SidShiFF:Part51 I Pg 91 - Chahoon Main Ya Naa - Page 39

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The ticking clock behind her strummed melodically alongside the beating of her own heart as she waited, gazing idly into the distance behind Ansh's head, waiting...till she was ready to object.

Ansh's expression had changed in passing minutes from mock amusement to genuine curiosity as to how she was going to respond to his argument, her silence a form of admission to his words or due to shock from an outrageous accusation?

She waited, nonetheless, oblivious to those implied consequences, like chinese whispers snaking out around her in the silence that consumed her, forming of their own accord, as the clock ticked on precious seconds...

She had to defend herself, to object...but what could she say?

"You didn't deny you had feelings for him..."

Him?...Sid, her closest friend.

Riddhima, her sister, his wife.

Ex-wife.

"Feelings?..." she whispered, absently.

As soon as she heard her own voice, a trail of goosebumps tickled her neck as she shuddered, snapping out of her reverie.

It was as if she'd been floating in the air, innocently drifting in a promenade of disorienting thoughts which had burst as she had been thrown back into her body, now that she'd been made aware she had to face reality.

She blinked as she looked at Ansh, staring at him as if she'd only just been acquainted with his presence. Composing herself, she retorted "...Since when did my friendship with Sid become your concern?"

Her eyes narrowed as she realised that since coming into the room, Ansh had done nothing but pry and presume about her life, important aspects of her life... Sid.

It was bothering her.

Obviously, answering a question with another question had always been a method to dodge from telling the truth. As soon as she'd said it, she knew it looked bad on her part, she knew it would give Ansh all sorts of misconceptions...but she hadn't meant to.

Her response had been instinctive, it had slipped out accidentaly. All she knew was that it had been difficult to conjure a straight, black or white, answer. 'No' is what she knew she needed to say but she couldn't do it.

And she didn't understand why.

Obviously, it was vital to keep Ansh at bay, that was it, to stop him from interfering any longer. Deep down, she had known better than to give Ansh any more leeway into her life, surely answering his question would give him the wrong impression that he mattered, that she was answerable to him. Wouldn't that just further ignite his burning curiosity? Surely she hadn't answered only because she didn't need to...

Yes, it may not have been the best answer, but it was the best for him.

"Besides..." she took a deep shaky, breath, "I don't have to justify anything to you. You gave up those rights as soon as you walked out of my life, a decision you chose to make without me".

She shook her head, exasperated. She sounded bitter about something she hadn't thought about in a long time. They were getting off the subject "What are you even doing here, Ansh?"

He smiled innocently, "Here?"

"Here, in my room".

The expression on his face was irritating her. Her suspicions confirmed, his eyes twinkled mischievously, his mouth twisted in a grin, somewhat quizzical.

He paused dramatically before speaking, "I know seeing me around, it's been hard for you. But, really, all I want is for things to become normal again. Seeing you here, made me realise...how much I missed you"

Shilpa squrimed automatically. God, it was those words again, the same thing he'd said the last time he'd been here, the first time they'd spoken after six years.

"And honestly, I just want to put it all behind us. Can't we start all over again? Please Shilpa..." he took a step forward, "Can't you forgive me?"

As Shilpa looked down at her lap, she noticed he'd inched closer towards her side of the bed.

"Ansh..." she sighed, "Please, just stop...stop lying to yourself, to me. You haven't missed me. At all..." She looked up at him, dead in the eye, "You didn't try to contact me. Not once. Not made any effort whatsoever in six years...six years" she scoffed. "I've been around the place I'll admit, but Massi didn't go anywhere, the telephone number didn't change. You could have called, you could have tried..."

She folded her lips into a small smile, shaking her head, "Really, if it's just the...I don't know, guilt which is bugging you, then you should know that I forgave you, I did. I have...a long time ago". She closed her eyes fleetingly, "If I'm honest, so much has happened since you went, that I suppose I'd forgotten everything. Yes, it was a surprise when I saw you here, it was difficult...at first. But...the truth is, I've moved on. How long could I have held a grudge anyway?" She shrugged her shoulders, "Who am I even, to forgive you?"

As she finished, she watched as a broad smile broke across Ansh's face. Delighted, he knealt down to embrace her and instantly she held up her hand, flinching away. He froze automatically, awkwardly, half crouched beside her, with his arms outstretched.

"I said I'd forgotten Ansh, that doesn't mean I didn't learn from it..."

He stared at her blankly, slowly backing away, his smile gone. In turn, Shilpa lowered her own defences.

"This is it for you and me. Yes, I don't hold anything against you anymore but we're not friends, Ansh. It's never going back to the way it was..."

