CHAPTER 13 (Last Chapter)
"And today I will not hide anything, I promise..." That was all the assurance she needed to proceed. Taking a deep breath, she placed the papers on the table next to him, then placed her palms over his and caught them between hers. Instantly she felt his hand tighten. And all the time they were staring at each other trying to gauge each other's thoughts in what seemed like an eternity. Finally, it was Nidhi who broke the silence. Taking a deep breath and still looking him in the eye,
Nidhi: "Dr. Ashutosh, I remember... you mentioned this a few times, about a past mistake. Even that day in the car you said you owed me something. What do you mean by all that? Why do you keep saying it? And you always bring up my internship! How is all this connected?"
Dr. Ashutosh: "Ah! Straight to the point, I see! Nidhi, have you never thought about those days when you were... when I dismissed you from KGH! After we started dating have you never wanted to ask me about it?"
Nidhi: "Yes... but I didn't want to..."
At that point she was somewhat harshly interrupted by him...
Dr. Ashutosh: "Didn't want to what Nidhi? Didn't want to upset me, anger me! Why do you care so much when I didn't think two hoots before I ignominiously dismissed you?"
As if all this was too much for him, he suddenly got up, put his hands in his pockets and walked over to the window. He had always known that discussing this would never be easy. He knew she was still waiting.
But Nidhi could see he was struggling to collect himself. So she slowly followed him and stood next to him. After a few seconds she placed her head on his shoulder, one hand snaked around his back and the other over his heart...
Nidhi: "Dr. Ashutosh, what is it? What is troubling you so much? Please tell me. Why that incident still has such a grip on you? Can you not let it all go, all that is in the past. When we confessed our love I forgot all those things, the hurt, tears, everything! And now there is so much more to look forward to... so please let it go! These things will not hurt us anymore."
Once more it was her soft plea that was his undoing. It never ceased to amaze him that her simple, heart-felt words had the power to move him. Taking a deep breath, he slowly put his arms around her and held her close in a one-armed hug, as if he needed to constantly keep her close...
Dr. Ashutosh: "Nidhi... it's not the incident itself that troubles me. It's the dread of what you will think of me that disturbs me more...."
Nidhi: "But I just told you that it will not change anything. Please trust me Dr. Ashutosh!"
As she uttered those words she felt a small kiss on her forehead. Then, he tightened his hold and hesitantly, he started recollecting those dark days when he had dismissed her...
Dr. Ashutosh: "Nidhi... when I dismissed you it was against my better judgment. At that time I did not even accord you a proper inquiry that is usually held before taking such decisions. Even today I cringe at that thought because I know I had been unfair to you! Even today, when I think of it, I am unable to meet my eye in the mirror. I now accept that I was running away from the multitude of alien feelings that were assailing me at that time, feelings that even Mallika managed to guess. I was also using your dismissal as an excuse to escape Mallika's knowing and accusing glances in an a tempt to prove a point to her. And I am ashamed to say that in the process I let you and your career become guinea-pigs. But back then I did not have the courage to question my true motives. I was in still in denial till Armaan forced me to take a good, hard look at myself and acknowledge the truth. Then even after we started dating, I could never gather courage to talk to you or do something about it. I preferred to keep this issue between us buried. For a long time I was lost in a euphoria surrounded by our love but when you insisted on rejoining KGH, my conscious started pricking me. I realized I was letting you and your talent waste away! I realized that I had to support you fully in this journey, it was the only way atone for the past, to right the wrong I did! Nidhi, I am asking you now, something I should have ages ago, can you forgive me for the manner in which I treated you all those months ago?"
When they came home earlier this evening, Nidhi had imagined sharing her happy news with him but in a million years she had not expected this conversation. In all their time together she had never imagined that her dismissal would ever come up in their conversations or that it still had the power to affect Dr. Ashutosh to this extent. In her mind she had long buried this as an unfortunate event and other than those first few weeks when she had shown him her hurt, anger and confusion, she had never raised this topic. But now hearing him talk, she realized that had not been the case for him. Lifting her head from his shoulder she looked at him, placed her hand on his check forcing him to look at her. Then very softly,
Nidhi: "Dr. Ashutosh... I, I don't know what to say... If you knew what you were doing was wrong why did you dismiss me then? What feelings are you talking about? I think I can now guess but... But please tell me. Please tell me why does this still hurt you like a pesky thorn lodged in your foot?"
