Under Your Skin
Part 1
She woke up as she did everyday at 6:00 am to the peace and quiet of the fall morning broken only by the chirping of the birds. For a while she lay in bed, just ruminating. She turned her head on the pillow to look across. For four years, she'd looked across at the empty side of the bed every morning, just stared at it for a few minutes, running her hand over the empty pillow, as if seeking strength from it to face her day. Then she looked away, pulling herself out of bed and into the bathroom. Five minutes later, dressed in jogging clothes, she let herself out of the house, water bottle in hand. A few stretches to warm up and then she started her jog.
By the time she got back and let herself in, the whole household was stirring. Naniji turned as she heard the door opening.
'Good morning, Naniji,' she said.
'Good morning, bitiya. Are you coming for the aarti?'
She hesitated, and then said, 'No, Naniji. Not today. I've an important meeting. I'll go get ready and get Aarav ready, too.'
'Okay. Breakfast will be ready when you come down,' Naniji smiled at her. But the smile faded from her eyes as she watched Khushi lightly run up the stairs and head over to her room. She shook her head and walked over to the temple where Akash and Payal had already gathered, along with Manorama.
In her room, Khushi quickly showered and changed into a casual salwar before heading into Aarav's room He was still sleeping, his head tucked into his pillow with only his nose showing above the comforter. She smoothed his hair back and smiled tenderly.
'Aarav, come on, son, it's time to get up. You'll be late for school.'
'Mom, lemme sleep,' he grumbled.
'No, Aarav, come on. It's time to get up.'
He turned away. It was the same story every morning, so now she tried to wake him up at least fifteen minutes before he really needed to be up! He never knew how smart his Mom was at these little games.
Half an hour later, dressed and ready for office and school, they both headed downstairs for breakfast. Parathas and potatoes for all of them. Aarav had discovered he liked to eat as much as his adoptive mother did.
He looked at her, she gave him all the love he'd craved, all those years in the ashram. But ever since Dad had gone away, she had become a little ... different. She was dressed in a severe black suit today, with a stark white shirt. Her long hair was held back in a sleek ponytail, easily hiding the sindoor in her parting. The high collars of the shirt hid the mangalsutra that she'd never taken off. On her left hand, sparkled the diamonds that he'd put on her finger, oh! so long ago. A blue tooth was tucked under the bangs over her right ear. Her feet were encased in three inches of sleek high heels.
'Khushi bitiya,' Naniji began. 'Can you come home a little early today?'
'I'll try, Naniji,' she replied with a quick smile. 'There's a lot of work piled up and I need to see to it.'
Anjali watched her sister-in-law feed her son, and eat at the same time. Soon she was done and hurrying Aarav up to leave with her. She sat chewing her lip as she listened to the muffled sound of the SUV that Khushi now drove. The same white SUV that her brother had used four years ago. They could afford a new car, but all she wanted was to drive Arnav's car. Tears in her eyes, she looked at her Nani and her Mami, who sighed and looked down at the food on her plate.
'Naniji,' with trembling voice, she addressed her grandmother. 'How long is Khushiji going to continue like this? Everyday, she is becoming more and more like Chotey, before he met her.'
Payal walked into the dining room, just in time to hear Anjali's words. She sat down carefully at the table, making space for her baby bump.
'Don't know, Anjali,' said Naniji. 'It breaks my heart to see her like this.'
'Naniji, Anjaliji, I think she should go somewhere. Take a holiday somewhere with Aarav,' said Payal. 'The little one has lost the only father he barely knew, and now his mother has turned into both his father and mother.'
'I know,' Naniji said.
Mami sighed again. 'Does she even remember what day it is today?'
They all fell silent. 'I don't know,' said Payal.
'She does. She just does not show it anymore. Anything to do with Chotey, she has tried to wipe it out,' Naniji said.
'Is that why she still wears sindoor and her mangalsutra?' said Anjali. 'That looks to me like she hopes he will come back someday for her.'
'Ever since she became Mrs. India, she has become ... different!' from Mami.
'How many days has it been since she made jalebis?' asked Payal
'She did make them the other day,' said Nani. 'Only for Aarav. For him, she will do anything.'
'At least she takes time out from him. Running the company isn't easy,' said Akash who just joined them. He took a seat and waited while Payal poured out tea for him. 'I can't believe how well Khushiji has learnt the business, so quickly. She is very tough. And she's building a reputation for herself.'
The doorbell rang just then and HP ran to open the door. Garima, and Buaji stood at the door, Shashi in a wheel chair still. His recovery had had a set back ever since the new trauma in their lives. HP took the wheel handles from Garima and wheeled him in.
They all stood up to greet the Guptas. Hugs were exchanged and Buaji like always had a special hug for Anjali. She loved the girl and wished that tragedy did not follow her footsteps around so much. For someone to live through what she had had in her young life, and still be able to smile through it, took courage. No one appreciated it as much as Buaji did. She blessed Anjali and gave her a tight hug, her own eyes filling with tears as she wiped away the younger ones'.
Garima hugged Payal, and then looked around searching, 'Khushi? Where is she?'
'She's gone to the office, like every year, amma,' Payal was choking back her tears.
Akash put his arm around his wife, before Anjali caught his eye. They had to go and supervise the preparations for the havan.
