Arnav looked at the down casted head of the girl beside him, her whole form was shaking slightly, indicating the presence of the emotional sobs that raked through her body. Had he ever seen her cry before? Ever? No, his mind answered him, never had he seen Khushi Kumari Gupta let emotions she considered to be weak take charge of her before. He hadn't seen her cry out of injury gained during playing with the boys of the area. She didn't cry when Garima would scold her for behaving meanly with Arnav, her face would register mild guilt, & that was it. She didn't cry when she wanted something desperately, he had seen her either demand it or snatch it if she wanted it bad enough. Frankly speaking, Arnav really hadn't paid that much attention to her when they were young, but she was always on his radar due to the close relationship he shared with her brother, & therefore, it came as a shocking blow to Arnav to see her crying so helplessly & defeatedly at that moment.
He waited for several moments for her to look up at him, so that he could peek into those very expressive eyes of hers. He wanted to know her mode of pain, so that he could eradicate it from its core. If she was crying, because she was sad about her past, he wanted to be the one to tell her, that it didn't matter in her present. If she was crying, because she felt orphaned, then he wanted to be the one to tell her, that she wasn't. None of them were. They had both been lucky enough to get second chances at having a family, & she was even luckier in that instance than he was. & if she was crying because, she thought she was alone in this world, then he wanted to be able to tell her, that she wasn't. Everyone who was there for her yesterday was still there for her today too. Hell, even he would always be there for her-
Arnav stopped his train of thought abruptly as he looked down at his own hands, & then he saw a small tremor shake his hands as suddenly he realized that, it was true. He would always be there for her. Always. He didn't know in what sense, or as what, but he would be there. As Arnav came upon that home-truth about himself, he slowly looked up & that as if its own volition, his left hand tremblingly made its way towards here bent head.
As his hand rested on top of her head, he felt her going completely still under the touch of his hand. & then she peeked out of her palms & the incredulous expression on her tear-streaked face told him that, she hadn't been expecting any kind of kind or soothing gestures from him. Certainly not one that was this respectful or touching. But Arnav didn't flinch before her stare, & nor did he remove his hand. Instead, his thumb flicked gently & swiped her bangs away from her forehead, as he spoke in a hushed voice, "I know, Khushi."
& then he paused for so long while his eyes kept focused on her by now red nose, that she was just about to ask him, what exactly did he know, when he spoke again, "No one actually knows, how one feels when the protectiveness of parents is snatched from over one's head, except the ones who've themselves gone through it. & as no one had gone through, what you're going through right now, they really don't understand how you feel. But, they are only trying to help & care, Khushi." & suddenly his hand glided down & cupped her damp cheek.
& Khushi's lips parted slightly in a gasp, as she horrifyingly realized that, right at that moment, all she wanted to do was press her soft cheek into his roughened palm & cry some more, as her subconscious was increasingly provoking her to do, saying that would make her feel loads better! Then she looked up at him with a small start as he spoke again in a low voice, "Don't shut them out. Don't isolate yourself like this!... Because when you do isolate yourself like this & shut the people out who care for you... you just lose the chance to get it all out & in the process you turn yourself into a person who..." He suddenly looked down at his own hand lying motionless in his lap, "Who becomes... just incapable of that kind of care & commitment again in his life."
Khushi didn't know what she was supposed to say to him, but one thing she knew for sure, right at that moment, Arnav Singh Raizada was not talking about her. No! He was talking about his own hard shell of defense & how that had come to be in place. She just looked at him without moving, fearing her slightest movement might snap him out of his trance of self-revelation & she might miss out on something way too precious. But suddenly a cold evening draft touched her cheeks while blazing past them & it stung her tear-dampened cheeks as shards of ice pierced through them, & Khushi shuddered involuntarily, making Arnav look up at her, his eyes looking more focused & less dazed. Arnav slowly brushed his thumb on her cheek to brush some of the dampness away & then, with a sigh, he dropped his hand on his lap.
Khushi was shocked at the sudden feeling of bereftness as his hand moved away & she hugged herself, while her hands started stroking her arms in a vain attempt to get back some of the feelings of warmth. Then she heard him speak again, "When you shut yourself in with these unresolved feelings, Khushi, later it gets very difficult to let other people in." Saying this, he looked up at her, & she was momentarily left breathless at the blazing look in his glittering eyes, "Don't end up bitter &... unreasonably reserved &... incapable of showing the care & love you feel for other people, like..." he stopped short & took in a shaky long breath, but Khushi already knew what he had been about say, so she didn't press for him to finish his earlier sentence, as he continued in an abruptly nonchalant voice, "Anyways, thing is, for a lot people downstairs, you're their whole life! Let people who care for you, care for you."
& then he forcefully stood up on his feet, but instead of striding away, he turned towards her, & then to Khushi's immense amazement, he seemed to hover there uncertainly for a moment, as if he wanted to do something, but he wasn't sure if that would be a good idea or not. Then letting out a strained groan, he spun on his heel, & without looking back walked out of the roof in long, brusque steps, leaving Khushi behind, alone... Except for the self-surprising fact that, Khushi felt a little bit less alone all of a sudden.
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When Khushi came down 45 minutes later after having a rejuvenating shower, she found the house empty of guests. All of them. She quietly made her way towards the living room, & upon reaching there, she found Garima & Shashi sitting there, idly rifling though some sheaves of paper which appeared to Khushi to be some sort of bills. She stood there on the doorway for several seconds, her eyes touching the tired figures with immense love & unbound respect.
It must have been unbelievably difficult for them, Khushi thought as she saw the stooping shoulders of her Amma. Yes, Khushi had lost the person who had given birth to her & she had also lost the chance to ever get to know the person who didn't hesitate to give away her own life to protect her baby. But as Khushi looked on at Garima, she realized something.
