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Shaandaar Movie Review: A Bollywood-sized misfire

RAHUL DESAI@reelreptile

|22 October 2015

Shaandaar Movie Review: An Assorted Buffet of Caricatures

Rating: 1.5 stars (out of 5)

Highs

Vikas Verma, as the abs-obsessed Sindhi GroomSanah Kapur, as his plus-sized brideLowsEverything Else

The Leeds Castle is back again. This time, not as Guru-cool college, the Raichand mansion or a haunted 1920s ghost hangout, but as an actual exotic dreamy locale - The Generic Destination-Wedding Site.Only, we've seen it impersonating so many Indian properties on screen over the years that it now feels more like a party plot in Thane.

The Big Fat Indian Wedding disease

Two garish families, the Aroras and the Fandwanis, obviously loud stereotypes of who they represent, land up there to complete this glorified 'business merger'. There's the usual assortment of idiosyncratic wedding characters, but unlike the last Dharma-Phantom co-production 'Hasee Toh Phasee', all of them act like they know they're poking fun at the much-rehashedHum-Apke-Hain-Kaun formula. This makes them less charming, less genuine and smugger than a standup comic at a frat party.

An Assorted Buffet of Caricatures

There's evil matriarchal grandmother Arora (Sushma Seth - who plays a plastic version of her horrid 'Kal Ho Naa Ho' grandma act), submissive son and father of the bride Bipin (Pankaj Kapur), his two equally whipped brothers, plus-sized bride Isha (Shahid's real-life sister, Sanah Kapur) and insomniac step-sister Alia (Bhatt), whose spunky poor-little-rich-girl persona is a cross between Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty. There's also the Sindhi groom (Vikas Verma), his Bappi-Lahri-meets-Kanye-West brother (Sanjay Kapoor), and a whole bunch of garish jokes about Sindhis, gold and greed, but never mind. It's all about the wedding planner Jagjinder Joginder (Shahid Kapur; still nursing a Shahrukh hangover) and his budding love story with Alia. I read somewhere that it is more of a love triangle between girl, boy and father, but that doesn't sound very pure. In short, he is the one if he puts her to sleep - which sounds quite appropriate (and impossible) in today's button-crazy digital age.

Where loudness is part of the plan

It's hard to believe that the maker of 'Queen' and 'Chillar Party' is behind this NRI special. Director Vikas Bahl counts on the fact that we remember every single Hindi movie with similar themes; plots that revolve around how family businesses are the eternal destroyers of romance. He counts on the fact that we understand that all his characters are deliberately self-aware cliches that are cheekily parodying their dated Subhash Ghai-ish predecessors. Unlike in love-conquers-business sagas like Taaland Yaadein, greedy money-hungry ways aren't discretely suggested by cacophonic background aunties. It's all made as clear as chicken at a Jain wedding.

The Laziest kind of mainstream film making

Instead, Bahl treats it like a contemporary fairytale - complete with thought bubbles, animated childhood sequences with voiceovers, juvenile music, dance pieces that resemble IPL Opening Ceremony functions and lead actors who seem to be enjoying their paid vacation. In between, he manages to pull off some genuinely ludicrous situational set pieces - especially one that includes all of them stoned out of their wits at a country picnic. Clearly, they're ad-libbing and improvising and doing whatever the hell they want in this sequence - which sort of adds to the fun, like watching making-of behind-the-scenes footage.

Uninspired actors, over-inspired musicians

But Shahid and Alia seem to be doing this throughout the film. They're literally on autopilot, seemingly satisfied with a successful 2014. In one of her interviews, Alia had mentioned how Bahl didn't want her to prepare or rehearse much for this role - and it shows. She's just being herself, and most of their interactions don't seem to be given any thought or words to. It is one thing to not look like you're acting, and it's another to not bother to act at all. And Bahl seems convinced that just by relying on their natural charm, by training the cameras onto them, they will create magic in a shy 'Like Crazy' sort of way. But they don't. None of them do. Even the initial stanzas of Amit Trivedi's ballad 'Nazdeekiyan' bear an eerie resemblance to Coldplay's 'Oceans'. It's a pity to see such a lazy, derivative, listless effort from a talented bunch of artists who're known to push the envelope. In trying to balance their filmography with the occasional stress-busting 'masala' movie in between, they leave viewers wondering if they're only paying money to watch them holiday in glorious lands.

