Kushi woke up and sat in her bed staring outside the balcony door. She sat emotionless, thinking nothing. It had become a routine now. She would either sleep or just quietly stare out at the sky. She talked very little and isolated herself from everyone. Ever since moving in, she had not once stepped outside her room. Aarti brought food up and would force her to eat. Kushi started her antidepressants and it made her drowsy all the time.
She got out of bed, tying her thin hair in a pony tail. She looked around and huffed at the state her room was in. The boxes sat on the ground, unpacked. Just one luggage was open, and her clothes hanged out from it. She stepped down from her bedding area, to the small living area where the boxes sat. She bent down and grabbed a suit, uninterested, from the luggage. As she was walking towards her restroom, she tripped on a box and looked down at it annoyed, only to see the same picture of her and Abeer. Pain spread across her face as a gush of emotions ran through her. She remembered back to the day when she had came back from the hospital and how she came across the picture. As the actualization dawned upon her that he was forever gone, she started depending on the medication to run from the reality. She wasn't ready to face it, she wasn't ready to endure more pain.
She lived in a glass of hope before Abeer came and endured every pain and passed every hurdle in hope of living a beautiful tomorrow with a person like Abeer. He finally came, and he became her every reason to being. Now that he was gone, and she was shattered, she didn't know what to hope for anymore. Everytime she tried to find motivation, she could only remember how life had turned her down at every step. Tears rolled down her pale cheeks. She hurriedly walked to her side table and looked to find her medication. She opened and closed drawers, getting angrier at not finding them.
She zoomed out of her room, furious. Her room was at the very corner to the right. There was a small hall from her room that led to a large living area. She looked around her new house, clueless to whose room was where. There was another hall on the other side. She stood in front of it staring at the three doors. Two that facing each other, and one at the corner, similar to hers. She knocked one by one but got no response. She came out to the living area again and looked down from the stairs. She walked down, and stood in a larger living area. The house was huge. She looked around amazed at the big windows, expensive drapery and imported furniture. A large plasma hung on the wall with book shelves at the side of it. She knew the furniture & things in the main hall wasn't theirs. She peaked into the kitchen, and saw no one. She turned around to walk back up confused, but saw another door. She tip toed and as she got closer she could hear Aarti cry. She stood outside the room, worried.
"I don't know what to do anymore. And Please! Do not tell me everything will be fine, because everything is getting worse. She is becoming increasingly dependent on these (looking at the medication) "small harmless pills" as the doctor terms it. She lays in her room all day long, or sits on her bed staring into no where. I have to force her to talk, force her to eat." Aarti broke into more tears and sat on her bed. Sahil and Zayne sat at her side, consoling her.
"I understand that everything before her break up was somehow due to us. But she chose this route, she chose to listen to his Mom without even discussing with us, and now she is running from it. I try talking to her and she justs sit emotionless and completely disinterested. She doesn't pick up Ujala's call, and she doesn't even respond to her brothers. All she wants is her blanket, and medications." Aarti finished.
"She's devastated Aarti." Mr. Gupta tried to reason.
"I know!" Aarti yelled. "So are we! But does that mean she is not even going to give us a chance to fix our mistakes?? Does it mean she is going to eat these (throwing the bottle of medication to the wall) for the rest of her life so she doesn't have to face the reality of her decision? She is RUNNING! Why don't you see it..and when does running ever make things better!!" Aarti said breathlessly.
"Mom…" Sahil spoke. He took the glass of water Zayne was holding and fed it to his Mom. "Please, you're going to increase your sugar level again. You know what the doctor said, its dangerous to have your BP and diabetes level high. Please! We will figure something out." Sahil finished, trying to pacify his Mom.
Aarti shook her head, refusing to believe any of it. "We are not doing any better than her. We just put it off because nothing makes sense" she argued back.
There was pin drop silence. No one had anything to say and their heads just fell to the ground, in agreement to Aarti's statement.
