I saw some racing down the window glass, some changing courses and some losing their identities to the impact. Some of them merged into an entirely new form while some religiously followed their destined path. They got the better of me, so much that I rolled down the glass and cocked my head to expose it to the winds, to the divine fragrance and of course to the cold, feathery drops themselves. As my face fell numb with the gradual sweet torture, I popped my head back in and extended my hand instead.
I had always mused drizzles - they were a lot like love. Just like the latter, they don't make their presence felt but even before you know it, they drench you completely and that's when you realize that they had been there all along. They're exciting, they're consuming and most importantly they're comforting.
My hand awaited the numbness but to its surprise, warmth took over. Startled, I peeped out and saw someone staring right into my eyes with an eccentrically wide grin on his face and his hand extended just like mine. Suddenly growing aware of my actions, I drew my hand back and rolled up the window.
As if mirroring my actions, he drew his hand back too. But his smile faded and within a blink of an eye, his expressions had turned stoic. He stared into nothingness as his lavish car drove by mine. The traffic light had turned green, signaling my taxi to speed off too.
I spent the entire evening regretting, feeling guilty. My mind was in frenzy, thinking and rethinking the little encounter at the traffic light. My rational self was in a battle with my human self. While one ranted about staying vigilant of strangers, the other shouted back justifying humanity. The former rebuked, stating safety and the latter responded with the mantra of spreading smiles'. After a lot of debates, I settled with my human self, making a resolution to apologise to him if the odds turn out to be in my favor'. Sleep and peace finally took over.
New day, new beginnings. With this pledge in mind, I decided to begin my search for him, The Beaming Bloke'.
I had always been using his route, with same trees, same gravel and same direction. But this particular path had never appeared so intriguing. It became difficult for me to concentrate on the work at hand as everything - be it the rain or someone's smile, stabbed me with guilt each time I came across it.
Hiring a taxi and instructing the driver, I now stood at the very same spot where I had once seen Mr. Beaming Bloke. I thought maybe, just maybe, I might come across him again and make up for my bad. Sadly, stars weren't on my side today. They weren't on my side for the 6 days that followed either. 7's a lucky number, I thought. Why not try the 7th day as well?
The only thing that grew in me was regret. I went to the same spot, on the exact same day, and the same time. Leave the stars, even the planets shied away. I gave up my hope and consequently my search. But, on a brighter side, this helplessness definitely taught me a lesson - to spread smiles, that is. I know it's sad that I cannot undo my deed, but I can surely learn from it, can't I?
I reached the Mall in no time. There were groceries waiting to be brought and some appetite waiting to be met. I made my way to the Food Court and stopped abruptly as my eyes fell upon a certain someone. An involuntary smile formed and all the stars twinkled with joy. In measured steps, I tip-toed to the table occupied by Mr. Beaming Bloke.
He was engrossed in his platter, filled with a vegetable wrap and some salad. His actions were very controlled and orderly which became even more evident with his fine cutlery skills. I stood there, waiting for him to feel my presence. And much to my relief, he did.
He looked away from his food and then at me. This was my chance, the chance. I smiled and it grew wider on its own accord. There I was, grinning with new found contentment at a stranger. He stared, and then resumed his work. It was my smile's turn to fade. My very first guess about his ungrateful response was very logical - attitude issues. But my subconscious disagreed; it told me there was something more to it. That's when I did what I should've done in the very first place. I observed.
His table was set perfectly with nothing out of place. Instead of spreading a napkin on his lap, he had it tucked in his collar. He was gently rocking in his seat, alternating it with tapping of fingers or peculiar shaking of leg. With earphones plugged in, he was humming it softly. I scrunched my brows as I took in the details. It didn't quite fit.
Even though I had accomplished my mission, the guilt prevailed. And I had to get rid of it. So I placed an order and settled beside him, with some French Fries and Vegetable Wrap as well. Meanwhile, he was done with his, and so was preparing to leave. I couldn't miss this opportunity! I made a move and slowly offered him some Fries.
