I'm bleeding out
So if the last thing that I do
Is to bring you down
I'll bleed out for you
So I bare my skin
And I count my sins
And I close my eyes
And I take it in
And I'm bleeding out
I'm bleeding out for you, for you.
How dare he touch her like that, that scoundrel? She is my sassy woman to confront, not his to grope. I am the only one who knows her. I am the only one who really knows her. The way she resorts to ulterior moves to secure her family and herself, the guilt in her eyes when she does something wrong, her furtive glances at me that are rife with anticipation and fear, the way she broke me so the light could get in and heal me and the way her heart breaks bit by bit when I don't acknowledge her. I know her.
She has barricaded herself with innumerable and impenetrable layers of fear and indifference. She doesn't let anybody get inside her head but she makes a place for herself in all of ours. She lights inextinguishable fires between us because she wants us to feel as inculpated as she does. She wants us to see how hard life is on people like her. Life was never a bed of roses for her but that doesn't make it right for her to continue doing what she does. And I have to be the one to show her that.
Why does she copy each assignment from Randhir and Sanyukta? Why can she not solve a single problem on her own? Why does she not love engineering as much as we do? Probably because she doesn't. She was thrust with an ocean full of responsibilities and engineering was probably the only way she could fulfill them. There is a daughter, a sister, a friend hidden in her; but did they get so suppressed under this burden that I will not be able to salvage them no matter how deep I dig?
She doesn't know the kind of love that I have known. I wonder if she knows how that kind of love can turn her world around on its own axis. She will know right from wrong, moral from immoral and ethical from unethical. I know I cannot give you that love, Vidushi Kumar, at least not now. I don't know if I will ever be able to, but I do hope that somebody can.
One day, I would like to meet the real Vidushi Kumar and tell the world that she is a perfectly flawed person stitched together with good intentions. And that she should love herself for being so. Not knowing the right path from the wrong doesn't make her a bad person.
When the hour is nigh
And hopelessness is sinking in
And the wolves all cry
To fill the night with hollering
When your eyes are red
And emptiness is all you know
With the darkness fed
I will be your scarecrow
Always,
Arushi
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