He held her hand that was placed on his cheek and kissed her fingers. Then he held her even closer and with another deep sigh,
Dr. Ashutosh: "Because truth hurts Nidhi. And in your case it hurt badly... because till you came along I had taken deep pride in my professionalism. I thought I was above censure! I thought I was extremely successful at keeping my personal and professional lives separate. But with you... with you for the first time I took a professional decision that was based on my personal choices! And I fell in my own eyes! To the world everything was as normal as can be but I knew, I knew the personal cost of that decision."
Nidhi: "But Dr. Ashutosh, why do you think like that! Why do you think it was a personal decision? I was not the first intern that you dismissed. In fact I know you are or were quite famous for dismissing interns if they even committed a single, small error. And then didn't you yourself say I had made some big blunders... That letter... that letter also mentioned the same..."
Once more he interrupted her, but more softly this time as if in the midst of all that turmoil he had felt long back this was the one thought that pleased him. With a wry smile, he placed his hand under her chin and lifted her face towards him, looked her straight in the eye,
Dr. Ashutosh: "Yes, you are not the first intern I dismissed but you are the first intern I dismissed because I fell in love with her! And in my book that was my biggest crime, it was unthinkable, unacceptable! That letter...That letter said those things because I asked Dr. Ranganath to include all that! Though to be fair to him, he did not want to. Everything in that letter was based on hearsay, primarily from Mallika which was never verified. Truth is I dismissed you because I thought my growing feelings for you would be catastrophic to both of us and so I wanted to push you away from me. Only I could never get you out of my system, in fact it became the opposite, you and your thoughts became all-consuming."
Then as if a thought struck him he turned abruptly and walked back to the coffee table to pick up the papers before he looked back at her with a smile. And seeing what he was now holding in his hand, a breath hitched in her throat.
Nidhi: "Dr. Ashutosh, those papers... I was..."
But it seemed as if he was still miles away and did not even hear her...
Dr. Ashutosh: "Finally, today as you finish your internship I feel I can breathe easily. I feel l have atoned for my past sins. And all the accolades you received have made me proud, proud to be your mentor and husband. Every single word written in this letter, and in this certificate of completion is true... You deserve this and much more!"
And finally he bent down to read the letter once more. But only it was the wrong letter! And as he read it Nidhi could detect the fleeting expressions that chased across his face, first from shock to disbelief to incredulity to joy and then ecstasy that made him rush back to her and grip her arms tightly. He had tears in his eyes as he held her by her arms and waved the letter in front of her...
Dr. Ashutosh: "Nidhi, this... this... what's this? Is this true? These are your test results! When did you get this? Is this what you were reading a few minutes back, before we started talking about the past? Nidhi, you are pregnant! YOU ARE PREGNANT!! We... we are... Oh! Nidhi, thank you, thank you so much! But when...how?"
Seeing her usually stoic husband jump for joy and lost for words tickled her pink, making her chuckle,
Nidhi: "Ouch! Dr. Ashutosh, my arm... ok, ok, to answer your questions, yes... this is my result and I... um... I am... I am pregnant!"
At that she felt and he saw her blush to her hair roots, but she gulped a few times, and carried on...
Nidhi: "And I have been trying to give you this news since I stepped into the conference room a few hours ago... but I just got side-tracked. As to when?... well, since it says I am about 6 weeks along, I think you can calculate!"
At that remark, she could see the wheels turning in her husband's head when he came back with...
Dr. Ashutosh: "Zindagi bhar nahin bhulegi woh barsaat ki raat..."
It was accompanied by his naughty, lop-sided smile that was reserved only for her, which by now she had come to know very well. It made her feel incredibly shy today...
