To be...
The glimmer of the moon shone down, illuminating the dark room where I stood, the wind blew lightly, simply brushing past me, I lifted my hand and looked down at my finger where the ring sat. The 18 carat white gold ring which presented a solitaire in a six claw setting told me I now belonged to someone. I closed my eyes feeling his arms wrap around my middle, he pressed a kiss to my hair. "I love you" he whispered.
Tears burned in my eyes, I leaned back resting my head on his shoulder closing my own arms around his which rested on my abdomen. "Why are you here?" I whispered out.
"I wanted to see you happily married and I will see to it you are"
"Even if it means that you're not the one I'm marrying?" I asked.
He didn't answer for some time. His breath fanning the side of my neck, his arms pressed onto my abdomen tighter, then he loosened his hold on me. "Yes" he mumbled.
I turned around and pushed my hands between the lapels of his coat and hugged him around his middle hiding my face into his chest. I cried out onto his chest while his hands rubbed down my back trying to soothe me which was fruitless. I couldn't stop crying, I was losing my love here and marrying another for my very own loved ones.
"I love you" I looked up to meet his eyes, the very dark eyes which I loved stared back with sadness that matched my own emotions. His hands cupped my cheeks wiping at my tears.
"Stop crying" he mumbled still wiping at the continuous tears that streamed down.
"I.. I can't stop" I chuckled which had broken into a sob.
He gathered me in his arms and hugged me letting me take solace in his arms for one last time. Tomorrow I won't be getting this solace, tomorrow I may not get these arms around me ever again. He cupped my nape pressing his forehead to mine, a painful smile crept his lips, however he couldn't hide his tear despite his best efforts of hiding them from me I could see the layer gathered in his eyes, a lone tear escaped streaming down his cheek deceiving him. "I don't want to see anymore tears. I want to cherish this last night with you because tomorrow you be mine anymore" he softly muttered pressing his face to my cheek, I grabbed his side crying softly.
"I.. I can't give myself to someone else"
"You can. You have to"
I shook my head. "How can I? I'm meant to be yours only then... You promised to be my first" I whispered reminding him of his promise.
"Some promises are not for this life" he responded back.
"Don't say that"
"Accept it" he muttered pressing his lips to my temple. "Tomorrow you'll be claimed by someone else"
I shook my head sobbing, my hands clenched onto his side even tighter, the mere thought of someone else killed me, these mere thoughts were piercing through me because it wasn't any less than the tip of a knife.
"How can you be so selfless?" I asked cupping his cheeks pressing our heads together. "How can you watch me getting married?"
"What your father did for me, I can never forget it and I could even give my life for him" he whispered back. "He gave this orphan a home to live in and a loving family, the world knows me as the big successful businessman and whatever I am is all due to your father and I can't ever hurt him" he explained turning his head and pressed a gentle kiss to my palm. "And you sacrificing your love for me is no less. You're just as selfless" he pressed a kiss to the corner of my eye.
I closed my eyes wounding my arms around his nape, capturing the bliss of his arms for one last time, hiding my face in his neck and inhaling his scent allowing to be enveloped by his intoxicating aroma.
"Dad will accept us if we told him" my voice muffled against his skin.
I could feel him shaking his head. "I don't want you to mention us ever" he looked down at me cupping my cheeks. "I can't ever hurt him. He's chosen a prince who'd look after you a lot better than me"
I shook my head disagreeing with him. "Dad will be proud to have you as his son in law" I responded.
He smiled. "Maybe but not in this life time" He wiped at my cheek with the pad of his thumb. "Now its late so go to sleep, tomorrow's a big day for you" he whispered pulling himself away from me but before he moved out of my reach completely, I pulled at the lapels of his coat stopping him, I stepped closer removing away the distance between our bodies.
"Can.. can you at least give me one thing?" I asked pleading him with my eyes.
"What?" his voice a mere whisper brushed my nose.
"My first kiss?" I looked to his saddened eyes pleading him with my eyes which continued to gather salty tears and stream down my cheeks.
"Don't" he breathed out.
