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CHAPTER TWO.
The sedatives they had administered wear off slowly; Twinkle can feel the last of the medication being burnt down by her metabolism. Her hearing returns slowly too. The first noise she hears clearly is the quite drip of her IV, next the beeping of the heart monitor and the quite shuffle of the nurse in her room.
She mentally shakes off the drowsiness that the medication had caused and decides not to open her eyes yet. Instead she takes a moment to assess the situation. She knows what she did, she knows there will be consequences and questions to answer. There will be a lot of concern to wave off. But she doesn't want any of that, not yet. All she wants right now, is some time alone and away from everyone.
She lays still in pretence of sleep for half an hour before deciding to make her consciousness known. She gives out a deep sigh and flutters her eyes open, squints under the bright harsh light of the room and turns her hand to see the figure sitting next to her. It surprises her, she imagines it would be Kunj or maybe even her own mother sitting next to her, eagerly waiting for her to wake up, perhaps even stroking her hair. Instead she finds a doctor next to her. She scolds herself for ever expecting anything.
"Oh, good Mrs. Sarna aap uth gayi." He adjusts the drip flow and takes his seat again. "Main aap ka doctor hoon. Dr. Satish" The guy was slightly on the heavier side, white hair along the side of his head. Maybe in his early 50s. He had kind eyes. "Isse pehle main sab ko aap ke hosh mein aane ki khabar doon, main aap se kuch baat karna chata hoon. Theek hai?" He asks in a gentle, fatherly tone and Twinkle wouldn't resist agreeing. She knew this was one of the consequences of her action, if in the unfortunate case she ends up surviving.
"Aap already jaan ti hai, main yaha kyu hoon. Dekhiye Twinkle ji, suicide ek bahut hi serious matter hai. Aur main nahi chata ki aap kabhi bhi ye action phir le. Toh mujhe sabse pehle yeh assurance chahiye ke app yeh phir se nahi doharaogey. Promise?" he extends his hand for her to hold and to seal the deal.
Twinkle looks at him, considers it for a moment and seals the deal. She isn't sure what makes her do it, maybe it's just to get him off her back or maybe, just maybe she wants to help him help her. Either way, she has already made her promise.
"Dekhiye Twinkle ji, first step of recovery is to admit that you have a problem. Kya aap accept karti hai ke aapko koi problem hai?" There is no judgement in his voice, only understanding.
Twinkle nods her head, too embarrassed to speak. "Okay, then. Congratulations, aapne recovery ki oar apna pehla kadam badaya hai." He smiles proudly at her; she smiles shyly back.
Dr. Satish then continues asking her a ton of trivial questions to take her mind of the current situation. It takes him an hour before he is satisfied to leave. Before he leaves he informs her that she will staying overnight at the hospital under observation, only then will she receive a discharge. He also prescribes her some mild anti-depressants and a one-one therapy session with him twice a week.
Leela and Kunj were desperately waiting for the doctor to come out of Twinkle's room, so that they could be updated on her health and also so that they can finally meet her. As soon as the doctor comes out, they bombard him with questions. How is she? When will she be discharged? Anything be to be worried about and the likes. It was obvious the doctor had a lot of experience dealing with worried families because he calmly held up his hand to compose them. He extended his hand towards Kunj. "I am doctor Satish, Twinkle ka case main hi handle kar raha hoon. Aur app Kunj hogey na, Twinkle ke husband?" Kunj merely nods. He wants to go run inside the room and meet Twinkle but getting updated on her condition seemed more important at the time.
Its Leela that ultimately gets impatient. "Doctor saab, main kab apni kudi se mil sakti hoon?"
There is a sigh of defeat let out by the doctor and that never meant good news. "Dekhiye, depression ka case hai. Aap Twinkle ji se uske discharge milne se pehle se mil sakti hai. I am sorry par yeh important hai."
He then turns to address Kunj. "Mr. Kunj aap please mere saath mere cabin mein aaye. Aap se kuch baat karni hai."
The doctor and the worried husband then take a short walk to the doctor's cabin. Once inside, they have a seat and take a deep breath before finally jumping into the matter. "Mr. Kunj sabse pehle main aap se yeh kehna chahunga ki aapko khudh ka khyaal bahut hi dhyaan se rakh na hai aaj se. Aap apna khyaal theek se rakhoge toh hi Twinkle ji ki help kar paogey. Most cases mein aisa hota hi ki, ek partner ka depression dusre partner par bhi assar kar de, isiliye main yeh sab keh raha hoon. Ab samajh rahe ho na, Mr. Kunj."
Kunj barely nods, everything felt surreal to him. Twinkle's attempted suicide, sitting in the doctor's cabin. Discussing the best way to approach the matter on hand.