They stood in silence, Ansh continuing to stare at Shilpa even though she'd looked away. Conscious of his watch on her, she made a deliberate effort to keep her face expressionless, her eyes focused on the wall before her. She was sure of this much atleast, now that she' had found the courage to say it she wouldn't pretend she hadn't meant her words.

"Well - " she heard him clear his throat, "I'm glad you...you cleared that up".

He turned around as Shilpa blinked finally having heard the sound of his footsteps moving away into the distance. They stopped abruptly and she frowned, the part of the wall her sight was boring into, blurring before her eyes.

"Before I go, there's something else..."

Shilpa held her breath as he moved forwards again, "I might as well tell you the real reason since..." He wavered, "I came here to say goodbye. When I saw you before, I'd been on my way back from seeing Dr. Modi and -"

"Sid?" Shilpa interrupted, turning to him, confused.

"Abhimanyu" he smirked in response.

"Oh..."Shilpa flushed, "He's here?"

She wondered whether Sid had been informed yet. Maybe she should text him and let him know.

Ansh's voice disrupted her, "I've updated him on all the developments we made while he was away and...naturally, it seems you won't be requiring my supervision on the project anymore. Dr. Modi is more than capable of carrying on where he left off now". He eyed her intently, "I was going to my room when I saw you and Dr. Modi ... Sid, in the corridor. I felt I should speak to you before leaving...it seemed like the right thing to do..."

Shilpa lowered her gaze at the irony of his words...

"Anyway, seen as I'm here, I might as well tell you myself. The news will spread around soon enough". He straightened up, "They're having a small get together tonight, party if you will, as a thank you for the contribution my team and I made in Dr. Modi's absence. Initially, it had been organised as a networking opportunity for various representatives of the sponsoring firms, to have them all together again for the night now that work is well and truly underway, they should know how important their investment is...but in light of the recent circumstances...Dr Modi thought this was of equal importance too.."

Of course, Shilpa knew about the event, Sid had mentioned it briefly last week since he'd had to prepare a speech on behalf of Dr. Abhimanyu. From the sounds of things though, it was crucial regarding the business aspect of Indraprastha's work, many powerful people were attending, in fact all the guests were. They were impressionable and it was obvious that the proceedings would in turn reflect the management and reputation of the hospital. This was big...

Then why?...What had prompted Dr. Abhimanyu's decision to change the focus of the whole occasion and that too so easily?

"I'd like you to accompany me there..."

Shilpa blinked, "I'm sorry..what?" the lines deepening on her forehead, as she stared at Ansh perplexed.

"I'd like you to join me..."

"I ...I'm sure it's only seniors going..."

"That was before plans changed, now everyone is invited, even the children, of course their stay is restricted till 8pm..." he smirked.

This was so odd. Business propositions being exchanged whilst kids were running around causing havoc. How was it even possible?

"I don't think it's such a good idea..." Shilpa thought aloud to herself.

"So, you'll come?" he pestered, childishly.

"I-..."

"I'd appreciate your company if you did..."

"I need to ...I don't know, I'll see how I -" Shilpa shook her head, her own questions and those Ansh's posed to her were being put together in her head, muddling her up.

"It would mean a lot to me, take it as a final farewell wish..."

"Look, I..."

"I'll pick you up around half 6?"

"Ansh- what are you saying-?"

He chuckled to himself, "Oh Shilpa...what I've been telling you all this time. I want you to accompany me-"

"Accompany?" She gawked at him baffled, but his optimistic smile told her she wasn't mistaking his inference, "I've already told you Ansh, there's nothing -"

"-Between us. We can't be friends...I know. I'm only asking for old time's sake. It doesn't mean anything...just a final time, for me"

"No, but that's what I'm saying. Why would I...even for you? Look, don't get me wrong. Like everyone else, I know you've worked hard on the project and again I acknowledge your effort but that's it. There is nothing else here. If I do attend it'll be just like any other staff member of the hospital, for the sake of being strictly professional. I won't do anything just because we may have been friends a long time ago..."

She could see anger in his face from something she'd said as he turned away, placing a fist to his mouth before spinning back again to confront her, "Why don't you just admit it Shilpa? You can't go with me because of Sid-"

"What? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well for one, if you don't have anything to hide, joining me shouldn't really be a problem. Like I said, it's the story of one night...tomorrow I'll be gone. What does it even matter? As long as both you and I are aware that it won't make a difference to our professional relationship" he emphasised the word, "Who else will care?"

"Wha-?" She stared at him, her mouth hanging ajar as she tried to figure out what to say. "I...I don't get which part you don't understand...where is this even coming from?" It was a genuine question as she raised her eyebrows but he didn't respond and instead gazed back.

