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Posted: 8 years ago

Salman, Ma Ka Laadla Bighad Gaya

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The Baltimore riots threw up an unlikely heroine - a determined mother who chased an adult son and smacked him in public, before dragging him home. What was the young man doing to cause such distress to his enraged mom? Well, he had apparently picked up a few stones to throw at the police, who were trying to control rampaging mobs indulging in arson and rioting. The video went viral and overnight, the unknown woman was hailed as 'Mother of the Year' across social media platforms. What was her achievement? Well... she was acknowledged worldwide for doing the right thing; for correcting her boy... and possibly saving his life.
 
Globally, mothers sent up a cheer for the woman - she had done what they dared not with their own sons - discipline them.
 
As the world commemorates Mother's Day, this may be the perfect time for mothers across the world to ask themselves if they are doing 'the right thing' when it comes to their children.
 
It will be interesting to know how Salman Khan spent his Sunday. His devoted mother Salma had reportedly taken ill, unable to deal with the stress generated by her son's ongoing trial. She is lucky she is surrounded by her large family, and their enormous circle of friends and supporters.
 
Bollywood swiftly closed ranks during the crisis and protected one of their own. Whether the fraternity would have displayed the same level of solidarity had it been a lesser star than Salman is doubtful.
 
That's how showbiz works - particularly when there's a lot of money riding on a particular actor. Not so surprisingly, most initial reactions out of Bollywood revolved around the 200 or more crores apparently riding on Khan's movies. Bollywood appeared completely unconcerned about the victims of this terrible accident. Their collective indifference to the plight of those directly affected by the tragedy was the best indicator of their sensibilities.
 
This is where Salma Khan can play a key role. It is never too late for a mother to correct her child. A child of 50 - but still her child. Salma loves Salman. Salman loves Salma. Fine. It is time for Salma to ask herself a few tough questions. Where did she slip up while raising the boy who went on to become one of Bollywood's most bankable stars? Salman has been in and out of serious trouble most of his adult life. It's a bit silly to keep pointing to his good deeds and countless acts of charity while turning a blind eye to several misdemeanours that have blighted his turbulent existence for decades. He is fortunate to have gotten away scot free and unscathed so far. He has had a dream run, so to speak. But that can change in future.
 
Given his closeness to his mother, perhaps a heart-to-heart is overdue.
 
Salma is not alone.
 
Most Indian mothers behave in a ridiculous way about their precious sons. Culturally, this is how it is, has always been and perhaps will continue to be. Most Indian fellows are unapologetic 'Mama's Boys', and don't feel a bit embarrassed about it. Most desi moms blatantly discriminate between their sons and daughters and are shamelessly preferential in the way they raise male progeny. Society endorses and accepts this nauseating favouritism. Sons grow up with exaggerated feelings of self-importance.

Their special status within the family is repeatedly underlined, till they themselves start believing they are demi-Gods who can do no wrong.

Salman's emotional graph combined with a dicey track record both suggest he was raised to take most entitlements for granted. Privileges must have been presented on silver salvers from a young age, and the very idea of assuming responsibility for his actions may have appeared an alien concept to him and his family.
 
It's tough being a mother. Parental guidance is something that cannot be "taught''. Any mother's instinct is to protect a vulnerable child. Which is what Salma is doing. But what causes a child to grow up in a certain way? Why do mothers hesitate to correct their kids - sons in particular? Who teaches basic values to the young?  Should a mother's love be so irrational that even when a child steps out of line, there are zero repercussions... zero conversations... zero  consequences?

On some levels Salman never grew up. He didn't need to. His life was set.

Unfortunately, there are questions that need an answer this time. Whichever way this case goes, and at whatever speed, there will be those who won't forgive Salman. Nor will they forget the pain of the dead and the injured. That's called compassion. And compassion involves Being Human. Towards one and all.

I am sure Salma Khan will communicate this vital message to her beloved son.

It may save many other laadla betas in India from going down a dangerous road.

(Shobhaa De is an established writer, columnist, opinion shaper and social commentator, who is considered an authority on popular culture.)

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this article are the personal opinions of the author. The facts and opinions appearing in the article do not reflect the views of NDTV and NDTV does not assume any responsibility or liability for the same.

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DanceUntilWeDie thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
Most Indian mothers behave in a ridiculous way about their precious sons. Culturally, this is how it is, has always been and perhaps will continue to be. Most Indian fellows are unapologetic 'Mama's Boys', and don't feel a bit embarrassed about it. Most desi moms blatantly discriminate between their sons and daughters and are shamelessly preferential in the way they raise male progeny. Society endorses and accepts this nauseating favouritism. Sons grow up with exaggerated feelings of self-importance.

👏

True!!

