"Dr. Ashutosh!" With his name on her lips she bolted upright. Her
night shirt was wet. Sweat poured down her forehead and mingled with the
wetness on her cheek? A look around the room told her she was still in her
little dorm room, on her narrow single bed with her book lying on her lap. It
was only 8 o'clock! She was reading and the next thing she knew she had drifted
off to a disturbed and fretful sleep! She wiped her face, but was far from
relaxed. Peace eluded her. Did she cry in her sleep? When was the last time she
did that? She had not had those bad
dreams for months now. "If you think it's
my fault, if I am capable of committing such an act, I will leave right away?"
That was what she had asked Him, her
husband Dr. Ashutosh on that fateful night 18 months ago, the night when Dr. Mallika
had viciously slashed her neck and pretended it was Nidhi who did it, who hated
Mallika so much she resorted to violence. He had angrily berated her act,
refused to listen to her side. Dr. Mallika's words were stoking his rage and
her own desperate words acted like poison spreading venom through his veins. Her
eyes had beseeched Ashutosh to say something, anything in her support, but he turned
a blind eye and deaf ear, showing her what he thought of her. GUILTY! In utter
dejection she had left, taking nothing but the clothes on her back, a boatload
of misery and plenty of what ifs'. He
was quiet, maintained a resolute silence even when she crossed the threshold
hoping against hope that he would call her back, just one more time!
With a tired sigh she got
up, drank a cup of water, and picked up her book to read though concentration
was hard to come. Why am I thinking of that night? Why today, after so many
months? Is this a premonition? Earlier that afternoon when she walked to her
class she thought she heard him talking, felt his deep baritone voice enveloped
her. But a quick look around proved it was false! There was No One, least of
all Dr. Ashutosh! Suddenly a thud interrupted her thoughts; her book lay on the
floor. She stooped to pick it up kicking herself for her vulnerability where He was concerned. Stop Nidhi! You are hallucinating;
go back to your work. Don't waste your time and hopes over Him! There's no Dr. Ashutosh in your life, and certainly not in
Mumbai! "He will never come for you!" Over
the last year this was DB's favorite line and she was slowly accepting the
truth in it. As if on cue her phone rang!
"Hello Nidhi, how are
you meri bachhi? When is your last
test? Can you come for Diwali? We can book last minute. There's still 10 days..."
Nidhi sighed unwilling
to answer this barrage of questions. "DB, please... you know I don't.. can't... "
"Nidhi, how long? How
long will you avoid coming home? Beta,
I've kept quiet since you left him, left Lucknow, but now... now it's time. You
have to make a choice. How long will you hide behind your studies, ignoring all
the facts?" DB stopped her torrent for a second, weighing her words. "Beta... you should think about the future
also, start considering... er... divorce!""
"DB! Please! What are
you saying?" She was shocked! Okay... To be honest, she had expected her Baba to
raise this issue one day. But DB?
"Nidhi, you got married
to him much against my wishes, even if Yog consented. And then that witch came
back! Look what happened after that? Meri
bachhi, that was 18 months ago. That's a long time considering you lived
together for a measly 2 months. Now you have to start thinking about your own
life, what to do after your studies. And I feel you should ask him for a
divorce very soon.. He is not coming back Nidhi."
"DB, please! I cannot
even think or talk about it right now... please!" She quickly terminated the call.
Once again her mind
went back to that afternoon. Did I hear his voice in college today? Is he in
Mumbai? For what? Me? Can it be?.. No!
Get real Nidhi! How is it possible? He doesn't even know you are here! For the
last time, stop dreaming! With this strict lecture she tried to regain a
semblance of normalcy. Half an hour later she lost that battle, her thoughts were
confused. It wandered back to that night. Anji had picked her up from the
market at midnight indignant that Dr. Ashutosh could be so heartless. Both had
decided against waking up her Baba in the middle of the night. So she waited,
that long, lonely night, waited in the arms of Shyama aunty, but ... Her wait continued next day too. Finally she
heard from him! The next evening! He had cooled down enough to give her a
thought, to pick up his phone and call her. After almost a full day of silence,
he had deemed it fit to call her! But she was both distraught and furious by
then. What tipped the balance was the condescending tone he had used, still
assuming she was wrong, still not giving her a chance, still treating his dear
friend as the innocent, helpless victim. And she had lashed out before slamming
the phone down. "Why did you call now Dr.
