P.S : Some part of the D3 track is included. SwaRon are NOT in a relationship. Hope you guys enjoy it!
Sharon POV is written in red and Swayam's POV is in blue
SwaRon OS- A ray of hope.
She was quietly making her way towards me. Unaware of this, I was busy playing angry birds on my cell phone. I was about to cross the fifth level when she cleared her throat in that hoarse voice. Actually, her voice is quite soothing but whenever she clears her throat, it becomes hoarse.
"Once again." she sighed.
"Once again" I agreed.
We were made project partners yet again.
"Where do you want to do it this time?" I asked her.
She thought for sometime and replied "Rehearsal Hall"
"Why?"
"Because I prefer it there. It would be like another of our...your and mine CS-ACS meeting"
I liked it when she used the word our. It makes me feel that I am not a loser, not a cheap person. Nevertheless I am sure, she will start using the word soon.
"Fine then. It's completely up to you this time." I said.
"Okay then shall we go?"
"Yeah okay." I told her. I remember today's date. Something different had happened on this date exactly one year ago. 10Th November 2011. How can I forget this date? I was officially declared a desperate stalker.
"Sharon I'll be back in some time." I wanted to go to that place again. Somehow I felt like going there. I wanted to know what had gone wrong.
"I'll be there in the rehearsal hall. Come soon."
I nodded and she went in the opposite direction. I traced my steps towards the abandoned corridor. This place, it brought back so many memories. So many bitter memories. I don't have a single memory related to this place which I can cherish.
I opened the door. It looked musty and unclean. One or two pigeons fluttered their wings and flew from there on seeing me.
How easy was it for her to call me a desperate stalker. How easy was it for her to say that we can never be together. The whole year has been eventful. Even though, one year has already passed since that incident, I still remember each and every word of what she said.
"Nahi ho sakta...Never" was what she said when I indirectly proposed to her. Not once, did she make an eye contact with me. I wish she had.
She used to think I was contemptible. Actually not used to, she thinks like that even now.
"How do you know Swayam? Have you ever asked her?" my conscience spoke.
No, I hadn't. I didn't have the guts to ask her, especially after that day. I don't even know if I'll be able to ask her out again or not.
I don't know. I don't even want to know if she has started to tend towards me or not. The thing is that even if she has started feeling something for me, she won't confess it to me. She has her own ego which will prohibit her from doing so.
The abandoned corridor, a place where everything seemed dull. That day was the day I experienced a heartbreak for the first time. And I am glad, that she was the one who broke my heart. Ruthlessly though. I never want her to feel bad, sad or uncomfortable because of me.
It surprised me then, how can someone fall in love with someone else who is completely a stranger? She didn't even know who her secret admirer was until I revealed it in front of her. That day, I came to know that she is a materialistic person. Someone who believes in money more than emotions. Someone who believes that her perfect lover can only be such a person who is rich. Who can pamper her with gifts. Emotions were nowhere there in the list.
Unknowingly, she fell in love with someone whom she had never met. She fell in love with a complete stranger and declared it in front of the whole college.
Sharon was immature then, according to me. She could not make an eye contact with me, never.
In that half an hour, I learned the biggest lesson of my life-Appearances are deceptive. Never go by looks. They may cheat on you.
They did. When Sharon openly announced that she was in love with her secret admirer, my happiness knew no bounds. I thought I could finally reveal it to her since I did not want to start my relationship with a lie. But that day, everything broke. She made me realize that I did not know her completely. Her materialistic behavior was outward and I was unhappy.
I kept my hand on the wall I had pinned her to.
Yes. I didn't forget anything. This memory is one of the most fresh memories ever. And it can never fade. How sad would you feel if the love of your life calls you cheap and desperate? That too a stalker.
My heart broke into a million pieces when she said this.
That day it was fine until sometime back. I apologized to her for manipulating the rose day results. She apologized to me too for talking rudely. Out of nowhere, I thought that she liked me. Hence I proposed to her. For one moment, I felt that I shouldn't have said that. But then I began losing control over myself. She declined without making an eye contact.
I was adamant on making her realize that we were meant to be. I don't know why. Yes. For once I did contemplate about my actions, but I eventually thought that I had to make her realize.
I pinned her to the wall and asked her several questions that made her doubt her own intentions. She thought that I was interested in buying her with expensive gifts. That was not the truth. I never wanted to buy her. I did all that only to see a smile on her face. Her smile, unknowingly made my day. I never thought that she hated me so much.
