why Karthik doesn't love Lovely

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kanhaiya244

@kanhaiya244

Beginner

Posted: 13 years ago

I think this show is portraying the difference between love and infatuation. It is quite clear that Karthik doesn't love Lovely, in fact he doesn't really know her well or respect who she is. He was infatuated with her and in love with what he thought she was and the image in his own mind, not what she actually is. His behavior is also concerning for emotional abuse.

* At the very beginning of his marriage to Lovely, he has controlled her access to him by denying any intimacy and made it clear that until she behaves in a way that he deems ok, he won't accept her as his wife and won't be affectionate with her. This is about CONTROL, not love.

* He is constantly making her aware of how inadequate he thinks she is and that what 'mistake is she going to make today' It is a condescending view to have on your partner and suggests scorn and looking down at someone. When there is no respect or admiration, this doesn't bode well for any marraige, contempt for a partner is an indicator of a marriage's demise. This is another way he wishes to CONTROL her, again not loving.

* He doesn't ever take the trouble to know why she thinks the way she thinks and discuss each other's ideas and viewpoints. He doesn't take her into his confidence or allow her the same. I would feel emotionally distant with a partner like this, it is almost like I don't matter as an individual. In fact, that is what it feels like, it could have been anybody else but Lovely, and he would have been fine marrying her as long as she accomodated her mother-in-law's views and rules.

* I think this marriage was unwise on Lovely's part and it is partly her fault too. When a guy is telling you that he cares for you but because his mom doesn't like you, he has made plans to marry elsewhere. This is NOT a romantic man who is going to fight for his love or stand up for you. At the very initial stages of his connection with you, he has told you in clear terms that you aren't worth fighting for. For her then, to continue pursuing him, was rather stupid. If a guy isn't going to standup during his courtship, he is most certainly not going to stand up after you are married. And that is exactly what is happening in their relationship. She needs to adapt, make all the changes and he needs to do nothing and if she doesn't, well, there are no alternatives.

It is hard for me to see the love in Karthik and Lovely's marriage, I think she feels a genuine affection for him but I think that affection can die quickly when someone doesn't value you as is in Karthik's case.

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Frequent Posters

bips

@bips

Sparkler

+ 8

Posted: 13 years ago

Every single thing you said was 100% correct ... He just starts judging her and pointing out her mistakes, her faults, how she is such a disappointment ...

So basically her fell in love with her because of her happy, bubbly nature and now he wants her to change complete to adapt to his mother's vision ... talk about being a MCP.

Did you catch today's episode ? Lovely suggested that the children watch an hour of tv (which world do they live in where children don't watch television?) ... and of course maasa yelled and stalked off in anger ... and then our wonderful hero turned on lovely with stuff like "ab khush ho tum ... bina baat ke jhagdaa kyun karti ho ... this house has some rules and no one can change them" ...

Headache inducing

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Dabulls23

@Dabulls23

Stunner

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

What I could not understand is the whole family is watching some silly show including Mrs. Hitler but kids cant watch lil cartoon show on TV. For that boy has to go to his friend chori chhuppi...

Here Lovely is trying to teach him not to lie abt things like that and see if he could watch tv @ home...But naah there are rules & regulations in this household..

Lovely-Kartik is a mismatch of a couple...Both come from diff family backgrounds...What he liked in her b4 marriage are exactly the things he wants to change in her...Bhai why??? Than why did you marry her?

All men are MCPs in that house but Mrs. K...none of the sons want to speak up against wrong doings of Maa sa...Instead Lovely is a easy target to blame and put to shame...WHat a show...Grrr

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kanhaiya244

@kanhaiya244

Beginner

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: bips
Every single thing you said was 100% correct ... He just starts judging her and pointing out her mistakes, her faults, how she is such a disappointment ...

So basically her fell in love with her because of her happy, bubbly nature and now he wants her to change complete to adapt to his mother's vision ... talk about being a MCP.

