearance, which she was her new identity. Aliya was about to enter into the house when she heard sobs and wails from the garden. Out of curiosity she walked to the garden to get a blow on her knowledge. She saw Ruhaan aka Ruhi sitting on the bench bawling her eyes out. But what shocked her was that Ruhaan had long hair, which was next to impossible according to her.
"Omg, Ruhaan!" she ran towards Ruhi and sat next to her placing her hand on Ruhi's shoulder. Sensing someone next to her Ruhi turned her face to see Aliya and confused for a second. But seeing the surprised look and the feel of her hand brushing her hair brought her out of her reverie.
"Oh shit.. Aliya what are you doing here... Please go... Shit Ruhaan what have you done"
"Ruhaan!" Aliya softly called her.
"Please leave... Aliya please... you haven't seen anything here... Just go"
"Ruhaan!" she called her out a little loudly. Ruhi stopped her mumbling and just looked at Aliya exasperated.
Aliya just held Ruhi's hand and led her to the corner of the garden and made her sit in the shade of the tree. She sat next to her and softly held her hand.
"Ruhaan, can I ask you something important?" Aliya asked her softly seeing her condition.
"Nothing just leave! I don't want to talk anything. If Nidhi ma sees us together then she will get very angry.
"Ruhaan there's no one except me and you today. I want you to answer me." "First of all you are a girl right? Please don't lie... you know we are friends you can tell me anything"
Ruhi felt she at last found someone who she can open up to. She knew she couldn't bottle up anymore. She even forgot that Aliya is with Ishit.
"Yes, I am a girl. Nidhi is not my real mom. I am trapped here. Please help me please..." she held Aliya's hand pleasing her.
"Ruhaan... calm down please..." "Ruhi... my name is Ruhi" "Ruhi? Anyway please do tell me about you... Share with me ill be able to help you then"
After a moment of silence, "I am Ruhi, Ruhi Bhalla. I was 8 years when I got separated from my parents. 7 Years ago I had everything. A family, which loved me a lot. A father who pampered me like a baby, a brother who was my best friend and a mother who showered me with love. Everything was perfect till Nidhi entered our lives. She created a lot of problems for our family, mom and dad had to pretend that mom was dead just so they should prove my mom innocent. In between all that my sister was born. Nidhi kidnapped her and asked for me in exchange of the baby. I am not a biological daughter of my mom. Hence she chose the baby over me. She saved her and in the process gave me away. She pretended to love me all through out. I was alone. I was unwanted.." Ruhi was sobbing uncontrollably. Aliya hugged her feeling bad that a small girl like her had to under go so much.
"Then I was taken away by Nidhi and was beaten everyday. She forcefully changed my identity to a boy and made me sing. I didn't mind singing because I loved it. But I used to sing to fulfill her demands. She used to gamble and lose all the money and in turn used to make me work my ass out so she could sustain her habit. I am trapped." Ruhi sobbed still hugging Aliya.
Aliya patted Ruhi consoling her. No words were exchanged only silence prevailed. After what seemed like eternity they parted apart and Ruhi realized she felt better. She just smiled at Aliya thanking her for listening to her.
"Don't be Ruhi, I feel bad I am not able to anything for you. Please give me a chance to do something for you. I can tell my Amma and help you get out of here."
"No... no please don't tell this to anyone please..."
"But then Ruhi how will you get out of here without her knowing"
"I don't know but please don't tell anyone pleaseee"
"Okay. Do one thing tomorrow come to my house and try contacting anyone from your family because here Nidhi wont allow you to use any medium to connect to your family."
"Are you sure? I don't want you to fall into trouble because of me!"
"I am 100% sure Ruhi. I want to help you if that means I need to endure anything I don't mind."
"Thank you Aliya. Thank you for everything"
"You are most welcome Rockstar" she nudged Ruhi teasing her.
"Ayee don't call me that" She smiled embarrassed at that name.