He looked at them for a while. I tried to gauge his reaction but it it was fruitless as he sat there, rocking, with a poker face. He looked at me and I gave him an apologetic smile. It was sincerely apologetic. He stared into nothingness again and then reluctantly took some of the Fries I offered. Untucking his napkin, he stood up, disposed off the plate and went away. No pleasantries were exchanged. Not a single word was spoken. But there had been a revelation. A big one.
I rushed home after the unexpected encounter. If my deductions were right, I had to confirm them right away. Aapi questioned my sudden urgency and the missing groceries. I waved her off, groceries could wait but this couldn't!
Switching on the laptop, I furiously typed away - Autism.
Minimal eye contact...no speech...unusual excessive concentration...body rocking...' Everything made sense. Mr. Beaming Bloke was autistic. And she thought that meeting him would make things better. But she was feeling worse! An autistic man smiled at her and she didn't smile back. Great, just great.
People suffering from Autism tend to follow routines. I bagged this as an advantage. I now knew that he went to the Mall every Sunday, in the afternoon. So I spent the rest of the day waiting for it to end. Each day of the following week felt like a month. And to add to it, Aapi started worrying about my excessive anxiety and hence interrogated me. On insistence, I revealed to her about Mr. Beaming Bloke and to say she was flabbergasted would be an understatement. She banned me from stalking' him. But I finally convinced her that it wasn't stalking' that I was doing!
The day finally arrived and I was all set. There he was, sitting on the same table with the same platter. I sat beside him with the same order as well, and offered him the fries. He reluctantly took them again. I could see a micro-smile as he did that. And I couldn't have asked for anything more. I wanted to befriend him. Yes, that's what I wanted.
He stood up, and this time so did I. We made our way out of the Mall after which I subtly started a conversation.
"I'm Zoya Farooqui". I was hoping against hope.
"I'm Asad Ahmed Khan", he replied looking everywhere except at me.
Mr. Beaming Bloke had a heavy name! As his disinterest became evident, I tried to continue some small talk. I needed him to speak to me. "So, Mr. Khan it is!" I chirped. Next thing I see is him standing tall without stooping and his face held up. A hint of smile had formed too. So, he liked being called Mr. Khan? I was named Ms. Farooqui' thereafter.
The next week arrived and flew with one more silent meeting. All we did was sitting and eating. I did start occasional conversations but they felt bothersome. The following week, to my surprise, he opened up a bit - as he offered me some portion of his meal. I was overwhelmed. It's not easy for them to share, yet he did. He opened up a bit more during week 4, as he showed me a few photos of his family. He had no siblings and was the apple of his parents' eye.
*****
Meanwhile in Khan Mansion -
Dilshaad Ahmed Khan was preparing the evening tea when Asad walked in. Although her only child was autistic, she had no complains. She felt blessed to have him; he was different, unique and special. According to her, not everyone was given a gift like she and her husband Rashid Ahmed Khan were given. And so, they valued it more than their own life.
"Assalam-O-Walekum Asad", she greeted politely.
"How was your day?" She started the routine conversation. It was a part of Therapy - to enhance his speaking abilities.
"Walekum Assalam Ammi" he replied and went straight to his room without answering her question.
She had been observing that Asad had been behaving a bit strangely. She tried to talk to him about it, but he would always cut the topic off. Growing restless and worried, Dilshaad took the matter in her hands. Being a possessive and protective mother, she accompanied him to the Mall the following week. She had to find out what was going on.
*****
As the lavish car stopped in the parking area, I could see Asad emerging from it. He strode towards me as I waited for him to reach the entrance.
"Good afternoon Ms. Farooqui", he spoke in a very gentleman-ish manner.
"Good afternoon Mr. Khan!" I enthusiastically replied.
He went inside to reserve us a seat in the crowded Food Court. As I stood there, I could see another body emerging from the car. It was of a lady who appeared to be in her late forties. I sensed something wrong and approached her.
"Assalam-O-Walekum Ma'am" I greeted her but she looked angry.
"What do you want from my son? Is it money?" She fired straightaway, giving me no room for explanation.
"Leave him alone" she spoke in a no non sense manner. But I couldn't let her form opinions about me, without her knowing my side of story!