Outside Kushi who had heard everything, walked away guilty and so ashamed of herself. Tears streamed down quickly as her Mothers words rang through her head over and over again. She reached her room and just sat down on her bed lifelessly. Her pony slipped out from her hair, causing her hair to blow with the wind that came from the open balcony door. She looked up to see herself in the mirror and was shocked. She looked paler, and skinnier, had dark circles around her eyes, and her hair had grown even thinner. She touched her face, ashamed of herself and then hid her face with both her hands. Just then Ujala walked in.
"Kushi" she called out. Kushi moved her hands down just enough to reveal her eyes. Ujala looked on sadly. She walked over to Kushi and sat down on the ground in front of her. She held on to Kushi's hand and moved them away from her face.
"I don't know who I am Ujala" Kushi cried out. "I don't know what I am turning myself into. I am just so ashamed of myself" she completed, covering her face again. Ujala rubbed her knees, trying to pacify her. She didn't want to interrupt, she just wanted Kushi to speak out. Ujala sat in front patiently waiting. Kushi continued to sob silently.
"I am so selfish" Kushi said after a long silence. "On one hand I claim that I let go of the person dearest to me because I didn't want to be selfish and take him away from his Mom. On the other hand, I drug myself up day and night so I don't face the pain of my decisions and let my parents suffer it. How is that any better???? (there was a period of silence again, Ujala sat quietly, waiting for her to speak again) But maybe…the truth is, I let him go because I was so afraid of proving his Mom right…(Ujala looked at her, empathetically.) I never supported him, never loved him the way he loved me, I was always in doubt, unsure and indecisive and I always used my past as excuses and shields to not let anyone near. Maybe somewhere deep down, I knew his Mom was right. I couldn't be a supportive wife, or an encouraging life partner. He always took care of me, I never took care of him. So instead of fighting, I selfishly took the easy way out. I am such a messed up person, Ujala!"
Ujala shook her head, disagreeing with Kushi. But she didn't want to speak just yet. Kushi had a lot more to let out, and Ujala wanted to hear it all.
"Instead of proving his Mom wrong,, I proved her more right than she ever thought she'd be. Look at me, from which corner do I like fine to you? Look at how I am taking care of myself, by drugging myself and laying in bed all day long! I was living in a delusion of being ok" Kushi rested on the bed now and cried digging her face into her sheets.
Ujala got up and sat next to her, rubbing her back. "You are not a selfish person. You are the most amazing person I have met. You are a compassionate, selfless soul, just always caught up in hurdles, but always fighting your way through. Kushi, reason be whatever, Abeer proved to be a wrong fit for you. He didn't fight for you. Fine you let go, but if he knew you like you claim, the least he could have done was tried contacting you through me..Afterall, what the heck does "irreconcilable family differences" mean really. Aunty tells that he didn't even ask what they were!!. Kushi, you only taught me that there is at least one good if not more, in every bad event. Why don't you see all that you have gained from your past. I understand it's a big thorn in your path and its not easily erasable, the pain and torture, and the lonely nights and wet pillows from tears, but Kushi, you are not alone today. And you just need to believe that. Everyone is here for you, your parents, your siblings and me. You don't have to do this alone. Give us a chance but above all, give YOURSELF a real chance. You are not weak, or sensitive, you're strong, and your selflessness, and compassion is your strength. You are an amazing person Kushi and I don't say that as a friend, I say that as someone who has been inspired and motivated by you at every step. All these years of enduring has shattered you with just one small fall, but you don't need to pick yourself up all at once. Do it slowly, but please don't close yourself up in here. It's definitely not the solution."
Kushi rested quiet now, understanding what Ujala meant.
"There is always a reason to hope and no matter how many times it breaks, you should continue to hope." Ujala said, hoping to have motivated Kushi to step out from isolation and quit depending on her medications. She caressed Kushi's hair. "I am sure you will find it in you to want to live again! You did back then and today you have all the more reasons to. Your parents are waiting to shower their love, and your brothers are waiting to have you back."
Kushi sat up looking at Ujala. She nodded. "It definitely doesn't happen with me laying in bed, does it?" Ujala giggled and shook her head saying, "sadly, it doesn't."