Did you catch today's episode ? Lovely suggested that the children watch an hour of tv (which world do they live in where children don't watch television?) ... and of course maasa yelled and stalked off in anger ... and then our wonderful hero turned on lovely with stuff like "ab khush ho tum ... bina baat ke jhagdaa kyun karti ho ... this house has some rules and no one can change them" ...

Headache inducing

Yes!! I just saw the episode from today, I agree :). It is a precarious household when the members of that household don't have a voice. When people don't feel like they will be heard and feel resigned to a situation, people begin to lead secretive lives, like Lucky has. All the kid wants to do is watch cartoons!! Oh Dear...as if that will keep him from having a wonderful life and career. At the same time, I know that people do live in homes where there is this type of control. A good friend of mine from school told me many years later that she was never allowed to read fiction and she had to read Nancy Drew books in secret. She was only allowed to read science/learning books. One day when her mother found her reading Nancy Drew, she was slapped with the book. I was astonished to hear this and she told it with so much sadness. I think this serial is depicting real life situations which is why it does strike a nerve, even when it seems so ridiculous.

Creativity and Imagination are hugely important in life-- and poetry and art and fiction help us to dream and give life to life. Life would be so drab without an imagination! :)

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kanhaiya244

@kanhaiya244

Beginner

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: Dabulls23
What I could not understand is the whole family is watching some silly show including Mrs. Hitler but kids cant watch lil cartoon show on TV. For that boy has to go to his friend chori chhuppi...

Here Lovely is trying to teach him not to lie abt things like that and see if he could watch tv @ home...But naah there are rules & regulations in this household..

Lovely-Kartik is a mismatch of a couple...Both come from diff family backgrounds...What he liked in her b4 marriage are exactly the things he wants to change in her...Bhai why??? Than why did you marry her?

All men are MCPs in that house but Mrs. K...none of the sons want to speak up against wrong doings of Maa sa...Instead Lovely is a easy target to blame and put to shame...WHat a show...Grrr

You have made some great points, I agree! It seems completely hypocritical that the adults are watching something they enjoy but they won't extend that courtesy to the children.

I agree that in real life, Lovely and Karthik would be a mismatch and would likely be having much

more trouble than is shown in this serial. When your husband refuses to share the same bed with you, refuses you any affection, expects you to change yourself so that you no longer harbor any opinions/thoughts that your mother-in-law won't approve of, wants you to learn how to cook, clean, decorate, take care of the children, change your very personality almost overnight...let me see. The beginning of love...I think not!! It is a nicely veiled relationship of control, not love. He doesn't physically abuse her, but I think Lovely is feeling abused emotionally and unsupported by her husband. The truth is that people don't change that much --- so it is a difficult relationship to imagine for the rest of your life...even if Lovely gets Maasa on her side and gets her to change...I wonder how Lovely is going to respect Karthik in the future, the guy has no spine when it comes to his mother. He is a mama's boy who doesn't/isn't able to think for himself and won't stand up.

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Gauri22

@Gauri22

Voyager

Posted: 13 years ago

I so agree with all of you above!! Especially kanhaiya244's view that:

"He is constantly making her aware of how inadequate he thinks she is and that what 'mistake is she going to make today' It is a condescending view to have on your partner and suggests scorn and looking down at someone."

What a shame for a husband of a being! He has taken it to heart and soul that Lovely is the root cause of all the mess (none!) at home, and if the children are cosying up to her cuz she understands their happiness, she's scorned upon..espcially that "I-Control-Thee" freak of a mother-in-law...and the rest of the bahus, even though they want their kids' happiness, would'nt speak up & ask Lovely to stay quite and not to stir an argument...

I wish Lovely totally stops speaking with Kartik, and even ignores him, he deserves this and could go and cry on his mommy's lap!

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Trini331

@Trini331

Beginner

Posted: 13 years ago

Khartik should have married his mothers clone !!

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zaveria

@colling

Voyager

Posted: 13 years ago

Just saw this post. I must say some great points posted. I feel so worried looking at locely's situation. Because it is true in India there are such guys who are totally like karthik.