Platonic relationships in society

Simi had already told Abhi that the society she lives in will not accept any relationship by the word of friendship and hence she declined his offer to be her friend for life. Abhi still has the same mentality about friends in general as can be seen the way he treated and behaved with his friend Anu earlier.

 

The age gap and the difference in mentality of Abhi and Simi and the difference in the social background is getting highlighted I think. Mili is also brought up in the middle class lifestyle but she has been shown to be different and bold in her life and in general in her decisions and attitude in life. The same issue could have been addressed with another girl but for whatever reasons Mili has been the choice. It would be nice if Simi addresses this problem maturely, discusses and voices her insecurity or concerns with Abhi. The difference in their age and thinking can be addressed in a more mature way in that regard. Boundaries are set in a society by people. The general acceptance by society of the girl being younger to the guy is already been addressed and have shown that Abhi and Simi are finally married. So its another issue whether the society is willing to understand the platonic relationship that two individuals can share in this generation. The limitations and boundaries about what can be done or need to be restricted between two people are again rules of convenience. The question is its decided by whom here?

Today working men and women share a simple relationship unless there is a deliberate attempt to complicate life. In fact the 8-10 hours that men and women spend with each other rather than their respective spouses, a certain level of understanding sets in. Women get dropped by their male colleagues, share an umbrella in emergency, and even get help in the form a helping hand while boarding buses or while sitting close to each other in a share autorickshaw which is quite common in the metropolis. When such things happen among people who are not that well known or may even be perfect strangers, the relationships within the family are also going in for a change.

Understandable that tickling your SIL may be an exaggerated version of the show, the fight, chase and even a friendly pat or hit is commonplace in all the metros (Bangalore, Delhi and Mumbai) that I have seen. The topics of discussion between friends and even among male cousins or among the opposite gender in the group of "in-laws" are quite open these days. My mother may find it strange that I can discuss a topic on rape, sex or abortion with a male friend of mine but she is the one who will call up my friend and request him to drop me back home whenever I am getting late from work in spite of knowing that neighbors will talk sarcastically that she never has to worry and her daughter will be safe back home because I have very "nice" male friends. But thankfully we have learnt to brush aside such loose talk. Otherwise we get caught and ruin our peace of mind.

Its all in the thinking and the trust one's own people will have in us and hence move forward in acknowledging the fact that times have changed.

 

The scene depictions of this story regarding Mili and Abhi's behavior may be exaggerated, but anyways, the issue is being addressed but with the wrong people (relations) because the misunderstanding will have a long term effect in the lives of all people concerned. It would have been different if it was another female colleague of Abhi and Simi's concerns regarding the friendship if she would have been visiting the middle class locality where Abhi is currently living.

 

 

Edited by mesimi - 13 years ago

Just my opinion. Looking forward to all your comments.

The issue to me is about what is acceptable and not in this particular situation given these relationships as portrayed by Mili and Abhi. What they are doing is not acceptable. Mili is a grown woman, we are not talking about a 5 year old here playing hide and seek. That would be cute, this is not. Abhi is a married man, not only that, to her older sister. Let's not even go into the recent event that transpired with Mili that doesn't seem to be a factor in her behavior at all once the interview was given to reporters. All forgotten are the expected extra filters to any relationship with men now, including Abhi.  They live in joint family so her bouncing in unexpectedly, no problem, it happens. But continuing to stand there when he is disrobed is not appropriate. She should have left. His dismay is perfect but his juvenile behavior in running after her is not consistent with the maturity he has shown. He should have simply smiled and shut the door. At the most innocent, we are back to the "baccha" Abhi moment again. For those that thought that was right, no problems for you. Same with walking into his room at night and he grabs her for WHATEVER reasons. Me, I can't stand this.

 

His tickling his wife's sister crossed the line between what is and should be permissible. Is their friendship so important that it supersedes the family relationship of jeeja-saali? Are we so desperate to see happy and fun moments that we simply don't care what lines are crossed? I love the role of Abhi and his character as we know can do no wrong. So it makes me feel awful that what is being shown is crossing boundaries. Abhi, the Abhi I admire should have known better.

 

Let's take this one step further. What if Omi was running around the house tickling Simi and she doesn't hesitate in kissing him when she is happy and Abhi is running around tickling Mili at the same time. And why not have RS running after Dolly Chacchi too while we are at it. And Dolly Chaccha chasing Manjuji, she needs cheering up!

No boundaries. No problem. And Nakul …oh not Nakul because we already know how to pick out bad people who go too far from those that don't before something actually happens, right?

 

Just my opinion. Rest of the stuff, I've no problems with platonic friends. I have them too but even there, we don't cross some lines.

