ONESHOT: KASHMIRI KALI TURNS INTO KOLHAPURI MIRCHI
Hi guys, about this one shot, it is a funny one which I don't know when it came into my head. Thought I should put this up before DayaMai enters and changes the whole equation of the show! This one shot is based 5 years after Rantara's wedding! And Raghu works in Machmach's garage! Please like and review!
Antara smiled as she sorted out Raghu's clothes. She folded them and started keeping in its place. She was cleaning her and Raghu's cupboard today. She pulled another batch of clothes out for sorting when a pink colored saree with bright green border fell on the floor. She picked it up and looked at it curiously. Yeh saree kaun si hai? She frowned and opened the saree. A bright green blouse fell out of it and she picked it up. Suddenly, her face brightened. Arre! Yeh toh wahi saree hai jo maine Mangala Gauri ki puja main pehni thi. She smiled as she remembered her dance. Aur maine Lavani bhi toh ki thi. Pehli baar! Aur usi din Raghu aur mera woh jhagda hua tha jis wajah se hum poori raat ek saat ek hi chhat ke neeche the! She blushed as she remembered that day. She hugged the saree. Kya Raghu ko woh raat yaad hogi? She shrugged. Chalo pooch leti hoon! She walked towards the terrace where Raghu was talking with Machmach.
Raghu smiled as Machmach chattered about his wife who always scolded him and fought with him. Raghu piped up, "Arre! Machmach! Khush hoja ki teri wife itni mirchi waali hai! Warna Miss Call ko dekh! Aaj kal ghussa hoti hi nahi hai!" Machmach frowned, "Matlab bhai aap chaahte ho ki Antara aapse lade?", he scratched his head in confusion. Raghu rolled his eyes, "Mera matlab woh nahi tha re!" Machmach looked at him, "Toh kya matlab tha bhai?" Raghu started speaking.
Antara smiled as she heard Raghu's voice along with Machmach. She neared them with the saree in her hand. Suddenly she heard something which made her stop in her tracks, "Warna Miss Call ko dekh! Aaj kal ghussa hoti hi nahi hai!" She frowned. Shaayad Raghu meri taareef kar raha hai! She moved forward only to stop again as she heard Machamch speak, "Matlab bhai aap chaahte ho ki Antara aapse lade?", Antara's eyes widened. Yeh kya bol raha hai, Machmach? Raghu continued, "Mera matlab woh nahi tha re!" to which Machmach asked what did Raghu mean then. Raghu's voice was heard loud and clear by Antara. "Matlab shaadi se pehle thoda ladti thi, thoda roothti thi, thoda manaati thi, aur ek dum chatpati thi! Mazaa aata tha us se baat karne ko! Lekin ab typical house wife ban gayi hai! Ek dum sweet sweet si! Kashmiri Kali hai par Kolhapuri theekha nahi hai! Kabhi kabhi lagta hai ek Marathi ladki se shaadi karni chaahiye thi! Life mein thoda tadka lagta!" Antara glared at the wall nearby. Achcha! Tadka Lagta? Marathi ladki chaahiye? Tum ruko Raghu! Tumhein main dekh loongi! Suddenly, her eyes fell on the saree in her hand and she smirked as an idea came into her head. Kal tumhein dikhaati hun yeh Kashmiri Kali kar kya sakti hai!Ab yeh former Miss. Antara Kaul kal typical Mrs. Raghunath Naik banegi. Phir dekhna yeh Miss Call Chintu ka kya band bajaati hai. She huffed and stormed away. After a while, when her husband came into her room she acted as if she was sleeping. Raghu frowned at her sleeping form but shrugged. Shaayad mera wait karke thak gayi hogi! Isliye so gayi! He lied down beside her and went to sleep.