For the first time in a while, she felt like the storm in her was at rest. There was silence between her head and mind, and there was no blame game going on inside of her. Her mothers words and her friends explanation finally started to knock some sense into her. The pain was still, and there seemed to be light peaking into her dark days. She looked at herself in the mirror again, this time walking closer to the mirror. She ran her fingers through her very thin and fragile hair, sad at their condition.
"Everything will be fine once you are" Ujala said assuringly.
"I should shower." Kushi responded. As she grabbed her clothes a thought came across and she spoke loudly of it "I should start painting again" she said immediately. Ujala looked up amused at the randomness, but smiled back supportingly.
"It use to make me feel better, and comfortable." Kushi explained.
"Painting it is then" Ujala encouraged back.
"But…It's been awhile and I just donated all my art stuff.."
"Well going shopping doesn't hurt anyone, and you'll finally get real, fresh, live air" Ujala reasoned.
Kushi thought for awhile. She still didn't like the thought of going out, she was too conscious about her appearance. But she understood that she needed to leave all those worries behind if she was going to make a difference in herself. She nodded in agreement. An excited Ujala responded with a loud clap and hurried out to tell her Mom. Kushi gave a weak smile. She felt happy knowing how happy her parents would be. She took a deep breath, she knew there was a lot to work on, and probably a lot more stumbling in her path, but Ujala was right, to survive she needed to hope, hope for anything. As she showered, she thought of the many things she could do to occupy herself from disturbing thoughts.
"I should try selling my paints in small competitions to raise money for my MBA. I need to continue my studies. My room is a mess. I need to unpack. I should design a new look for my room. I need to put plants and chairs in the balcony and set up my paint area there too." She talked to herself showering.
She knew somewhere down she was throwing the bitter reality somewhere deep down and it would haunt her again later, but she was comfortable to deal with it later than to not deal with it all, like she had been for the past week.
Later that afternoon….
At the arts and craft store, Ujala looked around bored. She picked up the brushes disinterested, inspecting them as if they were something more than they looked.
"It's a paint brush" Kushi spoke from behind.
"Huh! Funny. I didn't know that Kushi." Ujala responded.
Kushi smiled. "Don't be too bored, I am almost done. Let me just grab some canvases from back there, I'll meet you in the car."
"Nah..thats even more boring..I'll find myself some paint stuff to excite me" she said sarcastically. Kushi gave a silent laugh and walked away.
Kushi picked up canvases trying to figure out the difference in each. As she was looking, Arnav drove up in his electrical wheelchair, also looking at canvases. Both stood next to each other, completely unaware of each others presence. Arnav tried reaching a canvas of his interest, but couldn't because it was too high. Kushi's back faced him. He looked around trying to spot an employee to help. He waited for a few seconds and stared at Kushi's back, deliberating whether to ask who he thought of as a stranger for help. He attempted to reach the canvas once again, but again to no luck.
"Ma'm, can you…." Before he could complete his sentence, Kushi turned around puzzled hearing his voice. Both looked at each other shocked. Arnavs face broke into a smile while Kushi looked on confused at his state.
"Kushi" he whispered. Kushi placed the other canvas in her hand back and started to walk away when he called out again.
"Can you please help me get that." He asked politely.
She stood afar amused at his audacity. She didn't actually believe something was wrong and thought it was another cheap trick of his to bother her. She walked up closer and whispered "You are truly disgusting!" she muttered angrily. He looked on taken aback. "You have nothing better to do then make fun of unfortunate people (referring to him using a wheelchair to joke around)." Arnav shook his head trying to clear Kushi's misunderstanding. "People grow up in life Mr. Arnav Singh Raizada. This isn't high school, so grow up and move on from you cheap pranks and get a life!!." She gave him a hatred look completing her sentence and walked away without turning back.
He looked down embarrassed as on looker walked past him. As Kushi's word repeated in his head, he closed his fist in anger. He was tired of her not giving him a chance to talk. He was tired of her always misunderstanding him. And he was tired of letting her off the hook. As he sat on his wheelchair, angry, his Mom called out from behind.