Nidhi: "And how?... well, you don't really want an answer to that, do you?"
Seeing that it was his turn to blush, she laughed out loud and soon he joined her. And he lifted her and twirled her a couple of times.
Nidhi: "Dr. Ashutosh... stop, stop! Or I may start feeling dizzy!"
If anything caught his attention, it was the last word! He stopped instantly and lowered her to the floor. Then cupping her checks with both palms he slowly placed a tender kiss on her forehead which as usual made her close her eyes and wrap her arms around his neck. His lips slowly travelled from there to her eyes, nose and then when he was a hair's breath away from her mouth...
Nidhi: "Dr. Ashutosh, er... Dr. Ashutosh, if we continue, we may miss the dinner tonight... Dr. Ashutosh...."
Dr. Ashutosh: "Hmmm... what dinner!?" He then kissed her lightly on her lips, "Do we have to go somewhere now? Hmmm... can we just stay here?"
Nidhi: "Hmmm... No... no... if we do everyone will start looking for us! And BB and HK are waiting for us there... Dr. Ashutosh, are you listening?!"
All the while he continued to drive them both senseless. By now thinking straight had become difficult! His hands had moved from her face down her arms to her waist. And pulling her closer,
Dr. Ashutosh: "Hmmm... yes, I think! Waiting... who? ... who will look for us?"
Saying so he closed in for a kiss once more when,
Nidhi: "Hmmm, hmmm... DB!"
As if the name was enough, it quickly managed to douse his mood as if someone had poured cold water on him. He immediately took a step back making her giggle,
Dr. Ashutosh: "Blast it! Why does there have to be an event exactly when I have other plans in mind!"
Nidhi: "Wonder what DB will say if I tell her that her SIL fears her, that he is willing to cancel his other' plans for her!"
Before he could retort, his phone rang...
Dr. Ashutosh: "Hello, this is Dr. Ashutosh"
Nidhi waitied patiently till he finished talking but his last words caught her attention...
Dr. Ashutosh: "Ok, thank you. Please send the tickets to my house tomorrow morning!" And he cut the line.
Nidhi: "What tickets?"
Dr. Ashutosh: "Well, I was going to surprise you tomorrow, it was supposed to be an anniversary gift but... Do you remember the medical conference in Paris next month that I have been asked to attend. And I was going to surprise you by getting tickets for you so we can go together to Paris and then tour around a few more places in Europe..."
Seeing the spark come on in her eyes made him extremely content.
Nidhi: "Wow! A trip to Europe! That's wonderful, I have always dreamt about that. Thank you Dr. Ashutosh... thank you so much!"
Dr. Ashutosh: "Well, we have time for that, but now, come on hurry up and get ready... quick, quick. Let's go!"
Nidhi: "Dr. Ashutosh, we still have a few hours to go before 8.00. and DB was very strict about that!"
Dr. Ashutosh: "My dear wife... Have you forgotten... I wanted to take you somewhere before that. And if you do not hurry, we will miss it! Looks like this pregnancy is already playing havoc and making you forgetful!! Come on, don't waste any more time...I don't like to wait!"
And with that he gave her a quick pat on the back and pushed her towards the washroom. Then he read the reports once more, as if he needed some reassurance, placed the papers over his heart with a soft, "Thank you Nidhi, for coming into my life... for giving me the best year of my life... And now for this..." With a big, deep sigh, he placed them back in the envelope and went to get ready. It was indeed a lucky day for them, a day filled with milestones. They had so much to celebrate. All thoughts about the discussion they were having had rapidly being delegated to being a closed chapter. They had talked about it, he had revealed his anguish at that decision, asked for forgiveness which incidentally he had already had ever since they had confessed their love. But today he had realized that this issue had ceased to matter anymore...
An hour later...