In a lighter vein, Dolly Chaccha chasing Manjuji, that scene tickles my funny bone....😆

platonic relationships mesimi and ABM i have had many of them too with my colleagues and friends but the difference is where to draw the line. In fact most of my friends(boys) during my college days came home and would talk more to my mom than me. My parents had no problem with it and i think most reasonable parents would not have a problem with that kind of friendship. But one incident let me tell you , it so happened that the whole gang of us had gone for a movie, happened to be an evening show. It was raining heavily outside all of us scattered who had to take autos took it and went home. One of my guy friends offered to drop me on his bike, I saw no reason to refuse since i have been on his bike before and saw nothing wrong in it. But once i reached home drenched, he saw me in and said bye to my mom, my mother sat me down and explained. Beta what you did today will not be taken in the right spirit by people around you. Please look at the situation it was late night, it was late night 10: 30 or so, upon  that i come home drenched with a guy on a bike. Both of us had no such feelings for each other but i did realize what my mom was trying to say and she had a point. And as far as colleagues are concerned mesimi at least in the work place in the U. S people are pretty careful as how they behave, touch  because it can lead to sexual harassment cases.

Originally posted by: AbhisBlueMoon

The issue to me is about what is acceptable and not in this particular situation given these relationships as portrayed by Mili and Abhi. What they are doing is not acceptable. Mili is a grown woman, we are not talking about a 5 year old here playing hide and seek. That would be cute, this is not. Abhi is a married man, not only that, to her older sister. Let's not even go into the recent event that transpired with Mili that doesn't seem to be a factor in her behavior at all once the interview was given to reporters. All forgotten are the expected extra filters to any relationship with men now, including Abhi.  They live in joint family so her bouncing in unexpectedly, no problem, it happens. But continuing to stand there when he is disrobed is not appropriate. She should have left. His dismay is perfect but his juvenile behavior in running after her is not consistent with the maturity he has shown. He should have simply smiled and shut the door. At the most innocent, we are back to the "baccha" Abhi moment again. For those that thought that was right, no problems for you. Same with walking into his room at night and he grabs her for WHATEVER reasons. Me, I can't stand this.

 

His tickling his wife's sister crossed the line between what is and should be permissible. Is their friendship so important that it supersedes the family relationship of jeeja-saali? Are we so desperate to see happy and fun moments that we simply don't care what lines are crossed? I love the role of Abhi and his character as we know can do no wrong. So it makes me feel awful that what is being shown is crossing boundaries. Abhi, the Abhi I admire should have known better.

 

Let's take this one step further. What if Omi was running around the house tickling Simi and she doesn't hesitate in kissing him when she is happy and Abhi is running around tickling Mili at the same time. And why not have RS running after Dolly Chacchi too while we are at it. And Dolly Chaccha chasing Manjuji, she needs cheering up!

No boundaries. No problem. And Nakul 'oh not Nakul because we already know how to pick out bad people who go too far from those that don't before something actually happens, right?

 

Just my opinion. Rest of the stuff, I've no problems with platonic friends. I have them too but even there, we don't cross some lines.

Abbis Blue Moon who are we talking about........... Where are these code of etiquette written and who is to decide how a jeeja/saali should or shouldn't behave  And while at it let's look and examine these theories about this samaj and this society.   The same society who don't care about the two people who love each other because they are not age appropriate.  the same society where Manju is doing this tit-for tat for just one reason so she in the process hurts someone the same way she is hurting by losing her son because of the pressure of this same society?? and saying meri khushi .mera beta, not caring about her oldest loving daughter and her happiness in the process///and ruining her family life..........Milli /Abhi both have acted at times much wiser and the genuine compare to some of these  bigger relations. If we cared for this samaj so much we would not have this SUPER JODI as to say this whole scenario would have been tabooed by this same society (remember the rocks being thrown at sethi's)
This is all in the theory of relativity.  Manju very well knew who lives in that house and how old her youngest one is.  She also knew how feisty milli is.  Simi knows the bond of friendship Abhi/milli share.  Why does it any of Abhi/simi's burden to take care of this Anita/Anuj relocation AGAIN.????

THE KALA BANDER R.S TALKED ABOUT IN THE SCENE IS THIS Manju/Anita concocted plan. Why can't everyone else understand it.  This is all the misunderstanding in this very platonic relationship.  Abhi /Milli are both behaving just like two siblings would.  This is how I look at it.  I
just don't see anything or any relationship brewing here.  they are both free with each other and there is nothing wrong here. BTW disrobed means to take one's clothes off and no such thing happened here so why go there?????

You can't hide the elephant in your pocket so how can if anything wrong could be hidden here.  Of course there will be EXCEPTIONS TO EVERY RULE but this does not seemed to be the one which is an exception.
Even Mrs Kalawati didn't doubt this because there isn't anything to doubt to date............