"That's not true Ma'am. I don't want anything from your son. I do understand that you must be feeling very violated, but trust me. I won't harm him. I like his company. He is an innocent, kind man, which elevates my respect for him even more. It isn't money, it has never been. It is his uniqueness that has brought me to him." My justification did give her satisfaction, but she was still skeptical. I smiled at her reassuringly and she reluctantly approved of me. After this little encounter, I sped off towards the Food Court.
Today, he shared with me his playlist. It predominantly consisted of soft songs, with classical music and melodies. It soothed him, I concluded. Even though I was enjoying his company, my mind was still preoccupied with the eventful meeting. I knew I had made everything crystal clear to her, but it had unknowingly clouded mind. I started doubting my actions. Why had it become so necessary for me to know him?
I spent the entire week pondering about the same. He had opened up and I was happy, but why did I want him to do it? I anticipated the weekly meets, and always tried to make him smile. Was I looking too much into it?
The next week brought something with it which I had never ever expected.
"Ms. Farooqui, let me buy your order today." He said. I foolishly gazed at him as he struggled to count the money and paid the exact sum. How adorable! He willingly took my Fries and even offered me his salad. I was over the moon. This little act of his had drenched me with immense and unexplainable joy. My muscles hurt with the continuous smiling while his grew wider too. It was then I noticed that his smile cut dimples too.
Sunday had arrived, again. A part of me was tentative while the other was excited. I decided to go with the latter. This was not the time to doubt decisions that had been long made. For reasons unknown, I dressed up' today. On any other day, I would've just made myself presentable enough, but today, I found plain presentable' inadequate.
I reached the Mall and saw him already waiting - for a change. He looked different. Instead of wearing a simple shirt, he had donned a blazer too. No doubt he was good looking, but today, he looked attractive.
"Good Afternoon Ms. Farooqui " he greeted, quite shyly, may I add.
"Good Afternoon Mr. Khan. You're looking dashing today!" I replied as he simply blushed and diffidently made his towards the Food Court.
As we settled ourselves, I saw a crooked something peeping out of his Blazer. A smile formed on my face. Could he get any more charming!? Being oblivious to it, as he always is during his appetite hour, he silently ate his Vegetable Wrap. He was unusually quiet today.
Gradually, the place started becoming dusky. Dark clouds had spread themselves across the afternoon sky. Roaring of the approaching thunder could be heard. As I sat transfixed, the sudden hauling noise broke my reverie. I was yanked from my seat. He had taken my hand in his and we were...running? Shoving everyone aside and piercing through the crowd, we were marching against escalators. The marathon came to an end at a dilapidated area of the Mall. It overlooked the entire city - which was doused in the familiar feathery drops.
The drops stroke against the railing and sprinkled my face. I turned to look at Asad, but he had his back facing me. He then turned back with an exquisite white lily, with crooked edges. This was the certain something that he had safely hidden in his Blazer. He innocently uncurled the petals and extended his hand towards me, gazing at the ground as he did. I took the flower from him, brushing my hand against his. He oscillated on his heel and toes, a sign of nervousness and anxiety. I looked at him and then at the beautiful flower that graced my hand. Even before I could express my gratitude, my eyes were spilling tears, tears of joy and my throat had clogged.
"Did you like it?" He asked , looking everywhere except at me.
"Mmhm" I replied and furiously nodded my head. I was too overwhelmed to speak.
On instinct, I leaned in and gently pecked his cheek. He was startled for a moment but then realization dawned upon him. He quickly rubbed off my lipstick mark with his hand, making me roll with laughter. He could get beyond adorable! He entwined our hands and I snuggled closer to him. The drizzle splashed on our faces and now interlaced hands. We looked at each other, in the eyes. He then turned his head away and marveled at the rain instead, while I, continued gazing at him affectionately. I then followed suit and took in the beauty of the fogged up land, cool breeze and the droplets of love.
I had always mused drizzles - they were a lot like love. Just like the latter, they don't make their presence felt but even before you know it, they drench you completely and that's when you realize that they had been there all along.
XXX
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Thanks for reading! 🤗
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