She said that me and her could never be one. She rejected me at that very moment. I know, it was wrong on my part to impose my emotions on her. I never wanted to force my love on her.
But what surprised me was that, she loved the one who sent her those expensive gifts. She was in love with her secret admirer, not with me. Leave alone the fact, that I was her secret admirer, she didn't even care to explain her reason for saying that we could never be together. It was not tough for her to say that I was a weakling. I still am one and will always be one, no matter what. This is what she thinks, even now. It was not tough for her to say that, it was tough for me to digest it. Digest the fact, that the girl whom I loved didn't feel the same for me, even after I managed to shower her with gifts, even after I managed to turn her sad face into a happy one, even after she herself accepted that she was in love with that secret admirer.
All this was a kitsch. I made up my mind at that very moment. She believed in showy things.
Somewhere, I myself knew that it was wrong on my part to force my emotions on her. I wanted her to confess my love for her. Every time her hand used to tremble, I used to feel that she felt the same for me. Every time she denied making an eye contact with me, I used to feel that I was the one who could understand her completely. Every time her breath started to become heavier near me, I used to feel that she had completely given herself in. All this is true. It still is.
Two - three days passed after that incident. She seemed normal to the whole world . Except for me. I could see that she was sad. There was a sense of regret on her face. I could penetrate through those eyes. They regretted their actions, but they never urged her to confess it to me.
On the contrary, I was busy battling it out with my own ego. I told her that the book was shut but somehow I myself didn't believe it. Every second, passed with such great difficulty that it took me a great deal of power to overcome my obsession for her. I still love her, no doubt. But that time, it was more prominent. Now it's quite subtle. And no one can see it except for her.
Two three months passed with great difficultly and with only one type of conversation between both of us. She doesn't believe in the us image but I do. I still know that one day she will warm up to me. One day, her ego will definitely permit her to break all the boundaries of her heart and rise up to the situation. Once I told her, that her ego would be the cause of her destruction. But that time I was on "ignore Sharon spree". In those three months, I learned to overcome any kind of obstacle. I learned to digest bitter truths, and most important of all, I learned to give my love a chance.
After Sharon was alright, in April, she decided to give it a chance. Not to our relationship, but to her decisions. She decided to talk to me and figure this out.
"This can't go on Swayam." She said.
"What?" I asked.
"This cold-not so docile behavior. This can't go on, can it?"
I shook my head. We were having another of our CS-ACS meets.
"And one more thing." she said,
My eyes lit up. I was still trying to be the ignoring wala Swayam with her, but I failed tremendously. I was slowly getting softer.
"What?"
"Lets get to it straight. That day, in the abandoned corridor. I shouldn't have called you a desperate stalker."
I was glad she accepted this.
"I shouldn't have called you a cheap loser either. You are not one." she said in a straightforward way.
"Sharon" I tried to say something.
"No Swayam we are not going to talk about this anymore. I'll talk to you about this report tomorrow. I have some work."
She got up to go. Well, I was happy about the fact that she accepted it. And sure enough, we never talked about the abandoned corridor incident after that day.
I heard someone clearing her throat behind. I realized that my hand was still there on the wall where I had pinned her. I turned to see her. How did she know that I was there?
"I'll go to the rehearsal hall." I said sheepishly.
"You better go there." she said.
I knew it. I just knew it that he was going to be there, in the abandoned corridor. I had not forgotten it. I still remember all the vivid details of that incident. It is said that spoken words cannot be taken back. And I wish it was false. Because I called him everything that he was not. Over this one year, my heart has bonded well with his. But I could never open up to him. I never had the courage to do so. I know, he is so good looking that nobody can resist him. And I must be a really determined girl, to resist him so much. But why am I doing this? I love him right?
I tried to find the answer to this question. And I found it. The abandoned corridor incident was a humongous thing in our lives. Come what may, we can never forget this incident. Yes. We. I don't know about him. There is a chance that he might have overcome his obsession for me, but that's not the same case for me. That time, I was confused about my feelings for him and out of fury, I said all that. I wish I hadn't. But over this one year, I realized that I love him. I actually love him. Hatred, like and then love. Love has happened in stages but at least it has happened in some way. Love had to eventually happen. And I never mentioned this in front of him because I was scared. Scared of rejection. Yeah I know there are some chances for him to say yes too. But I didn't see him mingling much with me after that incident. Maybe he has moved on. Maybe he is still with me. Maybe he is resisting himself, like I am resisting myself.