"You're relentless", she hissed. Putting a hand to her forehead she mulled to herself, "Approaching me out of the blue and saying anything that's coming into your head". She placed her palms together before her and ensured she was speaking clearly, "I've already told you Ansh, I have nothing to prove to you...and Sid is my friend" She looked at him, unblinking, "I won't do anything to disrespect our relationship, especially not a cheap gimmick which is completely ridiculous, unfounded and uncalled for!"

She was beyond disgusted with Ansh, she didn't even want to look at him right now. People change, she knew that, but she'd never thought Ansh to change so much. She didn't think him capable of having such lowly thoughts...especially if they were about her.

She glowered at him before turning away again. Had she been able to walk, she would have been out the room long ago...

"Look Shilpa" his voice was tarnished with frustration, "You can say whatever you like but you know as well as I do that actions speak louder than words so why don't you do me a favour..."

She didnt even realise when his face was near hers, but he didn't stop there, closing in till his lips were an inch away from her ear, his breath on her hair as he whispered dangerously, "Be honest with yourself, show us how you really feel..."

Tears of shock and anger pricked in her eyes, and yet she refused to look at him, she couldn't bear it. Ashamed and sickened she felt him move away as she gritted her teeth. Sauntering straight to the door this time, he turned around whilst swinging the door open with his foot.

An echo resonated throughout the room, his last parting words reaching her just as the door swung shut with a creak behind him, "I'll see you tonight"

*****

"What do you think you're doing!?"

Shilpa gasped, "Oh my god, Sid!"

She spluttered from inhaling droplets of water that had trickled down her face, now hitting the back of her throat as soon as she'd finished talking.

Stood in the entrance of her ensuite, he leant over, grabbing a hold of a soft cotton towel hanging off the nearby rack, before handing it over to her.

"You could have knocked!" her voice was muffled as she dabbed at her face.

"Are you serious, Shilpa? I've been knocking for the past ten minutes! First your bedroom door, which luckily happened to be open but when I didn't see you around I got worried and -"

"You decided to break down the bathroom door?"

"Excuse me" he narrowed his eyes at her, "I'll have you know, I knocked...twice but after last time..."

She looked away, sheepishly.

"You didn't answer when I called out..."

"Yeah, I'm sorry I guess I didn't hear with the tap running..."

It was a lie.

Shilpa had spent the past half hour crying, she'd hobbled out of bed, though her ankle was strained, it felt a lot better than before, gradually making her way to the bathroom to wash her face. She needed to clear her head.

It was all too much, she hadn't even recovered from her conversation with Sid and now Ansh had added to her worries with his own baseless suspicions.

The cold splashes of water had been soothing on her skin but the reason for those tears that swept away with them?

Why wasn't everything okay?

Why was she so confused?

It wasn't just the reasoning for this reaction which was incomprehensible...nothing at all was making sense to her.

She didn't know how she felt.

If anything the reason why she'd not heard Sid banging on the door was because she'd been so lost in her own thoughts... awakened only when Sid had barged through.

"Hey, you okay?"

She looked up to see Sid watching her worriedly. Reaching out, he tenderly brushed strands of her fringe which were plastered to her forehead from the moisture, to the side of her face. He scrutinised her, looking deep into her eyes, searching for answers, as she held her breath.

Tearing away her own gaze, she stepped away unstably, "I'm fine...".

For whatever reason, Sid's proximity had troubled her. It was everything actually, her naivety regarding his relationship with Riddhima and the question of whether and how she was involved, if at all. But then Ansh had changed that after his visit, snatching the choice from her and in fact telling her she was definitely involved...it was only the question of how far that required an answer.

Although if Ansh had seen something between her and Sid, wasn't that automatically then a cause for concern?

"You're upset about something..." she heard his voice and instantly started fidgeting with the towel in her hand. Since when did Sid become so perceptive?

"Is it your ankle? ...I knew it. God, Shilpa when are you going to start listening to me? Come-"

He bent down, making a move to carefully lift her off the ground.

"Sid, my ankle's fine..." as he glanced up at her, she noticed her hand resting on his shoulder, recoiling straightaway.

"Look, the swelling's gone down and I could barely stand up straight before. I told you, the ice pack was all I needed...it's going to be alright"

He stood up, staring down at the ground, presumably debating with himself about his own verdict on her ankle and the possibility of whether what Shilpa had said could be true, his hands on his waist as he finally heaved a sigh. "You sure?"

"Positive" she let herself smile a little.

"Um...I needed to tell you something". He glanced at her wearily before stretching his hand behind to rest on the back of his neck,"So, Bhai's back. I bumped into him after I spoke to you. Literally we've just been sat cooped up in his office, catching up...and then I came straight here to see how you were doing..."

He paused as Shilpa nodded at him. She didn't know how else she was supposed to react to the news a second time round.