The difference between Shandaarand a film like Hasee Toh Phaseeinvariably comes down to the spaces they utilise. There's an innate Indianness to cramped spaces, chaotic relatives and voices jostling for attention, despite the splendor and noise. Empty, airy mansions leave no room for intimacy and character, and plenty of room for silly, indulgent mistakes.

RAHUL DESAI@reelreptile

Shaandaar review: Alia Bhatt, Shahid Kapoor look great, but this film is far from fabulous

Under normal circumstances, you'd think that when three of the four people credited with having written Queen join hands again, the film they'll make will be fun and clever. When they've been entrusted with a big budget and lavish settings, you'd expect a film that's fabulous. Shaandaar proves that these assumptions are wildly off-base. It turns out that the message that prefaced episodes of The X-Files were bang on the money: Trust no one.

Cynics (like yours truly) might have figured from the trailers of Shaandaarthat it wouldn't be quite as quirky asQueen, but director Vikas Bahl's new film is a surprise. No one who has seenQueen could have anticipated such a drastic drop in storytelling and directorial skills. After all, Shaandaar is something of a reunion for the Queenteam. It has Bahl as director. The story has been written by Bahl and Chaitally Parmar (part of Queen's writing team too), with dialogues by Anvita Dutt, who co-wrote the dialogues for Queen. Yet,Shaandaar is exactly the opposite of its title. It's sloppily written, lazily directed and completely without insight. Trust no one indeed.

Shaandaar gives you fair warning that this film is anything but fabulous, right from its first scene. The film begins with a shoddily-animated sequence and a listless voiceover by narrator Naseeruddin Shah. We learn that a little girl named Alia has been adopted by a gent called Bipin Arora, who has a goatee, an old beer bottle cap, a dominating dowager mummy and a catty wife. Apparently, no one ever understood why Bipin brought Alia home and raised her with such love and tenderness. Clearly, no one in Bahl and Parmar's imaginary world has seenMasoom.

Years pass and the animated characters from the opening episode transform into flesh and blood cartoons. Alia (Alia Bhatt) is by now a raging insomniac who flits around chewing gum, taking midnight swims, eating bananas, reading books and Googling like a maniac - because what else is a girl to do in the dead of the night? Bipin's (Pankaj Kapoor) one dream is to find a man who will put Alia to sleep. This is the running (not-so-funny) joke in Shaandaar. When Bipin's daughter is to have a grand wedding in an English estate, Bipin and Alia meet wedding planner, Jagjinder Joginder (Shahid Kapoor). He drives a bike, can bust out mean dance moves and is also an insomniac. Ergo, Alia and Jagjinder are obviously made for each other. While Alia and Jagjinder woo each other by peeling Fevicol off their palms, Eesha realises that the man with whom her wedding has been arranged has absolutely nothing going for him other than his eight-and-a-half pack of abs.

On paper, Shaandaar is the story of two sisters. One is the adopted child, the pretty one who struggles to find acceptance and is an insomniac. The other is good at heart, tubby and being used by her mother and grandmother to secure a deal with a business partner because the Aroras are almost bankrupt. On screen, Shaandaar is Bahl's attempt at making a mashup ofFrozen and almost every Rajshri Production film, but in Dharma Productions' packaging.

All the stock characters are there, including the grandmother. There's a picturesque location, an elaborate wedding, lots of senseless song sequences, a romance that's absurdly chaste and some ghastly animation (remember Main Prem Ki Diwani Hoon?). Since it's a Dharma Production, the wedding takes place in England for no ostensible reason, Bhatt is wearing clothes that show off her lissom figure, there's a gay 'chachu' who obviously has a limp wrist and is a stylist, and Karan Johar has a cameo.

