SS: Meri adhoori kahaani- pt 6 pg 29 7/7/13 - Page 3

"What the hell is wrong with those people, they had came to see Neha Di not me, and no way I am going to say yes to this stupid proposal" I shouted at my Maa, who had given me the biggest shocking news of my life as I came home from college, saying that the guy who had came to see Neha Di has asked for my hand, I mean how dare he say something like this, he was here to see Neha Di not me, if he didn't like her then he could simply refuse for this proposal but how could he ask for my hand, no way was I going to let my Ma or Dad even think over this stupid proposal and no way was I ever going to say yes for this alliance. Making my decision clear to my family, I left from their seething in anger, how could he think like that, the one thing I hated and feared anything in this life of mine was thinking of being tied to someone by this marriage, because I never believed in this marriage, after what we had went through and seen of how badly a girl is treated and still seeing, I had lost all my trust from everyone, from this world, I knew that not everyone has the same fate, some has very blessing fate like my sister who got husband like my brother-in-law, but the fear inside me that was carved since I have known kills me to even think of marrying someone, the thought that what if the person I get tie to be turns out to be a bad person and would treat me bad, tears me a part. I am scared of this relation, not only I have seen such an events with other where girls are beaten by their husband, but I have witnessed in my own house, well my Dad had never beaten my mom, but he didn't respected her, he never cared for her feeling, he never was there with her when she needed him, she all by herself was the only one I or my sister could look up to, its kills me to see her like this, she had simply no one to share her feelings with or to cry too, this was not the only reason, there were more, more than you can think or anyone could, because they were not the one to lose their childhood, their dreams were not crashed under the feet of this world, meaning by the people who called themselves as my relative, but in reality they were the one to be blame for taking away everything of mine, my own dad was not mine, his ignorance toward us was something that I couldn't take it at that age when your every small to big wishes are fulfilled, you are the life of your parents life and house, but nothing liked that happened with us, instead was witnessed to seeing his caring side to those who was not even his blood related, yet he was so caring and loving was something that made me hate him. I know it's wrong to say and feel like this but then again it was not fault to have felt like that at that age, but seeing him showering his love on other always left me with a wanting of him showering his love on me and my sister, but he never did, he never gave a thinking of how his this behavior was effecting me and my brain. Though my sisters and brother  let it go to all and everything but I couldn't make myself let all this go. His ignorance toward us made me shut myself from the outside world causing me to hate each and every person who was not my own, those who called themselves my own people were the one to snatch my dreams, my beliefs, my trust, instead they filled my heart with abhorrence toward them and my own self for making me feel like this. And with time and life passing, one incident after another incident took place in my life, where I saw almost the same case as our house, but the only difference was that person cared for his daughter/ son, yet he was mean and bad to his own wife. In every other house I was met with someone who was just like this causing my hatred toward them increase so much, I may be wrong in other people eyes to have this much aversion toward the men, but then I am not the one to be blame for having this view because till now I never met with someone from whom I could learn that yes there are some men out in this world who are caring and loving, and cares for your happiness, but by the time I could have seen this side of a world I was pushed into those darkness where it was just me and my loneliness, no communication was ever done from my side to any outside people because I could no longer trust my own self, then forget about trusting some stranger. I had let this life of mine play with me for long time, but not anymore, I couldn't let someone play with this life anymore. I am scared, scared because I don't know them, what they are from inside, they can show as much of being a good and nice family from outside, but from inside how they are no one knows, except themselves or the God. I can never trust my destiny because it always gave me something else from what I want, it always gave me only pain, and this time I won't let the destiny win. I will not let this destiny of mine to win and be tied with him or anyone. That whole day I had kept myself locked in my room, fearing to lose myself, I just can't lose myself anymore to anyone or for anyone sake...

"Hi" I heard someone but then thought I was illusion someone saying Hi to me as I walked along the road side of the park, but then I heard it few time someone saying it from behind me, and as I turned I was shocked beyond anything to see the person who was there sitting in his jeep, and it was none other than the boy who had came to see my sister a week ago and instead had asked from my hand. Not wanting to disrespect him I meekly smiled at him, and started walking without answering back to his hi, which I thought was given to him with that fake smile of mine, but I guess I was wrong, he didn't had just came to say Hi, he had came to talk as I heard him saying my name again and when I turned around I saw him walking toward my way, ignoring him I still kept walking because I somewhere knew why he was here, but still was hoping that it wasn't for that.

"Listen Mr. just leave me alone" I yelled loosing the last string of my temper after getting frustrated with him blocking my way as he kept his one hand in front.

"Not till I get answer to my question" I heard him say, I rolled my eyes hearing him and thought why was I even talking to him, I slightly moved away from him again and continued my walked, but again he blocked my way as this time he himself came in front of me, "Why are u doing this" I asked him seething in anger with his behavior, as never in my life I was in a situation like this, having a men at the age of maybe 23 or 25 follow me like this.

"I simply want answer to my question, and I won't let you go until and unless I get my answers" He said, and I felt his hand grasping my arms, and then within the next minute I slapped him across his face pushing him as far away from me and shouted "How dare you, how dare are u touch me" but once again he held my arms while I stood struggling in his hand to let come out of his hold, but he won't budge even a little. "What the hell do you want" I screamed, feeling disgusted with his touch.

"Why did you refuse to my proposal" He asked me as he made sure I looked in his eyes.

"Because I am not interested in you, now that you got your answer leave me" I said gritting my teeth.

"am I not worth you" He asked as if his life was depended on me. I ignored his plea because I never gave a dam to other feelings when I have none to feel and said "don't know about you, but you surly don't want a girl like me"

"specific reason to it, or is there someone else in your life" he asked bringing my anger to its high peak and I pushed him with all my strength and again started to walk, but then I felt a sharp pull and I went back twirling in to him crashing with his hard rocked chest. I took a deep breath calming myself and looked at him and said "you had asked me to give you the answer to your question and when I have already given you the answer then why are you not leaving me"

"Because this is not the answer to my question, I want to know the real and I mean the REAL reason of your refusal" Hearing his question I looked up at him this time not in anger, but feeling sorry for him to have even thought of this proposal. I knew there was no point of talking to him, so I just removed his hands off of me and stepped back taking few steps and said "I don't think I need to give any explanation to you for anything" with that saying I turned and started walking, but stopped as I heard him say "if you think that this is some kind of a day infatuation then it's not, I love you not since I saw you the other day at you house, but since college days, you probably never saw me in those two years of our college day, but I waited, I waited every day for you to come to college, and even after my college years I used to come to college just to see u, hiding behind the entrance door, my friends always told me to go and talk to you but I never got the courage to come in front of you and talk as I had seen you always alone, no friends, not even a girl as your friend, which always made me take a step back thinking how will you react, fearing your refusal, thinking will you believe in my love or not, trust me Muskan my love for you is not just one day love, but its years love, there are so many girls trying to woo me but the only person who was able to be in this heart from years and years was you and only you. You without trying to woo me, or anything, your simplicity, your honesty, your being independent, reserved person, everything attracted me toward you and soon it turned into love, trust me Muskan I never was interested in marrying your sister, I was their only for my mom sake, who wanted to see me married, just for her sake I had agreed to marry anyone and so only after these years of waits I had to agree, but in my heart, my soul, in everything of mine its only you that is, everything of mine belongs to you not from today but since the day I had fallen in love with you Muskan"

To be Continued...