"He said something...you know, now that he's back-" Sid exhaled, "Ansh is leaving, tonight...if not tomorrow morning". He acknowledged Shilpa nod a second time before glancing away again. "Most likely the latter since they're holding a leaving party in the sports hall at 7 o' clock this evening. You remember the event I was telling you about?"

Shilpa smiled bitterly, how could she forget the dreaded event?

"There's more people attending hence the need for more space but the location's pretty perfect now since the extension. They're setting up everything as we speak.." His eyes widened suddenly, "I have to call the caterers too, last minute changes on the food order won't go down well but...we'll see how we manage"

As he went to retrieve his phone from his back pocket, he noticed Shilpa grasp a hold of the side of the bathroom sink, rocking slightly as she took some of the weight off her foot.

Immediately he said, "Here, let me..."

"Sid, no-" she insisted.

"Shilpa...I'm not asking you".

The look he had on his face was unnerving as she gulped down her words. Effortlessly, he swung her up into his arms, ambling over to the bed, gently placing her down. She felt currents running under her arm from the contact they made with his back as she slowly brushed over it in her attempt to pull away.

His eyes rested on her face a millisecond too long as she struggled to look at him.

What was happening?

This wasn't fair, it wasn't right.

Why should Ansh's opinion make a difference to her if both she and Sid knew what they really meant for each other? And if her alikeness with Riddhima had always been there why should it affect their friendship now?

It only assured her further, these doubts were nothing but ideas embedded in her head. Baseless, just like Ansh's opinion.

It was these baseless ideas that were distancing her from Sid now, that was all. There wasn't anything there but Ansh had tried to sabotage her mind. It was a coincidence that so many uncertainties had arisen at the same time. Yet, if they had come from nothing, they would go without leaving a trace too, as quickly as they had surfaced in the first place. Shilpa didn't want another reason to lose something so precious to her in her life. A reason so futile in comparison to the loss that would be truly devastating. A loss of the only thing that actually mattered...

"There was something I needed to ask you though..." Shilpa turned to him.

Sid's eyebrows furrowed with concern as his expression became serious, "Yeah, anything Shilpa. What's the matter?"

"Can I go with you?"

He blinked, "To- to the event? You're going to attend?"

The surprise she could witness both in Sid's face and perceive in his voice wasn't completely unexpected. She'd been running from Ansh ever since she'd been made aware of his return. Now she was willingly going out of her way to face him. One last time...

Shilpa nodded, "I'd like to..."

She smiled as Sid's own eyes twinkled at her, a grin slowly making it's own way across his lips. This was his Shilpa, the fighter.

She was back.

"Well, in that case", he bowed his head, dramatically pressing his right hand up in the air then across his abdomen, "I'll be honoured to escort you to the venue myself, fair lady..."

As he looked back up at her, his mouth twisted, his eyebrows raised as if he'd eaten a sour lemon in light of the character he was imitating, Shilpa couldn't help the hearty giggle that broke out from her lips as she shook her head at Sid.

His own laugh merging in with hers as he playfully touched his knuckles to her cheek, gently pushing her face away now that she'd lightenend up. Hastily sitting beside her on the mattress, entwining his arm through hers, he leant his head back against the headboard, the sound of their laughter slowly fading out around them...

A few seconds past before he inclined his face towards her, "Shilpa, everything is okay though, right?"

She paused before turning to him, finding herself staring into his honest eyes.

Ever since she could remember, she'd always listened to her heart. That was her gut, no matter what happened. Everything she had ever said or done, whenever she'd needed answers, whenever she'd wanted to do the right thing, it was always from the heart.

Doubting herself, over thinking the situation wasn't going to help her. Even now, she'd only asked Sid to go to the event, because she'd been assured by that instinct.

If this was a test for their friendship, then so be it. They'd survived, despite being put through so much they'd always conquered their problems.

Tonight wouldn't be any different...

On the one hand there was that reassurance; Sid understood her, like no one else.

But on the other, a bubbling sensation was writing in her chest; it couldn't be ignored. She was afraid, definitely, in anticipation of Sid's reaction...

That one decision he'd make would change everything.

Yet she knew that until she sought, she wouldn't find. Without the truth, the chinese whispers were intensifying around her, they needed to be put to rest.

For Ansh it may only be the story of one night, but this one night would certainly pave the way of her present and her future...

She believed in Sid, in herself. Nothing could change that.

As Ansh's words came to her recollection, "-Show us how you really feel..." Shilpa took a deep breath, looking deeper into Sid's eyes; his own gaze holding hers faithfully as he waited...

She was sure of one thing.

He wouldn't let her down - As long as they were in this together...

Finally, with a small smile, she lay her head gently against his shoulder, "It will be".

*******

Thank yoou!!

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