The best parts of Shaandaar are in its trailer and if you do survive the full 145 minutes, you'll realise that the way the film has been written and directed, it's more a series of YouTube sketches than a proper story. Why are the Aroras marrying Eesha off in England when they're verging on bankruptcy? How is it that two business families agree to marrying off their marriageable members without doing a wee bit of research on the prospective in-laws?

Bipin can draw cartoons that actually move, like the photographs in the newspaper in Harry Potter films. This doesn't strike anyone as fantastic or even unusual. Why does Alia get a panty when everyone else gets breakfast? No reason. Why is Eesha stripping down to her underwear at the mandap? Just 'cause. There's a "black and white" ball which isn't made up of people wearing black and white outfits. That would be logical. Instead, that entire party is shown in monochrome.

Nothing adds up in Shaandaar and few of the characters have any sort of evolution. Alia is the wild child, Bipin is the kindly but weak-spirited daddy dearest. Jagjinder is the hardworking good guy. The only thing worse thanShaandaar's script is the editing, which makes the film a meandering, boring medley of forgettable songs, interspersed with some laboured comedy. The pace is slack and there's no tension in the film. Frequently, it feels like large chunks of the story were snipped to make space for fluffy, silly repartee that contributes to neither character nor plot. Then at one point, as though no one could bear it anymore, the story gets bundled into a rushed ending. The only thing worse than the editing is the unnecessary and amateurish CGI that plagues the entire film.

With all this against them, it's to the cast's credit that Shaandaar isn't unwatchable. Shahid Kapoor and Alia Bhatt look gorgeous and do their best to keep you entertained with their easy delivery and sharp dance moves. However, the two are entirely unconvincing as a couple, unless love in 21st century India is made up of chaste distances and inane chatter. Sanah Kapoor (Shahid's sister) makes her debut and is credible as the quieter sister, whose weight makes her the butt of many people's jokes. However, Sandhya of Dum Laga ke Haisharemains our favourite plus-sized heroine. Pankaj Kapoor spends most of his time on screen looking befuddled, which just about sums up what the audience feels too.

By the time Shaandaar draws to its close, you can't help but wonder just how much of the heavy-lifting in Queenwas done by Kangana Ranaut.

Shaandaar Box Office Collection (Early Trends)

The early reports so far are mixed as some people have liked the film and some have not. The situation will be more clear tomorrow. But nevertheless the film will pick up as it is a holiday.

Going by the early trends, it seems that Shaandaar day 1 collection will surely cross 10 crore and it can go much higher depending upon the growth.

Even though there have been many films which have been made on the theme of weddings in Bollywood, there has never been a movie that dealt with the concept of destination wedding. This week's release SHAANDAAR is one such film that treads on the never-before attempted theme of destination wedding. Will SHAANDAAR prove to be a goldmine at the box-office or will it be bite the dust... let's analyze.

SHAANDAAR starts off with a cartoon animation (flashback) story narrated by Naseeruddin Shah, wherein he 'introduces' the audiences to Bipin Arora (Pankaj Kapoor) and his adopted daughter Alia (Alia Bhatt). The animated narration then moves on to a real life 'accidental meeting' between the wedding organizer Jagjinder Joginder (Shahid Kapoor) and Bipin Arora, when Jaginder's bike crashes into Bipin's car. Bipin is travelling with his wife and two daughters Alia and Isha (Sanah Kapoor) and this is when Jaginder's eyes spot Alia and he falls for her at that very moment. The story then moves to Isha's destination wedding named 'Shandaar' in the exotic countryside of UK. And the man in charge of the entire proceedings is none other than Jagjinder Joginder. The whole wedding is nothing but a 'financial arrangement' (read 'deal') between Bipin Arora's mother aka Dadimaa (Sushma Seth) and the 'richy rich' Sindhi family helmed by Harry Fundwani (Sanjay Kapoor), who wears his 'Sindhi-ism' up his sleeve and also around his neck! The bankrupt Aroras think that the marriage with the Fundwani family will get them out of bankruptcy. Understanding the 'importance' of her wedding with the Fundwanis, Isha starts to compromise at every step for the sake of her family, despite being endlessly ridiculed by her would-be husband Robin Fundwani and his friends. On the other hand, love starts blossoming between the two insomniacs Jagjinder and Alia, something that Bipin doesn't seem to approve of. While everybody is really busy with the wedding preparations, Jagjinder and Alia leave no stone unturned in making Isha feel special. During one of the wedding events, the whole family, desperate for veg food, ends up eating hash brownies and mushrooms and get high. It is during this time that Bipin rattles down a startling revelation about his real relationship with Alia. What is the actual relationship between Bipin and Alia, does anyone bother to listen to Isha and her feelings, does Isha ultimately get married into the Fundwani family for her family's sake, what ultimately happens to Jagjinder and Alia's insomnia and do they find a cure for the same through love, is what forms the rest of the film.