"Are you done son?" she asked, walking up to him.
"No.." he said taking a deep breath. "I just needed that canvas, but couldn't reach it." He explained.
She smiled and picked it up for him, placing it in their cart.
"Should have called me earlier na." she said.
As he turned his wheelchair around, Kushi stood infront of him looking guilty. As he met her eyes, she looked away, ashamed.
"Let's go Mom"
He and his Mom went pass Kushi. He stopped a little far, then reversed back to where Kushi stood. She looked over her shoulder at him.
"Sometimes there is more to the truth then it seems." He whispered, evidently hurt by her words. He drove away, while she stood staring ahead at the canvases.
Ujala and an employee walked up from behind.
"See look for yourself Mr!" Ujala said angrily. "My friend was telling you the truth and this canvas has the sale tag, not the one you claim! Whoever said so, said it very well, customers are always right! Now hurry and check us out. We are not waiting in that long line for a mistake you made." Ujala exclaimed. Kushi was silent. Ujala nudged her to walk and gestured with her hand she had everything under control. Kushi gave a faint smile.
At the cashier, Kushi and Ujala walked past customers, in which Arnav was one too. He looked at Kushi, who also looked with the corner of her eyes. The price was still not ringing up right, and this made Ujala yell more. Kushi tried to intervene, but Ujala told her she would take care of it. Kushi looked on embarrassed at the scene Ujala was creating. Suhasini looked on at Ujala annoyed and whispered to Arnav how rude the girl was. Arnav wasn't really interested and continued to look in Kushi's way.
The manager walked up and explained to Ujala that although the canvases looked identical, the companys were different, hence the price too, and that someone must have put it in the wrong place." That didn't stop Ujala from arguing further, but Kushi finally took over and asked the cashier to charge whatever price was coming up. She was tired of the scene Ujala was creating for no big reason. As she took her wallet out of her purse, she whispered to Ujala to go out and she would come. Ujala didn't agree, but Kushi gave one of her stern looks to which Ujala couldn't argue. As she grabbed her bags, she stopped and turned to look at Arnav one last time before going out. She was calmer and guilty, and he could tell. His anger instantly faded with her last look and he regretted losing out on another chance to speak to her. He asked his Mom to pay and that he would wait outside. He hurried out behind Kushi, but got stuck in the door. As he forced his way out, he then dropped his phone. He groaned in anger at how destiny was mocking him. He tried looking out on the road for Kushi, but it seemed she had left. He tried reaching for his phone. He squatted and reached as far as he could but couldn't grab it. He sat annoyed, frustrated and helpless. He closed his eyes, trying to breath fast to let his anger out. Just then Kushi walked up and kneeled down to get his phone.
"Here you go." She said in her soft and pleasant tone. He opened his eyes, and a huge smile spread across his face. A small smile appeared at the tips of her lips too, unknowing to her. She couldn't make out why he looked so happy. As she handed him his phone, he unintentionally held her hand as well. She looked down at him awkwardly. He immediately let go and apologized. She nodded and turned to leave.
"Kushi please." He called out in a desparate tone. She turned back around confused.
"I….I…I…I…." He couldn't talk. He rested his elbow on the handles of the wheelchair and dropped his head into his hand. She looked even more confused. He took a deep breath, and closed his eyes, attempting to speak again without looking at her as it made him nervous. "I've been wanting to talk to you…I need to tell you something." He said opening his eyes. His Mom stood in front and looked at him.
"What beta (son)?" she asked interested.
He looked all around him searching for Kushi. "Maybe I was dreaming" he thought. "Maybe she never came" he tried to reason. He looked at the phone in his hand and saw the scratches on the cover that were definitely from a fall. "Did you pick my phone up, Mom" he asked in daze.
"Arnav, you ok?" She questioned worried.
"yeah Mom..I am" before he could say more, he saw Ujala and Kushi drive by. "She was here!!" he said outloud.
"Who arnav?" His mom asked, worried at his behavior.
"Kushi. I dropped my phone and she picked it up and I…" He went quiet realizing he said too much.