Ishita tried to sleep only to be haunted again by those nightmares, which were her companion for years together now. The questioning face of Ruhi still stuck to her mind. The words uttered by Raman still pierced her heart. Nothing could heal that wound neither time nor people. All her attempts to give up on everything were just futile. Even death had given up on her.
"Tum Ma kehelane ki layak nahi ho. Saahi hai Bhagwan ne bhi tujhe sahi saaza diya hai. Woh bhi jaanta hai ku kaisi hai. Kya kamaal ki actor ho. Do saal hume sahi bewkoof banaya hai tume. Who Subbu ki Ma sahi kehti thi tum ek manhoos ho. Jab se humare Zindagi mein aaye ho tab se toh bas mahoonsiyat hi laayi ho. Pehle toh meri Rinki kha gayi aur uske baad mere bache ko jo iss duniya ko deha bhi nahi tha aur ab meri beti ko kha gayi. Dafaa ho jayo yaha se isse pehle ki mein kuch kar baitu. Amma aap apni beti ko yaha se le chaliye isse pehle ki mein isse yaha zinda gad doon..."
"No.. no Raman please don't tell like that Ruhi Ruhi..." she woke up startled sweating profusely.
Aliya who was walking back to her room heard her Amma scream and rushed immediately to her room. She was the only one who was aware of her nightmares but had never questioned knowing it was only going to open the doors for more hurt. The constant murmuring of the name was the only thing that was heard every time she went near her when she slept. However, she didn't know what could be done in order to get her amma out of her miserable life. But what caught the attention of her was the name RUHI.
Next day both Ruhi and Aliya managed to escape the vicinity in which Nidhi had bound her to and moved towards Aliya's house aware of the one soul who was restless throughout not knowing why she was feeling so. Standing in the kitchen Ishita just juggled with the vessels moving it around everywhere as she could not help but remember the last seven years.
"What has happened to me today? Why am I not feeling good?" Ishita questioned herself not getting any answer.
"Aliya you are sure right no one will get to know?" Ruhi asked the same question again.
"Ruhi chill, nothing will happen. I will help you don't worry" Aliya tried calming Ruhi who was paranoid.
After they arrived home Ruhi and Aliya both walk to Aliya room. "Ruhi, you sit here ill go and arrange something for us to eat so we can start the search." Ruhi nodded and sat down on the bed looking around the room. That's when she saw the photo of Ishita posing with Aliya that made her breathing to hitch. She stared at the photo emotionally yet emotionless.
Ishita who had stayed back home due to the restlessness heard Aliya's voice and thought to talk to her for sometime so as to feel better. She entered the room to see a whole new different face. She saw a girl standing in front of the frames motionless.
"Excuse me!" Ishita called out to Ruhi.
Ruhi hearing Ishita's voice turned towards her in shock and bewilderment. She went through every emotion a separated daughter would go through seeing her mother after years. Hurt, love, compassion, disappointment, secure, insecure etc. However, Ishita just looked at her feeling something tug in her heart looking at the innocent girl in front of her. Her mole reminded her of Ruhi, her hair reminded her of Ruhi, heck the face reminded her of Ruhi. Yet she knew she shouldn't dream such dreams because she was never meant for those dreams, she was never meant to get the happiness of a family in her life.
When both stood staring at each other forgetting the world lost in their thoughts, Aliya entered the room to see her Amma with Ruhi. She was confused with the situation there but then excitedly called Ishita.
"Amma, you are here. Okay meet my friend Ruhi, and Ruhi this is my Amma Dr. Ishita." On one side the name Ruhi brought the sparkle in Ishita's eyes and a slight hope where as the other one stood shocked with Aliya calling her Ishima as Amma. She had not imagined that her Ishima will forget her so easily and move on.
Soon Ishita got to know about Ruhi being her daughter. She took her away from Nidhi's clutches and went to unite Ruhi with Raman. She brought Ruhi to Bhalla house with Mani and Aliya. However she refused to go in front of the family. Ruhi had stopped talking to Ishita and wanted to be away from her.