There is something which still makes me think that one day he will give me a chance to confess. I know I don't deserve it after I said all those things to him. And I know how he felt after I spoke all those acrimonious words. After all, he is a part of me now and I felt bad then. He must have felt worse. Hope. That's what I can say. Optimism. Hope is a very strange emotion. You need to cling on to it if you want something very badly. In my case, it is Swayam, whom I need. Well, I know I can't expect him to be of my kind. It is meaningless to expect a loved one to be exactly like you ..because you can't hold someone's right hand in your own right hand if you wanna walk together.
Swayam is a loved one in my life. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that I would start loving someone like him. Confession is remaining now. Which I know I can't do. To confess something to someone is a very huge task and Swayam is a very strong person. I am not emotionally strong and I know my heart will break down into a million pieces if I hear any negative thing from him. I can't handle this. I admire Swayam for his will power but I know it's very difficult for me to say I love you to him, especially after the so called fact that me and him can never be us.
"This book is shut now." My heart ached when he said this. Somewhere, somehow I never knew why all this was happening. The task to open this book is up to me now. I hope I can do it..After I acted like a total jerk that day, I don't even know if he still loves me or not. He must be thinking that I am a two faced character. Well, it's never too late to realize. I hope, I really hope he still loves me. Because I do. I didn't realize but my cheeks started to get moist. I knew that I was crying. I made up my mind and wiped my tears because I was not going to go to the rehearsal hall like this. I turned to go but my face went blank when I saw Swayam there. He was supposed to be in the rehearsal hall. What was he doing here?
"Sharon" he began.
I couldn't. I just couldn't control myself. Enough of this ego. I went straight up to him and apologized.
"I am sorry Swayam. I am really really very sorry. I shouldn't have done anything like that. I hope you can forgive me." I said. My face started getting wet. I didn't look up to him. He cupped my face in his hands.
"Sh..Sharon... Don't say sorry." He said.
All this was a confusion. A state of pure confusion. I was confused. He was confused. WE were confused. Somehow I couldn't control my tears. He saw them and wiped them with his own hands.
"Don't cry Sharon." He said.
After a while I stopped crying. I still don't know if he has moved on or not, if he has forgiven me or not. If he still loves me or not. So I asked him. We were sitting on the staircase in the abandoned corridor. I decided that it was the best thing we could do, since I was not in a state to complete any project.
"Swayam" I said.
"Yes?"
"Do you still love me?" I asked. I decided to get to it straight.
I know it was awkward of me to ask such a thing to him but today, I had a strong desire to know the truth.
He looked at me, judged my awkwardness and maybe read my mind. Then with a smile on his face, he replied.
"Yes I do. I will always continue to." He said.
My happiness knew no bounds when he said this. I decided to tell him my part of the fairytale too.
"Swayam...I
want to say something too."
"Go ahead." The affable, pleasant smile was still there. I could derive strength from his smile to say those three words.
"I love you." I mused immediately.
"You do?" He asked.
I was not expecting such a reply from him.
"Yes I do. I love you a lot." I said, clearing his apprehensions.
I could say that his happiness knew no bounds either. The ecstasy was evident in the way he was smiling. He pulled me straight into a hug. His warm arms were around me. I felt protected in his arms. His love, his affection, his cherubic nature, his chivalrous behavior, I could notice everything. His impeccable love for me is something which I admire the most. We spent some more time in each others arms. And then we remembered that we had a project to complete. We got up to go. And I must say, I am lucky enough that I have him with me. Even if it is for sometime. I know I'll have lots of fun with him and I'll never regret my decision to confess it in front of him.
One year ago, because of me, the fairytale was left incomplete. One year ago, because of me both of us had to go through the same pain, through the same turmoil. And exactly one year later, I managed to join the broken pieces of heart. The fairytale is now complete.
Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at a destination full of hope.
How was it guys? Lame? Too good? Criticism is allowed! I know the confession scene was wayyy better than this but this was a small attempt to write something different. If you liked it, please leave your valuable comments. For new readers who wish to receive PMs on my further works on SwaRon, add me (tanha29) to your buddy lists!
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