Now I love you for suggesting the scene of Dolly Chachi running after R.S and Surinder Chacha running after Manju.  I would love the front row seat for this happy  happening,  But here is a problem with the old school of thoughts and our Manju and Dolly are perfect example of that.  To change their mind set is not only difficult but impossible.  But we are talking about the younger more mature and more educated generation here.  Who are willing to relax and not always be in veil and be open-minded and not just live in the box and follow the given rules by the society.  They do relate to others and respect the relationship in their own ways. Is there anything wrong with that???

TO-DATE there is nothing shown otherwise for us to doubt this relationship!!!!!!!!!

Right on Sanico.

Originally posted by: kalabhi

platonic relationships mesimi and ABM i have had many of them too with my colleagues and friends but the difference is where to draw the line. In fact most of my friends(boys) during my college days came home and would talk more to my mom than me. My parents had no problem with it and i think most reasonable parents would not have a problem with that kind of friendship. But one incident let me tell you , it so happened that the whole gang of us had gone for a movie, happened to be an evening show. It was raining heavily outside all of us scattered who had to take autos took it and went home. One of my guy friends offered to drop me on his bike, I saw no reason to refuse since i have been on his bike before and saw nothing wrong in it. But once i reached home drenched, he saw me in and said bye to my mom, my mother sat me down and explained. Beta what you did today will not be taken in the right spirit by people around you. Please look at the situation it was late night, it was late night 10: 30 or so, upon  that i come home drenched with a guy on a bike. Both of us had no such feelings for each other but i did realize what my mom was trying to say and she had a point. And as far as colleagues are concerned mesimi at least in the work place in the U. S people are pretty careful as how they behave, touch  because it can lead to sexual harassment cases.

 

The same goes here for Abhi-Mili relationship where do you draw the line. A peck on the cheek, a hug, taking keys out of pocket, running around tickling . Imagine if this running around had happened in the KArolbagh neighborhood outside are the people going to say "oh kitna pyaara jeeju-saali rishta hain". 😉Whether we like it or not we are living in a society that is bound by norms. ABM i agree with you had Simi been running around tickling Omi how would it have looked. Just because Mili is the youngest and seems little, are rules different for her. If Anita gave a peck on the cheek to NAkul, after all he is her cousin, or ran around tickling him would you accept that.

There is a difference between Anuj running behind Mili and Abhi running behind Mili period

no matter how innocent Abhi-mili rishta is  i feel to they have crossed the line and Simi is not wrong in telling Mili to be careful and to give Simi due credit, she said it in a very nice way to mili.

ABM i also agree with you that when Mili saw Abhi disrobed by accident, any decent girl would have averted her eyes and said I am sorry and gone out of the room laughing. His reaction should have been of sheepish embarassment. Yes they could have laughed about it after he came out of his room. First of all Mili entering the room itself when abhi was asleep (remember she thought abhi was asleep) was a no-no.

I am great friends  to my sister and jeeju too, but would not enter a darkened room if my jeeju and sister were sleeping there, I would have definitely announced myself and taken permission before going in. Any decent girl would do that no matter how carried away she is in the moment.

 

this is my opinion .

 

kalabhi ...You just proved my  point at its best and thank-you for that.  Your mom a very wise lady to  believe in her daughter  and her  decision but also was afraid of this society not to understand this decision of yours.  This is the same society who wouldn't let you live after your were a widow?????? Has it not changed its tune on that note????/ And please stop using the word DISROBED....
Yes Milli should always knock and before entering any one's bedroom one should announce them-self but Simi did just that and her wrists were never slapped by anyone.  Milli did just that before in the barsaaati and no one including Simi said anything so probably this is just a tradition among the Sethi Gals.

Originally posted by: AbhisBlueMoon

The issue to me is about what is acceptable and not in this particular situation given these relationships as portrayed by Mili and Abhi. What they are doing is not acceptable. Mili is a grown woman, we are not talking about a 5 year old here playing hide and seek. That would be cute, this is not. Abhi is a married man, not only that, to her older sister. Let's not even go into the recent event that transpired with Mili that doesn't seem to be a factor in her behavior at all once the interview was given to reporters. All forgotten are the expected extra filters to any relationship with men now, including Abhi.  They live in joint family so her bouncing in unexpectedly, no problem, it happens. But continuing to stand there when he is disrobed is not appropriate. She should have left. His dismay is perfect but his juvenile behavior in running after her is not consistent with the maturity he has shown. He should have simply smiled and shut the door. At the most innocent, we are back to the "baccha" Abhi moment again. For those that thought that was right, no problems for you. Same with walking into his room at night and he grabs her for WHATEVER reasons. Me, I can't stand this.

