Sanskaar's Drabbles

It is pouring down heavily...

The Kid neared his dormitory, tired from a day's work.

A Kid's day work? What! You might wonder.. He went to a nearby town to play and educate the local boys, a funded project and a prized work for the wealthy and retired! (something that goes by the name Philanthropy)

A respite from the daily rigors and fun for him. After-all he is a kid! still un"adulterated": pure.

He is 12 and He is lean; lean enough to qualify for an under-nourished one. But, appearances are deceptive. Inside, he is as determined and strong as a Jew in a ghetto(reference is to those in MILA18,), under-nourished (as a choice) and desperate , for what? I wonder.

It is a long corridor, the one he is walking in, with dormitories on both sides. The Long corridor culminating in a short stair of 5 steps,leading to a level ground.

Just beside the entrance to his dormitory, nested in it's niche is a refrigerator. It's mechanical drone; strident.

He took a glass, filled it to the brim, all along reflecting...

"Why should we donate food to those farmers? Aren't they the ones producing it? Why should there be so much misery in world? Why should there be inequalities? (pardon the incoherence of thoughts, he is 12 after-all)"

and drank it all, put it back and entered the room.

"27 innocent brains are resting! getting ready to tackle yet another day, without their parents. Their hippocampi converting the daily memories into long-term ones-tossing aside those without an emotional value..storing the essentials in whatever place it is that memories are stored"

He slowly walked to his bed, and exhausted as he was, without a side-way glance, climbed to his bed and sat there. He reflected for a moment on the day:

Woke up at 5 am, took shower . Had breakfast, got ready. Loaded the school van with food and clothes and set out for the nearby under privileged town.

Served food for many and the task done, came back.

Had a snack. Rushed out to teach children of his own age and played with them till everyone was exhausted.

Too tired to take dinner and a bath..

He sat on his bed, tired and sleepy. Somewhere in the middle of his reflections- nothing clear- somewhere between the dreamland and reality, his confused brain suggested "tomorrow is a Sunday(or is it?), write the diary tomorrow night.

Slowly, but firmly,notwithstanding the habituated night prayers, he started to doze off.

And then,

Mechanically and habitually he put his hand between his pillow and the mattress. His hands automatically searching for the thing without which his day would never end.

...and emptiness greeted them.

"Damn you, you never put things in their right place",cursing himself, searched half-awake.

Nothing!

Somewhere in his head, the neurons started firing feverishly..

That drove his sleep and weariness away. Fully awake and a little nervous- he searched for it again.

Nothing!

Suddenly, as is it's hallmark, panic punched him in the belly.

He got down, took the pillow and threw it away, ripped the bed-sheet off and threw it away. He has to pay hell if the warden sees his bed like that, and awake at this time ! (punishment, principal's recommendation or not). He didn't care. He has to get what he wants...

Still no sight of what he was searching for.

Mad as hell, he beat the shit out of the mattress and the rubber-sheet.

He regarded the mess he made and nowhere to be found the object of his panic. Just the Mickey mouse on his bed-sheet grinning from eye to eye, embracing Minnie. Donald duck on the rubber sheet(it's a DUCKBACK company product) opened his mouth to QUACK QUACK. They seem to mock his helplessness and the mounting rage: incited by the panic of not finding what he wanted.

The Kid stared to cry, but something told him to think first and then cry. With a control, impossible to adults, he controlled the tears and reflected again.

The Cupboards!

And resumed his crying. Ran to the cupboards standing as sentinels at both ends of the room. Took his key(thanking god for the good fortune of remembering where he kept them ). Opened the cupboard and started ransacking it. That something in him, told him, the object of his desire is not present there.

When you are in desperation and panic, your primal instincts take over. He made a mess of his cupboard and banged the door shut, not even bothering to lock it up.

Fortunately, everybody is asleep.

Where did it go! he screamed inwardly. I want it back, now and instantaneously, with all the stubbornness that could be summonned. He looked angrily at the Lord Hanuman (picture), daring him to stand in front of him at that moment. Give it back to me, he commanded the picture... Afraid of the kid's determination? Afraid to face the wrath of a 12 year old kid, the picture remained a picture.(as pictures always do!)

But the God in the picture did answer(as he did many times in times to come)...

Just above the cup-boards,something caught his eye. The daily time-table; schedule of the students supposed to clean the room. Suddenly, the cortices suggested- it might have fallen down from under the pillow and could have been swept away. And all waste leads to...

The dust-bin! he screamed.

Tired, Hungry and Weak as he was, He ran outside with all the energy he could muster, to the dust-bin; immobile and inarticulate to the refuses of the egotistic anthropocentric animal; at the end of the corridor beside the 5 short steps(mentioned earlier).

He stood near the dust-bin and waited a second. It is a round steel container, old and stained, containing god knows what, dirty and mushy.

And the rain has made things dirtier.

But, his eyes searched for only one thing. Not caring for what he was touching or would touch, he started tearing the contents of the container apart...

After a few unspeakable articles and unorthodox minutes...

He found it!

Dirty and wet...

It never occurred to him to wait till the morning and ask for a new one; never occurred to him to wipe it with a towel...He wanted something and HE HAS TO GET IT, NOW.

He took the photos of his family - his best friend Swara , wiped it with his shirt, glanced at the object for his midnight misery (is it?)

and kissed it , kissed it with that pure , mad love that only a kid can display, with tears pouring down in competition to the tears of God...

And the photo was both hot and cold.

Like all the contraries and equilibrium's in life...

Even animals feel the pain that is physical. What better way to prove that you are a human than to feel it for nothing but an Emotion...

The kid still feels the pain,

he still is obstinate(to the point of mulishness),

he still is impulsive.

BUT,

He lost the privileges of Childhood, where someone makes the choices for you.

Now he has to make a choice,

Between ,

The apparent stupidity( and its prevalent acceptance) and vicarious sanity,

Ideals of a country past its prime and the ideas of the family that are priming up the future;

Altruism and pragmatism,

Simplicity of evolutionary homosapien and the "Conscientious" Higher goals.

Confirmation, Conformation(note the difference) and Confusion

for he is 27 and Counting...

(God,if you are reading this, "a kid and a king" needs you...)