"Kushi, phone? What are you saying Arnav" She questioned.
"Nothing Mom, lets just go home!" he said tired of the mix up in his mind.
In the car, Kushi questioned Ujala why she dragged her so abruptly from there. "he was trying to tell me something" she said annoyed at Ujala's behavior.
"Since when did you get interested in hearing what that jerk had to say?" Ujala retorted.
"Ujala!" Kushi snapped.
"Kushi, I did the right thing. You are too nice to people." She tried reasoning.
"But he was trying to say something!" she snapped again.
Ujala was taken aback now with her constant arguing. "Do you really want me to take you back there?" she questioned sarcastically.
"kushi!!!" Ujala called out. "ok I am sorry!!"
"It was rude what you did back there."
Ujala looked on amazed at how Kushi was upset for being taken away from him.
"I didn't know you'd mind me dragging you away from him. I was actually waiting to be praised and thanked" Ujala said. "I thought you even hated his shadow."
Kushi went silent. She did, well kind of, she thought. Or at least she use to, until today. She once again saw the Arnav she thought to knew before the sad incident. One who was popular but very grounded. Someone who was strong and influential, full of attitude, but was kind hearted. She shook her head amazed at how much she was thinking about him. "It has to be the medicines." She whispered to herself, inaudible to Ujala. "These doctors are such liers, no side effects. Yea right!" she defended her thoughts. Yet she still couldn't stop thinking about what he wanted to say.
Arnav reached home and complained to his Mom how he hated being on the wheelchair. She assured him time would fly and it was a matter of just one more week. "And anyhow, its not like you use it at home, you have the crutches," she said.
"I am going in my room"
"Let me help you."
"No, where's Aayan? I need to talk to him anyway," said Arnav.
"Kaka, where's Aayan?" Suhasini asked.
"I can take Saab, madam" he offered.
"No no, Saab wants Aayan."
"What happened Mom?" Aayan walked inside from the backyard.
"Beta (son), Arnav's calling you."
Aayan walked over to see Arnav trying to crawl up the stairs. He shook his head. "you seriously are impatient, Bro."
Arnav turned around and gave a sarcastic smile. Aayan walked up and supported Arnav to his room. As he sat him on the bed, Arnav was quick to tell about meeting Kushi. An amused Aayan listened on, only to laugh at his brothers state.
"What the…?" Arnav exclaimed. Aayan continued to laugh until Arnav asked him to shut up. Aayan held his lips in and nodded, only to burst out again.
"Ok that's enough, get out now!" Arnav fumed.
"ok ok I m sorry! Really sorry.!" Aayan said holding back his joking self. "What now, Bro?"
"Just put the canvas in the gallery and leave! I'll do the rest myself." Arnav replied.
"Bro…Come on..Ok I'll do that, but tell me, were you able to find out anything.?"
"No!" Arnav groaned. "If I did, I wouldn't be sitting here and telling you about it. I would be there, talking to her."
"yeah..only if you could" Aayan joked, but quickly changed the statement before Arnav fumed up again.. "I mean but you need to know where she lives." Arnav agreed.
"I don't know where to find her. I tried so much in the past, and now when I finally see her, we have these hits and misses and I feel like destiny is mocking at me and God is teasing me. Jeez! Aayan, I just want one chance yaar!"
Aayan nodded understanding. He picked up the canvas and went to set it in the balcony. As he turned, he spotted Kushi walking out and quickly hid behind the thin wall that separated the balconies. Kushi was instructing her brother where to keep the canvas. He heard her brother say how lucky she was to have such a beautiful room with such a good view. As they chatted, Aayan was forced to come inside with Arnav constantly calling out. Kushi turned out with a jolt, as if hearing Arnav. She looked at the balcony next to her and tried peaking, but couldn't see anything. "Thank God Mama threw those medicines away." She thought to herself.
"What the…what were u doing outside for so long. I asked you to put the canvas on the stand, not to make a canvas…"
Aayan didn't hear a word Arnav said. He was too busy planning his brother's love story and thanking God for rewarding Arnav with such a beautiful present in return for the eight years he waited.
