many moons later,
when zazu would be asked to narrate the tale,
his mien would be sober and dignified,
but the flutter of his feathers
would give away the shudder
he felt every time he remembered
the day.
"you see, rafiki knew... it... was... time!" he'd begin with a flourish.
"and so!!!"
he had sent zazu off to the blast which had meandered out of the past and was well settled into the present, moving merrily and at quite a whatsapp pace to the future, like the great rivers of myth and fairytale lands, only that here skd had met up with ad and found koi faraq nahin padta,
because while one side of blast was in skd, the other was in ad, and as happens with such equations... vice versa. yet, there was no clash of civilisations or duniyas. they could mehsoos each other's laughter, they could feel each other's tears har baar, they could hear each other perfectly.
you know why of course, because there was... happy ji. no really.
okay, now don't get mad at me... i know the correct answer is vishwas, but you know i couldn't say no to happy ji when he wanted to be the answer.
you know what i mean. how can i say no to happy ji. to khushi... nahiiin!
can you hear me? h... h... hello hi bye bye.
but let's get back to zazu and his tale.
just as he was flying over icloud that day, he heard the twitter. there was trouble ahead! no, it was not scar (which might have been wonderful for jeremy irons did things to certain blast girls it is said, but alas).
it was the wicked fairy and with her was the big bad wolf and the snake. 
no nnnononono not kaa, trussst me, it was the snake.
hmmm, this was not looking good. the three had met upon the blasted heath and planned a devious thing, twitter reported in a trill of petrified tweets. and being a bird, zazu understood each letter perfectly, of course.
the three villains were upset because their copyright had been infringed.
how, you ask? as you gasp? or is that a dhakdhak?
the blasted heath was central to the existence of baddies, even shakespeare's witches hung out here. every letter of that was sacred, part of their brand, owned by them... it was meant to signify evil, nothing but that... it was the ultimate franchise of evil, and now taqaliyah!
the temerity, the what the of this bunch of people!! they had appropriated five letters of it, taken away blast... and made it a happy place?!
how dare they. something had to be done. a message sent. shut up! get out! the trio wanted to yell at the blast folks. but they knew these girls were difficult to get through to. there was only one kind of shut up and get out that registered with them, and instead of having the desired effect, it made them stay on, and on. and some more on.
unbelievable!!
what would make these people leave... they didn't want to see their shaqal, their faces, dammit.
the snake twitched, the wicked fairy worked on a spell, the big bad wolf looked for rhyming words.
"how shall we three
avenge our pain
upon our evilness
this be a stain!"
cried the witch.
"huff puff
and all that stuff
about pyaar and vishwas
i said, enough!!!"
howled the wolf.
"while i twitch
and as i dissemble
i hear there's a birthday
of one durga, they say
so here's a plan to make
those blast ladkis tremble!"
whined the snake with a triumphant creepy gloat. i must say, said zazu, he was the vilest of them all.
the three huddled and he shared the burey devilish plan with his horrid pals. (the snake for some unknown reason called the witch raanisahiba, just an observation in passing by zazu.)
and so!!!
with a swish of her perfidious wand, the wicked fairy put the whole of blast to sleep and made them forget everything.
and even as the wolf bayed at the dark night sky where no moon shone as it was such a night; this was mainly to create atmosphere, for atmosphere is of the utmost essence when narrating a worthy tale, but i digress...
"and then the most dastardly deed..." said zazu, his feathers quivering again.
snake kidnapped durga's birthday.
and so it was, that durga's birthday, came and
it
alas
went.
while the blast lay in forgetful slumber.
all would have been over, the blast would have become an unhappy place again and the snake and gang might have won.
but zazu was not ready to let evil win. he used all the powers of disney magic and soon the seven dwarfs were running over to help find a solution.
pinocchio came too, and baloo and gang.
and many others.
of course, the princesses all flew in from various parts of fairytale land.
they were all aghast. how could this be.
durga, dear dear durga's bday kidnapped?!!!
and the blast sleeping through it!
no show at durga's bday.
hey dm, how would they wake the sleeping blast up. how would they save durga's birthday from snake????
then there was maha twist (as there must be; ever since a galaxy, or is it black hole, called star minus has been spotted beyond the rings of saturn and the girdle of venus, this has become an absolute essential ingredient in every tale/kahani ever screen played).
unknown to everyone, dm, the creator of skd and ad, was sitting in jalebi hill aka j hill, and watching the fun. she was in a totally nandkissore frame of mind, enjoying all the ankh micholi/blind man's bluff, sorry sleeping girls' gaffe, and not helping one bit.
you see, rafiki might think he knows when it is time, but it's really dm who knows that. girl power and all that.
anyway, as the whole fairytale world got together and conferred, bua ji tumbled around gleefully and said, "idea! hai re nand kissore!" 
are you asking me to suttupei kar lo, for bua ji ain't no denizen of that land? gaur se dekhiye, this blue fairy, look at her gaur se i tell ya, closely... v v closely!! the blue fairy is called merryweather... and bua ji? madhumati! see the "m"? that's the ishara, d'you understand? samjhheo?
samjhheo?
who said that?
who else, hello hi byebye.
how can there be kidanap talkwa and no mami bonds, hain? how, tells me!
zazu continued...
anyway, now what was the idea, merryweather... i mean, bua ji?
