Siddhima FF Crossroads - Page 3

I don't remember anything beyond that moment. For, the next time I opened my eyes I was in our suite. Sid must have carried me back to the hotel. But where was he. I called out but there was no reply. I rang up his cell and it came as switched off. I changed and walked out towards the beach. I saw fellow tourists there, even Armaan and Shilpa but Sid was nowhere to be found. I asked Shilpa if she had seen Sid but she also answered in negative. I came back to the hotel and enquired at the reception, but even they had no clue. I was getting worried. I ran through the incidents of the previous night and I felt guilty.

Even if we were friends and we had an understanding between us, he was my husband at the end of the day. How could I talk to him about another man in such a way. Where was he? Where did he go? As the hours passed by, my panic grew. There was still no trace of him. By now the hotel staff had got involved, police was called and everyone was tensed. Armaan and Shilpa too were worried. 

My mind was playing havoc. It kept on going back to the past and replaying moments between us. I realized I was so lost in my own sorrows to actually try and empathise with Sid. I was not just insensitive but extremely self centred. Leave alone wife, I was not even good enough to be a friend. I had taken him for granted so much  that I was blind to his presence. But now his absence bothered me. I felt so melancholic...so lost without him. And surprisingly at this moment, I wished for nothing more than to get him back. 

It was getting  dark. I was growing crazier by the minute... .

Suddenly I heard a ruckus and looked up to see Sid surrounded by the resort staff and police. His hair was dishevelled and his clothes were smudged with dirt. There were cuts and bruises all over his face and hands . He was looking scared and drained out. I just couldn't control myself. Right at that moment I ran upto him. In the middle of the crowd that had gathered, I hugged him tightly and stayed there for a long time holding him.

Sid was taken aback. He had never seen me so overwhelmed with emotions..not atleast for him.

"Where were you?" I broke down

"I was strolling on the beach last night when a couple of hooligans on a bike abducted me. They took away all my money and belongings. They beat me up and took me to some remote place and dumped me. I was unconscious. Some locals rescued me and they brought me here." He took a pause. "Ridz we must give them something as a token, they saved my life."

Later that night, when I was dressing Sid's wounds in the privacy of our suite Sid asked "Why were you so scared Riddhima?"

"I thought even you have left me Sid, especially after all that I said last night."

" I will never leave you Ridz, not until you yourself ask me to ."

"Why Sid? Why did you promise and why do you die a silent death everyday trying to live upto your promises. Why did you marry me. You were aware that I loved someone else. You knew I couldn't give you the happy life you so deserved. Why every time I falter, you go out of your way to support me?"

He was silent for quite a while. Then he gently pushed me back and stoop up. He walked towards the balcony and stared blankly across the moonlit horizon.

"I married you not just because you were my friend, but because I loved you. I loved you the day I saw you first, cringing in your bed in the psychiatric ward and I loved you every day thereafter.  You are right, I was fully aware of the pain you bore inside. How could I not. How could I not feel the pain of an incomplete love when my own love was incomplete?  It is excruciating painful to see your wife, your love writhing in pain for someone else, but I figured it was more difficult to wake up in another continent, knowing that you are married to a man who doesn't understand you, who insults you for your past & forces you to accept your present. I couldn't picture yourself like that. I just couldn't."

Silence...except for the lashing of the waves... 

"At least I am with you. I know you are safe...So what if I stay next door? Yours is still the first face I see in the morning and the last I see before retiring everyday. So what if we don't share intimate moments, I am still your confidante. I can still make you smile. I have no complaints against you, ya may be a little with God."

I didn't speak out a single word, not then not afterwards. I stayed close to Sid the whole night. While he slept peacefully, I sat next to him, awake, revisiting my life. 

I had always thought Sid to be an immature boy, full of fun and frolic. But i realized it today that I was grossly mistaken. The depth of his love was much deeper than my own, coz he always knew he had nothing to look forward to and yet he kept on loving me..every day, selflessly, sacrificing his own dreams, his own pleasures.