Ashutosh when you hardly cared the whole day? To make sure I'm alive? Did your
friend grant you permission to talk?" She had forgiven one too many of his digressions
pertaining his 'friend' and was adamant she would not return till Dr. Mallika
left or confessed the truth. That was the last time she heard his voice, they
had reached a stalemate ... that was 18 months ago! Even today it hurt just as
much but the latest conversation with DB also raised a suspicion in her mind. Is DB right? Should she move on? Was there no
hope for a future with her husband? Ironically today was her second
Karwachauth, and as per tradition she was fasting, in secret, unknown to her family!
Why was she still doing this? Where would it
lead her to? For now only the forces above had an answer!
*****
A few streets away Dr.
Ashutosh was sitting in his plush hotel room idly surfing the channels on TV.
Any and every channel was focused upon the festival season and it irritated
him. 18 months... 18 long months! That's how long it had been since he saw Nidhi...
the woman he professed to love, his wife! And it had taken a good 15 of them to
even get Anji to spill the beans about Nidhi's whereabouts. First time he heard
he was slightly surprised, then proud and elated to hear Nidhi was studying,
doing her PG. But that was it! Try as he might, though Anji gave him the name
of the college she refused to divulge any further information and had sworn him
to full secrecy about this. She didn't want to be the family's black
sheep! As he digested this fact he
shared it with Armaan, who had suggested he should come to Mumbai and locate
her. And for the last 3 months he was working on setting up this series of
guest lectures in the same college with the hope of running into her. Only problem
was he did not know what department she was in, so all this could result in
nothing! Ten days until Diwali. Ten lectures, ten opportunities to locate Nidhi.
Day One was up, there were no signs of her today. The news anchor was talking
about Karwachauth. Was Nidhi fasting for him today? What did I do to deserve
that kind of loyalty? Though he secretly hoped she was! The thought warmed him,
he tilted his head back and rested on the sofa, closed his eyes and imagined
his Nidhi in her bridal wear with her dazzling smile.
He
was jerked out of his reverie by the buzz at the door. Frowning, he went and peeked through
the hole before hastily adjusting his glasses and opening the door. He didn't
have to pretend surprise. When he told Armaan that he was going to be in Mumbai
for the lectures, Armaan suggested him to book himself into a hotel, closer to
the college and farther away from his Mom. His mom, Saroj aunty, was just back
from the US and she didn't know about the separation. Knowing his mom, Armaan
wanted to keep it that way. And Ashutosh agreed, eager to get any reprieve he
could get. Seeing both of them at his door he had an inkling that was not to
be! Armaan looked awkward and anxious as he darted worried glances at his
seemingly serene mother. Realizing that he was standing there gawking, Ashutosh
hastily ushered them in.
"Hello aunty. Hi Armaan. Please,
come. Come inside." He waited until both of them sat on the small couch before
taking the chair himself.
"How are you Ashutosh?"
"I'm fine aunty. How are you? Armaan
told me you just got back from the US."
"So you are here in search of Nidhi."
That was so like her. No beating around the bush. Straight to the point.
So she knew! "Yes Aunty!"
"Armaan told me what happened.
How could you Ashutosh?"
His tired hand rubbed over his
beard. Growing it back hadn't been a conscious decision on his part. He had
just..lost interest after she left. "I don't know aunty. All I can say in my
defence is.."
"There is no defence for what you
did beta."
"Mallika had been my friend for
twelve years aunty. I never thought.."
"And Nidhi? What was she?" She
looked at him sadly. "You don't even know what a marriage means, do you? A girl
leaves her whole family behind and comes to your house. Can you imagine the
amount of trust it takes to do that?"
"Aunty I didn't mean.."
But
she continued as if Ashutosh had not spoken at all. "You actually kicked her out in the
middle of the night. Even a monster wouldn't do something like that. What if
something had happened to her on the streets that night? Would you have said
that it was an apt punishment for her and dusted off your hands?"
Each word lashed Ashutosh like a
whip. Aunty's words had awakened another buried memory. "Let her go Baba. Good Riddance!" He cringed and closed his eyes to
tune out his own words but Aunty was still talking. "I'm so disappointed in you
Ashutosh. Are you the same guy who wept for her when her father refused your
marriage, who followed her all the way to Kerala to convince her father, who
ran to the airport to stop her from leaving to Europe? What happened to all
that love Ashutosh? I thought you will be different. But you are just like all
men. You take the woman in your life for granted. You think she should be at
your feet like an obedient dog no matter how many times you kick her."
"I loved Nidhi aunty. I still love
her."
She scoffed at that! "There is no love without trust. And
no matter what anyone says, I'm happy Nidhi left you that night. Trust, respect
and unconditional love are the basic foundations of any relationship. Maybe she
realized that your love doesn't have any of those things." On that note, she
got up to leave. "When you find her I'm going to do whatever I can to support
and help her, whatever be her decision. Just wanted you to know that."