"prince charming!" chimed bua ji gleefully twirling about in thin air.
of course, the solution to all problems was this wondrous nusska, even more potent than chameli ka tel.
a couple of pc's as in prince charmings were brought over by the dwarfs, the teapots, the candlestick, and even jimini. but alas, they were just not right.
then gust of wind whooshed in and said it had a laad governor, would it do?
zazu scratched his head. how would a governor be a prince?!
pinocchio said, but this wasn't just any governor it was a laad, a good laad, like him.
magic carpet levitated and opined, hmmm, if this laad was anything like
his al-laad-in, it might work.
op muttered, "laad governor? my chhotey saab is better than any governor, any prince, okkay!" (in his skd, op spoke englees just like his chhotey saab).
snow white gripped aurora's hand and whispered, "are you thinking, what i'm thinking? might be nice to try kuchh alag, kuchh mazedaar, kuchh hatke... this, mmm, laad governor!"
the doormen at cinderella's ball presented the laad governor.
aurora hugged snow white and jumped with joy.
and all the while, snake and the evil trio kept durga's birthday tied and trussed up in a cage. it tried to escape, but was surrounded by the baddies and the spell was strong and the blast lay in "a sleep and a forgetting," to say it in wordsworthian vein... durga, the blast's poet, she deserved the moment described poetically... by one as immersed in words as her.
mami bond detectibhed an error in wordsworth's inglissiya and rectified it, "a sleep and a forgettiyaing," she muttered as she touchuppiaed her makeuppia.
the rescue party decided to go with the laad governor.
they say pc was unhappy at this rejection and went wailing to dm, who smiled sweetly and turned him into a goat. lakshmi ji really needed a meh-ate.
the only way to wake blast up, decided everyone, was to do it the old fashioned way.
with a kiss.
laad governor started to walk slowly toward... acidity caused hearts to pound.
up on jalebi hill, dm smiled.
not snow white, not aurora, not pocahontas, not mulan, not jasmine, not the blast ladkis, not anyone... could get kissed by this laad governor.
to tell you the truth, the pcs had started to bore dm mightily. so she had decided to make a... h... h... happy ji.
hahhah, gotcha...
no, she had decided to make just happy. she'd created a fey girl called khushi (which means happy/happiness) and given her the task of designing her mate. of course, she had provided a basic prototype, but it was really khushi who'd added the touches that made laad governor, laad governor. kuchh hatke, kuchh alag, you know what i mean.
the pagal ladki often left her lg by himself and went off on a jalebi eating spree. thankfully, there was a never ending supply on j hill. and this time, while she wasn't looking, the rescue party had walked off with lg. naturally, dm knew what was up as it was she who'd planted the idea using gust of wind, but there would be no kissing anyone else.
and so it was, that the almost kiss came into being.
star minus really had nothing to do with it. remember, you heard it here first.
zazu said, "and lo and behold... so powerful was the laad governor's almost kiss that the whole blast woke up! and as they did that, the shackles fell off durga's birthday, and it escaped the baddies.
phew.
but now there was another problem. the blast ladkis remembered!!
hey dm, they'd forgettiyaed durga's birthday. how were they to know how low the snake and his nefarious companions would fall to destroy their happy place, take blast away. and claim it was their franchise, they could do as they pleased with it.
there was only one thing to do.
say sorry.
to durga.
now.
would the laad governor be of help here too, they wondered.
please say sorry from the blast girls to durga, asked the fairytale people. laad governor turned to do just that. aurora and snow white and belle and all the princesses felt their hearts go dhakdhak.
and then lg said the words. s...s...SAMJHI TUM!!!
huh???? whoa. okay try again, lg. s... s... same problem. every time he tried to say "sorry", he said "samjhi tum" instead.
dm giggled. this was such fun. blast girls shook their head in despair. dm chucked a chunari at...
"go and solve the problem," she commanded the genie, biting into a fresh balushahi khushi had given her that very morning. she'd got it from the moon, which was now apparently into making sweets and sweet nothings. his balushahis were as lovely as his "badtameezi toh maine abhi shuru bhi nahin ki..." i've not even started misbehaving yet... sigh... how gorgeous. this moon, this shashi was full of secrets, gupta things.
go and solve the problem, dm had said.
easier said than done. genie expanded and contracted a few times, wondering how to make this uncharming prince say sorry. someone wacked him on his head. it was jasmine, she glared at him, "uncharming???" she whispered through gritted teeth.
oh oh, more imbroglios in fairytale land.
at last, he knew what he must do. he rode the magic carpet to khushi, and pleaded, "help me!"
dm rofled. exactly! you can't have a tale of laad governor and zazu and no show, and not have khushi in it. the goddess gave a wild full throated laugh, sounding almost like the wicked fairy. she was obviously in a mood not too sweet, despite the balushahi and the jalebis all around. and the badtameezi.
khushi was horrified to hear what had happened on and to durga's bday. she rushed over and gave laad governor a nice little lecture in a gazebo and soon the man was saying the "s" word... once, twice, three times.
at every sorry, a baddie disappeared. finally there were none.
"kya boloon ab?" lg stuttered, what should i say.
khushi smiled and replied, "no need to say anything more, laad governor kahin ke. durga can hear our heartbeats and the blast ladkis' too, hamehsa!"
then she opened a bottle and...
... pulled out a cake...
and so began the party for durga's birthday, ended zazu with a little lopsided smile.
a tale of zazu, no show, and pyaar
haaapppy birthday, dear, sweet, lovely, and forgiving??? durga.
love you, ladki.
❤️💔
visuals and gifs: some are made by me, the rest credit uploader/tumblr/giphy
Edited by indi52 - 7 years ago
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