Part 2
Shravan flipped across the pages till he came across the eventful day when both of them had the fallout; the day where his mother left him and Sumo made a joke out of his personal life before the whole school and rejected him. He had been either running since that time or trying to eke out negative attention from her by acting despicably or hurting her, drawing blood for blood!
Sumo wrote,
"I feel like crying today. Ramnath uncle and Nanu are closeted in the library. Uncle is very worried. He is scared for Shravan's future. The way he said Shravan just does not want to leave from here and go to London where he has a better future awaiting him because he feels he belongs here'. It seems as though those words are meant for me.
How many times have I made Shravan to understand that the more you bend, people will take advantage of you and walk over you. Appearances do matter in a world where people don't look for what is within you but what you confidently display outside. I want to hear more of what they are speaking but Nanu sends me away.
But I have heard all that is necessary. Shravan's mom has left him. What will become of him in this cruel world here? What will happen to his confidence? People will start making fun of him day in and day out for no fault of his, and Shravan being Shravan will quietly take in all this even without retaliating. I too live the same kind of life at home. I listen to all the nonsense that is thrown at me despite no fault of mine because I am indebted to Mama and Mami who took care of me after Mama and Papa's death.
But I am not the same outside home also. I give it back in equal measure whatever I get. I know to fight for myself whatever be the odds. But Shravan? He will wilt in such suffocating circumstances. He is still not so strong enough. I must somehow distance myself from him at whatever cost. My friend deserves to have the whole world at his feet. I will make sure he has the best of everything even if I have to fight against himself and my own heart. I know he will be initially angry with my decision but he will understand and forgive me."
In the next page,
"I am feeling very terrible. What a bad friend I have been! I should not have used this means to push Shravan away from me and go to London. Nanu's words that the Means are as important as your end result' keep ringing in my ears. I should have taken him aside, listened to him when he came to me and then quietly explained to him that going to London was the best solution for him in the present situation. But what's done can't be undone! I will not try to contact him now because he will not be able to concentrate on his studies and career if I tell everything to him now. I will tell everything to Shravan when he comes back and say sorry to him. I know he will understand."
In all the pages after this there was at least a single mention of his name where she reminisced their past together or where she expressed her hope that she would do this and this when he came back. His eyes started getting wet. Now he understood why she felt so hurt with his Main kisi Sumo ko nahin jantha' remark, or his sarcastic remark I moved on and so should you' when she was trying to apologize to him or the true meaning of her cryptic remark Main kya hoon aur tum kya ho' after he publicly insulted her at the reunion party.
Shravan finally came to the last page of the diary where she wrote,
"Shravan has changed a lot. Perhaps I am solely to blame for it. This Shravan is a complete stranger to me. Neither do I know him nor does he know me. So finally I think both of us can move on from the past."
That was it! Now Shravan finally knew what he had to do. He called up Urvashi and without giving her any opportunity to speak began, "Urvashi, I'm sorry for creating any false hopes in you. When Chachi mentioned it in the Holi party before everyone like that, I was at a loss on what to say. I wanted to teach Sumo a lesson and gain the upper hand. But no girl deserves a person who is not interested in her and uses her in his games of oneupmanship. We cannot be together. Forgive me if you can, if you decide to hate me for being a cad, you're welcome, but our relationship ends right here at this point."
Just after he had finished speaking to Urvashi and sorting things out with her, he found Pushkar at the door. He seemed very excited. It looked like he had something very important to tell him. Pushkar said half out of his breath, "Bhaiyya, I'm very very happy today. Sumo has agreed to the marriage." Shravan, half jocularly and half seriously, "You mean Sumo has agreed to marry me?" Pushkar laughing, "Kya Bhaiyya aap bhi na! I was telling that Sumo has agreed to marry me. I never expected that she would say YES'! I was always scared that if I told her what was in my heart, it would affect our friendship. But I was wrong."
Shravan could feel his whole world collapsing round him a second time as he tried to churn out a fake and false smile to Pushar's news. He was the only person to blame for this fiasco. Had he not gone and got himself engaged to Urvashi, she too would not have agreed so immediately to Pushkar's proposal. Even though he could sense what she felt for him, he chose to ignore it. Now his life, hers and Pushkar's had become this tangled Gordian knot because he set this entire chain of events in motion. Was his friendship and affection for Sumo so weak that he needed a confirmation and explanation from her? She had apologized, and he ought to have forgiven and let bygones be bygones.
Now after reading the diary, he knew the true reason for her behavior. Even if there was no such reasoning or justification for her behavior, where was the need for him to be so rigid, unbending and unforgiving of an act committed by an old friend so long back? Everybody makes mistakes and learns from them. They outgrow them, mature and grow up as individuals.
Both of them could have sat down and calmly discussed things if only he had not been so sarcastic, hot-headed, and started behaving like an attention-seeking small child who would be satisfied with any kind of attention, even negative. When he had not given her the chance, why was he alone expecting the chance from her to rectify his mistakes?
PS: A big thank you to all my readers for all those likes and wonderful comments. Sorry to those who have asked for PMs. My schedule is terribly hampering the amount of time I spend on India Forums. So you will have to make do without the PMs. I will try to update the last part of this TS in a week or so.
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