50% of the time she makes sense
briahna thumbnail
Posted: 8 years ago
who knows, maybe certified criminal bhai's  mum does want him to obey the law and serve his time. but with a big wolf in the house, cheater salim khan, she can't win.
and not to forget other vultures  arbaz and sohail, roaming around , ready to attack her is if she pressures criminal bhai.

poor woman can't have any say.

maybe...










anitarani thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
Good article...Salman is close to this mother...she would be the
best person to initiate a change in him even at this stage of his
life.  Better late than never.
IAmLuvBolly thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
Salman is 50 years old, Salma Khan's responsibility has long passed. But if his upbringing played a part in how he turned out, then, Salma wasn't a single mother. As much blame should be put on Salim Khan as well. She cannot criticize the Indian's society's regressive mentality of favoring sons over daughters and then turn around and put the sole responsibility of child rearing on the mother. It sounds pretty sexist and even misogynistic. Fathers play a very important part in shaping up their boys into good men or bad men. An important thing to keep in mind when one remembers Salman's attitude towards his past girlfriends.

At the same time, seeing his Mother, father, and siblings come out in the balcony and start waving and looking appreciative of the crowd celebrating their son walking away from punishment and responsibility once again, it is easy to assume they are just as caught up in Salman worshiping as the crowd below them. So perhaps Shobha De is onto something when she said he was raised with a sense of entitlement and "can do no wrong."
Posted: 8 years ago
😆😆
Edited by StillAlice - 8 years ago
monu_tan thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
This applies not only to indian mothers but also the non indian ones. Specially the mothers of the terrorists who join deadly groups like isis, boko haram etc.
Anyways agree with everything Shoba de said.
atominis thumbnail
Posted: 8 years ago
I did not see this posted. Copying my response from other thread here:

I agree with Shobha's point on the way sons are raised in Indian society.

Nargis Dutt did the same thing. She kept hiding Sanjay's problems, and even tried to hide his drug abuse. She was almost in denial and kept thinking he would change someday or it was just a passing phase. The world knows where her son is now.

Everyone has that "Boys will be boys" mindset and they try to brush off everything as just a mistake. Parents, brothers, sisters, friends etc all try to shield the boy.

And their boys will be boys argument continues and morphs into men will be men as well.


the article is making a general point on how our society raises the male child using Salman and others as an example.

Indeed many people's world seems to revolve around the son and they keep excusing him. Even siblings are raised to worship and shield him. Like that shameless Sanjay Dutt who was earlier being saved by parents and now his sisters try to rally for his cause.

In India's Daughter also one of the rapist's mother was ranting how her son had done nothing and she couldn't live without him blah blah.

You know nothing about your son. You have Chalta hai, Ladke hain galti ho jaati hai type attitude. You cover up every mistake, every crime. You try to make him a tragedy hero comparing him to likes of Karna. Your coterie even blames victims for each misdeed.

And then you walk free, still claiming to be good hearted.

There are many cases in real life in which parents even attack those teachers or principals who punish their laadla. One case I know about, involved a father and son throwing acid at a teacher who failed the son in his subject. Now instead of pulling up his own son to study the father thought it better to attack the teacher instead!

This is rampant in our society. Give unbridled freedom and luxury to kids, especially sons and cover up each blunder no matter what. Their families will go to ANY extent to cover up.

Salman and Sanjay are the celebrity poster boys of bigde shehzaade phenomenon in India.

I don't know about Salma. But I have read about Nargis knowing everything about Sanju baba but still hiding it from Sunil Dutt and the rest of the world. And this attitude is shameful on part of any mother. It is not laad, pyaar or mamta as they might like to excuse themselves with. It ultimately ruins your family and is a nuisance to society as well.

These people are a very dangerous and bad example for the society 😕 Edited by atominis - 8 years ago
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Posted: 8 years ago
Sirf maa ka laadla nahi..Maa aur baap ka ladla... Salim Khan too did a bad job (not that he is good man himself)... his bad upbringing inculcated all the wrong  values in him..and he as a grown up failed to shake them off.
atominis thumbnail
Posted: 8 years ago

Originally posted by: IAmLuvBolly

Salman is 50 years old, Salma Khan's responsibility has long passed. But if his upbringing played a part in how he turned out, then, Salma wasn't a single mother. As much blame should be put on Salim Khan as well. She cannot criticize the Indian's society's regressive mentality of favoring sons over daughters and then turn around and put the sole responsibility of child rearing on the mother. It sounds pretty sexist and even misogynistic. Fathers play a very important part in shaping up their boys into good men or bad men. An important thing to keep in mind when one remembers Salman's attitude towards his past girlfriends.

At the same time, seeing his Mother, father, and siblings come out in the balcony and start waving and looking appreciative of the crowd celebrating their son walking away from punishment and responsibility once again, it is easy to assume they are just as caught up in Salman worshiping as the crowd below them. So perhaps Shobha De is onto something when she said he was raised with a sense of entitlement and "can do no wrong."



The father in this case is not even worth talking about. His interviews in defense of Salman make no sense! Equating him to Karna or some tragic hero and all other gibberish!

I agree with you that both parents have responsibility.

I myself advocate that.

But the point about over indulgent mothers is also valid.

Like Nargis who hid Sanjay's delinquent ways and drug abuse from Sunil Dutt for a long time.

It's problematic when mothers keep hiding or excusing wrong doings of a child and sometimes even prevent the father from disciplining the child. We have descriptions of such mothers in films like Raja Babu who would go to any extent to save their son.

Though in Salman's case I doubt if anyone ever tried to discipline him at any stage.