"Secondly, Mr. Kunj, main aapko clearly bata na chahta hoon ki aap ke wife ke iss condition mein aap ki koi galti nahi hai. Guilt ek common symptom hai, partners ke liye, par please Mr. Kunj, aapki iss mein koi galti nahi hai." Kunj nods again, heartlessly.
"Okay, ab hum Twinkle ji ke baare mein discuss kar sakte hai. Yeh baat to obvious hai, ke unhe bahut hi ziyaada stress hai. Unhone bataya ki unki relation unke mom ke saath bhi theek nahi chal rahe hai, shayad yeh baat bhi unki condition mein ek catalyst ban gayi." The doctor talks for a while, discussing the best medicational course, therapy session timings for both of them and diet recommendations. He informs him that they will be keeping Twinkle overnight in the hospital under observation during which time, no family member will be allowed to stay or meet up with her.
Kunj puts up quite a fight, demanding he let be allowed to see Twinkle, demanding he be allowed to stay with her. He is her husband after all, he has the right, it is his right to stay with her. He puts up a fight, a desperate fight to be with her because he has let her down far too many times, to let her down now. It's takes the combined effort of both Usha and Manohar to drag their son away from the cabin and into the car, headed home.
They reach home after a while, but it doesn't seem like home without her Kunj faintly realizes. Their room feels cold with her warm presence, it feels empty and cold and abandoned. He curls up on the bed, grabbing the covers and pillows in a tight clutch and breathing in the scent that she left behind. She always smelt like strawberries, fresh and earthy.
Her picture on the side table, the one where she is smiling that megawatt smile of her, the one taken before their marriage, seems to mock him. Taunting him, telling him, that her smile has vanished forever. And that scares him. It scares Kunj a lot because he can't live in a world where Twinkle doesn't smile. He grabs the frame off the table and hugs it to his chest too along with her pillows and duvet and cries.
He isnt sure how long he cries for, but he doesn't care. This is all his fault.
The rational part of his mind remind him of Dr. Satish's words that none of this was his fault, that he couldn't have prevented any of this from happening. Feeling guilty want going to get him anywhere.
But Kunj feels, today, just for today he is allowed to cry. Because tomorrow he has got to be strong again. He has got to be strong for Twinkle. He has to be the anchor that keeps her grounded and the wings that let her soar high. He has to be there for her.
It's all tomorrow, so he cries today.
He can't imagine how negligent he has been towards her. He had seen the signs and yet, never once tried to help her. He knows that their marriage wasn't done on the best of terms but never the less she was his wife and he had a duty towards her. Forget duty as husband and wife, she was his friend too, and at least as a friend he should have looked after her.
Twinkle tried her best to make everyone happy. She bore his mother's taunts, bore his father's temper, bore his ignorance. She did so much for this family that she has just become a part of. She burnt her hands learning to cook, practiced wearing a saree just to see them happy.
Damn it she did everything to make everyone happy. But did anyone care about her happiness? Did anyone once ask her how she was faring in this new house.
And as Kunj's sobs died down, anger began to flare in his chest. How could they be so ignorant? How?
First he feels a rising contempt towards Leela. Yes, Twinkle did wrong by lying to her mother, but severing ties like Leela did was wrong too. Look where it landed them. Leela could have stayed angry at Twinkle for a day, even two. Heck if she wanted she could have avoided Twinkle for a week at the most. But completely ignoring her for more than a month was pushing anyone's limits.
Next his anger is directed towards his parents. His mom had sworn to see Twinkle with eyes of disapproval only. No matter how much Twinkle tries, Usha had always greeted her with scorns and frowns. And then there was Manohar, blindly following Guru-ji's words and putting Twinkle through all the medival rituals that had no scientific now religious reasons.
Finally, he points his anger towards himself, because he has been no better than Leela or Manohar or Usha. He has treated her no better than he had, continuously ignoring her needs and wants. He had always seen their marriage as a contract, a Tashan' that they had unwilling been bound to, but Twinkle, she actually made an attempt to make their marriage work. She had at least put in the efforts to be a good wife.
The anger bubbles up inside Kunj until he screams his throat raw into the pillow. He screams profanities and obscenities. He screams apologies because he had failed her, because he is the reason she wanted to end her life. He screams promises because he means it, because he wants to be a better husband towards her. Because she deserves it.
Kunj decides that Twinkle deserved the world and he was ready to give it to her. End of discussion. He would buy her the moon if she wanted, he swears he would.
Watch him.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Well that's Chapter 2 guys. I wanted to give you all a view of Kunj's thought. I hope I am doing okay with this story and that you all liked it. Please comment and let me know.
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