Finding the best opportunity Ishita made Ruhi and Raman meet without both knowing it. "Is love destined in my life? Do I deserve to be in this world? Maybe the word itself is a curse for me. Do really god exist because if he did then maybe I would have not have to suffer so much. I believed a lot in him. But he made me lose trust in him. I don't want to believe in him again. I hate him. Everyone rejected me. I am tired of having to prove my love to everyone. I have everything yet I have nothing. I lost everyone's trust. Not once did anyone try to understand my point of view. Not once did anyone ask me what I was going through losing Ruhi. She was the reason I was still alive, breathing... once moment everything was perfect and the next moment I lost everything. Actually Raman said the truth I am very unlucky. I don't deserve to be alive. Its better I leave this world. Sorry ruhi bachcha I could not be a perfect mother, I'm sorry I became the reason for you're pain for the seven years. Now that I have fulfilled my duty I bid farewell to you." Ishita voiced out her thoughts to the empty wall after seeing Raman and Ruhi cuddle up crying their hearts out after meeting each other when they thought they had lost each other.
Ishita moved away from the hiding place without wanting to be seen. She was about to sit in the car when she felt someone's gaze on her and turned to see who it was. She was shocked to see the person in front. No this couldn't be happening... she thought when the reality hit her. No No No... saying she tried to enter into the car only to stumble back at the voice...
"Ishima!"
She tried to ignore, block out the voice only to receive another blow...
"Ishita!"
She looked up and before she could even comprehend what was happening she blacked out only mumbling, "sorry forgive me once again".
Adi and Bala saw Ishita moving towards her car. They were shocked and hence called out to her. However, by the time they reached out to her she collapsed asking for forgiveness. They rushed her to the hospital and Doctor immediately attended to her.
" I am sorry to say we are trying our best... rest everything is in the hand of the god"
The poison was removed from her body and was assured about her health. They kept this a secret from everyone. They got her back to Bhalla house to unite Ruhi, Raman and Ishita once again. But everything was failing. The game for the sake of Pihu was being played. Every humiliation that was targeted towards Ishita was like a jab by a knife for her. She was losing everything.
One such day when things had gone over the top,
You snatched away my daughter from me. Why did you even come in my life? Why did you come in Ruhi's life? You are not fit to be a mother. You are a bhaanj. God has given you a perfect gift for your personality. You deserve what you are getting. Before I do something drastic to you get the hell out of here. I feel disgusted to even see your face. Get out. YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE A MOTHER.
...
Oh so you remembered me now? Why did you come in front of me? I had told you not to show your face to me. Why did you come back now? I wish I hadn't saved you on that flight that day. I wish I had left you to die there.
...
Ishita Bhalla. Oh! Sorry. Ishita Iyer why are you even showing your fake concern to me. I regret the day I met you. Even more what I regret is making you my mother. You are not fit to be a mother let alone my mother. Once you got your own child you abandoned me. You exchanged me for your own child. I was a commodity in a barter system. Take Ruhi for Pihu. Isn't that what happened? You turned out to be worse than Shagun mumma Ishita. I feel disgusted to know I even loved you. Please get away from my sight even your sight disgusts me. I hope YOU ARE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE.Pihu never gets to know that you are her real mother, that would be the real punishment for you. I am thankful that Pihu did you not get you as her mother. You showed that you are a step mother Ishita. A STEP MOTHER.
...
Haar wali aunty, I don't like you. Please end this game and go away from this house. Shagun mumma is my mumma. You are not my mother. I heard what Ruhi didi just told. Please don't separate me from my mother. Please go away I am not your daughter. YOU ARE NOT MY MOTHER.
...
Ishima, please don't leave me again. I know you don't love me much because if you did you wouldn't have left me. Ruhi and Papa were the only once who you loved. Now that you have come back please don't go away once again to deprive me the love of a mother. I was already deceived once. A mother who gave birth to me used me for her selfish reason, now you also don't leave me like she left me. DON'T BECOME SHAGUN MUMMA.