NEXT MORNING
Raghu felt someone shout at him, "Raghu! Uth re! Aur kitna soyega? Uth!" Raghu shrugged and continued to sleep. Kaun jagaa raha hai mereko? Antara kidhar hai? Kitne pyaar se jagaati hai woh mereko? Suddenly, he started dreaming about Antara and went back into sleep. Again, someone shook him and shouted, "Ae yede uth!" Raghu pushed the hand away, "Jaana re! Sone dena!" Suddenly, someone shouted, "Melya, vedya, uth re!" and Raghu was kicked out of the bed. He fell on the floor. He woke up with a jerk and looked around in shock. Soon his eyes noticed his assaulter and he froze. He just stared at the assaulter for a while. "Antara?", he whispered still in shock as he looked at Antara carefully from head to toe. There stood Antara dressed in nau-vaari, the same one which she had worn at her first Mangala gauri pooja. Her Nose had a nath, her lips were done in bright red, her ears were clad with Jhumkas while her hair was in pony tail. Green glass bangles generally worn by Marathi married woman, adorned her hands. Her legs were clad with paayal while one of the toes in each foot had bichiya on it! Her get up screamed of a typical Marathi village woman who was married. Her right hip was jutted out with her right hand placed on it. Her left hand was holding the jhaadu with the business end on her shoulder. She was giving him a total miffed expression. One can say that Raghu was totally bewildered. Where was his sweet smiling wife who would wake him up softly with a whispered Raghu'? The one who after he woke up would hand him chai with a sweet smile on her face. The one who wore salwar kameezes even after marriage as she was not used to sarees! The one who rarely wore paayal, bichiya or nose ring! The one who used to avoid wearing glass bangles as they used to break easily! Raghu felt like he was in some alternate universe. Then Antara opened her mouth and Raghu felt the floor slip away beneath him, "Kaay re? Kaay bagtoech? (What? What are you staring at?) Chal uth! Mhala khupach kaam aaye! (Get up! I have lots of work to do) Tere jaise nahi! Dukaan pe jaake sirf baithne ka! Mere ko toh jhaadu maarne ka hai, kapda dhone ka hai, bartaan maanjne ka hai, aur toh aur khaana banaane ka bhi hai! Chal vatak idhar se!" Antara spoke in a typical Marathi accent which was more common in village sides and which was the accent used by Aaji too. Raghu got up still in daze and stared at her. When he did not move after a while, Antara turned the jhaadu and held the business end in her hand and hit him on his leg with the other end, "AYI AYI AYI!", Raghu howled in pain. When Antara raised the jhaadu again to hit him, Raghu ran off into the bathroom.
After a while, Raghu came out of the bathroom after taking a shower. He was still confused. Yeh Antara ko ho kya gaya hai? Yeh aisi yede jaisi kyun harkat kar rahi hai? Bappa mereko bachaale! He wandered to the terrace where daily Antara served him breakfast with a smile on her face daily. She would always cook something tasty and different for him daily. As he entered the terrace, he stood in shock. Antara was still in her Marathi get up serving roti and bhaaji for him. Raghu looked at her in confusion, "Yeh kya Antara? Har din kuch alag khilaati ho aur aaj yeh roti sabji?" Antara turned towards him and glared. Her Marathi get up enhanced her glare so much that Raghu took a step back and gulped. She marched towards him, "Tereko kya lagta hai Raghu? Main idhar khaali baithi hai? Mereko aur koi kaam dhandha nahi hai kya, ki poora din tere liye kitchen mein hi ghusi rahun! Dekh Raghu! Khaali fokat mera dimaag mat kha! Mereko bahut kaam hai! Main chali! Tereko khaana hai toh kha warna apne kaam pe jaa! Mereko kya?" She huffed and turned to walk away. Raghu whispered, "Antara?" and she stopped and turned, "Kya hai?", she barked with both her hands on her hip. Raghu was beyond confused, "Tujhe ho kya gaya hai! Kal tak toh tu aise nahi thi!" She rolled her eyes and spoke, "Kal ki Antara alag thi!" She pointed to herself, "Aaj ki Antara alag hai!" She snapped her fingers and pointed at him, "Samjha kya?" Antara turned and marched away. Raghu looked at her retreating back in shock. Yeh Antara toh kal tak theek thi. Ab aisi kyun hai? Aaji se poochta hoon! He nodded his head and turned towards Aaji's room but then he stopped. Ek minute! Antara ko toh saadhi saree hi baandhni nahi aati toh Nau-vaari toh uske liye bahut mushkil hoga! Aur woh bolne ka tareeka? Jaroor Aaji ne hi usko tayyaar kiya hai aur kaise baat karne ka Marathi style mein yeh bhi sikhaaya hai! He shook his head. Phir toh Aaji mere kuch kaam ki nahi! Woh toh mujhe gol gol ghumaake chodegi! Nahi! Behtar hai mai-ich idhar se khisakta hai! Kya pata? Shaam tak shaayad Antara theek ho jaaye! He nodded and marched off.