****
The CEO of AR group sat at the large desk in her cube. She'd sat quietly staring at the calendar for the past fifteen minutes, before resolutely moving her eyes away, taking in the room that was now hers. The glass walls were still the same, except they now had blinds on them, affording her privacy when she needed it. The walls had been painted the same passionate red. The shelf still contained the pictures of Anjali, but now it had been joined by a picture of Aarav. She stood up and walked over to the glass wall, looking down at the busy humming workplace below. The red and white theme continued downstairs too.
'Amanji!' she called.
Aman Mathur came into the room, a steaming cup of tea on a tray. 'Ma'am? Your tea.'
'Thank you, Amanji' she gratefully accepted the tea. 'What's my schedule for today? Have the Mehrotras responded to our proposal?'
'No, ma'am,' he said, and continued briefing her on her schedule.
The phone rang, and she smiled briefly as she looked at the caller-id. She nodded at Aman and he excused himself.
'Hello?' she smiled as she listened to the excited voice at the other end. 'That is wonderful! I can't wait to see you! When are you arriving?... Great. Let me know when you have the details... 'Bye,' she hung up he phone, the smile lingering on her face for a second, before looking at the date again. Tears filled her eyes, but she brushed them away before determinedly getting back to her laptop.
It was almost seven in the evening when she rubbed a tired hand over her eyes. The day had gone very fast, jam packed with work and meetings, but she had ensured that Aarav was picked up by Mohan from school.
Akash was not in today. She never asked him to come in if he didn't want to. Especially not today.
She pulled up to the portico of the house, hesitating a moment before she finally got out. Slinging her laptop and her bag on her shoulder, she walked into the house, coming to a complete stop as she went past the living room.
HIS photo was still standing in a corner - a smiling portrait, the hair was gelled back, showing off his widow's peak; his big hands resting comfortably in the pockets of his black three-piece, the lop-sided smile crinkling up the corner of his eyes - caramel eyes that still seemed to look into her soul and ask her 'tum theek ho?'
She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned around. Anjali stood looking at her and said, 'Khushiji? Are you okay?'
She smiled, her lips stretching across her frozen face, and nodded brightly, 'I'm okay, Di. Where's Aarav?'
'In his room, doing his home work.' She hesitated, about to say something and then finally said, 'Khushiji, you knew what today was. Why did you have to go to work today? Your parents and Buaji had come, they waited to meet you and left just a little while ago.'
Khushi searched her sister-in-law's face, looking for condemnation but finding only loving concern. She placed a hand on her shoulder and said, 'Di, I'll call them and talk to them. There was a lot of work at the office.' She drew a deep breath. 'I should go and check on Aarav,' she patted her sister-in-law and moved away, heading to her room.
She had a quick shower and went to Aarav's room. Spending time with her son brought her the solace and gave her the drive to move forward in her life. He was her strength now. The strength she needed when she felt the lowest. She hugged him tight before tucking him in. Surprisingly, he seemed to understand his mother's need of comfort and hugged her back.
Back in her room, she opened her laptop to start working but her mind was wandering. She shut it in frustration and wandered out to the poolside. She looked up at the stars in the heavens, but didn't see a new one. She knew them by heart now, knew where they moved with the movement of the earth. And though she sometimes saw them, and sometimes she didn't, she knew they were there. Her amma, bauji, his amma... She sat by the pool for a long time, laying back in the recliner trying to blank out her mind from the constant memories hammering at the doors.
Finally she rushed inside, throwing herself down on the bed, his side of the bed, burying her face in his pillow, gripping it to muffle her sobs. 'Hum theek nahin hain, Arnavji. Hum bilkul theek nahin hain,' she whispered to him.
******
Four years, she thought. Four years to the day, since he'd gone missing.
She had won the Mrs. India contest a week before that.
Arnav Singh Raizada had left for New York. He never reached there. The flight he was on, crashed in the Canadian North. A large number of the passengers had died, but some had survived and some had gone missing. Arnav's name was on the first list. They never found his body, as the plane had incinerated most of the dead bodies when it had blown up. Rescue teams had found most of the ones that made it out alive. But some remained missing.
Khushi had received the news in silence, her large eyes looking from one face to the next as they sat surrounding her and Anjali. His two women. The two for whom he would give up his life. Aarav clung to her sobbing his little heart out. Khushi had tried comforting them both. In her mind, Arnavji would come back. They hadn't found him, and they hadn't found his body. He was out there alive, somewhere. They'd all tried to console her through their grief. Instead it was she who stood tall and consoled them. Became the strength for the family. The family had turned to her in their hour of need. She hid her grief until she was in her room, alone on her bed, and then she hugged his pillow, smelling his aftershave on it, clutching her mangalsutra while silent sobs wracked her body. The pain inside her ripping her into bits and pieces.
For a month, she'd been in denial. Then she realized, she had another whole family to take care of. The people of AR Group needed their leader, and Akash for all his skill at business was not a leader.
All who saw her, saw the unemotional exterior she presented to the world. A world in which she had no acumen, and one which she wanted to conquer. It was Lavanya who had reached out to her, coming to Delhi to help her, groom her, make her who she wanted to be. Until Khushi Kumari Gupta finally became Mrs. Khushi Singh Raizada.
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