It was true, no one would ever truly understand what she was going through. But she had been so lost in her own world of self-pity, as always focused on herself, that she had completely missed the other side of the coin. That she would never understand what they had gone through to come out of all of it this way! & Garima...? Khushi shuddered slightly, as she sent up a quick prayer to her Devi Maiyya. No, she didn't even want to know the feeling of loss Garima must have felt when she lost the dear sister she grew up with so brutally. If something similar were to happen to Payal-
Khushi jerked violently to mentally shake herself off of the terrible thought. How traumatized Garima must have been to lose her only sister & father within gaps of weeks. But she had taken that all under her wing, including a orphaned Khushi. A Khushi, who was also the daughter of the person who killed her sister. But Garima had never vented out her outrage towards that person on Khushi. On the contrary, it was a known fact, that Garima had always been more protective & biased towards Khushi out of the three kids who called her Amma in this household.
& Babuji? Where did she even start on him? That man left his ancestral home & business behind just so Khushi wouldn't have to grow up in a hostile environment. & he was always so affectionate with Khushi, that not only inside their house, Khushi was known around the whole of Chanakyapuri as Babuji's laadli.
Khushi heaved a sigh as she stepped into the room slowly & moved in front of the couple. Shashi was the first one to look up at her, & as soon as he saw her, he gave her one of his most warm smiles & extended his hand out for her to take it. & Khushi could see it in his eyes that at that moment he saw her only as his daughter, as he always did. At that moment, he didn't remember any of her history, any of her past that had just been unraveled to her. It was what had happened to her when she had first woken up that morning; she had only remembered who she basically was. & she was Khushi Kumari Gupta, the youngest & most darling member of the Gupta household. & that's what she saw in her Babuji's eyes too. Nothing more, nothing less.
Khushi took Shashi's extended hand, & sat down between him & her mother, & then she looked at Garima. Garima was looking at her with a strange king of craving, the pile of bills in her hand forgotten. Khushi gave her a watery smile & reached for the receipts, "Let me see, Amma- Haw, so many of them?" she looked up at Garima with a shocked expression on her face, "They are charging so much for each fairy light string? & you have to add the electricity bill to that too! How will we ever cope?" & suddenly Khushi remembered how it had all started, & she vowed to herself she'd talk to Shashi & Garima about her consent in selling Nikunja, but not now. Now was not the time for that.
She shrugged the thought away for now & looked at her with dancing eyes, "Amma, with the whole focus on Jiji & Bhaiya, we completely forgot ourselves! What about Babuji, you, Buaji & me?! As it is, both my brother & my sister getting married at the same time, so I'll get to deck up for their weddings only once, & on top of that, no one even cares about what I am going to wear at all! It's not fair at all!" & though it was an effort, Khushi did the best imitation of her characteristic sulky pout.
Garima looked at her for a long moment, then she cupped Khushi's face in both her palms, & said in a gush, "You look just like her, do you know? & how happy she looked, wearing a colorful glittery lehenga-choli in our wedding, do you remember?" she questioned Shashi over Khushi's shoulder, & Khushi couldn't even turn to see Shashi's reaction as Garima cupped her face more snuggly, "& you're so brave & kind & loyal, just like her. You're-" she stopped as she saw Khushi closing her eyes shut tightly.
& Khushi was even more taken aback by the pain that suddenly shot through her. It's slowly becoming more than a story, more than her history. She now had a smiling face to attach to that lady who had died trying to save her. Someone who was called by the same nickname that Khushi was called by... Or rather, Khushi was called by her nickname. A young girl who was just as excited for her sister's wedding as Khushi had been only yesterday. A woman who was known as a brave, kind, loyal person. & Khushi knew she was the bravest mother ever. & she felt the floodgates of pain bursting open inside of her with such force that it threatened to wash away all of her sanity with it. Khushi squeezed her eye lids more tightly, her head swimming with emotions, & just then like a beacon of a bright lighthouse in a foggy, dark surrounding, she heard his wonderful voice.
...They are only trying to help & care, Khushi.
...You're their whole life!
...Let people who care for you, care for you.
& Khushi slowly opened her eyes to look at Garima's concerned ones. She took a deep breath & looked down for a bit. If anything the past two days have taught her, it was that, being depressed was exhausting. Everyone in this world needed a break from their pains. & every wound healed with time' But it had to start somewhere, with a conscious effort to heal it. Khushi looked back up at Garima & said weakly, "Amma, tell me about how she was... but some other time. Not today. Let's talk about wedding preparations for now?" & by the way Garima nodded her head with relief in her eyes, Khushi knew healing has started.
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Work had never been this difficult for him to concentrate on. It was ridiculous that, he would look at his own typing hands on the laptop & the simple gold band on his finger would remind him of how even she had a ring on the same finger of her same hand. Hers was not as simple as his, but a cluster of seven tiny diamonds. But the ring looked so simple & fresh on her beautiful, long, shapely fingers. Her hands were just too angelically beautiful. & whenever he saw that ring, Arnav couldn't help himself, but all he wanted to do was take her finger in his mouth, capture that ring between his teeth & then slowly pull that ring out of her finger, while his lips grazed on that delectable little finger.
Then angered at his alarming train of thought, Arnav had tried to do some gardening, which always helped calm his senses down. & when he had been watering the Tea Rose plant, he noticed two tiny buds of roses had come along on it, & the first thing that came to his mind was how it had been exactly two days since he had seen her on the roof of her house. He had immediately threw away the watering can shouting 'That's it, Damn It!' & feeling the need for some physical activity to relieve him of some of the tension he felt, he had quickly changed into his track suit & had went out for a jog.