Ashutosh and Nidhi were sitting on top of the mountain they had visited long back for a picnic. Unfortunately that was on Malika's insistence. But today Dr. Ashutosh had wanted to bring her out here to watch the sunset. It was something he had witnessed in his college days and now he wanted to share it with her. The serenity, the tranquility, the rustic calm broken only by the sounds of birds chirping in the dusk never ceased to amaze him! Moreover on that particular day, owning to the rain they had been unable to get closer to the edge. But today they did! They were both sitting against a small rock with Nidhi's head nestled on his shoulder, their legs outstretched, an ice-cream which they were sharing and enjoying the scenery beyond.
Dr. Ashutosh: "Nidhi, thank you so much for this gift that you have given me today, the gift of my very own family. Thank you for understanding me, and my secret yearning. Earlier it was not so, but ever since I met you, it seemed as if this new hope had been kindled in me which only grew since our marriage. Maybe subconsciously I always feared we would be separated again but if there was a child we will be connected forever."
As he said these words out aloud he realized that somewhere in his mind he still could not believe that even he could fall in love, or someone could even fall in love with him, accept him for what he was and complete him in the manner Nidhi did.
Nidhi: "No... I am not going anywhere, ever! I will not leave you till my last breath. I cannot. And we do not need a child to keep us together. Please believe this."
Dr. Ashutosh: "I do Nidhi. Till today my mind knew this, but my heart feared this. After all I am only human and ever since BB left me, abandoned me this fear had taken hold and I did not want to risk that scenario anymore."
Nidhi: "That's why you refused to acknowledge your love till Armaanji forced you and you preferred to dismiss me rather than open your heart. Isn't it"
Dr. Ashutosh: "As cowardly as it sounds, you are not far from the truth. The other half being that I did not know what your feelings were at that time and even if you loved me then I thought such a relationship would be detrimental to your social standing... you could be ridiculed!"
Nidhi: "Dr. Ashutosh, much as I hated you for the hurt your actions caused then, I now know you well enough to know that you are a wonderful man with a big heart. And you would never cause harm to another person, let alone the person you loved. Yes, what you did was wrong but I know your heart was in the right place... but now, can we truly let it all go. We have so much to look forward to, isn't it?"
Dr. Ashutosh: "Yes... yes! We will never talk of those things anymore. Like you said they do not affect us now."
Nidhi: "Thank you Dr. Ashutosh for giving me the gift of my career, for being there every step of the way, guiding me so I do not falter. I could not have completed this internship without you, and your support."
And she turned her head to see his smiling face, his eyes that were clear and happy. Placing his hand on her chin he first kissed her lightly on the lips and then on her forehead. Then he gathered her close. Once more her head rested on his shoulder. They were at peace having laid all their ghosts to rest... As they sat in absolute silence digesting all the facts, facts they had learnt in this one year, they watched the sun go down in the horizon behind those hills yonder. Both knew they had to get going but neither wanted to break this blissful moment! They each knew in their hearts that the setting sun was taking with it all the pain from their past leaving place for only their present and future. They also knew that tomorrow's sunrise would herald not only a new day and a new year to their marriage, it would herald a new course that would see Nidhi embark in her professional career in the true sense, a year that would witness them becoming parents for the first time, sharing and experiencing every single step of the process, a year that would be filled with many firsts that they would lose track trying to count them!
As if on cue Nidhi's phone shrilled,
Nidhi: "Yes DB. We will reach by 8.00-8.30. See you then."
As she put the phone down, he got up in a matter of seconds and gently pulled her up. And hand in hand they slowly started walking back to the car. With the sunset now behind them, they knew they were firmly leaving the shadows where they belonged, in the past...
Dr. Ashutosh: "Does this mean your Europe ticket has to be cancelled once more and yet again because of me!"
Seeing her husband was inclined to give in to a feeling of dejection about that,
Nidhi: "We still have 3 to 4 weeks before we have to take a decision. Lets wait and see Dr. Ashutosh, shall we?"
They had reached the car and as he opened the door to let her in, Dr. Ashutosh smiled and nodded his agreement to that logic... They drove off only to be accompanied by...
Tumhe dekho naa... Yeh kya ho gaya...
Tumhara hoon main aur tum meri...
Mein hairaan hoon... Mejhu kya hua...
Ki din mein hui kaisi chandini...
Aarti!!! 
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