Ashutosh
and Armaan followed suit. Armaan had a panicked look on his
face. "Amma, listen.."
But Ashutosh got there first and
blocked her path to the door. "I know what I did was wrong... unforgivable. I
sure am not going to forgive myself in this lifetime but I want her back. She
can punish me however she wants after that. I'll prove to her that I trust and
respect her and our relationship." His eyes looked like black pools of misery
and guilt. Desperation ate at his insides but determination stiffened his
spine. "I will win her back."
Saroj casted a long, scrutinizing
look as if trying to see the truth behind those words. Her glance fell on her
son. "And if you are anything like your friend here, I'm really, really glad
that you are not married." On that note she walked out, leaving behind the two
silent men.
Armaan was the first one to break
the silence. "I'm sorry meri jaan. I
didn't want to tell her. But..." He
shrugged and then hugged his lifelong friend. "Good luck. And let me know if
you need anything. Bye."
Ashutosh ran a tired
hand through his hair and sat on the bed, took out his wallet and looked at
Nidhi's photo. A smiling, chirpy Nidhi on their honeymoon looked back at him.
In the last 18 months this had become his daily ritual. Where are you Nidhi?
Please... one chance is all I want and I will prove I have changed. Aunty's
words had rankled him but he understood her POV as a woman's POV. Too bad he
did not understand Nidhi's, neither on that night or the next day when she had
slammed the phone on him. TRUST! That word bit him now. Of course he trusted,
only it was the wrong woman! He placed Nidhi's photo on his heart and closed
his eyes. Only if you knew Nidhi... It was exactly a week after he last spoke to
Nidhi. Both him and Mallika had gone to KGH for their check ups. By that time
he had started walking around the house. Later that night when the whole house
was quiet, he was on his way to the kitchen when he heard Mallika. The content
of her speech amazed him and stopped him in his tracks and 18 months later each
word was still fresh in his mind. "Mr.
Bagchi. So you found me! Well, you are too late. What did you think? I would
risk keeping that pile of bricks in my name for so long. I went through all
that trouble to procure it from a helpless Nidhi and she could not do a thing.
I have played my cards well. I gifted it to Ashutosh at a perfect moment and
guess what; he thinks I'm great! And nothing you say can change that opinion.
You can try!" She sniggered! "If I can make him disbelieve his wife, the woman
he claimed to love, then what are you? If I can succeed in throwing her out of
his life I can just as easily prove you wrong. Mark my words! Ashutosh trusts
only me!"
"So
Nidhi was right! You lied to me!"
Mallika
turned, speechless when she saw him appear out of nowhere but had quickly
recovered and tried to cover up. "Ashutosh.. no. The truth is..."
"What
is the truth Mallika? Why did you want to separate us?"
"Why?
How can you ask that Ashutosh? I loved you for so long and you refused to even
acknowledge that. She comes along and you end up marrying her... 18 years, 18
years younger than you. That won't last Ashutosh. I had to do something to make
you see it, but still you did not. So I saved your future by sending her away!"
He
had subjected her to his famous Hardstone' temper. "Mallika! You are
disgusting! How did I even think you are my friend? Get out and get out now!
Out of my home and my life."
*****
Ashutosh got dressed
the next day and as he left his room he sent a silent prayed upwards to make
this day lucky for him. And 5 hours later his prayers were granted! He finally
saw her, his Nidhi! As he got out of his class one of the wardboys rushed up to
him. The HOD of Psychiatry department was requesting his advice on a special
case. So he went to the Psychiatric Ward where Dr. Sharma welcomed him.
"Please come Dr.
Ashutosh! We are fortunate to have you in our campus at this time. I believe
this patient can be helped with your knowledge." But Ashutosh's eyes were
transfixed on the young woman who had jerked to attention when she heard his
name, for standing transfixed behind Dr. Sharma was Nidhi. And he knew he was
in no better state barely registering Dr. Sharma's words.
"Nidhi...
you, you are here in Psychiatry? How are you? You look so different.. thinner!"
"Dr.
Ashutosh... how?You look so... different. Are you well? How is your friend?"
Dr. Sharma who was
oblivious to the undercurrents continued. "This is Dr. Nidhi Verma. She's a PG
student at our college and is working with me on this case. All the reports are
with her. In fact she's the one who requested a meeting with a senior
Neurologist for this particular case... And since you were here for the guest
lecture series I thought of you. Hope you don't mind this short notice? ... Er,
Dr. Ashutosh?"
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