"Aayaaannn" Arnav screamed, this time really catching Aayan's attention. "I have been babbling so much, what are you thinking??" Arnav was annoyed and tired and Aayan was adding to it all. Aayan sat next to Arnav, grabbing a pillow and keeping it close to his chest. He rested his elbow on the pillow and his chin on his palm.
"Bro, what will you tell her when you meet her?" He questioned.
"Aayan all that is too far, I wont keep getting chances like this."
"That's what I am saying. You need to be prepared." Arnav nodded in agreement.
"Bro, I am thinking you take it slow. You should first let her get to know you and then tell her the truth. If you just spit it out, I don't think it'll affect her and afterall why would she trust you?"
"Aayan you're talking as if I am about to meet her everyday. I barely get two minutes with her and I don't even know if I'll have those anymore (he said in a dejected tone) instead of helping me you are wasting my time with your nonsense." Arnav said.
"Bro, you don't worry about that. Trust me! Just listen to my advice and take it slowly. Get her in full confidence and then tell her."
"Aayan, get up and get out! Right now!" Arnav said furiously. "I am already having such a headache and on top of it, you're saying things that make no sense. Get out."
"Fine bro, don't come running……(after a pause and with a mischevious smile) don't come crawling to me to ask the rest of the plan…(he stood up and walked to the door, stood for a second and turned back smiling) I understood why you fought for this room so much back when we moved in…It's all destiny.." he said walking out.
Arnav looked on confused, and threw the pillow in anger. He held his head in frustration.
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Will update again soon :)
Thanks!
Love,
Teesha
Originally posted by: princessunara
just wanna know a little thing..can u give a small detail about the no of siblings each has n whether they r elder or younger to Khushi n Arnav, etc.. i just got curious but would love to know all te family dynamics a bit more...also in this story r both Khushi n Arnav of the same age?just curious...😳
Raizada's
Suhasini- a widow, mother of the three sons
Arnav- oldest son, 24 year old. Handling family business after his father's demise.
Aayan- younger to Arnav, but closest in age, 22 years old. Arnav's bestest and closest friend and advisor. A law student currently, aiming to help his brother out in future in business legal matters.
Nakul- youngest of the Raizada brothers. Age 12, currently in middle school.
Gupta's
Mr. Gupta- head of the house. Married to Aarti and has 4 children, 2 daughters and 2 sons.
Aarti- a stay home Mom. Very old tradition, and low self-esteem woman. Lived in a joint household along with her husbands siblings, until recently.
Kushi- oldest child of the Gupta's. 21 years old. A very shy and reserved yet loving girl. The protagonist of the story.
Sahil- oldest son. 18 years old. A fun-loving guy, about to graduate from high school. Lives a carefree nature, very close to his sister Kushi, and very protective of her.
Zayne- the youngest son, and sometimes known as the "cartoon of the house". Very silly and just being his kid self. 15 years old.
Kiran- the youngest child. 4 years old. She is very close to Kushi. However, she is yet to enter the story.
Other:
Ujala- Kushi's only & best friend. 20 years old. She is a typical modern, hot-headed girl. Very out going in nature, very stubborn and blunt. She loves and treats Kushi like a sister.
Karthik- One of Arnav's old high school friends. More of a foe to Arnav now, Karthik has a hand in the misunderstanding between Kushi and Arnav. A very proud and extrovert guy, who carries a give no care attitude.
Sufi- Arnav's best friend since high school. Yet to enter. A very supportive, grounded young man.
Aisha- Arnav's ex girlfriend. An intelligent and simple young lady who was in love with Arnav during their high school days. She & Arnav split mutually after realizing Arnav isn't really in love.
Abeer- Kushi's ex-fiance. A modest, decent man who fell in love with Kushi after meeting her at a college event. He is very supporting and caring man. 27 years old.
Yey Me First. Hurrah.🥳
Superb update.👏I predicted that Arhi will be neighbours and they will be able to see each other across the balconies.Fantabulous, I am so happy.😃Can't wait for the next update. Continue soon. Thanks.
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