"Please" I pleaded softly. "Just.. You can't be my last but please at least be my first" I cried clutching onto his lapels harder.
"Don't weaken me love" he closed his eyes pressing his head to mine. "Please don't"
"A kiss is all I ask" I whispered closing my eyes, I waited for him, I heard him sighing heavily, his palms cupped both my cheeks, his breath brushed my lips which trembled slightly in anticipation, my own hands reached his shoulders and wound around his neck, I felt his lips press down onto mine after a moment, he placed gentle pecks, nibbling onto my bottom lip, a muffled moan escaped my lips into his mouth, his tongue caressed between the seam of my lips urging me silently to open up for him, I did so without any inhibitions, I wanted my first kiss with the person whom I love so very dearly to be special and to be one that will never be forgotten, despite the kisses that I may get later on in life, this kiss will be always remembered and will be special because it was the kiss of my first, last and only love, I'd never fall in love with someone else, I wouldn't be able to because tomorrow as I will be taking vows with another I'll be bidding bye to my soul and heart alongside. My soul, my heart belongs to him and only him, this life may not be in his name but my next life is going to be.
We parted reluctantly, I wanted to hold onto him, but he pushed my hands down separating himself from me. "I.. I can't stay anymore or I'll be doing something I'll end up regretting" he told me turning away and left me alone with the support of this room now.
***
"You look beautiful" I turned my head to see him entering, his eyes were slightly swollen and I knew instantly he had been crying however he had plastered his widening grin as if showing me he was happy.
I turned around and looked back into the mirror at my own reflection, I was dressed for sure in my bridal suit with the jewelleries and all the accessories and probably looked beautiful in everyone else's eyes but in my own eyes I wasn't beautiful because I wasn't his bride.
He sat down behind me on his knee, pressing his cheek to mine. "Smile" he muttered.
"How can I?"
"I want to see this bride smiling" he told me.
"This bride can't smile because she isn't the bride of her love" I replied back sadly
"Let me have the pleasure of cherishing this moment with you please. I can at least pretend you're my bride for now, and you think of me as your groom ok?" he joked.
"That's a bad joke" I nudged him with my shoulder.
"A small smile is all I ask" he'd said the same way I'd asked him of my first kiss.
With great difficulty I managed a soft smile for his sake.
"Now you look utterly stunning" he grinned. "Your husband is one hell of a lucky man to have you as his wife"
"By law I may be married to someone else, but my heart and soul will always see you as my husband" I told him as I stared back at him through the mirror.
He looked away from me for a small moment then turned to meet my gaze which hadn't wavered from his face, I was etching each feature of him in my mind so I'd never forget any inch of him, even if I hadn't etched it in my mind, he was in my heart.
He stood to his feet as the patter of feet approached our room, I looked at my mother who entered with my sister and our friends.
"Its time" my mother informed me.
"Badi ma, Can I take her down?" He asked my mother who nodded sadly, she knew of our relationship but she couldn't voice it to my father and even if she had gathered courage before he stopped her by making her take an oath.
He wrapped a hand around my shoulder, my sister stood beside me and left the room heading towards the mandap where I will belong to someone else in a few minutes, my mother along with my friends followed behind us, I looked ahead and at the bottom of the stairs my father looked up proudly, he grinned ever so happily, his eyes were glistening with tears.
He gave me to my father who led me away, I looked at him for one last time to see him staring right back at me smiling widely, I looked ahead to see my to be husband sat waiting for his bride to be, however this bride was dying inside with each step. I wanted to stop, cry, shout out that I didn't want to marry this groom but my own love had bounded me with his promise.
As I stood before my groom I looked to where he was stood, he smiled at me giving me his nod to carry on with the customs, as I lifted the garland and placed it around my groom's neck, I glanced at him, he was walking away and I knew then he wouldn't be able to watch me, with his presence gone, my heart and soul had even left me. I was a simple living body who was going to spending her life robotically in the shelter of someone other than her love.
I guess we just weren't to be...
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My Works On Rishbala
All he asks is for his wife's love.
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