 

His tickling his wife's sister crossed the line between what is and should be permissible. Is their friendship so important that it supersedes the family relationship of jeeja-saali? Are we so desperate to see happy and fun moments that we simply don't care what lines are crossed? I love the role of Abhi and his character as we know can do no wrong. So it makes me feel awful that what is being shown is crossing boundaries. Abhi, the Abhi I admire should have known better.

 

Let's take this one step further. What if Omi was running around the house tickling Simi and she doesn't hesitate in kissing him when she is happy and Abhi is running around tickling Mili at the same time. And why not have RS running after Dolly Chacchi too while we are at it. And Dolly Chaccha chasing Manjuji, she needs cheering up!

No boundaries. No problem. And Nakul 'oh not Nakul because we already know how to pick out bad people who go too far from those that don't before something actually happens, right?

 

Just my opinion. Rest of the stuff, I've no problems with platonic friends. I have them too but even there, we don't cross some lines.

Wow!! ABM...you said it perfectly. I was thinking really hard abt. how to put it in a way that it doesn't make me look like I am a backward person and do not accept friendship between a man and a woman. I am not opposed to that at all. But there are certain norms that we have to follow...be it a friendship between a man-woman, woman-woman or a man-man. And we are not just talking abt. friendship here....we are talking abt. a relationship that they have. And in fact in this situation I would like stand by Simmi. Because if I were in that position, I would have hated my sister and my husband for doing that to me. But I loved your post and you said exatly what I wanted to say. Hats off to you for putting it a nicest way😊

Originally posted by: SaNiCo

Abbis Blue Moon who are we talking about........... Where are these code of etiquette written and who is to decide how a jeeja/saali should or shouldn't behave  And while at it let's look and examine these theories about this samaj and this society.   The same society who don't care about the two people who love each other because they are not age appropriate.  the same society where Manju is doing this tit-for tat for just one reason so she in the process hurts someone the same way she is hurting by losing her son because of the pressure of this same society?? and saying meri khushi .mera beta, not caring about her oldest loving daughter and her happiness in the process///and ruining her family life..........Milli /Abhi both have acted at times much wiser and the genuine compare to some of these  bigger relations. If we cared for this samaj so much we would not have this SUPER JODI as to say this whole scenario would have been tabooed by this same society (remember the rocks being thrown at sethi's)
This is all in the theory of relativity.  Manju very well knew who lives in that house and how old her youngest one is.  She also knew how feisty milli is.  Simi knows the bond of friendship Abhi/milli share.  Why does it any of Abhi/simi's burden to take care of this Anita/Anuj relocation AGAIN.????

THE KALA BANDER R.S TALKED ABOUT IN THE SCENE IS THIS Manju/Anita concocted plan. Why can't everyone else understand it.  This is all the misunderstanding in this very platonic relationship.  Abhi /Milli are both behaving just like two siblings would.  This is how I look at it.  I
just don't see anything or any relationship brewing here.  they are both free with each other and there is nothing wrong here. BTW disrobed means to take one's clothes off and no such thing happened here so why go there?????

You can't hide the elephant in your pocket so how can if anything wrong could be hidden here.  Of course there will be EXCEPTIONS TO EVERY RULE but this does not seemed to be the one which is an exception.
Even Mrs Kalawati didn't doubt this because there isn't anything to doubt to date............

Now I love you for suggesting the scene of Dolly Chachi running after R.S and Surinder Chacha running after Manju.  I would love the front row seat for this happy  happening,  But here is a problem with the old school of thoughts and our Manju and Dolly are perfect example of that.  To change their mind set is not only difficult but impossible.  But we are talking about the younger more mature and more educated generation here.  Who are willing to relax and not always be in veil and be open-minded and not just live in the box and follow the given rules by the society.  They do relate to others and respect the relationship in their own ways. Is there anything wrong with that???

TO-DATE there is nothing shown otherwise for us to doubt this relationship!!!!!!!!!

SaNiCo,

You do not SEE anything wrong here. Why ? Because of Abhi's expressions? Or Mili's expressions? Tell me, if Mili and Abhi fall upon the bed in their struggle to get the note, innocent still? So this happens once. Happens again. Still innocent by you I presume. How many times, innumerable, I guess, more and more individually "innocent" incidences are okay? Until and when you actually SEE something wrong. What would that be ? What would seem wrong to you? At that point, you will protest. Would you say I didn't see that coming? Would be too late then and what then. How does a family deal with that.

You would agree that there are norms in place for every family, right? That norm is clearly stated by Simi to Mili and Mili is clearly defying her elder sister. If a sister doesn't approve of the behavior who are you or I to say that it's okay. It's not okay by the wife. Educated or uneducated, regardless of whether this is modern times, we set boundaries. That's the way society and more so, families operate. What is not to understand?

And glad you like the Surinder ( forgot his name, remembered Dolly) and Manjuji chase and tickle scenario. I was laughing when I wrote it thinking of it.