IN THE AFTERNOON
It was afternoon and Raghu was under a car repairing it for the client. Suddenly, he saw a kolhapuri Chappal walking towards him. He looked up and found the legs of the human wearing the chappal. He looked up at the person and his eyes widened in shock. There stood Antara dressed in lavender nau-vaari with white blouse which Raghu was sure he had seen in Aaji's wardrobe and was holding a dabba in her hand. Her rest of the get up remained unchanged from the morning. He gulped and got up, not noticing all the workers of the garage staring at Antara. They had never seen Antara Bhabhi dressed in such a manner and hence, were shocked. Raghu stood up and noticed the men staring. He sent a glare towards their way making them scatter around and vanish into the recesses of the garage. Raghu looked at Antara in confusion, "Tu idhar?" Antara glared at him, "Kya re? Har roz ghar khaana khaane ko aata hai! Aaj kyun nahi aaya? Mereko aur koi kaam dhandha nahi hai kya tere liye khaana laane ke siwaay! Kal se agar aisa kiya na toh dekhle!" Raghu winced at Antara's still Marathi accent and her harsh words. Daily it was Raghu's habit to come home for lunch but today scared of Antara he had avoided going home at all. Raghu nodded, "Theek hai! Khaana laga! Main haath muh dhoke aata hai!" He walked towards the washroom while Antara sat on the nearby bench opening the dabba and setting up his lunch. As Raghu washed his hands, he noticed the men nearby laughing at his plight no doubt having heard the scolding dished out by his wife. Raghu glared at them and they escaped the place. He walked towards the bench and sat down. Antara huffed obviously showing her annoyance at him. He picked up sabzi with the roti and put it into his mouth and his mouth felt like someone had put bomb into it. He felt his mouth watering due to the abundance of red chilli added into the sabzi and shouted for water. Antara gave him the water bottle and he gulped it in as fast as possible. Yet his tongue felt burnt to him. After few seconds, he calmed down and glared at Antara, "Yeh kya tha, Antara?" Antara shrugged, packed the tiffin and stood up, "Yeh Kolhapuri Mirchi! Tu hi kal Machmach ko bol raha tha na ki tereko Kashmiri Kali nahi Kolhapuri Mirchi chaahiye!" Raghu's eyes widened in realization as Antara shrugged, "Khaana main ek dum Kolhapur style banaaya hai! Mast mirchi maarke! Ab tereko nahi khaana toh main kya karoon?" Antara walked away leaving behind a guilty feeling Raghu! His wife had married him against her mother and uncle aunt's wishes without an ounce of regret and he had commented about her so carelessly. He sighed softly. And hence, a morose and hungry Raghu was left behind at the garage by a happily satisfied Antara.
IN THE EVENING
Raghu sighed as he stood on the terrace leaning on the parapet staring at the basti. He had come home late as to avoid eating the mirchi filled food again. He had told Aaji that he was not hungry and had wandered up. He sensed someone come and stand beside him. Without looking, he knew it was Antara. When she did not speak for a while he softly whispered, "Yeh kuch jyaada nahi hua aaj?" He felt Antara shrug, "Kal kuch jyaada nahi bole tum?" She spoke in her normal accent shedding away the Marathi girl persona! Raghu finally glanced at her and noticed that she was still dressed in lavender nau-vaari but she was still looking as divine as the day she wore nau-vaari for the first time. She looked at him and gave him a soft smile. Suddenly, the whole situation caught up to them, both started laughing heartily. He caught her hand and pulled her close. He placed his hands on her waist and she placed her hands on his chest. He slowly whispered, "Phir se aisa mat karna! Mujhe Kolhapuri Mirchi nahi chaahiye! Mujhe meri sweet si biwi, Kashmiri Kali, Antara chaahiye!" She tapped her cheek with one finger as she pretended to think. After a while, she placed her arms around his neck and pulled him closer, "Theek hai! Lekin phir aisa waisa kuch kahaa toh..." Raghu shook his head. He removed his hands from her waist and grabbed his ears, "Sorry! Phir aisa nahi bolunga!" She smiled at him and pushed him a bit away, "Ab neeche chalo! Khaana ready hai! Aur abhi maine normal style mein banaaya hai! Toh teekha bhi normal hai! Neeche aajaao!" She walked away when Raghu shouted, "Ae Miss Call?" She turned towared him and frowned. He smirked at her, "Waise aaj bhi nau-vaari mein ek dum item lag rahi hai tu! Bole toh ek dum Sexy!" Antara blushed and ran away leaving behind a smirking Raghu!
THE END
Kaisa laga? Do like and review!
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