...
Ishu I really love you. I sacrificed my 7 years because I knew that you would be with me no matter what. Now it hurts to see you choose the man who has hurt you and torn you into pieces. If I wouldn't have save you that day then you wouldn't be where you are today. I am not telling I did a favour on you but I do deserve something for being with you leaving my everything. Think about Aliya. How can you just snatch yourself away from her? How can you deprive her of the mother's love that she has been getting from past 7 years? Wont she get hurt? WHY ARE YOU HURTING BOTH OF US?
...
Ishita please don't take Pihu away from me. She is my everything. I agree I have taken care of this family from 7 years for you. But now they have become an important part of my life. I cannot lose them not now not ever. Please don't misunderstand but your arrival has just complicated everything. my marriage broke with Raman, Pihu got to know about you being her mother, family wants you to be Raman's wife again but what about me? What about mine and pihu's relationship? I'm sorry but please don't do this to me. DON'T SNATCH WHAT IS MINE.
YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE A MOTHER.
YOU ARE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE.
YOU ARE NOT MY MOTHER
A STEP MOTHER
DON'T BECOME SHAGUN MUMMA.
WHY ARE YOU HURTING BOTH OF US?
DON'T SNATCH WHAT IS MINE.
These words not only left a deep scare on her but also ripped her apart to such an extent that she could do nothing but collapse. He eyes blurred with tears, her body shook with fear, she felt an immense pain in her chest, her throat choked, her legs shivered with weakness, her hands lay motionless and her brain froze with shock. There was no one to witness the broken state of Ishita. No one to shake her back to reality, no one to lend a hand to her. Everyone expected from thing from her but no one expected anything for her. There was only a take now no give. She gave and took nothing. Nothing but Hurt. The people whom she most trusted the most hurled words at her that felt worse than getting hit by an hot iron rod. She felt betrayed, she felt abused, she felt punished but above all she felt empty. She looked at the happy family that was in front of her. Ruhi and Pihu sat with Adi watching a movie together with Raman and Shagun adjacent to them staring at the kids. She walked towards them handing them the juice glasses only to be at the receiving end one again. Raman's tender gaze towards the kids turned steely when he noticed Ishita. Shagun's happy gaze turned to displeasure due to annoyance of being disturbed. Adi's gaze turned into happiness watching Ishita. Pihu's gaze turned into indifference from happiness watching her and Ruhi's gaze spit venom at her, which consumed her fully. She smiled at each of the hesitantly before turning to walk away to give them privacy. She felt the ignorance; she felt the feeling of being nothing among them which over powered even the small ray of hope emitting from Adi. Disposing the dishes in the kitchen Ishita walked to the terrace. Reaching she curled herself in the corner repeating the words hurled at her and lose her sanity by every passing second. She stared into the blank grey space around her and remained motionless.
Next day when no one seemed to notice the absence of Ishita, Neelu found her laying on the ground in the terrace. Even after repeated callings when Neelu did not get any response she summoned everyone to the terrace. Seeing Ishita on the ground Raman rushed to her. His repeated attempts failed. Her breathings were shallow and calm. Raman heaved a sigh of relief only to panic not getting any response again. The family panicked, Adi scream for her, Ruhi cried for her however Ishita did not hear anything, feel anything. Raman picked her up in his arms rushing her to the bedroom. They sat around her trying to get her attention. However, they received none.
Ishita slept on the bed motionless, staring at the space above and that was the time the Family realized they lost someone who was everything. They were late, very late to revert again. She had left them alone as they wished for. She gave them what they wanted AGAIN. She accepted their wish AGAIN. They lost her AGAIN. She was no more a mother, she was no more wife, she was no more a sister, no more a daughter-in-law, no more a daughter, no more a friend, no more a sister-in-law. She was just a girl who lost the meaning to live, who lost her soul to the love of her life, who lost her sanity to her loved ones. She was a mere mass who had something else in her. SHE WAS NONE NOW.
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