The film's director Vikas Bahl, whose last film was the National award winning QUEEN, makes a different kind of film this time. SHAANDAAR has a fairy tale kind of feel to it with lots of VFX, animations, exotic UK locations and big expensive sets. The film is very high on glitz and glamour. It is a larger than life film, with funny and quirky characters (dominating grandmother, scheming mom etc.) and to a large extent, that does the trick for the film. Vikas has extracted good performances from most of his actors. He has also tackled issues such as adoption, family relationships and sacrifice, 'compromised relationships', insomnia and most importantly one's body size and self-esteem issues due to the same, very smartly. Even though the film does not have a strong storyline, the humorous sequences keep the audiences engaged. The film starts lagging in its second half though but manages to save itself in time. The climax of the film is a bit silly, but it lands up working in the favour of the film.

Now for the performances. Shahid Kapoor, who was last seen in the hard-hitting HAIDER, does a complete U-turn with his character in SHAANDAAR. His performance is extremely endearing, affable and loveable. His onscreen chemistry with Alia Bhatt is excellent. He also has a funny jugalbandi of sorts with Pankaj Kapoor in the film. He maintains his youthful charm and grace throughout the film. And it is due to this natural charm of his, this Kapoor lad is bound to make his young fans go weak in the knees. On the other hand, there's Alia Bhatt, who seems to be getting better with every passing film of hers. By now, she has repeatedly proven that how effortlessly she can get into the skin of every character that she portrays. SHAANDAAR is no different. Her portrayal of her on screen character Alia will definitely find resonance with every dreamy eyed girl out there. The veteran actor Pankaj Kapoor is a (refreshing) delight to watch in the film. His chemistry with Shahid is good and extremely natural and believable. Sanjay Kapoor, as the 'over-the-top-and-boisterous' Sindhi is funny. On the other hand, Sanah Kapoor makes a lasting impact with her debut film. The rest of the characters help the film move forward.

The music (Amit Trivedi) of the film is enjoyable. The film's music definitely acts as one of the film's highlights. The veteran cinematographer Anil Mehta does an extremely superlative job in the cinematography department and is hugely responsible for making the audiences go spellbound with the film's visuals. SHAANDAAR boasts of excellent production values. The film's dialogues (Anvita Dutt) are simple and lucid which will definitely find resonance with the audience, especially the teenagers, who also happen to be the film's target audience. The film's editing (Sanchari Das Mollick) is good. Though the scenes like 'Mehendi With Karan' and 'Monday-becomes-Tuesday' seemed forcefully added and stretched in the film.

The film's highlights include the animation sequences, which sets up the mood and gives it a fairy tale look. Also, the 'qawwali' scene is definitely one of the scenes to watch out for.

On the whole, SHAANDAAR is a feel good movie that will make you leave the cinema hall with a smile on your face, despite its flaws. It will mainly appeal to the youth who seem to be the target audience for the film.

Shaandaar review: All that glitters is not gold

Faridoon Shahryar @iFaridoon